Battered spouse / VAWA

[ProudUSC]

Wow! That sounds very awesome, Klinus! I didn't realize the hearing was today. Sounds like things came out in favor for your son and yourself. So, what's the exe's next steps?

[klinus]

Proud USC:

Not sure what transpired between the Psych and the Judge but my attorney got a call saying time is of essence; we'll do the custody hearing in the next 4 weeks but go for it; Judge was confident letting me do my thing was in my boy's best interests. (Mama taught me not to look a gift horse in the mouth)

The second phase of this project, when my boy goes to 5 days at the special needs school and then home tutored by the sub teacher can only be executed at a home, and not a shelter.

I really have mixed feelings about her. Her game plan was to get sole custody via child abuse and live off the child support. Biggest mistake was to assume that I would roll over, but that's in the past. I cannot and will not trust her with ANY decision regarding my son, though I still believe she should be a part of his life.

She's out of legal options. She doesn't listen to her attorney, first since her church check has run out, second, double birding me in front of the bench, third that her obvious use of him as a pawn leaves her out of options. She may chose to pick him and up and run, but she has only 2 days at the most to cross – by car, without his passport, into Canada and unlikely to happen.

Simba's advice to Scar: Run, scar, run and never come back again.

Honestly I don't know what to do. I would normally have turned to my Church for guidance but....

[ProudUSC]

Honestly I don't know what to do. I would normally have turned to my Church for guidance but....

Klinus,

I guess I'm a bit confused because it sounds like things are going in the right direction for your son? I understand the situation is still very troubling, but what is it that still bothering you?

[klinus]

ProudUSC:

I'm trying to figure out a way for her to be a part of his life while letting me take the lead in managing his care and his future; despite everything that she has done to him, she still is his mother and she has painted herself into a corner.
There are millions of divorced parents who have figured out to parent harmoniously. I would like to be in the same situation, too – for his sake.
Everybody loses in a divorce; I am trying to find a way to minimize the damage to him, Maybe I am just fantasizing.

[ProudUSC]

Klinus,

I understand. You guys would probably benefit from family counseling at some point. She's probably not agreeable to this yet, but maybe later once the dust settles, she'll change her mind. I hope so because your son needs both of you. I think it's very admirable on your part to acknowledge this.

[klinus]

Originally posted by davdah:


One for the good guys. Congrats.


And to Hudson, for doubting.

Oh yes I forgot about the doubting Thomas/ schmuck(or Hudson)

[klinus]

Originally posted by ProudUSC:
Wow! That sounds very awesome, Klinus! I didn't realize the hearing was today. Sounds like things came out in favor for your son and yourself. So, what's the exe's next steps?

Proud USC:

In preparing for the upcoming hearing, I was collecting the emails she sent me since the first custody hearing and am now concerned that she may do something erratic. She figured that she was safe in the shelter until my boy turns 5 in 2 years. I am pretty sure that the shelter, who is not happy about the local DA keeping an eye on the shelter and the heat that the Church took (and continues to take for being "convinced that my son was in imminent danger" and stating so to me in an e-mail that I passed on to the archbishop and 925 journalists that have written at least 2 nasty articles about priest pedophilia, and yes, I made sure that Archie saw the list that it was being e-mailed to ) will toss her out soon. Yes, I know it was a little overkill but...

She has burnt her bridges with her family, I made sure that the color copies that the NAMCE poster of his missing was posted in every part of the world that she had relatives in the world. I have been copied on really nasty emails sent by her to her relatives (s p e r m donor was one memorable quote).

When physical custody will actually be taken away from her is the dangerous time, since she is close enough to the edge that I am genuinely concerned (as is the s**** donor, who I keep in touch with) that she may harm my child.

Jeez what a bloody saga...

[klinus]

Blood may be thicker than water but I am not sure that they will be willing to be accessories in a crime,
The court date will be scheduled on my time when he will be either in school or at my home

[ProudUSC]

Klinus,

I hope for your son's safety that the court date will be scheduled sooner than later. If you fear he is in imminent danger, can't you try and get a temporary restraining order? Did your soon to be ex make any incriminating statements in her emails - something you could use as evidence that your son may be in danger? I'm feeling a sense of urgency on your part and hope you have an emergency plan ready just in case it is warranted.

[klinus]

Originally posted by ProudUSC:
Klinus,

I hope for your son's safety that the court date will be scheduled sooner than later. If you fear he is in imminent danger, can't you try and get a temporary restraining order? Did your soon to be ex make any incriminating statements in her emails - something you could use as evidence that your son may be in danger? I'm feeling a sense of urgency on your part and hope you have an emergency plan ready just in case it is warranted.

I am hoping that she is too thick to read the writing on the wall wrt loss of legal custody (God knows that she has displayed a lot of that),

While the e-mails show toys in the attic there is nothing that indicates anything that she would do a grab and run; he behavior (extending her cell phone contract to 2 years recently etc.) indicates otherwise. I also believe that she is not swift enough to realize that loss of custody of my son translates into homelessness and the s**t will hit the fan when she tries to live in this neighborhood, where, despite the sub-prime crash, entry level housing is $ ¾ Million, and, perversely said crash has actually increased te cost of renting,

Long and short, I think that the pain will start post loss of custody. The good news in that Canada is a signatory to the Hague convention; she will have to drive him; the most time she would have to do that would be Sat evening till Monday morning and if my son is not at his preschool Monday AM they have been instructed to hit the alarm button: finally, the Canadians are a**l about documentation, both in terms of passport and notarized authorization from the non-accompanying parent to transport minors into their Country.

The Court date is 5 weeks from now, which is about as fast as it can get

[ProudUSC]

It sounds like there are few things that could prevent her from fleeing to Canada. You said her family has pretty much cut her off, so who would she flee to? Would her only motive be to disallow you having partial or full custody or your son? Vindictiveness? That's too sad if that's the case.

Please keep us informed. I wish the best of luck for the safety and well-being of your little boy!

[klinus]

Originally posted by ProudUSC:
It sounds like there are few things that could prevent her from fleeing to Canada. You said her family has pretty much cut her off, so who would she flee to? Would her only motive be to disallow you having partial or full custody or your son? Vindictiveness? That's too sad if that's the case.
Canada is the only logical place she would go to; anywhere else that she has relatives I have too and wouldn't need the Hague convention. to get him back so fast her head would spin.

This whole thing was just a badly calculated gamble on her part. The biggest mistake was to assume that just because she was able to con the Church that I have attended for the past 15 years that everything would work like clockwork. Her biggest mistake was that I would sit back and let it happen. Unfortunately, I kept my cool and played everything by the book and came across as the rational parent who did not shoot from the hip and eventually was seen as the parent who was willing to see reality and would work with the system to provide the best care (and, frankly, not cost the State millions of dollars).

Wanting to not let me have him is pure spite; again, unfortunately I made so much noise that this became a high profile case – certainly the first contested divorce case in California involving an (whatever the politically correct term is) alien.

Now – and probably now only she may have figured out what I will do to protect him and realize that if she does anything to harm him the book will be thrown at her.

Its going to be a further 5-6 weeks before the dust settles but trust me I will be watching like a hawk;

Thanks for your concern and support,

Klinus

Please keep us informed. I wish the best of luck for the safety and well-being of your little boy!

[4now]

Originally posted by klinus:
ProudUSC:

I'm trying to figure out a way for her to be a part of his life while letting me take the lead in managing his care and his future; despite everything that she has done to him, she still is his mother and she has painted herself into a corner.
There are millions of divorced parents who have figured out to parent harmoniously. I would like to be in the same situation, too – for his sake.
Everybody loses in a divorce; I am trying to find a way to minimize the damage to him, Maybe I am just fantasizing.

I hope you are genuinely sincere with this statement.. it is the first time I see a glimmer of hope for the child other than the health and caretaking issues that you will expertly provide. this type of healing will allow the two of you to give him a balanced life. I applaud you sir.


Now what s up with that avatar lol

[klinus]

Originally posted by 4now:


I hope you are genuinely sincere with this statement.. it is the first time I see a glimmer of hope for the child other than the health and caretaking issues that you will expertly provide. this type of healing will allow the two of you to give him a balanced life. I applaud you sir.


Now what s up with that avatar lol

Here's the garbage I have to deal with: he had to have a hearing test post ear tube insertion, I knew that. What she did not tell me was when the appointment was until (9;30 last night which destroyed my day. Then she claims that she gave me a copy of the report from the post surgery exam (conducted when she kidnapped my son) and claims that the school district knew about it at a meeting back in September. Only problem is, she made the appointment Dec 14, and the hospital medical records show that the appointment was made then, and so there was no way even the hospital knew about the date of the appointment back in September. Thick as a brick.

Having expressed my frustration., I am genuine about wanting her to play a role in his life, as long as she stays the hell out of my way when I am maneuvering the system to get the most benefit for my little boy; I'm not being manipulative, I just am so much better at it and the Court has recognized that.

The Avatar is Mother from the Wall:

"Hush now baby, baby, dont you cry.
Mother's gonna make all your nightmares come true.
Mother's gonna put all her fears into you.
Mother's gonna shelter you right here under her wing.
She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing and certainly not treated for autism.
Mama will keep baby cozy and warm"

Maybe the new Avatar is more appropriate

[Mrs. B.]

Hi Klinus,

Just as I thought - my husband is an avid Pink Floyd fan. (I've become one too )