Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

divorce question

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • divorce question

    I understand this will be a touchy question, as it might suggest that I wish to not divulge all information about my situation, but here goes. I was married 29 years ago when I was 19. Bad mistake. Learned a lot. Basically put it all behind me. To make a long story short, it is something I never felt I needed to tell my fiancee as that was me when I was a young ignorant boy and it is not me now. I have seriously not kept anything from her other than this. In a conversation a few days ago, she mentioned that anyone being married twice before should never be married again as it shows that they are not the type of a person that can make a marriage work. That first marriage she cheated on me and I of course could not live with that. The second marriage ended because all she wanted me for was my paycheck. No support for what I was doing got old after 14 years. Anyway, now I am afraid that me telling this will very much damage the relationship I have with my fiancee, whom I love more than life itself. But a few places in the I-129F and the G-325A (we are applying for teh K-1) ask you to list prior marriages. She will see copies of these I assume, so most know where I am going with this. Any suggestions. Is there a way I can have this struck off my records? Thanks for any thoughts.

  • #2
    I understand this will be a touchy question, as it might suggest that I wish to not divulge all information about my situation, but here goes. I was married 29 years ago when I was 19. Bad mistake. Learned a lot. Basically put it all behind me. To make a long story short, it is something I never felt I needed to tell my fiancee as that was me when I was a young ignorant boy and it is not me now. I have seriously not kept anything from her other than this. In a conversation a few days ago, she mentioned that anyone being married twice before should never be married again as it shows that they are not the type of a person that can make a marriage work. That first marriage she cheated on me and I of course could not live with that. The second marriage ended because all she wanted me for was my paycheck. No support for what I was doing got old after 14 years. Anyway, now I am afraid that me telling this will very much damage the relationship I have with my fiancee, whom I love more than life itself. But a few places in the I-129F and the G-325A (we are applying for teh K-1) ask you to list prior marriages. She will see copies of these I assume, so most know where I am going with this. Any suggestions. Is there a way I can have this struck off my records? Thanks for any thoughts.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi MAB, even if you can "remove" your first marriage from the records, you can't do that from people's memory. Are you going to, for the rest of the life, avoid seeing family and friends together with your future wife out of a fear that some day someone may mentioned something?

      Talk to your fiance.

      Comment


      • #4
        Never lie and ditch the beyotch; go find a good loyal loving mail order bride. They don't care how many times you have been married. They will love you unconditionally.
        These people stop at Nothing !

        Death to IMBRA AND VAWA !

        God Bless America and no one else !!!

        Comment


        • #5
          ameri, Thank you for the reply. That time in my life has long ago left the memories of the people close to me. But no I am not going to avoid seeing friends and family as in the 29 years since I've been divorced from her it has never been mentioned. I agree, I want to talk with my fiancee, but I know what the outcome will be.

          Comment


          • #6
            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by MAB:
            ameri, Thank you for the reply. That time in my life has long ago left the memories of the people close to me. But no I am not going to avoid seeing friends and family as in the 29 years since I've been divorced from her it has never been mentioned. I agree, I want to talk with my fiancee, but I know what the outcome will be. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

            I agree with Aneri, MAB. You should disclose this information to your fiance now rather than later. If she truly loves you, it won't matter. But, it would be better knowing her feelings about this BEFORE the wedding takes place. She has a right to kbow and you never know when something from the past could come up in a conversation. Best to let the skeletons out of the closet. Good luck!

            Comment


            • #7
              I also believe that you should tell your fiance now. Marriage is based on trust and if you lie to her and she finds out it could do more damage at that point.

              Comment


              • #8
                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">If she truly loves you, it won't matter. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                We all know that someone can love someone with all their heart but if there are, for instance, religious differences that they just will not allow themsleves to accept that person in marriage. So just saying if she loves me it won't matter...isn't a true statement in all situations.

                Let me post this question to all of you that are responding. Do you divulge everything you have ever done in your past, I mean everything, to someone you love? Yes, marriage/divorce is a large 'thing' but so are many things we do in our lives. Do I also tell her that in my younger years that I did many things that she would absolutely disagree with? Do I jeopardize the rest of my life being happy beyond my dreams with this woman just so I tell her everything about me? I can almost guarantee that every single one of us has 'skeletons' in our closets that we just will not let out to the ones we love. And the fact that we do have these, are we LYING to those we love if we don't tell them? Do you tell your children of all the wild parties, *** and drinking that we may have done in our younger years just so we do not lie to them? I think not.

                I'm not trying to justify not telling someone something of your past. It's best to be able to do so. But if it ruins two peoples future with each other, and is long long past and does not represent who one of those people are now, in the present, does it serve a purpose to tell them something that will end the relationship and a life of happiness and love?

                All this said, I am struggling with this. I am a very honest, honorable man. I have been alone for much of the last decade, until meeting my love 6 months ago through a friend. Since that time I have been the happiest I have ever been. Truly feel she is the one soul mate that God put on this Earth for me. And wish to and have protected her from any harm or unhappiness I possibly can. Me telling her will harm her. It will harm us. I am just thinking of protecting the happiness we have.

                I greatly appreciate all your thoughts!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Been thinking about this more. Trying to find some peace. Here's what I came up with. I don't know how many of you are faithful to God, but this should hit home with those of you that are. Those that aren't...sorry.

                  In God's infinite wisdom, He has not told us everything there is to know. If we knew it all, there's a very good chance that mass histeria and wars would break out over the entire globe. Even though what He would tell us is the truth, we would not be able to handle what He told us. So He does not. He does so to protect us. To allow us to be as happy as we can be. He is not lying to us. Just not telling us something that might harm us.

                  Now of course I'm not trying to compare myself to God. If any of you think this you are not thinking through my 'example'. But we are all supposed to try to be more like God and Jesus. Show compassion. Wisdom. Love.

                  We can not suggest that God not telling us everything is lying. God not telling us...is love.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My question is are you the benificiary
                    of the petition?

                    Did you both filed the application already?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by MAB:
                      Let me post this question to all of you that are responding. Do you divulge everything you have ever done in your past, I mean everything, to someone you love? Yes, marriage/divorce is a large 'thing' but so are many things we do in our lives. Do I also tell her that in my younger years that I did many things that she would absolutely disagree with? Do I jeopardize the rest of my life being happy beyond my dreams with this woman just so I tell her everything about me? I can almost guarantee that every single one of us has 'skeletons' in our closets that we just will not let out to the ones we love. And the fact that we do have these, are we LYING to those we love if we don't tell them? Do you tell your children of all the wild parties, *** and drinking that we may have done in our younger years just so we do not lie to them? I think not.
                      .
                      .
                      I'm not trying to justify not telling someone something of your past. It's best to be able to do so. But if it ruins two peoples future with each other, and is long long past and does not represent who one of those people are now, in the present, does it serve a purpose to tell them something that will end the relationship and a life of happiness and love? ... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                      I understand your thinking but you have a situation where it is very likely that "past" will come up during this immigration process. You'll be asked numerous times to produce documents which may contain that information directly or not. Birth certificate from my country has a section "remarks" where marriges and divorces are noted, for example. Look in your second divorce papers... Does it say something like you entered that marriage as single or divorced? In addition, if it comes up that you did not disclose your first marriage in all those forms, you will likely have immigration problems later on (remember that you'll need to adjust status in USA (more forms)).

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        MAB..from personal experience, when one of you lie or keep something from the other prior to a marriage, once found out, things might not be the same again.
                        A marriage must start with trust and honesty. How would you feel if she revealed something to you after you were married that was important. Would you not feel betrayed or that she did not trust you enough to tell you?

                        If the love is really there, then she would love you all the same.
                        If she has strong morals or religious beliefs about prior marriages, then she has every right to know and let it be her decision whether she would want to marry you or not.

                        Not only could their be an immigration problem if you did not disclose everything, but if you did not tell your wife and she felt strongly about it (and you knowing this beforehand), if the marriage failed or once she knew about this during your marriage, she could ask for an annulment as you lied or deceived her.

                        Please be honest before marrying her, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be.

                        She has a right to know, and it is best coming from you then her finding out through papers.

                        I wish you all the best
                        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                        God Bless America - God Bless Immigrants - God Bless Poor Misguided Souls Too

                        National Domestic Violence Hotline:
                        1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by MAB:
                          In God's infinite wisdom, He has not told us everything there is to know. If we knew it all, there's a very good chance that mass histeria and wars would break out over the entire globe. Even though what He would tell us is the truth, we would not be able to handle what He told us. So He does not. He does so to protect us. To allow us to be as happy as we can be. He is not lying to us. Just not telling us something that might harm us.
                          .
                          We can not suggest that God not telling us everything is lying. God not telling us...is love. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
                          I believe that we get to know things when we are ready/strong enough to handle/tackle them and/or we need them to make important decisions in life. Maybe your future wife can handle more than you are giving her a credit?

                          Withelding an information that you believe can change her mind is not lying. It is deceiving. Do you think it is for your good? her good? both of you?

                          I am not judging, but as you say "been thinking"...out loud.

                          Maybe you can bring up the subject again. And see if she believes that people change.. learn from experience.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Let me post this question to all of you that are responding. Do you divulge everything you have ever done in your past, I mean everything, to someone you love? Yes, marriage/divorce is a large 'thing' but so are many things we do in our lives. Do I also tell her that in my younger years that I did many things that she would absolutely disagree with? Do I jeopardize the rest of my life being happy beyond my dreams with this woman just so I tell her everything about me? I can almost guarantee that every single one of us has 'skeletons' in our closets that we just will not let out to the ones we love. And the fact that we do have these, are we LYING to those we love if we don't tell them? Do you tell your children of all the wild parties, *** and drinking that we may have done in our younger years just so we do not lie to them? I think not. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                            Hi MAB,

                            I don't believe you need to unload all skeletons; however, the fact that you were married before will surface one way or another in the future. It's really not something you can hide. Let me ask you this . . . did you tell her you've never been married???? That will make it tougher, because then she will know you lied to her. Is this the case??

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Tell the truth now or tell later. Pay now or pay later. If she loves you, she'll forgive you most likely. Explain it to her the way you explained here. Why do you chance the truth coming out later in the process and the process goes down the drain? If you lie on the G325A petitioner or beneficiary, and if you're found out by USCIS, with a background check, you've got a problem, a big problem. Petitioner's documents of the divorce decrees will have to be produced. It will be disclosed. You're digging yourself into a hole that you won't get out of by being secretive. God can forgive little white lies but USCIS is unforgiving. Two different entities you're dealing with.

                              Comment

                              Sorry, you are not authorized to view this page

                              Home Page

                              Immigration Daily

                              Archives

                              Processing times

                              Immigration forms

                              Discussion board

                              Resources

                              Blogs

                              Twitter feed

                              Immigrant Nation

                              Attorney2Attorney

                              CLE Workshops

                              Immigration books

                              Advertise on ILW

                              EB-5

                              移民日报

                              About ILW.COM

                              Connect to us

                              Questions/Comments

                              SUBSCRIBE

                              Immigration Daily



                              Working...
                              X