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**Derek A** · 11-05-2003, 02:18 PM

I've never been one to leave things to the last minute so read on.....

I am a Brit aged 57 who married an American citizen wife last year. It WAS a genuine marriage of love and affection and this is easily proved. We have lived and still live in the same house and just about everything is in joint names. Have masses of wedding photos, pre marriage photos together etc

My application to Adjust Status to Permanent Resident through BICS Milwaukee has gone VERY smoothly and my EAD and Social Security # were issued in April this year. I have a full time job.

BUT...the marriage is going through a difficult time and...perhaps we will have to divorce at some stage. I hope not. My wife is very mercurial and having been agreeable all along to attending the interview tomorrow has just today refused to go with me. This is purely out of spite for some unfathomable reason.

I obviously will go myself but what on earth do I say to the Official. Well actually I'll tell the truth but how might he/she react?

I got some advice online from an Attorney who says that i can still proceed to adjust status even if my wife does not attend because " you have other options" (but doesn't say what they are!)

I called on an Immigration Lawyer this morning in Milwaukee and she was a bit flummoxed, saying that I should just turn up at the interview and hope for the best. She couldnt think of any options that I have. So I am confused and hope someone can give genuinely knowledgeable advice, perhaps from personal experience (though I hope not as its an awful position to be in.)

Thank you

Derek Andrews

**Wish** · 11-05-2003, 02:40 PM

Try your best to convince her to go with you. You have to try your best. Tell her that if she does not she will never see you again. And there will be no chances of you both going to work it out together. Be very drastic over everything. She has changed your life. If she has any love for you she should go. Please you have to convince her.
Otherwise, it will be very hard. At least tell her to give it a chance.

**josephine schmo** · 11-05-2003, 06:00 PM

As a wife, drastic convincing like Wish advises would make me suspicious that it's all about the green card. If he married for love, he wouldn't give a **** about the green card.

Maybe reverse psychology would work. Like my hubby, he says he hates the green card, just wants to work like everyone else.

**Yoly&Wayne** · 11-06-2003, 06:14 AM

Derek:
Please let us know how things went in your interview.
My best wishes.

**4now** · 11-06-2003, 10:33 AM

Derek:

I hope Im not too late for this but didnt see ur post. Try to reschedule that interview!!!! BE drastically sick or some emergency. If you got to the interview without the petitoner, it will be considered abandoned . you will go out of status and be asked to leave the country and eventually deporation status. If you can get a reschedule... it will buy u time to work things out so she will at least go the next scheduled one. the only downside is that it could take another 6 or 9 months for the interview reschedule but that is better than going out of status.

**Derek A** · 11-06-2003, 11:41 AM

I'd like to extend my sincere appreciation to Wish, to Yoly & Wayne and to 4now for their messages of support and suggestions. I'll deal with Ms Schmo in a moment as I notice that she seems to delight in virulently attacking men in these posts at the slightest hint, perceived or otherwise, of their wrongdoing.

I went alone to the interview just a couple of hours ago. I explained to the perfectly amenable black lady officer (I only make mention of her color as blacks very often get a poor press, whereas in my experience which includes many visits to America over the past 10 years, the reverse should often be the case. On a 7,000 mile Greyhound Bus trip in 1996 that took 6 weeks, the most obnoxious person I met in all that time was white, whereas the most helpful in that same period were black, on two seperate occasions), that my wife with whom I had made a genuine marriage and I were going through a bad patch but were considering counselling. I told her that although she was aware of the importance (to us both) of her attending the interview, and despite having assured me that she would (and we fully intended to be honest about our problems with the Official we got to see), nevertheless she had within the past couple of days maintained she would not attend. The Officer said that they did need to have her attend with me and suggested she rescheduled the interview which I very willingly agreed to. Who knows, if we can BOTH work hard at the marriage, perhaps we can achieve something. The officer told me that when the new appointment arrived it would be for between 3 and 6 months time, so we have a real chance to get our act together.
I asked her for her name which she willingly gave me and I am writing to her today, by Confirmed Delivery/Return Receipt to confirm our meeting and conversation.
I will let you all know of further developements as and when (and if!) they happen. Meanwhile I have a great looking job interview next Monday so wish me luck!!

Thank you all again. I will address a reply to Ms Schmo shortly. Don't go away will you Ms S.

**4now** · 11-06-2003, 12:12 PM

Derek

Thanks mate for letting us know how u made out. I was feeling terrible for missing your post but all turned out good. consider yourself blessed. That officer didnt have to do that. She was nice and sympathetic to allow you to reschedule.

Dont let your wife know that she has power over you with "green card", or she will use it all the time. Treat today like it was not that big of a deal just got a reschedule. Now word of advice.... you better be knocking yourself out in the next year to make her comfortable and happy so next interview is not a problem. Without that next AOS interview.. it is suicide for you. You will become out of status and they will ask you to leave. Invest in marriage counseling if necessary.

Derek. dont worry about comments on the board that may seem negative to you. just sometimes ignore and keep positive feelings. Same thing in marriage, sometimes you just have to ignore things and in the end things resolve themselves and become insignificant. hoping for smooth sailing in your marriage. best wishes

**ARQU** · 11-06-2003, 02:23 PM

I also have had experience with this general type of 'manipulation' by a USC spouse with the threats of withholding signatures and attending interviews...

All I can say, is that you are not alone... Hold on and try to get through at least the AOS interview or you will not be successful in obtaining your GC...

Good Luck...

ARQU

**Sam11** · 11-06-2003, 02:31 PM

If it is hopeless, try to get an H-1B from your work. One attorney told me that it it possible to divorce (depending on the state) and remarry. Then, even if you are out of status, you may be forgiven.
Obviously, it complicates things. In case of a divorce, do not even think about going to the second marriage interview without an attorney.
H-1B visa allows dual intent, so it may be an option, although you may have to leave the country to get it. If you are British citizen it is not a problem.

**ARQU** · 11-06-2003, 02:38 PM

Other than the fact that they cut the quota from 220,000 to 60,000 (out of which 20,000 will be used for overflow from last year...)

The few H1's that are out there won't be around for long...

ARQU

**Yoly&Wayne** · 11-06-2003, 03:04 PM

Derek:
I'm happy that at least in the middle of so many issues you found a kind officer. I'm sure you explained so well that she was able to see the manipulation that you are being subject to.
However, as our friend 4now suggested don't let anybody to jeopardize your feelings and security. It is important that you show her that you are capable to overcome these inconveniences even though without her help.
But also try to work things out. Once again, I agree with 4now sometimes we had to ignore certain things in marriages, relationship, friendship and comments.
Go for counseling and simply talk to her with your heart. By the way, we (women) love flowers. hah just a suggestion.
Best wishes

**josephine schmo** · 11-06-2003, 03:08 PM

Come on Derek, I'm waiting....

D***le me with your brilliance or baffle me with your bull.

"This is purely out of spite for some unfathomable reason."

Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on forever.

**mohan** · 11-06-2003, 03:19 PM

I hate GC too, I dont have one.Don't want either. LOl

**josephine schmo** · 11-06-2003, 03:36 PM

Thank You Mohan!

You don't need a green card to live and work here, as long as you're smart and stay out of trouble.

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