As you may have noticed, it's 2020. I don't have high hopes that this year will be any better than the last, at least in terms of immigration and asylum, but I do have some predictions for what to expect in the coming annum. While I am no Joan Quigley, I do expect that at least some of my prognostications will come true. If so, remember, you heard it here first. And now, without further ado, here are ten predictions for 2020--

1. All asylum grant letters will now feature a photo of Donald Trump giving you the finger.

2. Every 36 hours, USCIS will issue an updated version of form I-589. The new form will be exactly the same as the old form, except for the edition date. Old versions of the form will not be accepted.

3. Having re-written The New Collosus, Ken Cuccinelli will set to work on other popular pieces of Americana: America, the Beautiful will be changed to America the Brutal Is Full. Hail to the Chief becomes Sieg Heil to the Chief. And My Country Tis of Thee will become My country, Muslim free, Sweet land for whites only, Of thee I sing.

4. The Board of Immigration Appeals will be replaced by the 1985 Chicago Bears defense.

5. The abbreviation EAD will be changed from "Employment Authorization Document" to "Employment Americans Detest." The new EAD will only allow non-citizens to work in jobs that Americans won't do, such as picking watermelons, washing old people, and serving in the Trump Administration.

6. The Correction Corporation of America will issue a new child-friendly cage. Each cage will be equipped with a tin cup for drinking, a week's supply of gruel, and a doll to play with--Oliver for boys and Annie for girls.

7. To better track aliens in the U.S., the Trump Administration will require all non-citizens to tattoo their A-number to their forearm.

8. Continuing a trend from last year, in 2020, I-589 forms will be rejected unless all boxes are filled. If there is no answer to a question, you must write "n/a". If "n/a" is not written correctly, the form will be rejected. Incorrect versions of "n/a" include "N/a", "n\a", "NA", and "n/a".

9. The wait time for an asylum-pending EAD will be increased to one year. After sending the receipt, biometric letter, and approval letter to your correct address, USCIS will mail the card to the wrong address. After it is returned by the post office, you can re-file and start the process over again.

10. In 2020, the fee for asylum will be $50.00. But fear not. For those who do not have the money, the new form I-666 allows USCIS to harvest your organs in lieu of payment. You really didn't need that extra kidney anyway, did you?

So that's it. As you can see, it looks like 2020 is shaping up to be a banner year for immigrants and for us all. On the bright side, it's already January 7th. That means we only have 359 days left to go...

Originally posted on the Asylumist: