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Thread: I need help :(

  1. #1
    Guest
    Im in a big mess. About a lil more then a year ago i married my friend who was from pakistan out of the goodness of my heart. I loved him and i thought i did a noble thing for him so he could stay in the US. Now a year later, ive come to find that both of us got into having affairs and started lying to eachother, we fought and he treated me more like a blood relative/big brother then a lover!..i naturally do not do those things, but since he has started doing it, i started seeing somebody else and now im madly in love with another man and his family wants us to marry! I left my husbands after an abusive fight we had and i hadnt been there for almost 6 months. He got his conditional green card and we passed the' interview
    I want to file for divorce but i dont even know where he is now and i know for sure he will NOT sign the papers and i am scared to death to appear in court ( since the same thing happend to my parents) Is there any way that i can divorce him without him signing? I seen websites in Nevada that offer quick ones. I dont want it to take no 6 months to a year, I as a USC think i have more rights then this! Hes made me feel that im responsible for his staying in the US but it should be the other way around! He is responsible for me and has done barely anything, and says that since i left to stay with my bf and his family that they are RESPONSIBLE for me now. WHAT DO I DO? Does anybody have any feedback or answers? If my bf family find out im married they will throw me out and ill lose my bf forever..and if i go after my husband, his family and our friends will hate me, and im probably going to end up homeless Any feedback, suggestions, advice is more then appreciated. I cannot afford expensive lawyers and courts, but if theres any websites i can use would be good, but im hoping they wont scam me!

  2. #2
    Guest
    Im in a big mess. About a lil more then a year ago i married my friend who was from pakistan out of the goodness of my heart. I loved him and i thought i did a noble thing for him so he could stay in the US. Now a year later, ive come to find that both of us got into having affairs and started lying to eachother, we fought and he treated me more like a blood relative/big brother then a lover!..i naturally do not do those things, but since he has started doing it, i started seeing somebody else and now im madly in love with another man and his family wants us to marry! I left my husbands after an abusive fight we had and i hadnt been there for almost 6 months. He got his conditional green card and we passed the' interview
    I want to file for divorce but i dont even know where he is now and i know for sure he will NOT sign the papers and i am scared to death to appear in court ( since the same thing happend to my parents) Is there any way that i can divorce him without him signing? I seen websites in Nevada that offer quick ones. I dont want it to take no 6 months to a year, I as a USC think i have more rights then this! Hes made me feel that im responsible for his staying in the US but it should be the other way around! He is responsible for me and has done barely anything, and says that since i left to stay with my bf and his family that they are RESPONSIBLE for me now. WHAT DO I DO? Does anybody have any feedback or answers? If my bf family find out im married they will throw me out and ill lose my bf forever..and if i go after my husband, his family and our friends will hate me, and im probably going to end up homeless Any feedback, suggestions, advice is more then appreciated. I cannot afford expensive lawyers and courts, but if theres any websites i can use would be good, but im hoping they wont scam me!

  3. #3
    Guest
    "If my bf family find out im married they will throw me out and ill lose my bf forever..and if i go after my husband, his family and our friends will hate me, and im probably going to end up homeless"

    Honey, this sentence says it all. Number one - you have got to make choices based on what is the right and honest thing to do. That means, 1) tell your boyfriend you are married and stop using him and his family as a safety net - find out if there is real love between you based on reality and not on lies; 2) don't "go after" your husband as you yourself say you married him with full intent and knowing the whole situation up front; 3) straighten out your own actions and behavior by doing the right thing for the right reasons. Then and only then will you lose the weight that is on your shoulders and stop feeling closed in and trapped. One step at a time, you have got to start taking responsibility for your actions and clean up your life. If you have to move in with a girlfriend or share an apt with a roommate to save money in the interim it is a much healthier way to live than to take advantage of your boyfriends family and basically act helpless, dependent on either them or your husband. Find your self-respect and work your way out of this mess - then you will truly have acted nobly.

    Good luck

  4. #4
    Guest
    You can get divorced without the other party "signing papers" etc. It may become contested and take a little longer, but it's possible.

    The way you describe your marriage, it doesn't seem to be a bona fida marriage and if BCIS finds out about any of this, you can go to jail for 10 yrs. and/or fined 50K.

  5. #5
    Guest
    Its malissah again
    Well many do not know the complete story of it, so you could judge me and say its all my fault that i had gotten into this mess, but i know deep down in my heart i truly love the new man i met because he treats me with dignity, respect and loyalty. We are compatible in every way even i get sick frequently because of all this anxiety and stress and he helps me thru it, and since i can be a difficult person, he understands me and he also knows im MARRIED. But- we kept it from his family. He believes that we are made for each other. On the other hand the husband put me down on a daily basis, critcized me and played manipulative games, therefore he would give me gifts and act extra sweet afterward to confuse me. We never even made love or went out together.It was like i was like,his daughter. Did i made a sacrifise, and is this is what i deserve in the long run? I feel that if he wants to stay in this country he can do it without me, why should i be responsible for his status when he was here for 6+ years working on H1B and applied for green card but his visa expired before his card would even reach his residence. So what was i to do, i couldnt just stand there and watch him cry? So i dont think of myself as a bad guy in this. All i asked for was some simple advice on how to find a lawyer or paralegal that maybe able to help all of us. My parents went thru a painful divorce and i do not want to experience it myself but if i dont do something i will lose the man that i do love, and just in case you got the wrong idea they are not keeping me here for safety, in fact we talked of buying a house Together but theres nothing we can do as long as my marriage is still in effect. Perhaps its gods punishment on me. But as ive said before if anyone knows who i should talk to about this (BESIDES A THERAPIST AND A COUNSELOR..BEEN THERE DONE THAT)!pLEase HelP! Btw yes im very young

  6. #6
    Guest
    By the way Cliff, its my word against his right.? Im the USC here, i didnt marry him for MONEY, Luxury or any other purpose then love. We passed the interview with flying colors because ive known him for 3 years before marriage! It went bad, yes, and i dont have the proper funding to end the marriage because ive been separated from him and trying to make ends meet on my own without any of his help. Im just staying at my boyfriends family's home i dont think thats a CRIME. Many Americans do This!And as for prison, well id rather be there then back in that bad situation!

  7. #7
    Guest
    If you are the US citizen why did you write the "Will I Get Deported" post earlier? Sammy gave you a very lengthy answer for what sounds like a fabricated question.

  8. #8
    Guest
    oh LOL sorry about that..my girl friend uses this id, i forgot my password so she told me to use her name temporarily until i get it back Sorry for the mix up friends. Ahh chaos!
    -Malissah

  9. #9
    Guest
    Thanks for the explanantion - I was getting a headache trying to figure it out!

    And didn't mean to come across as shaming you earlier; I am a lot older than you (45) and have made MANY mistakes for which I have paid dearly. I would love to have had the chance for a few do-overs, so am just giving advice based on hard-earned experience. I have learned that it is ALWAYS better to make hard choices for the right reasons and be able to sleep at night knowing you were honest with everyone. I realy do wish you all the best with your situation.

  10. #10
    Guest
    Yeah sometimes i feel like giving up because its so hard and so timely, You are the same age as my mum, and she tells me the same thing as you did in the reply. IM really scared and i dont know what to do, i want to do the right thing, but affecting everyone in a negative way is really going to hurt the outcome and i am a good hearted person and i hate to hurt people,thats why im struggling in this decision because in the end i may find myself alone wondering why did it all happen? Its been causing a lot of sickness, depression, headaches you name it, even suicidal feelings. I think to myself why should i go thru all of this for someone else just so they can settle happily, while my life is in chaos. I know that,in some cases, ppl (not all ..dont quote me on that ) can "use" a USC to stay and thereafter marry another girl from there country so that their new "wife" can be with them. Im no positive thats whats going to happen in my situation, but maybe theres gotta be another way where we can all be at peace. How to find it..well maybe in time
    Thanks for your reply Lurker Bless ya Friend

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