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I'm only living here because of INS...

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  • popp
    Nireehamdi, I can understand what you're going through.
    I was on the other side of the fence. I was waiting for green card, my wife/petitionner cheated on me and before I even got the GC filed for divorce and when I was resisting, she withdrew her petition for me.
    I got hit so hard, got thrown in jail while I was exemplary, because I overstayed the voluntary departure thinking I would find a solution. I was told in by her new boyfriend.
    I am living [still months after] a nightmare with terrible hardship since I can't adjust back to the country I left years ago. I was over the divorce and met a wonderful woman but she left me since I am banned for 5 years. I was happy, now I am miserably depressed and I don't know how to get out of it.
    Nireehamdi, you are going through a lot and I relate to it completely, but if you leave him, don't sell him to immigration. USCIS will not try to negociate with him and will treat him like a criminal. If you care for him, as a friend, don't go there.

    Good luck to you and I hope you will find the person who can deserve you.

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  • Kumna
    This is not a finger pointing game. Are you telling her what she should do with her life?
    I dont believe that people should rely on the legal system to decide for them what is best. I believe that every human being is capable of making the right decision upon the facts he/she has at hand. All I am asking is for her to look at all the different aspects of the issue before deciding what route to take. Once the decision is made and if she wants to divorce then the legal system will take care of the rest. But just running to the legal system before doing your own homework, is just a waste of time and money to me. Dont lets a lawyer tell you whether or not you should stay married. That decision should come from yourself. After the decision, your question to the lawyer should be: what should I do to get a divorce ?

    Trust me, a lawyer is a lawyer. He/she will take your money, file the papers and move on. You will have to bear any difficulty that may come after the divorce while the lawyer will be enjoying your money. You are lucky you contacted a lawyer who a little human. A devil lawyer would just expedite the divorce process so that he/she can get paid.

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  • sappyconifer
    Jeepers! This isn't the place to guess who is or is not at fault. If what has been written is correct, she is clearly married to the wrong person (for her). Please end the misery and let him figure out the rest.

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  • Kumna
    You are right marriage is a 2 way street. Which way have you given? Do not count the green card, because it does not cost you a thing to fill out the forms and submit them. For a way to be considered a way, it has to cost you something. It has to be something meaninfull you are giving up for the couple to survive. Of course, your spouse has to give the other way. All I have seen so far is just the complian about what he did wrong and how he misbehaves. Should we assume that you have been perfect in the relationship? Is his misbehavior a reaction to your actions? Honestly, why would someone accept to marry you and all the sudden decides to make your life a living hell? Even if we assume GC played a role in his decision to get married, he would not have done so if he did not have any feeling for you at all. There are basic things that get people attracted to each other. It takes an extra to transform the relationship into a marriage. For some people that extra is money or circumstance or fame or kids or simple caring for each other. In your situation, the extra might have been the GC but for no reason you can say that he intentionally married you so he can drive you crazy. So, dig inside your own back yard to identify the root causes. Was he doing the same things when you were dating? When did he start to change his behavior? What did you do that may have caused the change in the behavior at that point?
    Did you change at all after the marriage? Were you the same person he married? Think and honestly answer those questions for yourself, that will help you find the root causes for the breakdown of the marriage. Once you know the causes, the rest is up to you. You can choose to face them or decide to run away by divorcing, in which case you will be just putting the issues on an ice for now and they will re-surface in your next eventual marriage. Do you want to take that risk? I am not advocating to stay in the marriage, all I am saying is to pinpoint what went wrong. Be honest with yourself. Then decide if it's worth moving on or staying.


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  • nireehamdi
    i never put anything on the table at all, nothing
    about a USC ....nothing like that at all.
    Never even thought about it. We just did.
    i didn't know a thing about the immi. process..
    nothing. I sure learned. marriage is a 2 way
    street, not just what works going in and out
    of the USA. It's a give and take world.

    Leave a comment:

  • Kumna
    I think that you married this guy because he needed a green card and you were hoping to keep him under control using the gc to black mail him. Many people do. Now, if you cannot handle the situation, well that's a different issue.

    As a general adivce for other people, I am not sure how long I will keep saying thiso not attrack foreigners with your US citizenship or with your money. If you want to marry a foreigner, do tell him you are USC or that you have money. Just spend quality time with him or her and let the time decide on the rest. Unfortunately, the first thing that comes out of your mouth is I am USC, I can help you or my grand parents gave me a house, I can feed us. That's B.S., you cannot guarantee love with those things. Give time to people to love you and you will decide on the rest. I recall last weekend, I was speaking with a girl. The first thing she puts on the table was offering me to become legal resident. When I told her I am already a legal resident, then she pulled bunch of information regarding her family asset. My response? I said I would rather get things on my own. I cannot wait to see what else she's going to use next time.

    Remeber, getting one thing is easier than keeping it. So, get it right in the first place and you will ease the amount of efforts required to keep it.


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  • sappyconifer
    Didn't you ask this already a week or more ago? He could submit a waiver of the USCIS requirement that the US citizen spouse and he submit the I751 jointly. There are several circumstances for this waiver, two which I guess he could try to use.

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  • nireehamdi
    SO, what kind of waiver can he file?

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  • audrey76
    Do you pay taxes? Put the USCIS to work, have them do their job.
    You pay for it- demand some action.

    Ask the attorney how to send this marriage abuser packing.
    Your spouse is a philanderer, and needs a ticket to
    where he can tell others- "Don't mess with the U.S.! They only
    want non-multicultural, hi-i.q. additions to their shores,
    not crooks and cons!"

    Take a stand for your country, and be stronger than him, or he
    will compromise your integrity.

    Maybe the morees of society have changed, and adultery means
    little to Immigration, but it means you are a doormat
    unless you prove to him, otherwise.

    Yes, it is true that slippery American lawyers can grease the
    sleds, and get him whatever he wants. However, it is your
    chance to blow the whistle, and if enough people do it,
    domestic law enforcement will begin to protect people like you.

    BTW, I once drove across Lake Ponchartrain, miles and miles.
    My aunt lived in Metairie.

    Leave a comment:

  • swissnut
    Wait a minute, this does not make sense to me! Sham marriage would only be investigated if one of you reported it to USCIS. You have said that you do not wish to hamper your alien husband's chances with immigration, so you won't be inclined to report it. How would USCIS think "sham marriage"?

    Something doesn't seem right here. Are you sure you are not using the immigration situation to "hold on to hope" and persuade him to reconcile? However, to say that your husband will not be able to file a waiver is not true.

    And if you are taking his name off the papers, are you not, indeed, placing a stone in his path? Nothing wrong with that, ...but please make up your mind what you wish to accomplish here.

    Leave a comment:

  • nireehamdi
    yes...he is an immigration attorney....he thought
    maybe a sham marriage.....and married for
    just the card......that's probably so......I am
    in the process....of taking his name off all
    legal papers.....(that are mine)....

    Leave a comment:

  • swissnut
    Hey, the assets and property settlement in the divorce are one thing, but that does not impact the immigration issue. I don't know why your attorney would suggest that to divorce right now would be disastrous for your husband. Why wouldn't he be able to file a waiver? I can't imagine why, unless you would opt to inform INS of fraud.

    If your husband can prove bona fide intent at the point of marriage, and there are copies of joint tax returns and his name on various assets, then he'll be ok. Was the attorney you spoke with also familiar with immigration? Most family lawyers are not necessarily conversant in immigration process.

    Leave a comment:

  • nireehamdi
    i appreciate your comments... I have spoken to
    an attorney....and was told to keep a log....
    of everything....because we have property....
    (i did the whole investment, none of his money)..
    and such. (more or less just a signature on paper). We did a pre=nup...but all of this
    has to be taken care of....the attorney said..
    "if I walk now" during this period...he will be
    screwed...he would not be able to file a waiver
    or anything...... I seem to be healing all of the time... I used to cry alot... I don't that is points. I know that
    I am going to walk...but I'm not sure when....
    INS has called on several here in our area lately...and picked them up...for wrong papers
    and what have you...some had to be bailed out...
    if INS knocked at the door..where he stays....
    he would have a time explaining....we did
    have an early am visit by INS....he was home..
    so....who knows.......his actions are pretty
    much "out there"....and no one likes it....
    ( i am a very public person)....all have wondered by I stay with him....and support him)
    ... I don't good thing...I seem
    to be getting ****her and ****her away....
    and that's good for me....not for him.

    Leave a comment:

  • swissnut
    I resist giving advice, because each situation has its own set of circumstances...but, I do so dislike learning of anyone who is being hurt. You said, when you hurt no more, you will walk, but have you considered that as long as you permit your husband to use your home as a depository for his personal belongings alone, that you are enabling the hurt to continue? I know it is hard, but tell him not to come home anymore. At least you won't have to witness how little he feels you are worthy of his time and interest, that way. Then you can begin the process of healing.....

    He can file a waiver for joint filing of the I751, not to worry!

    Leave a comment:

  • nireehamdi
    i hate to end right now..because if I do....
    we are in the conditional residency ....and
    conditional permanent status...and if I walk..
    and we are divorced during this will
    not be good for him......of course, he does not
    want a know I should end...i have chosen...up to now to stick with him...whether its good or bad......but this is getting to be a little much for me. If Hillary and many others can "stick by their guy"....i have is emotionally very hard....
    I cared deeply...but I am getting out of it...
    I don't cry so much any more....and even the
    hurt is this is good.....sounding out and hearing comments...
    also helps....i appreciate it....

    Leave a comment:

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