HELP. Marriage Fraud. Advice Needed.

[foolmeonce]

I am new here. Any and all advice is appreciated.

In March of 2001, I married my boyfriend, an illegal immigrant from europe without any paperwork at the time in a civil ceremony. I married for love -- apparently, based on newfound evidence and realization - he only did it to stay here in the US. His situation was unique. He is able to apply for citizenship after 5 years of marriage. This date is coming up in 1 month.

1 year and 5 months after our initial ceremony, we had a large, beautiful wedding. A relative recently came forward telling me that she caught my husband and my maid of honor (who has been very close to throughout the years) making out in the parking lot.

Additionally, I found out that he had been cheating. I am not sure if it is still going on, though I do suspect it is.

He is buying narcotics online and selling them illegally.

He is currently visiting his home country and returns in 10 days. All of this information came about within the last few days.

There is not intimacy. We have gone through therapy.

We have a 2.5 yr old daughter.

He has been paying for escort services.

The closer his date for citizenship nears, the more secretive and mentally abusive he gets. He has hidden his phone bills, changed passwords.

It is blatantly obvious at this point, that I was played for a fool. I realize my stupidity, so please refrain from blasting me.

The home is in my name. I am the primary caretaker of our child and breadwinner.

He owns guns. He has friends from his country who live here and have access to our home. I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned for us.

I plan to file for annulment or divorce, depending on what the lawyer says, though the annulment seems to be more appropriate in this case.

I need to know if there is anything else I can do to protect myself and my child. I am not looking for revenge -- if he winds up staying here, then so be it, but the fact that he used me for my money and good nature doesn't sit well either.

I am in a bit of a time crunch since he returns in 10 days and I need to do alot of legwork before he returns, as well as the fact that his date for citizenship is in exactly one month.

Any and all help is appreciated. Thanks.

[foolmeonce]

I am new here. Any and all advice is appreciated.

In March of 2001, I married my boyfriend, an illegal immigrant from europe without any paperwork at the time in a civil ceremony. I married for love -- apparently, based on newfound evidence and realization - he only did it to stay here in the US. His situation was unique. He is able to apply for citizenship after 5 years of marriage. This date is coming up in 1 month.

1 year and 5 months after our initial ceremony, we had a large, beautiful wedding. A relative recently came forward telling me that she caught my husband and my maid of honor (who has been very close to throughout the years) making out in the parking lot.

Additionally, I found out that he had been cheating. I am not sure if it is still going on, though I do suspect it is.

He is buying narcotics online and selling them illegally.

He is currently visiting his home country and returns in 10 days. All of this information came about within the last few days.

There is not intimacy. We have gone through therapy.

We have a 2.5 yr old daughter.

He has been paying for escort services.

The closer his date for citizenship nears, the more secretive and mentally abusive he gets. He has hidden his phone bills, changed passwords.

It is blatantly obvious at this point, that I was played for a fool. I realize my stupidity, so please refrain from blasting me.

The home is in my name. I am the primary caretaker of our child and breadwinner.

He owns guns. He has friends from his country who live here and have access to our home. I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned for us.

I plan to file for annulment or divorce, depending on what the lawyer says, though the annulment seems to be more appropriate in this case.

I need to know if there is anything else I can do to protect myself and my child. I am not looking for revenge -- if he winds up staying here, then so be it, but the fact that he used me for my money and good nature doesn't sit well either.

I am in a bit of a time crunch since he returns in 10 days and I need to do alot of legwork before he returns, as well as the fact that his date for citizenship is in exactly one month.

Any and all help is appreciated. Thanks.

[sappyconifer]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by foolmeonce:
I am new here. Any and all advice is appreciated.

In March of 2001, I married my boyfriend, an illegal immigrant from europe without any paperwork at the time in a civil ceremony. I married for love -- apparently, based on newfound evidence and realization - he only did it to stay here in the US. His situation was unique. He is able to apply for citizenship after 5 years of marriage. This date is coming up in 1 month.

1 year and 5 months after our initial ceremony, we had a large, beautiful wedding. A relative recently came forward telling me that she caught my husband and my maid of honor (who has been very close to throughout the years) making out in the parking lot.

Additionally, I found out that he had been cheating. I am not sure if it is still going on, though I do suspect it is.

He is buying narcotics online and selling them illegally.

He is currently visiting his home country and returns in 10 days. All of this information came about within the last few days.

There is not intimacy. We have gone through therapy.

We have a 2.5 yr old daughter.

He has been paying for escort services.

The closer his date for citizenship nears, the more secretive and mentally abusive he gets. He has hidden his phone bills, changed passwords.

It is blatantly obvious at this point, that I was played for a fool. I realize my stupidity, so please refrain from blasting me.

The home is in my name. I am the primary caretaker of our child and breadwinner.

He owns guns. He has friends from his country who live here and have access to our home. I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned for us.

I plan to file for annulment or divorce, depending on what the lawyer says, though the annulment seems to be more appropriate in this case.

I need to know if there is anything else I can do to protect myself and my child. I am not looking for revenge -- if he winds up staying here, then so be it, but the fact that he used me for my money and good nature doesn't sit well either.

I am in a bit of a time crunch since he returns in 10 days and I need to do alot of legwork before he returns, as well as the fact that his date for citizenship is in exactly one month.

Any and all help is appreciated. Thanks. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dubious that an annulment would be heard. On what grounds?

Divorce him, and give your child opportunity to grow up in a positive environment.

[keh]

Are you looking to have him prosecuted or do you just want out of the situation?

Your best bet is to just get out because proving the fraud case would be very difficult, especially since you have a child together. Also, if you even had an inkling that it wasn't a real marriage prior to him getting his green card, you are on the hook for fraud as well.

Good luck escaping this bad situation!

[aneri]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by foolmeonce:
I married for love -- apparently, based on newfound evidence and realization - he only did it to stay here in the US. His situation was unique. He is able to apply for citizenship after 5 years of marriage. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

If you are US citizen and sponsored your husband for green card, he could apply for citizenship 3 years after becoming resident.

Is he applying based on 3 year rule?

Most people who marry for papers leave after getting green card (some even holding only conditional residency). A very few waits 5 years, ...

Did you consider that the marriage was out of love but went wrong somewhere along the road? Many marriages do...

Good luck

[Prof.]

Foolmeonce,

If you seek to stop him from making it to the citizenship goal, then you need to collect any evidence which will bar him from naturalizing. For example, Escort service for *** is an equivalent of prostitution. The smoking gun is his buying of narcotics online, this will probably bring in federal agents, and once he's arrested and charged with use of drugs, he will never become a US citizen and will definitely be deported once he serves his time, this is if he is convicted. 10 days is a lot of time to collect evidence. Also, you should contact your local police station and they will take a police report, and you can tell them when he is coming back from Europe, so that they can get a search warrant and bust him on the day he comes back. He will face many charges, mail fraud, drug possession (if they find some) with the intent to sell, and they can also subpoena his financial records, credit cards (which can show where is buying these drugs), bank statements.

Also, you can turn over any evidence to the local police station of any wrong doing which he's or has committed. Also, make it known to the police officers that he has a gun and you are afraid that he may kill you or harm you and your daughter. Also, make them aware of his bunch of friends, so that you can get a restraint order against all of them, so that they can never come near your house. I can assure you, once he is arrested, they may want to harm you. Also, they are into drugs, because where else will he sells them, without them using drugs?

You can also use this opportunity to go your local USCIS DO, and ask to speak to an immigration officer, and explain your case. This can be done while you have a police report outlining all the charges which you have against him or the govt has against him, and this will definitely intrigue the USCIS who will immediately convene an interview and ask him all of this questions, should he lie, while they have this evidence, he is a toast. Denied and will never ever be in a position to renew his greencard, cause crime of moral turpitude are extremely difficult to overcome.

You can exact your revenge in a masterful manner, but you have to act soon, so that you aren't caught too late. How far is he in the process of naturalization? Search the entire house and find any correspondence that he may be having with the immigration regarding this application. Good luck....

[foolmeonce]

The reason I was thinking annulment is for no other reason than he would not be eligable for half of the marital assets. Again, I am going to talk to my lawyer about this. Also, from what I have been told and have read, the most common reason an annulment is granted in NJ is for just this - an immigrant marrying a citizen soley to stay in this country.

As far as evidence of the drug buying, I have solid evidence...receipts AND a bottle of it, locked in his safe...as well as witnesses.

I am very afraid for my safety and that of my child. Once the fit hits the shan, and if he is arrested, I have no doubt in my mind that his friends and family here will come after me...even if I had restraining orders on THEM...there is no reason they cannot send someone else whom I do NOT know.

I have an appointment with an immigration lawyer in the morning and another with a divorce lawyer 2 days from now.

I will let you all know how it goes.

Prof - THANK YOU for taking the time to give such great advice. I appreciate it.

I just have to think things through carefully...I don't want to act on emotion, nor revenge. My main goal is to ensure the safety of myself and my daughter.

[Prof.]

Foolmeonce,

You are welcome! Please ensure the safety of you and your daughter, and if possible, move to another state. Only if it is feasible, as this will also delay the process of his citizenship by 3 months. This is because you can only have your case adjudicated by a District Office after residing in that state for 3 months. So, for example, if you live in Maryland and applied for N400 in Maryland, but move to Virginia. Virginia can only process your case after your establish 3 months of residency in VA. Also, immigration letters aren't forwarded to your new address, hence you have to fill AR-11 form to notify them of this move. This will force him to change his address, and buy you time to have his nuts busted big time.

Good luck and keep us informed...

Prof

[foolmeonce]

Update: My lawyer said that his ordering drugs online is enough to get him deported. She said to consider every conversation I have as if it is being listened to, I hate this cloak and daggar stuff.

If I can't get the annulment and opt for the divorce, she said I should ask for both child support and alimony. Because he doesn't make enough to pay both (and I dont actually want alimony), she said that I can then say he doesn't have to pay me the alimony, just let me keep the house.

She told me to see if I can have a conversation with him about the drugs. He already knows I was worried about the situation, and has once already told me he was selling them, so it should be easy to bring it up again..only this time I will be recording it - per her advice. Apparently, as long as the person who is doing the recording is one of the parties in the conversation, the recording IS admissible in court.

Then (I and a friend who is rather good with computers) need to access his computer, which is currently with him on vacation, after he gets home. He is usually wiped out from boozing it up while away and always sleeps for at least a day when he gets back...making it easy for us to get into his system.

Then a few days after, I plan to have my parents, maybe a good friend also, come over. I will leave the baby with htm, take him in another room and let him know that I know he cheated on me, I am very unhappy and plan to divorce him. I will give him the choice of signing the papers or being served by the sherriff. Again, this is my lawyer's idea...she is also a former prosecutor. He comes from Europe and strongly values respect. He will see this (hopefully) as me trying to be respectful.

If I just surprise him, I am afraid of what he might do. I also have already 'misplaced' the keys to the gun closet.

Wish me luck.

[Hudson]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by foolmeonce:
I am new here. Any and all advice is appreciated.

1 year and 5 months after our initial ceremony, we had a large, beautiful wedding. A relative recently came forward telling me that she caught my husband and my maid of honor (who has been very close to throughout the years) making out in the parking lot.

Additionally, I found out that he had been cheating. I am not sure if it is still going on, though I do suspect it is.

He is buying narcotics online and selling them illegally.

He is currently visiting his home country and returns in 10 days. All of this information came about within the last few days.

There is not intimacy. We have gone through therapy.

We have a 2.5 yr old daughter.

He has been paying for escort services.

The closer his date for citizenship nears, the more secretive and mentally abusive he gets. He has hidden his phone bills, changed passwords.

It is blatantly obvious at this point, that I was played for a fool. I realize my stupidity, so please refrain from blasting me.

The home is in my name. I am the primary caretaker of our child and breadwinner.

He owns guns. He has friends from his country who live here and have access to our home. I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned for us.

I plan to file for annulment or divorce, depending on what the lawyer says, though the annulment seems to be more appropriate in this case.

I need to know if there is anything else I can do to protect myself and my child. I am not looking for revenge -- if he winds up staying here, then so be it, but the fact that he used me for my money and good nature doesn't sit well either.

I am in a bit of a time crunch since he returns in 10 days and I need to do alot of legwork before he returns, as well as the fact that his date for citizenship is in exactly one month.

Any and all help is appreciated. Thanks. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
1. If your husband is buying illicit drugs via internet or elsewhere, report him immediately to local authorities. Some states have laws that can seize property in and bank accounts if a person is distributing illicit drugs or purchasing illicit drugs. And if you are married at the time the incident happened, then you can lose everything.

2. I do not believe annulment would work, but divorce is a definite possibility. And if your husband is cheating, then the family court would probably grant child support, at least, and monitored visits with the child as well.

3. If your spouse is being abusive, file protective orders when you file for divorce. If he violates those orders, he could be subject to imprisonment. The protective orders could apply to both you and your child.

[Hudson]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by foolmeonce:
Then (I and a friend who is rather good with computers) need to access his computer, which is currently with him on vacation, after he gets home. He is usually wiped out from boozing it up while away and always sleeps for at least a day when he gets back...making it easy for us to get into his system.

Then a few days after, I plan to have my parents, maybe a good friend also, come over. I will leave the baby with htm, take him in another room and let him know that I know he cheated on me, I am very unhappy and plan to divorce him. I will give him the choice of signing the papers or being served by the sherriff. Again, this is my lawyer's idea...she is also a former prosecutor. He comes from Europe and strongly values respect. He will see this (hopefully) as me trying to be respectful.

If I just surprise him, I am afraid of what he might do. I also have already 'misplaced' the keys to the gun closet.

Wish me luck. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
You will need a search warrant to obtain the files on the computer. If you and your friend hack into the computer, this could be inadmissable evidence in any criminal or civil court proceeding. Again, contact the local authorities about the drugs situation and with your attorney to see how much you are at risk for your porperty to be seized. Again, some states have statues that can seize a distributor's property or anyone who is a known associate, which could mean you.

Personally, no matter what you do, I do not think he will value respect. He has already shown no respect to marriage, to you by abusing you, and to himself by purchasing the illicit drugs. I also think the child should not be there and that only your father should be there with you when you give him the notice.

[Prof.]

Foolmeonce,

Good progress on your situation. However, couple of things to consider:

a). Hudson advise falls in line with my earlier advise, involve local police officers IMMEDIATELY. Also, you should STRONGLY consider using ur local FBI unit. FBI loves to bust people using or distributing drugs, and this will be helpful to your case in court.

b). In the State of NJ, recorded conversations are admissable in court, the other party doesn't have to be notified that it is being recorded. So, you can record anyone in NJ, without them be aware. I am sure your attorney must have alluded to this. However, be careful that he doesn't realize that you are recording this conversation. If possible, seduce him and give him some time for a pillow-case talk, and let him unravel all about his dealing. Ask with the curiousity of a wife, who has interest in helping him with the business. He will talk like a little baby. KEY: Ensure that your tape is long enough, and won't stop recording within an earshot.

Foolmeonce, if you plan to have family over, then it will be good to confront him with your decision to divorce privately, but with the assurance that if he becames nuts and try to assult you, someone will call the police. If a man comes from Europe, Asia, Latin America, Africa and even N. America, once he faces the possibility of losing the source of his manipulation, he's bound to lose his focus and might go beserk on you. So, don't count on his level of respect to be a savior for you, have someone at home to be safe.

If you surprise him, there is no way to evaluate what he might do, so why take a chance? The chance that you take might be your last in this life, so why risk it? I'd strongly err on the side of caution, you guys have guns and it could be a deadly situation which we wouldn't want to read about online or in the NY times. I will urge you to involve local police and federal agents in addition to your lawyer, she might have been a prosecutor in the past, but you are the person who is going to face this doosh. So, be mindful of all these facts, but be courageous in your quest for justice and fairness.

Your husband doesn't respect you at all, he's just using you to live her permanently. If he did respect, he will not sell drugs, cheat with other women which could expose you to some vicious disease, some of which there is no cure.

[Kumna]

I am surprised how you can just blame the guy on solely her report. You just have one side of the story. What if there is more to this story?

So you knew your husband was doing all this during the entire marriage and you did not go to the police?

I usually dont make judgement on one side of story.

[Prof.]

Kumna,

Beat it...

If you find yourself in a situation where someone can kill you, are you going to just run away from them and call the police? What do you think will happen to her husband's clients? Revenge....

There are more people who killed on revenge missions by drug dealers friends in the US, because they lose their business and source of drugs. I was reading in the paper about a woman who was shot in VA on Wednesday at a traffic stop, in her car. Single bullet to the head and the killed vanished, around 10pm. Further investigation revealed that this woman was pivotal witness for the prosecutor's quest to send a drug kingpin to jail. All of this happened couple of years ago, maybe 8. So, it was a contract killing.

Unless you are the client of this bozzo...

[Hudson]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by iperson:
I do not understand why you guys are advising this woman to even come close to this guy.
A pillow talk??

This guy needs to be arrested the moment he steps down from the plane. There is enough evidence already without him having to confess on a pillow talk.
The OP mentioned he became emotionally abusive. Such types take things like that in a very bad way.
We don't even know what he might be involved in and what kind of people stand behind him. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
1. It is not a question of pillow talk, IP. If one files for divorce, the respondent must be served. What is attempting to happen is to avoid family court proceedings, which may affect both her and her spouse, be very expensive to her and her family, and to make an equitable solution for all parties. It is also a case of closure for her and her family. It is sad that divorce has to happen, but sometimes it is necessary.
2. Any confrontation should occur with her father present and in a private setting. The child and her mother should be away from the home when the meeting happens. This is the best and simplist way to have rhw divorce finalized and agreed upon. What one must not do is act vengeful no matter what the other spouse has done or has alleged to do.
3. In order for one to be arrasted, one must be charged in accordance with the law. It would require her to divulge secrets that she may not want to and may put her and her child at legal risk.