Battered spouse / VAWA

[explora]

Men get the unfair part of the deal. I think there's some organizations that have sprung up advocating for the men. Men always get s c r e w e d.

As for my friends that have gotten divorced I can't say, none of us ever got married in the first place.

[Babybeh]

yes men get always screwed I agree with you

[explora]

I've heard some real horror stories as to how the women have cost the man going back into court over and over and the poor man is paying enough already and doesn't even see his child half the time. Feel for those that let the wife have the house so the child would have a nice home and the woman then brings her worthless boyfriend in to live. Poor kids but they see through it although they're scared to take sides against the mother because they fear if they do they'll be pulled away from her and be without both.

[Babybeh]

I know, I have a friend that he has two counts of child support, financially broke,not able to see his kids cuz he has to work his butt two jobs and on top of that on restraining order

[explora]

I've heard of that also and many more stories. It tears these guys up especially when the female is telling the kids how bad the dad is. The kids won't say anything but they know the truth, they can see through it. They're smart enough to see the games the mother's play.

[Babybeh]

YEAH IS JUST THE MATTER OF TIME

[klinus]

Originally posted by ProudUSC:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by davdah:
ProudUSC, part of the problem is the courts usually assume mother knows best. The dad is viewed as merely a source of money and has to fight for anything beyond that. Ask any of your divorced female friends. How many of them in their initial filing agreed to share custody with the dad? The answer, nearly zero. All wanted sole physical/legal custody. Why? Its all about money. The less the dad can see the kids the more money the mom gets.

I agree this isn't fair for the dads. I only have a few divorced female friends. In both cases, shared custody was the decision handed down by the court. I believe kids should have open access to both parents, regardless of how much the parents dislike each other. In Klinus' case, it appears his son is being used as a pawn. That will have lasting, negative effects on him, particularly in light of his medical condition. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
The resaon that I got the initial 50% custody, before knowledge of his medical condition, is her insistence that I abused my little boy, despite 3 credible sources denying abuse (his pre-school, his doctor and the cops)

As far as him being used as a pawn, data shows that autistic spectrum children will become toast if they don't have consistency. I live 5 minutes drive from the special needs school; he has his own bedroom and the same circle of friends. The clothes he wears have only been worn by him; food from a gourmet cook (his Dad). And this is important – discipline since Dad does not have to deal with the other residents of a shelter second –guessing his parenting, The only thing that changes when he is with me is the new mental health provider as we try to fine tune his therapy,

When he is with Mom, there is a 18 mile round trip drive 3 days a week; changing residents of the shelter; different people sharing his bed; communal clothing, An hours drive from the special needs school to the pre-school 2 days a week (he gets there too late for lunch) and a Mom that flatly refuses to let him be treated for his medical condition.

In terms of using my son as a pawn, if she lost partial custody of our son, she would be out on the street; I own my house and am a Citizen. My motivation is not avoidance of child support (I have a business that generates 95% of its income internationally have a very good tax guy) but to ensure that my little boys future is not "would you like fries with your order?". I suspect that the Court is also motivated to ensure to ensure the best interests of the child, and to be biased towards the parent who has (1) demonstrated a recognition pf the problem and has taken the initiative to intervene (2) has enough resources and the bandwidth to be a pain in the a s s to the court and (3) who has, frankly, has enough expert witnesses to demonstrate that his primary custody of the child is likely to minimize the costs to the State for taking care of him,

[ProudUSC]

Just to clarify, Klinus, I wasn't suggesting you were using your son as a pawn. I believe your ex is doing so. I truly wish the best for your little boy. Is she (your ex) getting any form of counseling?

[klinus]

Originally posted by ProudUSC:
Just to clarify, Klinus, I wasn't suggesting you were using your son as a pawn. I believe your ex is doing so. I truly wish the best for your little boy. Is she (your ex) getting any form of counseling?

Hi Proud USC:

I don't believe that you were accusing me of using him as a pawn but there have been a lot of posts on this thread that accused me of Machiavellian behavior. I was simply trying to illustrate the difference in our motivations. He is her meal ticket; mine is to minimize the damage to my boy who I love more than anything else in the world. Plus, when the dust settles she will be history – even if she gets her 10 year card she eventually will have to work and find a place to live and there are people who make the 100 mile commute from Sacramento to Silicon Valley and he is locked into my town because of his special needs. Since almost all of my business is at least 9 hour time zones away I do almost all my work when he is asleep.

The world of special needs children is different from normal children. I went to see a special needs psychologist who taught me how to overcome the knee j e r k instinct to deny problems with your child; with the system, you have to be take the chicken little approach with the system so as to maximize the benefits. I offered t pay for her to talk to said therapist so that she could come to the same point of view. She refused that offer and all other offers of counseling...The short answer is that I don't believe that she is in counseling.

Thi is extremely frustrating. This is much more than merely a green card; this has to do with a disabled child's future. I simply can not and will not allow him to become toast. At this upcoming court hearing, I am paying for the authors of the NIMH article and key experts in Autism to come to the court and make declarations about the need for immediate intervention (the 16" guns).

[ProudUSC]

Hi Klinus,

I wish you the best at the hearing. The most important issue is your son's well being. I wish your ex could understand this. Dealing with a 3 year old autistic child is one thing; but, dealing with a 16-year old autistic child who hasn't been afforded the opportunity to overcome his disability and reach his full potential is quite a different matter.

[klinus]

Originally posted by ProudUSC:
Hi Klinus,

I wish you the best at the hearing. The most important issue is your son's well being. I wish your ex could understand this. Dealing with a 3 year old autistic child is one thing; but, dealing with a 16-year old autistic child who hasn't been afforded the opportunity to overcome his disability and reach his full potential is quite a different matter.

Hi Proud USC:

My son thanks you for the best wishes, Evidently, there must be a God out there despite my skepticism after the local church's behavior (more on that later)

I had taken my son to this psychologist who has a daughter with Asperger's syndrome so as to get a taste of what like would look like for the parent of a ASD child. In the past, she worked in the field of custody and mediation as a private evaluator (when there is a custody case in California, the first stop is Family Court Mediation; when the dispute is highly conflicted and both parties cannot agree to mediation then the evaluator steps in and makes a decision. Finally, even after the evaluation, the special master serves as the referee and has the power to make custody decisions. For a parent, this person can make decisions that completely impact your interaction with your child) special master and as such she has a very strong relationship and a lot of credibility with the Court and this specific judge,

I offered to pay for my soon – to – be ex to meet with the psych so that she could explain how intervention NOW for my boy would make all the difference and she flatly refused with some comment about the "psych being one more of my b i t c h e s" (in an e-mail).

Said psych called the judge and recommended both physical and legal custody (so that she would not have involvement in my sons' care) to me and to give me an ex-parte hearing (next 2 weeks vs. 8 weeks).

This is many ways a tragedy. Our child needs both parents; selfishly, bringing up an ASD child is a full time task. C'est la vie

The priest involved wound up in Nigeria..

[ProudUSC]

I offered to pay for my soon – to – be ex to meet with the psych so that she could explain how intervention NOW for my boy would make all the difference and she flatly refused with some comment about the "psych being one more of my b i t c h e s" (in an e-mail).

I must say your soon-to-be ex is in denial. It is not uncommon for parents of disabled children to go through this stage. One day, a significant event will occur that will open her eyes to reality. Hopefully, that day will come sooner than later; and, hopefully the event will not be catastrophic - just enough to make her see that your son needs a lot of love, support and stability to increase his chances for a productive life. Not going into details, but I am speaking from experience.

Please keep me informed regarding how the hearing goes. I hope the judge's decision is based on what is best for your son. Good luck!

[klinus]

I must say your soon-to-be ex is in denial. It is not uncommon for parents of disabled children to go through this stage. One day, a significant event will occur that will open her eyes to reality. Hopefully, that day will come sooner than later; and, hopefully the event will not be catastrophic - just enough to make her see that your son needs a lot of love, support and stability to increase his chances for a productive life. Not going into details, but I am speaking from experience.

Please keep me informed regarding how the hearing goes. I hope the judge's decision is based on what is best for your son. Good luck![/QUOTE]

The charitable version is that she is in denial. I have to also offer the alternative that once the "abused child" goes to "abusive Dad" 100% of the time the shelter will toss her out.
Thanks to the psych there is a credible, unbiased third party expert who is going to be doing all the talking; she is going to hihglight the stability that I offer and my aggresiveness in getting intervention for him

I will keep you in the loop
Thanks Klinus

[ProudUSC]

I knew I was being a bit charitable - lol! In any event, I wish you and your son the best of luck.

[klinus]

Court granted me sole legal custody which allows me to take him to be formally autism tested w/o her permission. This will be done by RCEB,( The Regional Center of the East Bay that supports persons with developmental disabilities and their families with the tools needed to achieve lives of quality and satisfaction, and builds partnerships that result in inclusive communities.)
Assuming that he is autistic, his special needs district school will take him from 3 hours 3 days a week to 5 days a week from 8:30 – 11:30. After lunch and nap he gets a couple hours home schooling at my house with a substitute teacher from the special needs school working in conjunction with the special needs school.
I think that is reasonable to assume that he has been rescued,
Amen