As a public service to new immigrants, I am pleased to provide the following information for you to assimilate yourselfs into our culture. You will not read this in any book and it is not covered by the Naturalization test. But if you follow these rules and guides, your experience in America will be much better.

1. True Americans vote Republican. They never vote for Democrats or Liberals. True Americans detest liberals.

2. True Americans idolize Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schearzennegger and Rudolph Giuliani.

3. True Americans detest Geraldo Rivera, Rosie O'Donnell and France.

4. True Americans have the American flag flying in front of their house.

5. True Americans believe in God, not Allah or any other make believe god

6. True Americans do not wear veils, robes or capes or any other goofy costume except at Halloween or weddings

7. True Americans laugh at other cultures and languages. The American culture is the pinnacle of human ciilization. This does not apply to rural areas.

8. There is only ONE city, New York City. So wherever you go in the world, when someone says they are going to "The City", they mean New York.

9. True Americans speak English and no other languages. This is the only civilized language and all other people should speak OUR language because it is THE language.

10. True Americans are polite and clean. We do NOT eat food in movie theatres, we do NOT have **** or dog fights, do NOT keep livestock in our backyards, we do NOT eat domestic animals such as cats and dogs or higher intelligence animals such as horses and dolphins.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.