Battered spouse / VAWA

[Hudson]

Originally posted by klinus:
The key issue is the false claim of child abuse; secondary to that is the collateral damage of scabies and insect bites.

Without the claim of child abuse she would never have been able to make it into the shelter and my son would not have been afflicted with the above infestations; even if she had gone to a Rolls Royce shelter that would still not have justified the false claim of child abuse, which is what I believe led to the highly unusual situation of dad getting half custody of a 3 year old.

Do not mistake a denied TRO as lying about a child abuse claim, Klinus and Davdah. From my understanding and reading the posts, the claim has not been validated for the claim to be true or false. For the claim to be verified, it must be done in a criminal proceeding.

Klinus, you are blaiming the estranged spouse for something she may not have control over. Again, you need to look at your own link as well as the others I provided. A first year law student can make more reasonable doubt on this issue while making you look vindictive at the same time. You will need to do better than that.

For joint physical custody, it is not as rare as you may think in California. I do not know where you came up with the percentage since I could not find anything, the interim order of the joint physical custody is a temporary solution. The judge may not be ready to make the decision on who gets physical custody. Another reason is that the judge may fear one or both parents may want to "brainwash" the child against the other parent. And since the child is not of school age, it is not detrimental to the child's well being if this is a short term solution.

[Hudson]

Originally posted by TylerJohn:
My immigrant wife filed a false domestic violence charge against me in last year in order to get the green card by fraud. I was found not guilty of the charge however she was allowed to keep the restraining order on me for a two year period. We have since divorced. I have 4 witnesses to testify that she lied and told them that I was never mean to her or ever tried to hurt her. I also discovered alot of other evidence on her that her marriage to me was really based on fraud plus she may still be married to her husband in Asia. I have filed complaints with ICE and not a word from them. Any info on this would be appreciated.

Well, your wife would have gotten the green card either the abuse claim or by divorce if she got her conditional green card. To preove fruad, you would need to provide direct evidence that she did not marry you in good faith.

But then again, OJ was found not guilty of domestic violence a couple of years ago in Florida. But of course, we all know OJ is not guilty of murdering Nicole and Ron Goldman, despite the findings by the court.

[Hudson]

Originally posted by davdah:
That is a valid point. She lied to get where she is and in the process the child was damaged. That is abuse isn't it? C'mon hudson. A spade is a spade. She lied. The kid got hurt because of it. You can't blame the shelter since she has absolute liability for the welfare of the child. Especially since now she knows the conditions and is still subjecting him to that environment. True also is the fact of the rarety of 50/50 physical custody. Usually the dad only gets alternating weekends unless one of two things happen. A, the mother agrees. Not a chance since it cuts into the money she gets from dad. Or B, the mother is not up to standard. I know some would argue the mother would never use a child for financial gain. Guess again. Happens all the time. My younger brother went through that. What saved him? The message his X left on his answering machine. "Give me 10K and I'll drop the custody case" Judges love to hear people convict themselves. She was a dim bulb and its not often that easy. But it goes to show mothers are not always the virtuous care givers they make themselves out to be.

As far as she goes if she is out of status she should have received a NTA by now. If she no shows then its game over for her. She may take off to the frozen lands north with the little one. So be careful.

Actually, it is not a valid point. Again, I must stress that a denied TRO does not invalidate the claim of child abuse or any other abuse whatsoever. Or shall we look at the dozen or so cases which TRO was denied and several actresses were murdered by estranged fans?

From rereading the posts, the claim has not been validated or invalidated on the charge of child abuse. What we have here is a simple case of a contested divorce which a child has now become the pawn. Whether one or both parenets have the best interests of the child remains to be seen. But judging from Klinus posts, he does not not. Just wants to "brainwash" the child into hating the mother.

As far as scabies is concerned, it could be the conditions of the DV shelter, but this has more to do with the director of that shelter than the estranged wife. However, scabies is primarily a person ot person contact contagion. For all we know, Klinus could be carrying the virus although he would need a strong immune system not to show the symptoms. Or Klinus could have scabies STD? But I am guessing here.

[Sprint_girl07]

I might have missed it along the lines but has DHS been involved?
Hudson is totally correct about a TRO being denied doesn't mean there is no proof of child abuse.
Usually if there has been an accusation of child abuse, DHS are informed either by the parent or as your wife is in the shelter, the shelter would have informed them.
DHS investigate and one of the things they have to check out is whether the child is in a place that is safe and in good condition as well as of course that the parent who caring for them is an able and fit parent. DHS would have seen your child and checked the shelter. If they feel that the shelter is not a good place for your child they would have removed your child from there or asked your wife to find a better place to live.
In my own experience, DHS agreed there was child abuse, but did not do anything as I already protected my child from the abuser. If I let the abuser back in the house then I will be in trouble. DHS act more with current abuse rather than what happened before, unless they have enough evidence to pass it to the DA to prosecute and other ways which often is very hard.
In my divorce the child abuse is not even an issue as he doesn't and wouldn't get custody, so only way for him to be charged would be criminally or suing him through civil court (tort).

I am not saying you did abuse your child at all..but its not clear cut and just because a TRO was denied or that they don't go ahead and charge you, doesn't mean there was no child abuse. Its very complicated.

[Sprint_girl07]

Klinus..you have been asked this a few times now, but you avoid to answer it...do you pay her support of any kind especially child support?
You keep saying how much you have paid for attorney or how much she is paying out...what about financial support to your child?

[4now]

Klinilingus

4now is 4now.. not homosexual, not transvestite nor member of any national womens association as you infer.

second and foremost.. everyone here knows that 4now does not believe in evolution so the only ignorant canidae and feral in this thread appears to be you, demonstrated by your actions towards your wife and child.


Like I told you she is not going to have any problem with that waiver on bonafide alone. so get a grip and get over it. she also will not have any problem with getting that waiver on emotional abuse from a controlling and caniving husband. YOu said earlier that" she was all happy and everything until you filed for divorce. " and that You could not sign a joint 751 in good conscious." From these statements it sounds like you were planning this whole thing to sting her and she had no idea that you were going to file for divorce or that there was even anything wrong in the marriage. Im sure she was able to drive the cars up until you magically decided that .. oh not anymore "standing on ceremony" that she doesnt have CA drivers license and now cant get one b/c of her status. Cleverly planned and orchestrated. Even if she was a terrible wife, She must have been a good mother as I dont hear anything that concerned you about her... other than "she lives in a shelter"

It is so transparant.. How low class of you to put your wife AND your child in this situation when you have the means to otherwise provide suitable living conditions for them both.

HOw come you will not provide them with sutiable living?? Inguiring minds want to know! yea shes playing a game too with the shelter routine .. but you could have easily put an end to this rouse by providing her an arrangement for living somewhere .Im sure for less than what you would be paying child support. but nooooo... you wanted a "deal" to sign the 751 for custody of the child..... Hmmmm what happened to "couldnt sign the 751 in good conscious."
can you spell P H O N E Y


You think because you got called down that it must be a woman responding to you...Dude, all men are not down with you .. You look real bad here and give mens a bad name.. Seriously take a gooooood look in the mirror and try to heal yourself. This child is better off with two parents that love and care for him as I am sure you both do so that he can learn life skills from a balanced upbringing. Get some family counseling for YOURSELF to try to learn how to put the childs interest first and not your selfish motivations sir. Your so called concern appears to not be sincere, its just maybe you dont realize it becuase vengence has clouded that part of your thinking.. or maybe its that "reverting back to the wild" thing taking over

[klinus]

Originally posted by Hudson:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by klinus:
The key issue is the false claim of child abuse; secondary to that is the collateral damage of scabies and insect bites.

Without the claim of child abuse she would never have been able to make it into the shelter and my son would not have been afflicted with the above infestations; even if she had gone to a Rolls Royce shelter that would still not have justified the false claim of child abuse, which is what I believe led to the highly unusual situation of dad getting half custody of a 3 year old.

Do not mistake a denied TRO as lying about a child abuse claim, Klinus and Davdah. From my understanding and reading the posts, the claim has not been validated for the claim to be true or false. For the claim to be verified, it must be done in a criminal proceeding.

Klinus, you are blaiming the estranged spouse for something she may not have control over. Again, you need to look at your own link as well as the others I provided. A first year law student can make more reasonable doubt on this issue while making you look vindictive at the same time. You will need to do better than that.

For joint physical custody, it is not as rare as you may think in California. I do not know where you came up with the percentage since I could not find anything, the interim order of the joint physical custody is a temporary solution. The judge may not be ready to make the decision on who gets physical custody. Another reason is that the judge may fear one or both parents may want to "brainwash" the child against the other parent. And since the child is not of school age, it is not detrimental to the child's well being if this is a short term solution. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Since in his interim order, the judge gave me 3 overnights/week, which went up to half my son's overnights with me. If the Court thought there was even a whiff of child abuse I would have been with supervised custody

In terms of fathers recieving custody of children in their tender years http://www.onlinelawyersource.com/di...ody/index.html

My son cannot speak as we speak. Brainwashing requires him being able to speak; he missed 3 months of speech therapy thanks to loonie twoonie. I don'e need to brainwash him; whether you agree on not he has been through a traumatic situation.

[Sprint_girl07]

Acutally you don't need to speak to be brainwashed, and a 3 yr old definitely can by a parent or anyone.
For not having 3 months of speech therapy does not harm a child with speech problems in the long term, just short term maybe. Most percentage of kids don't have their speech therapy during summer months for example when off school..so does that make the school liable?

And yes I do know what I am talking about, my son also had speech problems that age and still does at 13. Just because he could not speak properly at that age he sure took in a lot.

[klinus]

Originally posted by Sprint_girl07:
I might have missed it along the lines but has DHS been involved?
Hudson is totally correct about a TRO being denied doesn't mean there is no proof of child abuse.
Usually if there has been an accusation of child abuse, DHS are informed either by the parent or as your wife is in the shelter, the shelter would have informed them.
DHS investigate and one of the things they have to check out is whether the child is in a place that is safe and in good condition as well as of course that the parent who caring for them is an able and fit parent. DHS would have seen your child and checked the shelter. If they feel that the shelter is not a good place for your child they would have removed your child from there or asked your wife to find a better place to live.
In my own experience, DHS agreed there was child abuse, but did not do anything as I already protected my child from the abuser. If I let the abuser back in the house then I will be in trouble. DHS act more with current abuse rather than what happened before, unless they have enough evidence to pass it to the DA to prosecute and other ways which often is very hard.
In my divorce the child abuse is not even an issue as he doesn't and wouldn't get custody, so only way for him to be charged would be criminally or suing him through civil court (tort).

I am not saying you did abuse your child at all..but its not clear cut and just because a TRO was denied or that they don't go ahead and charge you, doesn't mean there was no child abuse. Its very complicated.

Here in California we use Child Protective Services; CPS already notified the Court that there was no child abuse.
CPS is working in tandem with DHS to identify the shelter and find out why he has gotten 2 infestations; it takes time but eventually (within the next month) he will be out of the shelter.
Again, if Family Court Services (who has seen more child abuse than most people) even thought that there was a danger to my son they would not have given me half the time.
As Hudson pointed out, it is an interim decision until we get to a long cause motion at the end of this month. However, the pattern has been dad got 3 and then half, so the slope is upwards.
Just because you had an bad situation with your ex it is unreasonable to assume that dad is always bad.

[klinus]

Originally posted by 4now:
Klinilingus

4now is 4now.. not homosexual, not transvestite nor member of any national womens association as you infer.

second and foremost.. everyone here knows that 4now does not believe in evolution so the only ignorant canidae and feral in this thread appears to be you, demonstrated by your actions towards your wife and child.


Like I told you she is not going to have any problem with that waiver on bonafide alone. so get a grip and get over it. she also will not have any problem with getting that waiver on emotional abuse from a controlling and caniving husband. YOu said earlier that" she was all happy and everything until you filed for divorce. " and that You could not sign a joint 751 in good conscious." From these statements it sounds like you were planning this whole thing to sting her and she had no idea that you were going to file for divorce or that there was even anything wrong in the marriage. Im sure she was able to drive the cars up until you magically decided that .. oh not anymore "standing on ceremony" that she doesnt have CA drivers license and now cant get one b/c of her status. Cleverly planned and orchestrated. Even if she was a terrible wife, She must have been a good mother as I dont hear anything that concerned you about her... other than "she lives in a shelter"

It is so transparant.. How low class of you to put your wife AND your child in this situation when you have the means to otherwise provide suitable living conditions for them both.

HOw come you will not provide them with sutiable living?? Inguiring minds want to know! yea shes playing a game too with the shelter routine .. but you could have easily put an end to this rouse by providing her an arrangement for living somewhere .Im sure for less than what you would be paying child support. but nooooo... you wanted a "deal" to sign the 751 for custody of the child..... Hmmmm what happened to "couldnt sign the 751 in good conscious."
can you spell P H O N E Y


You think because you got called down that it must be a woman responding to you...Dude, all men are not down with you .. You look real bad here and give mens a bad name.. Seriously take a gooooood look in the mirror and try to heal yourself. This child is better off with two parents that love and care for him as I am sure you both do so that he can learn life skills from a balanced upbringing. Get some family counseling for YOURSELF to try to learn how to put the childs interest first and not your selfish motivations sir. Your so called concern appears to not be sincere, its just maybe you dont realize it becuase vengence has clouded that part of your thinking.. or maybe its that "reverting back to the wild" thing taking over

Actually what you are is irrelevant to the case; there are several professionals, who, importantly, are the decision makers who actually took the time to understand the facts rather arrive at arbitrary conclusions.

[Sprint_girl07]

Klinus I am not assuming that dad is always bad..its just that you are not consistent (I pointed them out before in earlier posts)and seem to care more about yourself and you having your son and keeping him away from her rather than anything else.
Instead of finding ways to get rid of her or scoring points, you should be finding ways in how you both as parents can work together in bringing up this child healthly and that means stop trying to find ways where you can have her in trouble.
Like someone pointed above, you were ok with what she did or how she did it before, but as soon as she seeks shelter, everything she did or doing is illegal or fraud.
For your son's sake...try and go family counseling or something, this would also look good for you in court if you show you are willing to do whats best for your child.

[klinus]

Sprint_girl07:

Actually I did suggest taking him into counselling with each of us (seperately)with the city's family resource center. She refused to participate or even give permission for me to take him there. This is on record with the Court, that I volunteered and she refused (just like I was the one who took him to the Doc for the scabies and insect bite diagnosis and she took him to an emergency room at 1100 pm on Saturday night for a differential diagnosis)

Maybe you are not getting this. I live here, have lived here (In Northern Cal) for the last 12 years and intend to live here until I check out. When the Court says jump, I say how high? When the Court says do not drive w/o a CA license, she promptly breaks the order by driving our child around without one.

[Sprint_girl07]

No offense taken Davdah, and I agree with most of what you say.
The only reason why I am not willing to agree with Klinus and what he is doing, is that he is determined to do whatever it takes for his wife to get into trouble, and possible deportation etc
Every parent should fight for their child, but what he is saying and what he is doing, is getting rather nasty.
I can understand how hurt he feels, but his son is the innocent one out of all this, and neither parent should try and keep the other one away unless of course there is proof of abuse.
It doesn't seem that its the court or any other agency that are trying to keep the child away from their parents, but the parents themselves that are hurting each other and doing what they can to try and stop it.
Klinus needs to rethink and realise that in any divorce there is hurt and pain but what he has to realise is that his wife is the mother of his child, so he should try to work things out to where both have custody and bring the child up together in the same country.
If he was a woman, I would say the same to her.

And I guess being an Immigrant there is always that scare that you can get thrown out of this country, and have to leave the USC child behind. I can imagine how scared she must be.
If she has custody in this country, at least he will be able to visit his child and not far away.

[klinus]

AS Davidah pointed out, I am determined to protect my child.He is also right about how being the shelter allows her to be under the radar.

At this stage of the game, given what I have in terms of my son's custody, and, importantly that I know between when he with me or at the pre-school in my town that he is ok, and the upward trend, I am now indifferent to whether she goes or stays.

For those on the board who accuse me of being inconsistent, recognize that I went from being in legal limbo to where the Court has interceded and ensured that if she wanted to move back to Canada with our son she has nil chances, except of course over my dead body.

Candidly, her initial plan of 100% custody and the child support that comes with it is now history; ain't gonna happen. This would be a great time for her to negotiate. The first thing is that there is no need for him to be in the shelter, since his pre-school, doctor and speech therapy is in my town, 21 miles away from the shelter and she is driving illegally.

Our son IS going to stay in the US; that is not going to change unless I die. I am happy to have her share custody (my initial position)but she has to play by the rules. That means once she gets legal get a job, get a license and cooperate.

Our son has to come out of the shelter (as she will soon). She knows where I am; I don't. The ball is in her court.

Recognize that the nastiness was triggered by her; the shelter, the false child abuse claim, the denied TRO etc. I stayed calm and in the eyes of the Court was the stable parent, which is why I got half time.

The shelter is bad for him; if he is not out soon the nastiness will then start.

[Hudson]

Originally posted by klinus:
Since in his interim order, the judge gave me 3 overnights/week, which went up to half my son's overnights with me. If the Court thought there was even a whiff of child abuse I would have been with supervised custody

In terms of fathers recieving custody of children in their tender years http://www.onlinelawyersource.com/di...ody/index.html

My son cannot speak as we speak. Brainwashing requires him being able to speak; he missed 3 months of speech therapy thanks to loonie twoonie. I don'e need to brainwash him; whether you agree on not he has been through a traumatic situation.

Your link proved part of my point, Llinus. You said it was about a 5% chance for joint physical custody. Your link stated that courts have reconsidered where the child stays. In fact, this is what your link states, "Sole father custody is awarded less often in the United States than sole custody that goes to the mother." What this statement means is that joint sole physical custody of the child, by either parent, is not unusual although sole father custody is less often than sole mother custody. But still, no percentages were made in the link. So, where did you come up with the percentages?

Again, the link gives another of factors, although not all of them. As far as child abuse is concerned, the court is not that quick to restrain one parent over another if it has not been determined. But you were wanting supervised visits where the mother is conerned.