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  • #16
    Answers to your questions...I do not know about
    his employer's position...or if he has even
    checked into it.
    2....No, I do not want him to lose his papers...
    I do love him and do care...i know..I just hate
    being treated like i am..and the ugliness...I
    figure we happened for a reason...i am praying
    every day for us and to God also to guide me...
    in this plight. 3...No,...but if he does lose
    his papers....he will have brought the actions
    totally upon he is self=destructing
    himself....he will not least not
    in the US. I have taken the emotional abuse...
    this long.... relationships...are a two way
    street...mine has been one way....all has been
    for him....nothing for me...he doesn't deserve
    anything ....but I should not be ugly to him...
    as he has to me....I feel...that GOD knows
    what he (husband) is doing....and they
    say, "what goes around, comes around"......I
    have told him (husband)...that I know in my heart....that one day..something catastropnic
    is going to happen in his life....(long after
    I'm gone)....that will be GOD's punishment for
    his treatment of me. Why I have taken it so
    long, I don't know. Somewhere...i seem to
    find strength to hang in there...I have never
    deserved his ugly words, actions... he has
    changed from the guy I knew....I have told him
    I do not know his any more...


    • #17
      You asked God for guidance. God has sent me to guide you and you have defiled the great God almighty by refusing to follow my guidance. Surely you will burn in h-e-l-l for your insult to God and his messenger !


      • #18

        No one has the right to tell you what to do or feel, I realise. You must come to that place on your own. But while you consider all of the alternatives, please listen to reason. We read the words you write here, about how your husband does not offer you the respect you deserve. No one is arguing that, but IF your husband is using you for the Green Card and you are aware of it, can you still really love him? What does that say about the respect you have for yourself? And if indeed, you do not think you deserve such respect from yourself, then how can you expect another to offer it to you?

        This has nothing to do with a difference in age, his or yours. Just because he is a fair number of years younger than you says nothing about your respective compatibility. Actions might. Rather this has to do with the fact that in some way, you are enabling the situation to continue. Once you can make a decision to stop that, things can begin to improve...either with the marriage to him, or in your life without him.

        Take the steps to ensure that your life from this point forward improves, and pay little attention to what happens in his. You do not need to throw a stone in his path, nor do you need to try to damage his immigration case, but inherent in making that decision, it also does not mean that you must assist him either. Let him handle those affairs on his own. He appears to be capable of handling servicing his emotional needs..this should be well within his capabilities, and if not, then this will be a life-lesson for him. His karma will only occur if you permit him to take further advantage of you.


        • #19
          Sorry you feel that way... I did not cheat, I
          did not lie. I pray to God every day to guide
          he and I. I am the US citizen. I also feel
          God had a hand in "us" there has to be
          a reason for us....there has to be. I am not
          angry. I am hurt. I also feel that if someone
          does ugliness to me...I do not have to be ugly
 is better to be compassionate.


          • #20
            I do not suggest that you be unpleasant or discompassionate. Simply declare your boundaries; let him know what you will and will not tolerate; apprise him, if you wish, of the obvious pitfalls in his immigration plight...and give him an opportunity to do the "right thing". If he does not, then you will have a clear conscience that you acted out of fairness, compassion and with a level head.


            • #21
              For a minute I thought this was Swissnut having another relapse and I was going to write that; now that the nut has commented, I see its not. Swissnut, the voice of reason ! Imagine that.

              God has sent me to straighten out all USC victims and grint frauds; so here me and obey me ! So it is written; so it shall be done !!!!


              • #22
                my comment///sorry you feel that way ..was to
                Michael....Swissnut...I appreciate your insight..
                it is very helpful....


                • #23
                  Hey Mikey!

                  I've never had a relapse, sorry guy. As soon as I knew all that was being plotted in my situation, there was no doubt in my mind that my marriage was over. In cases like these, we do have to keep in mind that some people are masterful in their plan. Much does not surface until later. My ex-husband made many mistakes. The biggest mistake he made was that he underestimated my intelligence, patience and the strategy which I was employing to extricate myself and permit him to fall into his own trap.


                  • #24

                    I remember your earlier posts. And your plight for help causes me to respond to this latest one.

                    It is very hard to give you proper advise: one must understand YOU/your intentions,values as well as your circumstances.

                    We all know now what your circumstances are.
                    Your intentions also seem to be well exposed, thanks to many posts we saw from you on this board before.

                    Given that, it is still not easy task to make a judgement or give advise/to imagine what one should do if one was in Nierhamdi's shoes.

                    But I will try.

                    1. Your ex-husband , by his actrions, proves that he has no regard for you.
                    Usually it means no matter what you do or would do he will not change his attitude towards you.
                    Chances are he will get even worse, assuming that you need him so desperately.

                    2. There is very little/no chance that he will suddenly, miraculously have a "change of mind" one night and knock on your door ,remoresefully asking you to let him in next morning.
                    i would say not a chance unless his girlfriend kicks him out of house and he has no place to stay AND no honor/selfrespect whatsoever that would preclude him from coming back to you under such circumstances.

                    3. Ask yourself what you want to accomplish. In light of above said think TWICE if it worth to even contemplate of marriage reconciliation.

                    4. Worry of Immigration the least of all. It is something HE has to face and handle. I am not expert on I-751 cases , but my understanding is that BCIS must be convinced that he had fraudulent intent AT THE TIME he married. With that they can issue the order to deport him.
                    If his ill-intentions are proven/provable then he should and probably will be deported.

                    5. In order for you to improve YOUR life you better stop worrying about him and take care of yourself. It sounds like you have no desire to harm him. Fine.
                    But do not worry how to help him either, because after all you may end up being accused of accomplicing him in perpetuating Immigration fraud.
                    Do you need that?

                    As you may well be aware circumstances always prevail if they are set at odds with individual desires and whatever must be will be anyway.
                    If for one or another reason you have to separate, well, then so it will be, no matter how much you try to be with him.
                    At least have a strenght, courage and resolve to accept things as they are, honorably, calmly and wisely.

                    Perhaps both of you will learn a lesson from this.

                    Best wishes,



                    • #25

                      That was a very good post! Keep it up!


                      • #26
                        Very well put E. Swissnut, how can anyone underestimate your intelligence ? Titus, it is only natural that women should play second fiddle and to be subservient to men; that is God's way; however, no American should play second fiddle to a foreigner; not even a woman !


                        • #27


                          • #28
                            The only true conquests, and those which awaken no regret, are the conquests obtained over ignorance.

                            Conquer the ignorance, the rest is irrelevant.


                            • #29

                              Thanks for answering questions 1 to 3. but what about #4. You are a sweet, kind and moral lady. It is his loss. Ones like you are hard to find. He has committed adultery. This is your out. You have God's approval on this one.

                              1.You dont want him to lose his papers. fine

                              2. If he stays with girlfriend you still dont want him to lose papers. Fine. If you are still married when 751 time comes, sign the joint petition. Just be aware that you will not be able to be divorced before the petition gets approved , and that could be another 18 months from the time that you file it. Results: Your life on hold while he continues to do as he pleases.

                              3. If he stays with his girlfriend. File a divorce and get it granted. he can then file a 751 waiver under bonafide marriage. He can take his chances at getting approved with submitting evidences. He may be fine Inshallah. and if not.. well he can get married again to another USC to adjust. This way it is not your fault with what happens with him. You did all you could. If you write letter about marriage fraud etc, you will put stones in his path and cause problems for him. I know you do not want that. Yes you are right .. God will deal with him, and he will bless you with someone worthy in the future you will see.

                              But please wake up. Time is wasting. There is someone out there who needs you and is waiting for you.


                              • #30
                                You give such kind, insightful advice. I hope that she listens to you and gives strong consideration to what you say. I wish you were MY immi advisor.


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