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  • Need help with abusive marriage issue

    My abusive father recently married a woman from the philipines. Here's the story. He met her acouple of years ago and totally wined and dined her. She's a very nice woman and has had a very hard time. He lied about his drinking and smoking. He told her he loved kids. In reality, he just wanted a tax break, free *** and a maid. He's a verbally abusive alcoholic with a bad temper. In july he flew her and her children to the states and married her. Very quickly she had found out he was not what he had said to be. She has asthma and other health issues. He had told her he had quit smoking. Lie. He continued to smoke in the house and in the car which aggrivated her health. When she would ask him to not smoke around her he would blow smoke in her face and call her a b***h. He said he quit drinking. Lie. He would start drinking from the time he got up till he passed out most of the time. He would drive drunk with her and the kids all the time . She came to me begging for me to talk to him but it didn't work. He became very angry with me. He didn't want her to socialize with me anymore. I did anyways because I was really worried now. He would hide in his bedroom until I was gone. When he would approach her for "***" she didn't want anthing to do with him because he would reek of alcohol and smoke. Of course this would result in another verbal attack on her. On several occasions she woke up being punched or kneed in the back. He blew it off saying he was asleep but she felt it was intentionaly. She became very fearful for her children and herself. I told her if he hurt her or the kids please call the cops and me. At the last doctors apt she and my dad had attended together, the doctor noticed everytime he asked her a question he would jump in and answer for her. The doctor realized something might be up so he sent my dad to the pharmacy to get her mids so that he could talk to her alone. He quickly confirmed his suspicions of spouse abuse and told her to call social services. The doctor himself called social services who in turned called my dad, they said they were coming out there a few days later. This set off another rage. To attempt to get rid of his "problem" he demanded to know how soon she wanted to go back to the philipines. Being terrified and having noone else to turn to she said as soon as possible. He bought her and the kids plane tickets and gave her 200.00 and said live off of that and have someone else take care of you. She spoke with one of my dad's brothers who convinced her that if she went back she would have nothing to go back to, since she had sold and given up everything. My uncle then drove down from Tenn. and picked her and the kids up and let them stay with them for a few days until something could be figured out. My fiance and I talked about it and felt that she would be better off back in Augusta with us where she and the kids could use the military hospital and figure out what they need to do from here. Now she and the kids are living with me. They are safe now. Part of the problem is they hadn't even gotten their resident alien cards yet. She now has her military dependant id card but the children only have temporary dependant cards. All this being said.... here's the questions.
    1. What rights does she have?

    2. They've only been married since July 16 '06. So would she be entitled to any finacial support?

    3. Does she need legal representation to stay in country.

    Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
    Nina

  • #2
    My abusive father recently married a woman from the philipines. Here's the story. He met her acouple of years ago and totally wined and dined her. She's a very nice woman and has had a very hard time. He lied about his drinking and smoking. He told her he loved kids. In reality, he just wanted a tax break, free *** and a maid. He's a verbally abusive alcoholic with a bad temper. In july he flew her and her children to the states and married her. Very quickly she had found out he was not what he had said to be. She has asthma and other health issues. He had told her he had quit smoking. Lie. He continued to smoke in the house and in the car which aggrivated her health. When she would ask him to not smoke around her he would blow smoke in her face and call her a b***h. He said he quit drinking. Lie. He would start drinking from the time he got up till he passed out most of the time. He would drive drunk with her and the kids all the time . She came to me begging for me to talk to him but it didn't work. He became very angry with me. He didn't want her to socialize with me anymore. I did anyways because I was really worried now. He would hide in his bedroom until I was gone. When he would approach her for "***" she didn't want anthing to do with him because he would reek of alcohol and smoke. Of course this would result in another verbal attack on her. On several occasions she woke up being punched or kneed in the back. He blew it off saying he was asleep but she felt it was intentionaly. She became very fearful for her children and herself. I told her if he hurt her or the kids please call the cops and me. At the last doctors apt she and my dad had attended together, the doctor noticed everytime he asked her a question he would jump in and answer for her. The doctor realized something might be up so he sent my dad to the pharmacy to get her mids so that he could talk to her alone. He quickly confirmed his suspicions of spouse abuse and told her to call social services. The doctor himself called social services who in turned called my dad, they said they were coming out there a few days later. This set off another rage. To attempt to get rid of his "problem" he demanded to know how soon she wanted to go back to the philipines. Being terrified and having noone else to turn to she said as soon as possible. He bought her and the kids plane tickets and gave her 200.00 and said live off of that and have someone else take care of you. She spoke with one of my dad's brothers who convinced her that if she went back she would have nothing to go back to, since she had sold and given up everything. My uncle then drove down from Tenn. and picked her and the kids up and let them stay with them for a few days until something could be figured out. My fiance and I talked about it and felt that she would be better off back in Augusta with us where she and the kids could use the military hospital and figure out what they need to do from here. Now she and the kids are living with me. They are safe now. Part of the problem is they hadn't even gotten their resident alien cards yet. She now has her military dependant id card but the children only have temporary dependant cards. All this being said.... here's the questions.
    1. What rights does she have?

    2. They've only been married since July 16 '06. So would she be entitled to any finacial support?

    3. Does she need legal representation to stay in country.

    Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
    Nina

    Comment


    • #3
      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nina72:
      My abusive father recently married a woman from the philipines. Here's the story. He met her acouple of years ago and totally wined and dined her. She's a very nice woman and has had a very hard time. He lied about his drinking and smoking. He told her he loved kids. In reality, he just wanted a tax break, free *** and a maid. He's a verbally abusive alcoholic with a bad temper. In july he flew her and her children to the states and married her. Very quickly she had found out he was not what he had said to be. She has asthma and other health issues. He had told her he had quit smoking. Lie. He continued to smoke in the house and in the car which aggrivated her health. When she would ask him to not smoke around her he would blow smoke in her face and call her a b***h. He said he quit drinking. Lie. He would start drinking from the time he got up till he passed out most of the time. He would drive drunk with her and the kids all the time . She came to me begging for me to talk to him but it didn't work. He became very angry with me. He didn't want her to socialize with me anymore. I did anyways because I was really worried now. He would hide in his bedroom until I was gone. When he would approach her for "***" she didn't want anthing to do with him because he would reek of alcohol and smoke. Of course this would result in another verbal attack on her. On several occasions she woke up being punched or kneed in the back. He blew it off saying he was asleep but she felt it was intentionaly. She became very fearful for her children and herself. I told her if he hurt her or the kids please call the cops and me. At the last doctors apt she and my dad had attended together, the doctor noticed everytime he asked her a question he would jump in and answer for her. The doctor realized something might be up so he sent my dad to the pharmacy to get her mids so that he could talk to her alone. He quickly confirmed his suspicions of spouse abuse and told her to call social services. The doctor himself called social services who in turned called my dad, they said they were coming out there a few days later. This set off another rage. To attempt to get rid of his "problem" he demanded to know how soon she wanted to go back to the philipines. Being terrified and having noone else to turn to she said as soon as possible. He bought her and the kids plane tickets and gave her 200.00 and said live off of that and have someone else take care of you. She spoke with one of my dad's brothers who convinced her that if she went back she would have nothing to go back to, since she had sold and given up everything. My uncle then drove down from Tenn. and picked her and the kids up and let them stay with them for a few days until something could be figured out. My fiance and I talked about it and felt that she would be better off back in Augusta with us where she and the kids could use the military hospital and figure out what they need to do from here. Now she and the kids are living with me. They are safe now. Part of the problem is they hadn't even gotten their resident alien cards yet. She now has her military dependant id card but the children only have temporary dependant cards. All this being said.... here's the questions.
      1. What rights does she have?

      2. They've only been married since July 16 '06. So would she be entitled to any finacial support?

      3. Does she need legal representation to stay in country.

      Any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
      Nina </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

      She should qualify for relief under VAWA. She'll need documentation from the health individual that spoke with her, and any and all police reports that might be available.

      You should have a look on the USCIS website for VAWA, it is known as the Form I-360.

      http://www.uscis.gov/graphics/howdoi/battered.htm

      The children can be added to her petition, even if they themselves were not abused by the US citizen spouse.


      Chances are upon divorce, the court might award her some temporary support. Right now, if she files the I-360, once a prime facie determination has been made, she and the children would be eligible for social aid and an EAD, so she can work.
      Good luck and thank goodness for you, taking her out of that environment!
      The above is simply an opinion. Your mileage may vary. For immigration issues, please consult an immigration attorney.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you so much. We'll check that out. And if anybody else has anything to add please let us know.

        Comment


        • #5
          1st of all; why are you so interested in helping out a woman that CHOSE to be put in this situation herself, lies or not, when she agreed to marry a man 2,000 miles away, whom she had never met before or knew nothing about?

          2nd of all; shouldn't you be standing up for the man who not only brought you into this world, but also get this far in life?

          You, HIS DAUGHTER, should focus on helping your father get the help HE needs to ensure a successful marriage, instead of helping your stepmother get the help SHE needs to ensure a successful Green Card. Your so called "plea for help" could land your father in jail.

          There are two types of marriages in the world of US immigration: those entered into with financial interests in mind and those entered into in the pursuit of long lasting happiness in mind.

          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">He met her a couple of years ago and totally wined and dined her. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

          How did he do it? I mean, keep her from finding his true self out for so many years?

          Comment


          • #6
            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by dmartmar:
            1st of all; why are you so interested in helping out a woman that CHOSE to be put in this situation herself, lies or not, when she agreed to marry a man 2,000 miles away whom she knew nothing about, nor had never met before?

            2nd of all; shouldn't you be standing up for the man who, not only brought you into this world, but also make it this far in life so far?

            You, HIS DAUGHTER, should focus on helping your father get the help HE needs to ensure a successful marriage, instead of helping your stepmother get the help SHE needs to ensure a successful Green Card.

            You are aware that the so called "HELP" you want to offer your father's wife could land him in jail; right?

            People with good hearts do not spend their money or time bringing over foreigners with children, just so they can abuse them. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
            dmartmar,
            What do you smoke?
            Of course it is appropriate for this man's daughter, to first make sure that his wife is out of harm's way. I suspect that the father knows only too well how destructive his actions are. Not that his daughter shouldn't try to compel him to get the help he needs, but that's as much as anyone can do. There's a saying,"you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink".

            Please, I think the OP has acted responsibly..and btw, no one anticipates abuse of any kind.
            The above is simply an opinion. Your mileage may vary. For immigration issues, please consult an immigration attorney.

            Comment


            • #7
              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Please, I think the OP has acted responsibly... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

              So if we apply this logic in relation to the OP's current situation, the reason behind her responsible act, is an earlier irresponsible act she's trying to cover.

              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">...btw, no one anticipates abuse of any kind. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

              A pair of reading glasses and an English language dictionary could do wonders for you.

              Lower grades of the stuff YOU smoke too.

              ...btw, no one anticipates waivers of any kind.

              Comment


              • #8
                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by dmartmar:
                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Please, I think the OP has acted responsibly... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                Please, I think the whole situation could've been avoided altogether, if only the OP had taken on the responsibility of warning her now stepmother's future marriage outcome.

                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">...btw, no one anticipates abuse of any kind. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                A pair of reading glasses and an English language dictionary could do wonders for you.

                Lower grades of the stuff YOU smoke too.

                ...btw, no one anticipates waivers of any kind. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                The OP's role in life is not to do what her own father cannot. She is providing the victim with assistance. Noble task in my opinion. And in the end, it matters not what you or I think...
                The above is simply an opinion. Your mileage may vary. For immigration issues, please consult an immigration attorney.

                Comment


                • #9
                  IF,

                  <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">The OP's role in life is not to do what her own father cannot. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                  THEN???

                  <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Of course it is appropriate for this man's daughter to make sure his wife is out of harm's way. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                  Look nina72, I'm just going to give it to you straight. Your "I'm surprised at my father's never known to me before, new behaviour" story:

                  1) ...doesn't fool me.
                  2) ...doesn't fool Sappyconifer.
                  3) ...doesn't fool anyone browsing through these forums.
                  4) ...WILL NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT fool the experts working at the USCIS Agency.

                  Come up with a better story and this time around, please don't insult our intelligence.

                  See, that's the problem with you foreigners. You think that all of us American people are stupid.

                  But more stupid are those foreign people who know nothing about the American legal system, yet try to use it to their advantage, based on the advice of some luckier ones who were able to succeed solo.

                  The smart ones AT LEAST go at it with an Atty.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Dmartmar, you are obviously a clueless twit. I lived with my ******* father until I was 19 and could get the hell away from him. He was an abusive drunk then and still is. He cheated on my mom repeatedly and abused her as well until she finally divorced him. Sadly she put up with his **** until my younger brother was 18 and she could finaly leave his worthless ***! If you had read my post completely, you would have notice I stated that they MET a few years ago. You must have lived a very sheltered life to never have met anyone who lied to you. He came accross like a lot of smoothe talking ****s. All talk and nothing but lies. As to your point of standing up for him???? You've lost your **** mind! You have no idea what my family went through because of him. I stepped up to help her because I know what he's like and what he's capable of. Since I've never had her telephone # I could never call and warn her of what would happen if she married him, and my father would never have let me talk to her before she got here for fear that I would have warned her. I didn't mention that he was married to another woman that only lasted 3 weeks, because it wasn't relevent to my original questions. As far as I'm concerned what he did was criminal and I really don't give a rip if he ends up in jail or not! As for keeping "her from finding his true self out for so many years?", He would fly to the Philipines to visit her a couple of weeks a year. And as for this.....

                    Look nina72, I'm just going to give it to you straight. Your "I'm surprised at my father's never known to me before, new behaviour" story:

                    Where in the hell do you get off with this ****??? I stated he was an abusive drunk from the start.

                    1) ...doesn't fool me.
                    2) ...doesn't fool Sappyconifer.
                    3) ...doesn't fool anyone browsing through these forums.
                    4) ...WILL NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT fool the experts working at the USCIS Agency.

                    Not trying to fool anybody, ****!!!!

                    Come up with a better story and this time around, please don't insult our intelligence.

                    You would have to HAVE intelligence first in order to get it insulted. The situation is true, regardless of what YOU think.

                    See, that's the problem with you foreigners. You think that all of us American people are stupid.

                    Oh, so now I'm some foreigner, an American citizen born in NY. At this point I think YOU are stupid!

                    But more stupid are those foreign people who not nothing about the American legal system, yet try to use its laws to their advantage, based on the advice of some luckier ones who were able to succeed solo.

                    The smart ones AT LEAST go at it with an Atty

                    I seem to recall asking if an atty was a good idea. Wow, Thanks for that advice.

                    Now see, was all that really necessary? I tried to state a situation ( a TRUE situation ) and asked for some advice. Thank you Sappyconifer for your well thought out and helpful info. As for dmartmar....SCREW YOU!!!!


                    Nina

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Wife #2 will be, from now on, our main point of focus. In fact, everything revolves around her.

                      1. Can wife #2 replace wife#3 in your story? Why? Why not?

                      2. If wife #2 has no relevance to the immigration and divorce questions you asked; will or could she be relevant in any future actions brought against your father?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        GO NINA!!!

                        Put that idiot in his place!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Put that idiot in his place! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                          Let's see how nina72 will be able to put her idiot father in his place, w/o taking wife #2 into consideration at all.

                          See, everything she says has to be the same for wife #2.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Not necessarily. Don't forget wife #1.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Not necessarily. Don't forget wife #1. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                              But of course! Who could've forgotten wife #1!

                              Let's see if this story has any other "hidden surprises," like a mistress #1 1/2. ;-)

                              Comment

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