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Help - Will file for divorce based on cruelty - can I continue in the US?

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  • #16
    To Abused:
    You can get an taping devise to hook up with the Telephone. Whenever, your husband is on phone, you should start recording conversation. This will be a good proof for his abusive behavior and you will be able to get Order of Protection against him. Then you will be able to self petition as a Battered Woman.
    If he is threatening you harrassing you, you must take action.
    Good luck

    Comment


    • #17
      Unfortunately recording conversations without consent is against the law in my state, so that would create a problem for me.

      I contacted the NationalDomestic Violence Hotline and obtained a number for a county domestic violence. A person was vrey kind in terms of emotional support and called me back during the day with associations that provide probono legal help for battered women. Unfortunately I've called 8 different places and none of them will take me in because even though they are local, they do not provide services to my county. I called the local hotline for battered woman but no one returns calls there - very inneficient... Would you know any place that I can call or contact for referrals for free legal advise for abused immigrant?

      Comment


      • #18
        To Abused:
        Tell me in which County and State you live in. I will try to find some help for you.
        Good luck.

        Comment


        • #19
          Montgomery count - Maryland

          Comment


          • #20
            I am sorry to hear about your problems. If everything is as you say, my advice is to stay away from your husband. If you have any documentation of his abuse, please keep that in a sfae place and file for a restraining order. It's a simple process and amny time, you don't need to provide any extrinsic proof of abuse in order to get one. Your word is good enough. Find out from any atty or teh local police dept.
            As for staying in the US, don't worry-Congress passed a statute called VAWA specifically to help women like you. What you can do is go onto the ins.org website and print out a copy of VAWA form or contact an atty by phone or email and ask him/her for a form and how to fill it out. Please take advantage of this. Those other postings baout the inapplicability of VAWA to your case are wrong.

            As for battered shelters, do you belong to a church,temple, mosque? Is there a school or park district you can contact? I find it hard to believe ther are no shelters available in Maryland. Give me more details and maybe I can help.
            Be sure and firm in your decision and know that you will be happy soon. Feel free to reply anytime.

            Good luck!

            Comment


            • #21
              another suggestion-go onto internet and type in immigration lawyers, then send them a summary of your situation by email and ask for help. I've found most are more than wiling to advise you for free or at least point you in the right direction.

              Comment


              • #22
                sorry about very long post.

                If you happen to know his ex-girlfriends, perhaps you can ask them about the reasons why they ended relationship with him & you can document them to show the patterns.

                First you discuss with a lawyer to see what your options are. Very limited, I am afraid.

                Can you or your friend do the video recording?
                If video recording is also not allowed in Maryland, can you have neutral people witnessing your husband's verbal abuses?

                On the divorce papers, be sure that Extreme Cruelty is written.

                Retain the proofs of living together in case. Maybe someday you will marry to a different US citizen. Be prepared to answer BCIS agents' questioning & deal with their suspicions.

                Probably it would be a good idea to withdraw the petition yourself rather than your husband. It may help soften BCIS agents' hard-stance. But the problem is that you may lose your legal status.

                Your emotional health comes first.

                ~~~~~~~~

                Extreme jealousy is absolutely not a sign of love!
                No one can help him but himself. I equate jealousy with self-torture.

                Do the google search on Extreme Jealousy. Read it. It helps enlighten you. Also, it will help sharpen your "antennae"(sorry I can not find right word.) JCFCC -Johnson County, Wyoming- is easy to read/good description.


                Here's shown on TV early this month. Women abusing men.

                http://abcnews.go.com/sections/2020/...nds030207.html

                Women abusing men share equal frequency with men abusing women. But male victims are secretive & ashamed to admit. The male immigrant-victims are even more ashamed becuz in their home countries, it is considered more of taboo.

                My friend is scared of what his wife might do.
                He was able to get a temporary work permit which is now expired. He can not renew it pending the I-130 approval. His wife knows that he likes to work & made threats if he divorces her, she would report him working without a permit. Generally working without a permit is forgiven if you are married to US citizen. Anyway, in reality, he made every effort to be away from his controlling wife by accepting many overtimes and working a second job plus its overtimes. He comes home to sleep & does not see his wife much. His four years marriage may be a stretch. It was his wife who made *intentional* blunders in his immigration papers to delay, delay & delay. She is very desperate to stay married to him. She repeatedly accuses him once he has a GC, he would leave her right away. She also told him many distortions(lies) to keep him confused about his immigration status. She also lied to his immigration lawyer.

                His wife even brought police's attention on his whereabout. She had police summoned at their home to report him missing. But in fact, he was an hour late & was terrified to see police at their home. He was so scared of what police might do to him. And his chance in living in the USA. This' emotional blackmailing.

                She stalks him. He refuses to carry pager or cell phones, knowing that it would become her obsession to check on him.

                She does not allow him talking to women. She is even jealous of his mother. {{{trembling jealousy}}} So on. So much ugliness around her. No one can help her stop being insecure, self-torturing. She has a huge need to argue with him... Arguing about nothing!

                He is so tired of her. He hopes to get his I-130 approved soon. He will exit from the stressful marriage at his earliest convenient time ~ when he takes an extended vacation & she works at her seasonal job. That reduces her chances at stalking him & indirectly offer the cooling period to her.

                I suggested to him that when divorce paper is filed, he also files the restraining order. His concern is that she would totally disregard it.
                I explained that first violation = multa($$$), 2nd violation = jail time, 3rd time= longer jail time. If she injured him physically in the first violation of restraining order, the jail time is possible.

                His wife is taking advantage of the fact that he is an immigrant.... She can control him. His biggest mistake was that he let her help him. His personal privacy was exposed to her & she uses them to intimidate him.

                I tried to find the answer to the situation where more than two years marriage, no I-130 approval yet. I checked with his lawyer who said if he divorces her, no green card will be issued. His lawyer knows about her mentally-verbally-socially abusing him & chose not to confront his wife.

                I can imagine that there are married couples who did not bother to do the I-130/I-485 for years. Say, married for 10 years, all the sudden the divorce is filed. What happens to the divorcing immigrant's status???

                signed,
                US citizen looking after friend's best interests.

                Comment


                • #23
                  sorry about very long post.

                  If you happen to know his ex-girlfriends, perhaps you can ask them about the reasons why they ended relationship with him & you can document them to show the patterns.

                  First you discuss with a lawyer to see what your options are. Very limited, I am afraid.

                  Can you or your friend do the video recording?
                  If video recording is also not allowed in Maryland, can you have neutral people witnessing your husband's verbal abuses?

                  On the divorce papers, be sure that Extreme Cruelty is written.

                  Retain the proofs of living together in case. Maybe someday you will marry to a different US citizen. Be prepared to answer BCIS agents' questioning & deal with their suspicions.

                  Probably it would be a good idea to withdraw the petition yourself rather than your husband. It may help soften BCIS agents' hard-stance. But the problem is that you may lose your legal status.

                  Your emotional health comes first.

                  ~~~~~~~~

                  Extreme jealousy is absolutely not a sign of love!
                  No one can help him but himself. I equate jealousy with self-torture.

                  Do the google search on Extreme Jealousy. Read it. It helps enlighten you. Also, it will help sharpen your "antennae"(sorry I can not find right word.) JCFCC -Johnson County, Wyoming- is easy to read/good description.


                  Here's shown on TV early this month. Women abusing men.

                  http://abcnews.go.com/sections/2020/...nds030207.html

                  Women abusing men share equal frequency with men abusing women. But male victims are secretive & ashamed to admit. The male immigrant-victims are even more ashamed becuz in their home countries, it is considered more of taboo.

                  My friend is scared of what his wife might do.
                  He was able to get a temporary work permit which is now expired. He can not renew it pending the I-130 approval. His wife knows that he likes to work & made threats if he divorces her, she would report him working without a permit. Generally working without a permit is forgiven if you are married to US citizen. Anyway, in reality, he made every effort to be away from his controlling wife by accepting many overtimes and working a second job plus its overtimes. He comes home to sleep & does not see his wife much. His four years marriage may be a stretch. It was his wife who made *intentional* blunders in his immigration papers to delay, delay & delay. She is very desperate to stay married to him. She repeatedly accuses him once he has a GC, he would leave her right away. She also told him many distortions(lies) to keep him confused about his immigration status. She also lied to his immigration lawyer.

                  His wife even brought police's attention on his whereabout. She had police summoned at their home to report him missing. But in fact, he was an hour late & was terrified to see police at their home. He was so scared of what police might do to him. And his chance in living in the USA. This' emotional blackmailing.

                  She stalks him. He refuses to carry pager or cell phones, knowing that it would become her obsession to check on him.

                  She does not allow him talking to women. She is even jealous of his mother. {{{trembling jealousy}}} So on. So much ugliness around her. No one can help her stop being insecure, self-torturing. She has a huge need to argue with him... Arguing about nothing!

                  He is so tired of her. He hopes to get his I-130 approved soon. He will exit from the stressful marriage at his earliest convenient time ~ when he takes an extended vacation & she works at her seasonal job. That reduces her chances at stalking him & indirectly offer the cooling period to her.

                  I suggested to him that when divorce paper is filed, he also files the restraining order. His concern is that she would totally disregard it.
                  I explained that first violation = multa($$$), 2nd violation = jail time, 3rd time= longer jail time. If she injured him physically in the first violation of restraining order, the jail time is possible.

                  His wife is taking advantage of the fact that he is an immigrant.... She can control him. His biggest mistake was that he let her help him. His personal privacy was exposed to her & she uses them to intimidate him.

                  I tried to find the answer to the situation where more than two years marriage, no I-130 approval yet. I checked with his lawyer who said if he divorces her, no green card will be issued. His lawyer knows about her mentally-verbally-socially abusing him & chose not to confront his wife in order not to make matter worse.

                  I can imagine that there are married couples who did not bother to do the I-130/I-485 for years. Say, married for 10 years, all the sudden the divorce is filed. What happens to the divorcing immigrant's status???

                  signed,
                  US citizen looking after friend's best interests.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    IF YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, HAVE YOU MENTIONED COUNSELLING AND MED FOR THE BIPOLAR???


                    I THINK YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO REALLY GET TO KNOW HIM FIRST. THERE ARE MANY OF THESE "PRINCE CHARMINGS" OUT THERE THAT ARE WONDERFUL AT FIRST BUT TIME WILL TRULY SHOW THEIR TRUE COLORS.

                    IT'S TRULY AN UGLY THING TO ENDURE!!

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Thanks for the replies.

                      My husband takes medications for bipolar but his problems go beyond that - medication do not control his acts and he manages to trick his doctor that he is under control. He abuses me when we are alone - so in public he looks like a normal person. It's just tense when we are outside in public and ugly when we are by ourselves.

                      I do not want to put a restraining order or anything that will make him more mad than he is. I'd like to divorce him in a "friendly" way, because I don't feel protected on what he might do to me later on - say not immediately but say harm me badly when things cool off. I believe that if I do it in a friendly way and feel that he is not being abandoned, he won't do anything and everything will be all right.

                      I talked to some lawyers and they said that I can't qualify for abused marriage because I can't show bruises or photos of Physical attacks. Also, the fact that I asked him to move out of the house when I could no longer take his behavior tells that we are no longer living together. The third complicating factor is that the marriage under the same roof only lasted two months. With all those things going against, they say that I will lose permanency if I divorce him. The other factor is that we don't have combined assets to provide evidence that we lived together: (1) no health insurance together (I have mine through Cobra which is from when I was working and I was legally single, so I could not add my husband; and, my husband doesn't have insurance), (2) auto insurance without my husband name - I have a car and never put his name on the insurance because to do so, due to his driving records would cost me three times of my current auto insurance. He doesn't have a car, (3) bank account - separate. My husband constantly bounce checks, overspends and get in debt, so if I opened an account together he will damage my credit, and increse my debt. He knows he is a compulsive spender so he doesn't have a credit card. I have credit cards but did not give him a card or add his name to my account - that is my fear that he will completely go beserk and spend what we don't have...

                      Don't know where to go from here.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        of course she married for money!

                        What's wrong with you, people,
                        can't you see????

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          In order to apply thru a self petition for battered spouse (I.360)it has to be file within two years after the divorce.
                          I just learned this and my divorce was final oct 1999 .
                          My last contact with the INS services was august 2000 when I received the denied of I.751 wrongly filed after my divorce.(thru my probono office)
                          Since that I did not file nothing afraid of eventual deportation and above all because the probono gave up and that I could not afford the services of a specialist attorney necessary to treat this kind of cases.
                          Consequently I am now out of legal status.
                          Is there a way that I could readjust my status based on the fact that I respond to others requirements .
                          I am raising my USC daughter my self and would like some help in order to do so legallyit will relief so much stress...THANK YOU

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            You will need to show physical abuse in this case. Your lawyer is correct.

                            At this point, the best that you can do is to have your husband put the papers in for you or find another way to stay.

                            Using the Battered womans form is not to be used lightly.

                            I know that verbal and emotional abuse can be worse than physical, however, physical abuse is what gets the police and the courts involved. BEcause in order to file under domestic violence, you need to have 1) police reports and 2) information showing that you have complied with the court and helped the district attorney.

                            Also, keeping things "amicable" with your spouse shows that there is no abuse and your case will be viewed lightly.

                            I see domestic violence cases everyday, and unfortunately since your case is not physical, it may be taken somewhat lightly. You seem to have the resources to get out of this relationship, so the next question would be, why don't you go back home?

                            Now, at this point you have three choices, try to work something out with your husband, divorce him and find someone else, or go back to your country of origin.

                            I know that this does not sound very sympathetic, however, these are the facts.

                            Goodluck...

                            Comment

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