New Situation here. What are the consequences and how would you deal with it?

[Kumna]

Hello everyone,

1-I obtained a ten yr GC through marriage to USC.

2-The expectations of the marriage were not met (I wanted a child). So the marriage broke down. We separated, but not yet divorced.

3-She's still on my health insurance policy and I support her (not a court recommendation. Just a personal choice).

3- I met another USC and she became my girl friend. We are not married.

4- I recently found out my new girl friend is pregnant. I am excited about becoming a father.

What are the consequences of this new situation? I even dont know where to start. There are two many things to consider.
Things like

-Immigration issue (to become a USC),

- Take wife off insurrance and add girl friend or add both?

- Marry the new girl friend after divorcing the other one. Should I really do that? The mom of the girl friend is kind of pressuring her daughter to get married. Should I consider that as a red flag? I dont want to experience what I experienced in the past relationship. If you get a woman pregnant, does that imply you necessarly have to marry her? What are the + and - of a marriage in this situation.

- What about the baby: well, that my responsibility. I will do my best do be a good father.

Thank you for your advice.

[Kumna]

Anyone has an advice on this issue?

[Michael]

ah jeez...somebody take this one for me

[Kumna]

Marasmus,

Chances of this baby not being mine are less than 0.0000000000000000000001%. Besides, I love this girl.

Now, instead of taking the test, assume that the baby is mine. What would you do?

[sappyconifer]

No immigration issues that I can see. The citizenship eligibility reverted to 5 yrs PR after separation from US citizen wife.

[Marasmus]

Due to moral issued regarding letting your child be born while you still have all these attachments to your ex, your best bet is to divorce the ex and start getting ready to marry the soon to be mother of your kidlet.

You need to put yourself in the shoes of this new woman because remember shes carrying your child, as you say. The best you can do to her is cut off links from your ex and give her and the child to be 100% of your attention, especially since you seem to have started doubting your ability to have a child.

Why are you so excited about being a father? Had a doctor told you you were shooting blanks or what? While still at it, how come you did not impregnate your ex? Did she block access or were you always off target?

[Kumna]

sappyconifer, thanks for your input. I thought I could be missing something.

Marasmus, thank you for your comments.

I am excited to be a father because I always wanted to have a child.

My ex did not get pregnant because the doctor discovered that for some reason she was not able to. I believe it was due to her weight. I dont recall the exact word the doctor used, but something related to her weight.

Yes, I am going to cut all the links to my ex. I actually spoke to her (my ex) last night and she's ok that I go ahead and file the papers for the divorce.

Thanks.

[Marasmus]

Well at least you did something positive in 2005 for your upcoming child and your new situation. When you get stuck in the past, its always easy to slip back, so what you did was right.

In any case, the soon to be mother could have been uncomfortable with you still talking to the ex, and she may not have told you;at times it may come across as disrespectful, depending on the extent you go to.

The word the doctor mentioned is OBESE, and you can look that up in the dictionary.

It simply means that when you tried to have a kid, the stuff was getting lost in the way because of too much fat in her body.

[lovelovelovelove]

k, correct me if I'm wrong. You married USC, and when you found out she could not sire you children, you dumped her and shacked up with the first broad that got pregnant by you....HELLO?...doesnt any one else have a problem with that?...

BTW, obese women can get pregnant too, maybe it was that you were too short. hmmmmmm, just my opinion.
Its sad that all...
I hope you are true to your word and you are a good father, cause as man, you stink.

I hope your soon to be ex wife finds herself a REAL man, and has dozens of children.

[Kumna]

I wih her the best. I would have done almost everything else to stay in that relationship. However, this particular issue had a high price I could not afford. It basically ment I would have to live in childless relationship. Although everyone is entitle to their opinion about childless marriages, I personally believe having kids is part of our self accomplishment.

As for your judgement on my person, you have the right to write whatever you want and I exercise my right to ignore it as well.

Thank you anyway for the time spent writting the lines.

Marasmus, the doctor used a technical word for it. But, I guess it all comes down to obesity. You have a smart way of simplying complicated concept. I give you credit for that. thanks.

[lovelovelovelove]

I guess what bothered me the most is your lack of respect towards your ex wife, basically , placing all the blame on her that the marriage didnt work. It also bothered me that you couldnt even respect your marriage enough to wait until it was final to go ahead and find yourself a woman who could give you children. I know it must have been disappointing to you, but there are always 2 sides to every story and I feel that people might perceive you differently if they heard the whole story.
I apologize for passing judgement, that is not my place. I wish you the best and I hope you find your every happiness, whatever it is.

[Marasmus]

lovelovelove,
I dont agree with your tirade about kumna and his choices.

I think the ex had a choice to lose weight or lose the guy and she chose to lose the guy. Whats wrong with that?

I sympathize with ladies who have a weight problem because of a medical condition, but not those who get obese by eating and smoking themselves to death.

It must be pretty bad if one is so obese that they cant have kids, dont you think?

[Benita]

Kumna: I am sorry for your girlfriend. I would never marry a man that is with my only because of a baby. And i think your marriage did not work because of you. I am A women an I would love to have a baby but If I can not, I will adopt one of the many kids that are out there without family.
This is just my opinion.

[Marasmus]

Benita,
Why should a man adopt a child who does not have his blood when the problem is with the woman the man is with, yet there are many other women on this planet?

Looked at another way, when you go to the store to buy something and you find the store does not have the item, do you go to another store to buy what you want or do you just buy something else as a substitute, since you have already come inside the store?

Men and women seem to view things very differently. Men know what they want and they go for it.

[bigdummy]

This discussion seems to put more importance on children than marriage. What if a couple marries and then can't have a child of their own? They shouldn't divorce just because they can't have a child. Marasmus, based on your comments I don't think you will ever love any woman, you speak of women as if they are cars that should be traded in for newer models with better features. How do you think you're any different than Michael and his mail order brides? Sometimes a woman doesn't get pregnant because of the man infertility. You should not be so quick to blame the woman for everything.

As far as obese women becoming pregnant, I see lots of obese women who have babies. I'm not sure being fat prevents one from becoming pregnant, while it might complicate the act of intercourse if the sperm can arrive at its intended location unless some other medical condidtion exists a woman can become pregnant regardless of her size.

Women know what they want too. The problem ususally occurs when men and/or women are dishonest and the other person doesn't find out until the relationship has reached a certain point and then for whatever reason find it difficult to just walk away.