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Umesh, Mohan pls i need your advice!EMERGENCY!!

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  • Umesh, Mohan pls i need your advice!EMERGENCY!!

    i just read the immigration web site that if your U.S citizen parent abuses u, u can self-petition, is it true? well i was brought here illegally when i was 14. my USC mother used to hit me around all the time so i moved in with my dad. unfortunately, he doesn't have a GC and my mother insisted that if i don't stay with her and babysit her 4 other children, then she wouldn't petition for me. i'm now 19 n a high sch graduate. my mother recently petitioned for me. now she doesn't hit me around but she's constantly picking n belittling me. no matter what i do for her and the kids, she's never happy with me. i've lost 10lbs since i moved in with her. she's slowly killing me. i'm so mentally exhausted. but i know for a fact that if i move from her house she'll withdraw the petition. what can i do? please help me. THANK YOU!

  • #2
    i just read the immigration web site that if your U.S citizen parent abuses u, u can self-petition, is it true? well i was brought here illegally when i was 14. my USC mother used to hit me around all the time so i moved in with my dad. unfortunately, he doesn't have a GC and my mother insisted that if i don't stay with her and babysit her 4 other children, then she wouldn't petition for me. i'm now 19 n a high sch graduate. my mother recently petitioned for me. now she doesn't hit me around but she's constantly picking n belittling me. no matter what i do for her and the kids, she's never happy with me. i've lost 10lbs since i moved in with her. she's slowly killing me. i'm so mentally exhausted. but i know for a fact that if i move from her house she'll withdraw the petition. what can i do? please help me. THANK YOU!

    Comment


    • #3
      deport illegal aliens

      Comment


      • #4
        Your mom is more important than a GC. You're still young and still need her love...so just try to work things out with her and talk to each other, I don't know but I personally think that this is worth more than a green card.
        I am not being jusgemental...just a thought from a mom ...good luck to you

        Comment


        • #5
          No parent want any thing bad happend to his kid. I can give you all sort of legal advise regarding filing As self petitioner but, I don't agree what you said about your mom.
          You are young and you may have no idea how much trouble it is to raise a kid while seperated, she is seperated from your father. when this situation occurs, two parellel things occurs ,One, mom wants the kid to stay with her while she want to have here own life too and second the pressure to raise all the kids( yes there are Laws, child support , etc but they only works upto certain extends)
          Kids are the one who takes good advantage out of that. if the kid want something and he cannot gets his way , he threaten the parent that he will not live with mom? or Dad anymore and he will move to other parent( thats the one way to get his/her way) You might did that many times. Respecting elders is the key to get your way not blackmailing them.
          i guess you are the elder in the family. parents always expect more from the elder child. and its your duty to support your single parent, put yourself in her shoe and think if you was her what you can do.
          anyway back to your problem.. your mom already sponsor you ( which proves that she is good mom and she thinks about your well being). if you want to file as self petition, it will be easy for you file it but it will be very hard for you to show independency. you have to come up will 3 years tax return, meet the poverty line, and showing that you are independently living for atleast year( not a requirement but showing indirectly your capabilities) you have to prove that your mom is not a good mother( and you documented that previously, physical violence in the past and police report, etc counceling help ,documentation etc ) you don't want to do this part I will not advise you.
          best thing is not to go their.
          Money can buy anything but not parents.

          Comment


          • #6
            Mohan, really wise answer .

            Maya, what Mohan said its true. Do not rush things. If she don't love you she won't petition you, infact she knows that ONE DAY YOU'LL GO AWAY from her when you get your greencard, and still she willing to help you. Its not that she is picking on you, its the way she is (some ppl have things they do not realize what you call attitude), and it happens that is your mother. Everyone have negative and positive side, so willing to accept bad and good things about other ppl.

            Would you want to make police report on her? This going to hurt her so much and you have to remember that she have another 4 kids to feed and I can see she need your help. Without you notice it mentally and pysically. So be there for her. I know its easy to say, but you're an educated person, sooner you'll get your green card and good job then you going to make your mum's life better.

            Remember, one day you'll going to be a mum too, as Mohan said, put yourself in her shoes.

            Lots of younger want to be treated equal nowadays, they want to be respected and treated like adult, but one thing they forget, adult has been through all the bitters in their life and see lots of things that youngers cannot see. Only the way they handling it might be different from each individual, but whatever they do, they still love their kids.

            Well Maya, this is just an opinion, the decision is yours. Hope you see positive side of her rather than picking her negative things.

            Take care.

            Comment


            • #7
              Very Good Advise.
              keep it up.

              and

              Maya
              Follow up

              ok

              Haresh

              Comment


              • #8
                deport illegal aliens

                Comment


                • #9
                  OK, I am going to break with the crowd here and say that in this country hitting your children is NOT OK. If things were bad enough for Maya to have to leave as a young child, and her siblings are still being hit since they are not 19 and able to hold their own, this is NOT OK. I am a mom and I don't care how hard life may get or how little money may be coming in, hitting my kids is NOT OK. An older child is NOT to blame for a parent's bad behavior; no amount of helping around the house will solve an alcoholic or abusive parent's problem or make them "nicer" to you.

                  Maya, if your mom is drinking, or for any reason physically abusing you or your siblings, you have the right to get help. I do not know what will happen in terms of status and that is a choice only you can make -are you willing to stay in a negative situation for a future benefit? The only other possible good thing about staying besides the petition issue is that you can help and protect your siblings. However, you will be paying a heavy emotional and psychogical price to do it. Make sure you have a good friend or better yet counselor you can rely on whether or not you choose to stay in the short term.

                  Folks, we are not in Maya's home and do not know what is taking place. To give her a bunch of "should's" due to her age and assume her mom is in the right here could be doing a grave disservice.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I disagree.
                    If you are a mom we are parents too. let me ask you a question, did you ever spank your child? if you speak truly you answer will be yes if you say no means you are saying same as " you never lie in your entire life"
                    I don't think there are issues about drinking, it was not mentioned , you can write whole kind of problems from your own, drinking, drugs, criminal behiavour etc but We atleast I try not the family to be apart , isn't it our main motto at this board?
                    You jumped on the conclusion and put drinking from your own.
                    IF there has been any beating problems, of course her friends will know guidance counselor will know and should have been proof of domestic voilance and should have beed register in police report( didn't I ask on the above post?)
                    I guess, you are the one who learn with their mistakes but me I learn from others mistakes as well. I was never been thru these situations but I've seen the results of the family who went thru the divorce and consequences of their mistakes, effects on their childrens life and their life.
                    Do u want me to laydown the process what I ve learn? starting the divorce and most of the money life savings drained to Attorneys?
                    its whole long topic.
                    No one said beating is good and leads you somewhere. We don't know the mays"s home situation but we should not add something to it as you did " drinking problem"
                    did you ever went thru a life of foster care kid? How they grow what they lack in their life?

                    go explore the single parent raised kid too.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      OK, let me take a deep breath before I answer you. Yes, I have experience with everything you mention, but did not want to make the post about me - it is about Maya.

                      I left home at 15 due to an abusive alcoholic mother. I was in the foster care system for three years. While those home situations were not ideal (I was in 4 homes in three years) in all cases I was safe, which was not the case at home.

                      I have been through divorce. I wasa single parent until my remarriage to my husband whom I am currently sponsoring for permanent residency. My two boys do go back and forth from our house to their dad's. We did not fight over custody issues; we did not even get an attorney. The boys' wellbeing was foremost for us, above our issues in the relationship. Have I spanked them? As intentional discipline, never. Have I lost my temper and smacked them once, on their butt or the back of their head? Yes, I am ashamed to say. Do I see it as my right as a parent and as helpful in any way? No. The few times I did it I apologized and asked their forgiveness within minutes.

                      "If there have been drinking or beating problems of course her friends will know, of course the guidance counselor will know" This sentence shows more than anything that indeed you do not have experience with these issues. Being a child who is abused is the most secretive life there is. The people you are supposed to be able to count on are untrustworthy. All other adults assume the parents are right, the kid is wrong, and the very people you sometimes go to for help turn around and tell your abusive parent, leaving you in worse trouble.

                      I do not know what is going on in Maya's house, but neither do you. All I am saying is don't guilt her, advise her.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Mohan:

                        PLEASE keep to immigration advice which you are very knowledgable about. PLEASE stay away from counseling or social work. You know NOTHING about Maya's or anyone elses personal situation. Several times now you advocate women staying in abusive relationships with their husbands and now parents. You are speaking as an older Indian man and your views are outdated and wrong. Please do not try to impose them here.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          deport illegal aliens

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            well In my 32 years what i learn its enough for me and if thats the way young people( you) are I don't want to be young. If your young world you can put your parents in trouble where effect goes to your younger brothers and sisters I dont want to be part the part of that so called young world. I dont want to be that young where young people takes it for granted that their parent will be a good help but when the parents needs help kid can put them behind bars or so forth.
                            as far immigration matter goes I already suggest as per my knowledge.
                            People don't want to hear my suggestion? They should not ask by my name..
                            I,m not obligated to answer to anyone either.
                            No more posting on this matter.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thanks for the dubious compliment on my youth, "old man" of 32 - I happen to be celebrating my 45th birthday today ^_^

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