I am desperate(wife filing for battered wife falsely) Help!

[SonofMichael]

Trust me; you are not wrong on this.

If you file a complaint and she never appears; you do not need any "proof"; you win by default.

It does not block her from reentering the country; it blocks her from getting a permanent green card.

Stop asking questions and going over hypo's and what if analysis. Get the annullment and stop thinking about it. You are getting confused when you should be focused on that one thing: annullment. Period. Stop thinking. Stop listening to these other frauds who want to help a fellow fraudster.

[SonofMichael]

Ask yur lawyer when it is legal to change the locks and do so a.s.a.p.. Do not take her calls or even speak with her.

[BrianBenson]

I already changed the locks. And I don't think I have anything to worry about as far as not taking her calls. She's been incognito for a week now. No contact.

[SonofMichael]

For once davdah is right; be careul about changing the locks and barring her from reentry. Discuss this with your lawyer. Get a TRO maybe. But as your wife without a TRO you can not "lock her out". That would be very bad.Discuss with lawyer asap. If in next day she should show up let her in. Have a friend stay in your house as a witness or leave. Do not say anything to her whatsoever. So not say a word. Leave if she begins any conversation. Disconnect the telephone immediately. Again begin that annullment asap. Can not stress this enough. You obey the letter of the law no matter what she does or says. You just close her out of your mind\. Never for one second stay in a room with her alone; not for one second. You understand? Always have a witness or you will go to jail. Find a local shelter or hotel to stay in is preferable. Honestly you can stay with me. Do not get into that abuse lie. Abuse shelters do not let men in. I open my home to abused men !

[BrianBenson]

Changing the locks was advice I received from the local police, lawyer and PI. I did not do it until I got the OK.


Her problem is I believe I found out what her disorder is: NPD(Narcissitic Personality Disorder). BAAAAAAAAAAAD combination. And according to a few articles I read, a person first has to admitt their problem and then seek help(not even now does my wife realize this) and even then it takes years to see very little progress.

Signs include: impulsive, not concerned with making sense, refusing to admitt fault, controlled only by fear(they believe they respect the person they fear, but in fact they just fear them....her father), outrageous demands, obsessed with being seen better than everyone else, aligning with authority figures beause of wanting the authority but not working for it(took her boss's side, threatened co-workers, father again), self contradicting, poor gift givers(I received parfume 3 years in a row when all I really wanted was a guitar amp....and let's not talk about the stuff I bought for her), lack a mature consciousness(I often cought my wife when doing online banking incapable of simple addition. She would get it wrong 3 times in a row...and in in our home country if you have 5th grade math...you should be able to fly through high school math in the US), lack of empathy, are (a) extremely sensitive to personal criticism and (b) extremely critical of other people, etc etc. I could keep going. The point is I can say yes to every one of those things.

Here's a couple of quotes:

"Once narcissists know that you care for them, they'll **** you dry -- demand all your time, be more work than a newborn babe -- and they'll test your love by outrageous demands and power moves. In their world, love is a weakness and saying "I love you" is asking to be hurt, so be careful: they'll hurt you out of a sort of sacred duty. They can't or won't trust, so they will test your total devotion. If you won't submit to their tyranny, then you will be discarded as "no good," "a waste of time," "you don't really love me or you'd do whatever I ask," "I give up on you." (Note: In many instances, narcissists' demands are not only outrageous but also impossible to fulfill even if you want to please them. Plus if you actually want to do what they want you to do, that would be too much like sharing, so they won't want it anymore.)"

My favorite part: "The other "punishment" narcissists mete out is banishing you from their glorious presence -- this can turn into a farce, since by this point you are probably praying to be rescued, "Dear God! How do I get out of this?" The narcissist expects that you will be devastated by the withdrawal of her/his divine attention, so that after a while -- a few weeks or months (i.e., the next time the narcissist needs to use you for something) -- the narcissist will expect you to have learned your lesson and be eager to return to the fold. If you have learned your lesson, you won't answer that call."

[BrianBenson]

I got first hand confirmation from her and her family, that they are indeed in their home country.

She still had no intention of talking calmly, and contined to throw insults and claim no fault. I can now firmly state, this woman married me to run away from her problems, and did the same thing with me instead of sticking by me. This wasn't a marriage based on good intentions. It was a 2 year excursion for her to see the USA.

They are enjoying themselves at the beach.

edited

Thank you all for your support. Thank you sonofmichael. You're right I was a moron, but I had to wait and find out for sure for I still had feelings. It's clear to me now, she has none, and with this final phone call she killed the last feelings I had for her. And when she will call me, begging, I know now they still won't be feelings for me, but rather feeling sorry for herself and the situation she will soon find herself in.

[ProudUSC]

Good luck, Brian. Hope everything turns out okay for you!

[BrianBenson]

I edited all my posts because I am certain once she gets back home she'll get on the internet and begin researching. I'm done helping her with ideas. At least this one, she will have to figure out on her own.

I'm in my country now. One she didn't want to be a part of like I did. And now that things are very clear, it's my turn to act. The nice guy is gone. It's time to get to serious business. I have to thank the laws and the USA because they still served and protected me where if I was back in my home country, I probably would have gotten beaten to death, the cops would have gotten there 2 hours later and then he would beat up the cops too.

You're right.

God Bless the USA.

PS: SonofMichael, sorry for doubting you and for what I said.

[BrianBenson]

And one more thing guys. I now have a suggestion for those of you that are thinking about bringing a woman over:

If you have one doubt, ONE suspicion. Don't do it. You will end up like me, and possibly a lot worse. I feel lucky that I may get out of this easy. But had I kept going, had she been nice, I would of fallen prey once again and my life would have continued to be a living hell.

And to those of you that are naturalized US Citizens, believe me, it seems that the days that you can find good women over seas that can be good housewives are soon to be over. Especially if they grew up in a big city like my wife did and her parents kept her home her entire life and babied her. It's becoming harder and harder to change that mentality, and the respect that there once was in other countries that was missing from kids here, seems to have dissapeared there as well. Perfect example...my good fiends wife(who was my wife's good friend on which y wife turned her back on even though she was the one that introduced us and kept her secrets all this time) she had her rough edges. But she gave birth to two boys, has kept her job for 3 years now, and is a great family woman. The difference? She's closing in on 40. There was a 15 year difference between the two.

Better to find one here, and then you take HER back to YOUR home country to visit where you grew up. If she likes it, and asks you to stay an extra week......THEN, you will know she loves you.

Because this other way...you'll never know....they all still want to come here because it's USA and when they do it goes to their head, they don't find money on trees, there's no sidewalks made of gold, and when they realize they have to work just like they would in their home country, there's a good chance they will run back......or find a guy with money here for which she'll leave you(I'm sure mine would have done it had she found him)

Take care.

[Hudson]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by BrianBenson:
And one more thing guys. I now have a suggestion for those of you that are thinking about bringing a woman over:

If you have one doubt, ONE suspicion. Don't do it. You will end up like me, and possibly a lot worse. I feel lucky.

And to those of you that are naturalized US Citizens, believe me, it seems that the days that you can find good woman over seas that can be good housewives are soon to be over. Especially if they come and grew up in a big city like my wife did. It's becoming harder and harder to change that mentality, and the respect that there once was in other countries that was missing from kids here, seems to have dissapeared there as well. Perfect example...my good fiends wife(who was my wife's good friend on which y wife turned her back on even though she was the one that introduced us and kept her secrets all this time) she had her rough edges. But she gave birth to two boys, has kept her job for 3 years now, and is a great family woman. The difference? She's closing in on 40. There was a 15 year difference between the two.

Better to find one here, and then you take HER back to YOUR home country to visit where you grew up. If she likes it, and asks you to stay an extra week......THEN, you will know she loves you.

Because this other way...you'll never know....they all still want to come here because it's USA and when they do it goes to their head, they don't find money on trees, there's no sidewalks made of gold, and when they realize they have to work just like they would in their home contry, there's a good chance they will run back.

Take care. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Braim,
I will beg to differ. Marriage is based on trust. Whether the long distance relationship is from Atlanta to LA or NYC to Frankfort, Germany, or wherever, trust must be mutual between both of you. Second, you must have an open communication and honest with each other from the start. If you do not, if you hold it back, then it will develop into the nightmare you now have. She has gone back to her home country. She has, in all essence, forget about you and the times you have together. You are no more than a trophy to her now and that is it.

As for me, I did bring my wife "over" and we are still married. DId we have our problems, our arguments, our issues? Yes, but we worked them together, not separately. The point is, marriage is more work than training for the triathlon. It takes daily work to keep the marriage together. Until you learn how to communicate openly, not let family and friends influence you, and develop mutural respect, you will never have a marriage last longer than three years whether the girl is home grown or foreign.

What SOM and Maxone have given you as advice, I would not recommend. First, what goes on the message board cannot, under general provisions, be used as evidence in any divorce trial. What you have given is "common knowledge" between the two of you. So, editing the posts is neither foolish nor wise. The only catch is you only recognize her faults while not recognizing yours, and vice versa. None of us can testify on the issues at hand. It is hearsay evidence. And do not file based on being battered spouse, You will only add oxygen to the fire, salt to the wound. Irreconcilable differences is the only way because both of you are at fault and no one more than the other.

As for me, I did bring my wife over and we have been married for seven years. But we both had to work at it.

[SonofMichael]

Hudson; You show me ONE case where there was ever evidence produced in a divorce based on a posting on a chat board. Yes, marriage is based on trust. Here, there is no trust and no reason to trust. Yes, marriage requires work; from BOTH parties ! Here there is only one person working on it. Your own statements that marriage requires trust and work from both parties is consistent with the needs for him to annul the marriage.

Brian sorry I had to be a little cruel. Sometimes men need a slap on the face to wake us up. Women always need a slap on the face to shut them up !

Today you make a choice: 1) To accept being lied to, cheated on and derauded and spending the rest of your life wallowing in despair and regret OR 2) Being a man and respectng yourself and not tolerating being lied to, cheated on and defrauded and feeling PROUD and having higher self esteem. You will find better and more women when you do this. This is a guarantee !

[Hudson]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by SonofMichael:
Hudson; You show me ONE case where there was ever evidence produced in a divorce based on a posting on a chat board. Yes, marriage is based on trust. Here, there is no trust and no reason to trust. Yes, marriage requires work; from BOTH parties ! Here there is only one person working on it. Your own statements that marriage requires trust and work from both parties is consistent with the needs for him to annul the marriage.

Brian sorry I had to be a little cruel. Sometimes men need a slap on the face to wake us up. Women always need a slap on the face to shut them up !

Today you make a choice: 1) To accept being lied to, cheated on and derauded and spending the rest of your life wallowing in despair and regret OR 2) Being a man and respectng yourself and not tolerating being lied to, cheated on and defrauded and feeling PROUD and having higher self esteem. You will find better and more women when you do this. This is a guarantee ! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
SOM, you need better comprehension skills. I said editing the posts will not do him either harm nor good. He married her for the ***, she m married him to get away from her problems; yet both brought their problems into the marriage. Hence, no communication, no trust from the beginning, and no chance at all. Annulment will not work and based on the length of marriage, it will not be granted. if she was convicted of polygamy, then that will be a different matter, but we are not talking about that. they both went into the marriage for the wrong reasons and both are leaving for the wrong reasons. Neither one of them is listening to each other and both have issues that need to be addressed. At least he recognized one of his issues and hers as well.

Thus, annulment will not work here. They have been married too long. thus, divorce is the only option, but which reason to use is the question. He may be able to claim mental cruelty or spousal abuse, but so can she. Yet the judge will end up deciding both are at fault. It is a no win scenario. That is why I gave irreconcilable differences. It is a chance for him to move on and be done with this affair quicker. Her father will probably agree to this, if he is smart.

It is greater for a man to admit his own culpability and humility than to live in a false sense of security and latch on things that will turn into quicksand, as you have suggested. Having *** with a woman, even paying for one, is not being a man nor showing masculanity. I have known men who had all the riches in the world, but are also the loneliest, and I have met men who had nothing, but had a wealth of friends that made him a king. You are neither SOM, that you can be sure of.

[SonofMichael]

I wish you amateur lawyer and psychologists would stop spewing your ignorant advice designed to help the fraudster. This guy needs a lawyer NOW. Depending on the laws of the state, an annullment can be granted anytime you discover that it was invalid at the inception and it could be 20 years later (you could find that your spouse was already married; many cases like this). This woman pulled a scam. If he files a missing persons report he would be wasting hos valuable time and the polices and when they realized that she left him and is not really missing then he would get in jail.

Again; IMMEDIATELY stop letting these fraudster helpers confuse you. See a lawyer 9 AM tomorrow morning to seek an annullment or if you cant do that a divorce. No excuses. You do not need to wait. You have not had relations with her since youve been married. Kill it and move on.

[SonofMichael]

He is OUT OF TIME. You suggesting wasting TIME by going to the police only helps the enemy. NOTHING good can come of it. Who cares where she is? Filing a false police report has serious consequences both criminally and civilly. He can be arrested; he can be sued for harassment and it serves NO PURPOSE in getting the marriage ended. He must end the marriage and he must do it NOW and without ANY delay for one second. You are confusing him with utter NONSENSE. The police do not need to be involved in this PERIOD. He needs to do ONE thing and ONE thing only and he knnows what to do. Stop giving stupid and ignorant advice that serves no purpose but to deceive and confuse and possibly damage him. Stop helping the fraudster !

[SonofMichael]

He must TERMINATE the marriage immediately coldly and without feeling. He is in a fight for his life. He must shut this scam down immediately. Every second he delays will cost him more in money and heartache. Your claim that her parents abducted her are ludicrous and stupid beyond explanation.