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Tough Life

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  • Tough Life

    I have learnt that marriage across cultures is very punishing. On top of the list is marriage to Americans. Though you benefit by staying here, you toil and suffer and pander to their bottomless stomachs and endless spending then when you try to leave the prospects of alimony are left hanging over your head. What kind of life is this? Show me one good American-foreigner couple and I will show you 3 American opportunists exploiting a poor immigrant who thinks they are loved!

  • #2
    Oh, please! Cry me a river! If you are that upset about this, why don't you go back to your home country and let your spouse try to collect the alimony long distance? I am sorry things did not work out for you, but to make this kind of broad claim, projecting out your own experience, does not do justice to all of the good, happy American-Immigrant couples out there.

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    • #3
      I dont know why Guest is so defensive. Please argue on the facts, and going back home is not a solution because the facts still remain. Maybe tell the spouse I have gone home, go for a month or two then return in another state. Whats sickening is just the fact that I have seen many people suffer, period. Everyone know what am saying is true.

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      • #4
        I'm not defensive, just offended. I am not married to an immigrant myself, nor am I an immigrant married to an American, but I know plenty of happy couples that are. I am here to tell you that in my experience, what you are saying is NOT true; the system is not all about Americans "exploiting" immigrants for their personal gain, any more than it is all about immigrants marrying just to get immigration benefits (although that obviously does happen, and is more likely to be true than some organized plot by americans to "take advantage" of immigrants this way). The truth is, while there is no doubt some abuse on both sides, this part of the system is MOSTLY about couples who happen to come from two different countries and want to be together. Alot of times, things don't work out. But that is no reason to take your personal experience and project it out onto the rest of the world; instead, just recognize that you got into a raw deal, and then DEAL WITH IT.

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        • #5
          OK I will deal with it, on your advice. I dont know what you mean when you say RAW DEAL. This was not a deal, it was just a spouse cum opportunist who jumped on a hapless individual maybe on the basis that they were immigrants. I did not blanketly condemn all Americans because on the contrary, Americans are a very good people, allowing us to come here, embracing us and protecting us so much, much unlike anywhere else the world over. My point was just to put out an alert for fellow immigrants to watch out before getting with them, coz its not as rossy as it looks. Its a perfect catch 22, while it lasts.

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          • #6
            OK, fair enough. And it may very well be the case that you got taken for a ride here; I don't know you or the facts well enough to say, but it sounds like you loved your spouse and they had a different agenda (given your comments about spending, it sounds like an unfortunately materialistic agenda). That's what I meant by saying you got a "raw deal"; that you were treated poorly and unfairly.

            And although I cannot agree that all immigrant-american marriages are doomed to end with an exploited and unhappy immigrant, your experience is, no doubt, a good cautionary tale. There is no question that, at the end of the day, what OUGHT to drive marriage-based immigration from both sides is whether or not the two people love each other enough to get married. Unfortunately, the way our immigration laws work now, it usually gets more complicated. In light of your experience, maybe both sides need to be extra careful, recognizing that the immigration aspects tend to exert undue pressure to marry, and also that there are plenty of legal, emotional, and financial consequences to getting married beyond just immigration.

            Again, in your case, you seem to have loved your spouse, so that advice would not necessarily have helped. But your note just set me off a little because you made a broad statement to the effect that ALL immigrant-american marriages are doomed to be unhappy and result in the immigrant being "taken advantage of." I just could not agree or let that go by without a challenge.

            As far as "dealing with it," for what it is worth, my advice is don't let the divorce drag out too long. If your marriage is truly over, you need to cut your losses and move on as soon as possible. And, despite my crack about you going home, don't pull the trick about pretending to leave and coming back; it won't end up working, and will just get you in trouble over the long haul. If you are legally obligated to pay alimony, then pay it (although it is perfectly fair to fight for the lowest possible amount in court).

            You should defintely seek out the advice of a good divorce attorney. However, keep in mind that often in these situations, a "bad" settlement is better than fighting it out to a "good" result in a lengthy court fight, because the "good" result is usually not much better and the difference is not worth the time, energy, and attorney fees you put into it.

            At any rate, however things work out, good luck.

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            • #7
              That portrays you better,more balanced and rational than the rantining and rattling you set off earlier.

              Thanks for the parting shot, looks well thought out.

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              • #8
                I don't see how anybody can say a US citizen took advantage of a Immigrant, So far i have spent over $3000.00 hard earned dollars to visit and file all the necessary documents. When she is finally here, she won't be able to work for quite some time, so i will still have to support her. Do i care, No! Why? Because i love her!

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                • #9
                  Am not being jeoulus or anything, but you will know whether she loves you when she gets here and is free like a bird and she decides to still be with you. At this time, of course she still has to cling on to you coz shes not independent. Thats how life is. Thats how the word stepping-stone was coined.

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                  • #10
                    Misery,

                    I agree with Patrick ..my husband is the same, why I'm here? Because I love him and he spend so much money now because he want me to be with him.

                    You're wrong if you think that after everything settled (or approved GC), the immigrants will fly away from the USC. Not everyone are like that, as for me, I leave my career, my new house, my new car and my beloved family back home just because I want to be with my husband. I'm a career woman, I have a superbly good job at my country. I feel so hopeless here since I cannot work but I will be patience. I know I can work soon and then I will be happy to help my husband and share equal to him. So please, don't think that way coz' every individual have unique situation. For the time being, I'm glad that I'm with my husband and proud that there are two ppl from two different worlds can be together under one roof and make an interesting life .

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                    • #11
                      I see we have 2 genuine cases in this country.

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                      • #12
                        Yes xx, My wife is an accountant in her country. She owns her house, and is middleclass as far as finances go. Of course none of this matters to us. She is giving it all up to come to this country in hopes of starting over with someone who absolutely adores her and cherishes her love. Yes, we will endure some hardships due to 1 paycheck and 2 people. But i know in my heart that she loves me and i love her.
                        I do understand there are people out there who would take advantage of someone, and there is a need to be careful. But, life is a chance!

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                        • #13
                          Marry a low life American. That's it.

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                          • #14
                            My life has never been more exciting and I have never been more happy. I fell in love with a woman not from the USA. She is the center of my world. And that world could be here in the USA or in Europe where she is from. It does not matter where we live. In fact, we are planning on moving back to Europe in 10 years or so.

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