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  • help for indian

    While surfing I came across this site. Any help or guidance in the right direction will be greatly appreciated.

    I am of an Indian origin but United States citizen. I moved to USA when I was 12. By religion I am Hindu so as such we do not eat meat as our diet and strictly from a religion perspective we do not drink alcohol. I am currently living in Kentucky.

    About two years ago, I started search for my soul mate. I enlisted my self on an exclusive Indian Matrimonial site called Shaadi.com. I communicated with several women on that site from US, UK, Canada, Australia and India. Though I have been living in the USA for the past 15 years, some of my beliefs are still conservative. I really got interested in this girl from Bangalore, India and I decided to visit India to meet her in person. Prior to meeting her in person, we exchanged several emails and talked over the phone.

    When I went to India, I met her several times before making any decision, as customary per our tradition. During my meetings with her, I had asked her if she is non-vegetarian, if she drinks and or smokes as I am vegetarian, non-drinker and non-smoker so such a situation will not work out. She indicated to me that she doesn't do any of the above and follows the Hindu religion to the teeth. Since she was able to converse freely in English and was educated and knowing she meets certain criteria I was looking in a girl, I proposed her but prior to that I had asked her if she would be willing to live with my parents, if she will work and contribute in the family expenses, and if she will join me on my weekend prayers that I attend. She agreed to all of it.

    I came back to US and then couple months later I went back to India to get married. After returning from my marriage I filed for her greencard. She received her greencard and she came to USA about 6-weeks ago. She has several friends in USA who got married using shaadi.com website. However, most of her friends are divorced in less than one year of marriage.

    This past Tuesday she mentioned to me that I have to kick my old parents out of the house or she will move out. She also disclosed to me that she regularly eats meat (mainly chicken and goat) and drinks alcohol and occasionally while drinking she also smokes. I could not believe this and I was in a total shock. She also refused to join me in weekly religious prayers as she said there is no such thing as God and Indians are stupid. She has lied on everything. My parents are retired and over 65 and my mother is handicap. They worked blue collar job and their social security income together is not enough. I am the only child. It is our Indian culture where we take care of our parents. Now, she wants me to kick them out and only take care of her. She doesn't even want to work. She states that she has worked very hard in India and now wants to enjoy the life.

    The other stuff that is bugging me internally is she is on the phone with some guy she talks to regularly and when I casually asked about him, she said he is cousin. Now this cousin was never in our marriage and never was I introduced to him.

    I spoke to some of my friends and they are telling me I am being duped. I really don't know unless I get in her head but I am erring with caution and need more advice.

    Any suggestions on my situation and what I should do?

  • #2
    While surfing I came across this site. Any help or guidance in the right direction will be greatly appreciated.

    I am of an Indian origin but United States citizen. I moved to USA when I was 12. By religion I am Hindu so as such we do not eat meat as our diet and strictly from a religion perspective we do not drink alcohol. I am currently living in Kentucky.

    About two years ago, I started search for my soul mate. I enlisted my self on an exclusive Indian Matrimonial site called Shaadi.com. I communicated with several women on that site from US, UK, Canada, Australia and India. Though I have been living in the USA for the past 15 years, some of my beliefs are still conservative. I really got interested in this girl from Bangalore, India and I decided to visit India to meet her in person. Prior to meeting her in person, we exchanged several emails and talked over the phone.

    When I went to India, I met her several times before making any decision, as customary per our tradition. During my meetings with her, I had asked her if she is non-vegetarian, if she drinks and or smokes as I am vegetarian, non-drinker and non-smoker so such a situation will not work out. She indicated to me that she doesn't do any of the above and follows the Hindu religion to the teeth. Since she was able to converse freely in English and was educated and knowing she meets certain criteria I was looking in a girl, I proposed her but prior to that I had asked her if she would be willing to live with my parents, if she will work and contribute in the family expenses, and if she will join me on my weekend prayers that I attend. She agreed to all of it.

    I came back to US and then couple months later I went back to India to get married. After returning from my marriage I filed for her greencard. She received her greencard and she came to USA about 6-weeks ago. She has several friends in USA who got married using shaadi.com website. However, most of her friends are divorced in less than one year of marriage.

    This past Tuesday she mentioned to me that I have to kick my old parents out of the house or she will move out. She also disclosed to me that she regularly eats meat (mainly chicken and goat) and drinks alcohol and occasionally while drinking she also smokes. I could not believe this and I was in a total shock. She also refused to join me in weekly religious prayers as she said there is no such thing as God and Indians are stupid. She has lied on everything. My parents are retired and over 65 and my mother is handicap. They worked blue collar job and their social security income together is not enough. I am the only child. It is our Indian culture where we take care of our parents. Now, she wants me to kick them out and only take care of her. She doesn't even want to work. She states that she has worked very hard in India and now wants to enjoy the life.

    The other stuff that is bugging me internally is she is on the phone with some guy she talks to regularly and when I casually asked about him, she said he is cousin. Now this cousin was never in our marriage and never was I introduced to him.

    I spoke to some of my friends and they are telling me I am being duped. I really don't know unless I get in her head but I am erring with caution and need more advice.

    Any suggestions on my situation and what I should do?

    Comment


    • #3
      are you really that dumb? Of course she is taking you for a ride....divorce her sorry fat behind....tomorrow (or Monday)

      Comment


      • #4
        In our Indian culture we are not allowed to live together prior to our marriage. She was in Bangalore and I am in USA. How am I supposed to know what she does, eats, and drinks? I truly love her from the bottom of my heart. Sir, can you be nice to some one who is merely posting a question?

        Comment


        • #5
          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by davdah:
          All of a sudden you found out that she smokes, drinks, eats meat? Wow,.. she must be the queen of covert ops. There was never a sign of this before? Either you're very naive or yanking our collective chains. Your story has the poorly hidden premise that you're being duped for a GC and she has a boyfriend on the side. Ok, so she is and does. Now what? Either kick her to the curb or do as she wishes. Take your pick. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

          Davdah what happens to you at night time? You all of a sudden become a puppet of them immigrant women. During the day you side with USC at night with foreign women. Why at night? Now I am being suspicious of your behavior

          IM it is Friday and weekend is approaching, probably Davdah had a drink or two. Usually, he is nice to USC and fully supports them.
          I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

          You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

          Comment


          • #6
            Here is my suggestion Indian Boy.

            1)This is pure immigration marriage fraud. Don't second guess it.

            2)If house is solely under your name, quickly transfer it to your parents name or sell it or do anything to get your name of off the deed. Otherwise, you and your parents all will be kicked out by monster called VAWA. Visit this link and you will see http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/070918

            3)You stated most of her friends who came here from India are now divorced in less than one year, guess what they are most likely feeding her ways to screw you over. You have already become an abuser and in not time you will be labeled as such.

            4)You are lucky to be living in Kentucky. The law is on your side. Your state is a one party statue for tape recording meaning you can tape record the conversations (in person or on phone) as long as you are party to the conversation. You do not need consent of every individual who is present while tape recording it. Do your self a favor and buy a tape recorder and start taping every bit of conversation with her.

            5)KY law allows you to file for an annulment for fraud and misrepresentation provided you act within 90-days after the discovery of fraud. What you just mentioned to the board here, do not mention to no one else because basically your day starts today. If you catch my drift, you never came to the board. Stick the fraud with a fraud.

            6)If whatever you mentioned is not in writing like pre-nuptial agreement etc, get a confession out of her some how what she agreed with you prior to your marriage and before moving here and what she wants now. This is basically a breach of contract and you can get your marriage annulled for that.

            7)Think from your brain, not heart. Otherwise you will wind up in jail behind bars soon. Ever hear the word VAWA? Google it or search this site. You will find umpteen USCs who have been destroyed. You don't want to be the next one in line.

            8)Make sure she doesn't smell what is coming to her. Talk to police in advance what has happened to you and get it on record as you will be safe in the event of false police charges of domestic violence.

            9)Visit this thread http://discuss.ilw.com/eve/forums/a/.../m/98410341541

            10)Some here will disagree with me because they don't want me to stop fraudsters. It is you who has to decide and take action on it. I am just a messenger of Lord Jesus...The Savior of USC.

            11)If you don't act now, get ready to shed at a minimum 20K-30K protecting you're a**

            12)This conspiracy is much deeper and you are not alone. There is whole world out there like you men. Don't think you are alone. If she does something weird, fight back hard. Kick that B back to India. That is what the filthy cheaters deserve.
            I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

            You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

            Comment


            • #7
              I just converted an Indian Man to Indian Boy...had too many ML.
              I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.

              You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think you should move back to India, and let her stay in America. Part of becoming an American, is adopting the American culture. She has done a much better job of that than you. Consider yourself married to an American woman, because if you were she'd also want your parents out.

                Comment


                • #9
                  <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">This past Tuesday she mentioned to me that I have to kick my old parents out of the house or she will move out. She also disclosed to me that she regularly eats meat (mainly chicken and goat) and drinks alcohol and occasionally while drinking she also smokes. I could not believe this and I was in a total shock. She also refused to join me in weekly religious prayers as she said there is no such thing as God and Indians are stupid. She has lied on everything. My parents are retired and over 65 and my mother is handicap. They worked blue collar job and their social security income together is not enough. I am the only child. It is our Indian culture where we take care of our parents. Now, she wants me to kick them out and only take care of her. She doesn't even want to work. She states that she has worked very hard in India and now wants to enjoy the life. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
                  Dear Indiaman,
                  So, what did you tell her family about your financial resources and your parents? If you did a traditional Hindu wedding, I do know that both sides of the parents will need to be present at the ceremony, assuming it was a Hindi wedding.

                  Did you talk with her parents as well. From what I gather, this was an arranged wedding at one of the Indie matchmaking web site.

                  I still find it hard to believe that she is totally opposite of what you perceived.
                  "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thank you all who have provided me suggestions. I truly appreciate your support.

                    Hudson - Yes, both sides of family were involved in the marriage. I work as an Engineer and I had clearly informed that I will be supporting my parents and they will be living with me. She was OK with the idea.

                    The question of perceiving doesn't come because we talked about it and agreed on things prior to our marriage.

                    India has changed a lot compared to old days. You knowledge of India is probably based on books that talk about old age not the newer one.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Indianman:
                      Thank you all who have provided me suggestions. I truly appreciate your support.

                      Hudson - Yes, both sides of family were involved in the marriage. I work as an Engineer and I had clearly informed that I will be supporting my parents and they will be living with me. She was OK with the idea.

                      The question of perceiving doesn't come because we talked about it and agreed on things prior to our marriage.

                      India has changed a lot compared to old days. You knowledge of India is probably based on books that talk about old age not the newer one. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
                      I know India has changed, but that is not the point is it?

                      so, both sets of parents knew, from what everybody has said, that she does not eat meat. Then all of a sudden, she starts eating meat? I find that a little too suspicious since it now involves more than one person to keep the "secret?" On the other hand, she and her family may be nonpracticing Hindus?

                      If she does not want to work, does that mean she wants to be a traditional Hindu wife?

                      And how do your parents treat her? This is what I am most curious, but I can guess the answer already.

                      I think most of what you said is true, but the names have been changed around to provide a story here. But hey, at least you did not abandon her while she was still in India.
                      "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by davdah:
                        In other words it has become more western. Just like the rest of the world. No surprise there. The stuff of history books is outdated by atleast 50 years. You know what she is up to. Act accordingly and defend yourself. Your parents are counting on you. Read all you can about vawa. That is coming next. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
                        Davdah,
                        With all due resect, Westernization is not the culprit here. Yes, India has gained from Westernization, however, not eating meat is still practiced both in the US and in India as well as wearing traditional clothers.
                        "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Indianman:
                          While surfing I came across this site. Any help or guidance in the right direction will be greatly appreciated.

                          I am of an Indian origin but United States citizen. I moved to USA when I was 12. By religion I am Hindu so as such we do not eat meat as our diet and strictly from a religion perspective we do not drink alcohol. I am currently living in Kentucky.

                          About two years ago, I started search for my soul mate. I enlisted my self on an exclusive Indian Matrimonial site called Shaadi.com. I communicated with several women on that site from US, UK, Canada, Australia and India. Though I have been living in the USA for the past 15 years, some of my beliefs are still conservative. I really got interested in this girl from Bangalore, India and I decided to visit India to meet her in person. Prior to meeting her in person, we exchanged several emails and talked over the phone.

                          When I went to India, I met her several times before making any decision, as customary per our tradition. During my meetings with her, I had asked her if she is non-vegetarian, if she drinks and or smokes as I am vegetarian, non-drinker and non-smoker so such a situation will not work out. She indicated to me that she doesn't do any of the above and follows the Hindu religion to the teeth. Since she was able to converse freely in English and was educated and knowing she meets certain criteria I was looking in a girl, I proposed her but prior to that I had asked her if she would be willing to live with my parents, if she will work and contribute in the family expenses, and if she will join me on my weekend prayers that I attend. She agreed to all of it.

                          I came back to US and then couple months later I went back to India to get married. After returning from my marriage I filed for her greencard. She received her greencard and she came to USA about 6-weeks ago. She has several friends in USA who got married using shaadi.com website. However, most of her friends are divorced in less than one year of marriage.

                          This past Tuesday she mentioned to me that I have to kick my old parents out of the house or she will move out. She also disclosed to me that she regularly eats meat (mainly chicken and goat) and drinks alcohol and occasionally while drinking she also smokes. I could not believe this and I was in a total shock. She also refused to join me in weekly religious prayers as she said there is no such thing as God and Indians are stupid. She has lied on everything. My parents are retired and over 65 and my mother is handicap. They worked blue collar job and their social security income together is not enough. I am the only child. It is our Indian culture where we take care of our parents. Now, she wants me to kick them out and only take care of her. She doesn't even want to work. She states that she has worked very hard in India and now wants to enjoy the life.

                          The other stuff that is bugging me internally is she is on the phone with some guy she talks to regularly and when I casually asked about him, she said he is cousin. Now this cousin was never in our marriage and never was I introduced to him.

                          I spoke to some of my friends and they are telling me I am being duped. I really don't know unless I get in her head but I am erring with caution and need more advice.

                          Any suggestions on my situation and what I should do? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                          Namustay.

                          Indianman,

                          Sorry To Hear This. Many USC Are At Risk From Things like You Have Experienced. Being a USC Can Sometimes Make Us Targets!

                          I Hope You Find Good Advice Here And Are Able To Become Victorious. Many Don't! good Luck. And DINYABOT, Your Posts Actually Contribute To The Solutions.

                          Forget Spelling, You know what I Mean.
                          USC and Legal, Honest Immigrant Alike Must Fight Against Those That Deceive and Disrupt A Place Of Desirability! All Are Victims of Fraud, Both USC and Honest Immigrant Alike! The bad can and does make it more difficult for the good! Be careful who y

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Indianman:
                            While surfing I came across this site. Any help or guidance in the right direction will be greatly appreciated.

                            I am of an Indian origin but United States citizen. I moved to USA when I was 12. By religion I am Hindu so as such we do not eat meat as our diet and strictly from a religion perspective we do not drink alcohol. I am currently living in Kentucky.

                            About two years ago, I started search for my soul mate. I enlisted my self on an exclusive Indian Matrimonial site called Shaadi.com. I communicated with several women on that site from US, UK, Canada, Australia and India. Though I have been living in the USA for the past 15 years, some of my beliefs are still conservative. I really got interested in this girl from Bangalore, India and I decided to visit India to meet her in person. Prior to meeting her in person, we exchanged several emails and talked over the phone.

                            When I went to India, I met her several times before making any decision, as customary per our tradition. During my meetings with her, I had asked her if she is non-vegetarian, if she drinks and or smokes as I am vegetarian, non-drinker and non-smoker so such a situation will not work out. She indicated to me that she doesn't do any of the above and follows the Hindu religion to the teeth. Since she was able to converse freely in English and was educated and knowing she meets certain criteria I was looking in a girl, I proposed her but prior to that I had asked her if she would be willing to live with my parents, if she will work and contribute in the family expenses, and if she will join me on my weekend prayers that I attend. She agreed to all of it.

                            I came back to US and then couple months later I went back to India to get married. After returning from my marriage I filed for her greencard. She received her greencard and she came to USA about 6-weeks ago. She has several friends in USA who got married using shaadi.com website. However, most of her friends are divorced in less than one year of marriage.

                            This past Tuesday she mentioned to me that I have to kick my old parents out of the house or she will move out. She also disclosed to me that she regularly eats meat (mainly chicken and goat) and drinks alcohol and occasionally while drinking she also smokes. I could not believe this and I was in a total shock. She also refused to join me in weekly religious prayers as she said there is no such thing as God and Indians are stupid. She has lied on everything. My parents are retired and over 65 and my mother is handicap. They worked blue collar job and their social security income together is not enough. I am the only child. It is our Indian culture where we take care of our parents. Now, she wants me to kick them out and only take care of her. She doesn't even want to work. She states that she has worked very hard in India and now wants to enjoy the life.

                            The other stuff that is bugging me internally is she is on the phone with some guy she talks to regularly and when I casually asked about him, she said he is cousin. Now this cousin was never in our marriage and never was I introduced to him.

                            I spoke to some of my friends and they are telling me I am being duped. I really don't know unless I get in her head but I am erring with caution and need more advice.

                            Any suggestions on my situation and what I should do? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                            Hi Indianman,

                            To make sure I have this right, she has only been in the US a few months? It appears you laid the cards on the table and she initially agreed with your wishes when you married her. I will say this much. I wouldn't want to start off a marriage with either set of parents living with me, but she agreed to this, so she should stand by her original agreement.

                            You guys need some counseling. If there is no middle ground to reach, you should figure out an amicable way to terminate the marriage. It doesn't sound like this is a good situation for either of you. And, you should do this before kids become involved. I wish the best of luck to you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Proud,

                              SHE LIED!!!! Manipulated! Used That All Too Famous Acting Ability To Gratify self!!!! The USC Tool Was Of No Concern!!! I Am Only Too Open!!! However Some People See Things Others Don't, And I Do Understand The Inability To Comprehend The Deceit For Others!

                              You Have To See It, Live It To Believe This Sort Of Thing exists. I Am Sorry But It Is Large Within The US. And Elseware!

                              So Very Difficult To Believe, Such Things Really Do Exist.

                              I Would Love For Members To Read, Watch Instances Of Vietnam. Desperation, Can Turn A 4 Year Old Into An Acceptable Loss To Win!

                              This Kind Of Deceit and Thinking Still Exists!

                              And When Kids? They Are Never Not Involved. In One way Or Another They Will Be Affected!!!

                              Children??? I Cannot Express How Many Times I Have Heard " We Are Not Worried, We Have Child/Children Born In USA! They Are USC! "Basically What They Are Not Saying Is Americans Have Compassion And We Will Be Ok!!! WE HAVE Children Born HERE!!!



                              Please dissect And Think? About These Words!
                              USC and Legal, Honest Immigrant Alike Must Fight Against Those That Deceive and Disrupt A Place Of Desirability! All Are Victims of Fraud, Both USC and Honest Immigrant Alike! The bad can and does make it more difficult for the good! Be careful who y

                              Comment

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