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Funny Lawyer Jokes, Cartoons, Quotes - A one stop shop bashing lawyers

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  • Funny Lawyer Jokes, Cartoons, Quotes - A one stop shop bashing lawyers

    A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."

    The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."

    The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"
    I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

    You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

  • #2
    A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."

    The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."

    The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"
    I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

    You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

    Comment


    • #3
      A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it to me straight, doc. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."

      When his lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes.

      When the man remained silent for several minutes, the lawyer asked what he had in mind.

      The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd check out the same way."
      I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

      You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

      Comment


      • #4
        Three partners of a firm were attending a convention out of town. As the plane carried them to their destination, one of the partners gulped and told the second partner, "Oh my gosh, I forgot to lock the safe."

        The third partner said, "There's nothing to worry about. All three of us are here!"
        I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

        You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

        Comment


        • #5
          Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
          A: Senator.
          I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

          You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

          Comment


          • #6
            I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

            You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

            Comment


            • #7
              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by whiteUSCNeedsHelp:
              A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."

              The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."

              The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?" </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

              WHY do we need ANOTHER jokes thread? Did you NOT see the other one?!
              Thanks & Best Wishes

              Dave W

              "The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done". -George

              Comment


              • #8
                i love the one with the two lawyers and grandma

                Comment


                • #9
                  i'd seen the grandma one before and luv it!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by JediKnight:
                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by whiteUSCNeedsHelp:
                    A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession."

                    The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine."

                    The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?" </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                    WHY do we need ANOTHER jokes thread? Did you NOT see the other one?! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                    Was the other thread EXCLUSIVELY dedicated to our dear lawyers? IMO they do deserve some special attention given they are the dirt and filth of our country.
                    I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

                    You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it," I'm sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I'm not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I'll have to get back to you then." He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?"

                      "Nothing," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone."
                      I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

                      You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.

                        When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
                        I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

                        You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house.

                          Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. "Where are they," asked the driver.

                          "You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" asked the incredulous judge.

                          "The courthouse? Of course I know where that is." replied the driver. "But I thought you said you wanted to go to the 'halls of justice.'"
                          I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

                          You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            WUSC, I'm LMAO and I'm sure the lawyers and non-lawyers alike are doing the same.

                            Please place the entire lawyer jokes here so it will be a really one-stop lawyer jokes thread.
                            Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can.

                            --John Wesley

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

                              The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill of $50. The same day doctor received something in the envelope address to him sent by the lawyer. Puzzled at what could it be, doctor quickly opened the envelope. Voila...there was a bill of $100 charging doctor seeking advice of a lawyer at the party.
                              I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

                              You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

                              Comment

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