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  • tricked

    I married a women from a north african country. I met her on the internet. The profile specied no smoking, drinking, and an expectation of a particular life style. I spent well over $20K in legal fees and 2 years to get her here. Boy was I surprised. She was anything but what she represented herself. As soon as she arrived, she was contentious. I asked, what happened to the easy going cooperation attitude that you portrayed, to which she replied 'you think i'm a robot ?'. I knew there would be trouble, but having been married before, and really wanting this to work, i promptly went into denial. Before I could turn around she had me up on domestic abuse charges. I never touched her. She was always trying to provoke me. While in jail, she went and cashed in all my credit lines - I actually trusted her enough to put her names on them, old fool - to the tune of over $30K. Got restraining orders, the whole nine yards. Then i didn't see her for many weeks, when she shows up at work wanting me to help her find a place, because she had no money. Slow learner. Helped her, she quickly got pregnant, and the **** starterd all over again. I am summarizing, leaving out quite a bit. But after much intrigue and pain. She finally got me so upset that she was able to tape me swearing and shouting with the baby in the background. No physical violence, but much verbal abuse. Sooo frustrasted. She kicks me, throws thingas at me, anything to provoke. She blackmailed me with the tape for a while, then finally filed for divorce for the 3rd time. Believe me, it has been a night mare. She played the tape in court in a "JR" momemt, after having cropped off the provocation leading to the outburst. She has had me in and out of jail with her fake spousal abuse charges, always display supercial bruises that are self inflicted, but everyone believes her. She has bankrupted me, lost my home, credit, and good name, but what really did it for me - as if the other was not enough - is the charge of child abuse. She wants complete custody of our child with no visitation rights. She is illigal right now, becauase the INS has so far refuesed her greencard as she lied about be arrested on numerous occaisions. But I am still going through hell with this divorce. I don't know if they will deport her or what, but is this typical? Am I the only one going through this hell ? Is there nothing that can be done? All she has to do is say I hit her, and slap herself with a belt or something, and it because fact. Is there no protection for US citizens. I have to mention that before she came, I was model citizen, never in trouble, married before but no violence, and she arrives with a lying tongue, and suddenly I become Charles Manson.

  • #2
    I married a women from a north african country. I met her on the internet. The profile specied no smoking, drinking, and an expectation of a particular life style. I spent well over $20K in legal fees and 2 years to get her here. Boy was I surprised. She was anything but what she represented herself. As soon as she arrived, she was contentious. I asked, what happened to the easy going cooperation attitude that you portrayed, to which she replied 'you think i'm a robot ?'. I knew there would be trouble, but having been married before, and really wanting this to work, i promptly went into denial. Before I could turn around she had me up on domestic abuse charges. I never touched her. She was always trying to provoke me. While in jail, she went and cashed in all my credit lines - I actually trusted her enough to put her names on them, old fool - to the tune of over $30K. Got restraining orders, the whole nine yards. Then i didn't see her for many weeks, when she shows up at work wanting me to help her find a place, because she had no money. Slow learner. Helped her, she quickly got pregnant, and the **** starterd all over again. I am summarizing, leaving out quite a bit. But after much intrigue and pain. She finally got me so upset that she was able to tape me swearing and shouting with the baby in the background. No physical violence, but much verbal abuse. Sooo frustrasted. She kicks me, throws thingas at me, anything to provoke. She blackmailed me with the tape for a while, then finally filed for divorce for the 3rd time. Believe me, it has been a night mare. She played the tape in court in a "JR" momemt, after having cropped off the provocation leading to the outburst. She has had me in and out of jail with her fake spousal abuse charges, always display supercial bruises that are self inflicted, but everyone believes her. She has bankrupted me, lost my home, credit, and good name, but what really did it for me - as if the other was not enough - is the charge of child abuse. She wants complete custody of our child with no visitation rights. She is illigal right now, becauase the INS has so far refuesed her greencard as she lied about be arrested on numerous occaisions. But I am still going through hell with this divorce. I don't know if they will deport her or what, but is this typical? Am I the only one going through this hell ? Is there nothing that can be done? All she has to do is say I hit her, and slap herself with a belt or something, and it because fact. Is there no protection for US citizens. I have to mention that before she came, I was model citizen, never in trouble, married before but no violence, and she arrives with a lying tongue, and suddenly I become Charles Manson.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi distraught

      Who's the slow learner... u or her

      Morrocan right

      I dont quite understand why USCIS wont give her the green card???? Did u have the interview and case approved? What do u mean. she has been arrested before and didnt tell them?

      Is the child yours?

      Few more accurate facts and timelines please

      Comment


      • #4
        Distraught,

        I think what you need is to face the music for your actions. I am a male, but trust me, there is no excuse for violence against women. "she touched my hot buttons" is a typical excuse for spousal abusers.

        Anyway, that's my two cents. If you want to come back to your situation of a normal citzen again, the starting point would be to admit your responsibility for the mess you are dealing with right now. Once you do that, you will have a clearer vision and identify appropriate actions to take.

        I am from West Africa and spent quite of time in North Africa. Of course I can not generalize, but the few girls I met there were awesome. At least, that was my experience.

        Comment


        • #5
          Kumna--There are cheats of both sexes in any country. Distraught may be at fault or not, but it's just as likely that he married an opportunist, as he says. There are women who are abusers as well, so don't be sexist and assume that it's always men at fault.

          Comment


          • #6
            Aliba, you are right. Abuse is independent of ***. However, I smell a rat in the statements made by Distraught. Remember, it takes two to tango. All I am asking of him is to take some responsibility in this trouble. Based on what I have read, it seems like everything the girl did was wrong and everything he did was because she pushed his buttons. Sounds like not facing the music to me. I am a biliever of continuous improvement because no matter what you do, you will screw up sooner or later. What count is to learn from the situation and try to improve yourself so that you dont find yourself in the same type of mess again. Far from blaming him, I am actually helping him to find some answers from within instead of constantly pointing fingers. I hope my help reaches him, because I believe he needs it.

            Comment


            • #7
              I agree Distraught has a lot of responsibility. It's also a good lesson in international and cross-cultural relationships to take a lot of time getting to know each other up close and personal, and not to rely on internet and telephone communications. Even then, there's no guarantee.

              Comment

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