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Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: BROKEN HEART AND CONFUSED.

  1. #1
    I have been married for 5 years. Life with my husband wasn't so bad at the beginning eventhought he doesn't have a driver license for almost 10 years now. I came to this country 4 years ago and first thing I did was to applied for a driver license and been sending my husband and picking him up from work for a few years. And later on I have to stop because I have a son.
    English was my second language and I'm still learning to improves my English as my first language now. At times I went to pick my husband up from work and have no idea where I was going on the freeway but Thank God with many prayers I was there to pick him up everyday. My parents are divorce and I was the oldest in the family with 2 step siblings. I wasn't treated very well by my stepfather and neither from my own mother. All she cares was the man that paid the bills. And it was very unfortunately it wasn't my father. I was treated so bad by my mother. She careless about myself and I end up got rape,molested by neighbor, and bla bla. I went to work at a very young age. I met my husband in United States for a documentry shoot in 1997 when I was here for 2 weeks job. After a year we met by accident on the computer and there is how our love story begun. We believe our meeting was faithed by God.I tried very hard to get a job but unfortunately it wasn't succesful in the United States. But later on manage to be a freelance translator for 6 different languages for a few translation companies in United States. I'm a house wife, doing cleaning, cooking, taking care of my son and one more on the way. And also working from home as a interpreter/translator. I don't earn that much as a freelcancer but I tried saving every penny for future. And I have no complaint about my freelance job. I'm very heart broken, bitter about the way how my husband treating me.
    He always complains about how Asian women threat their man with humble,kind and bla bla.
    He always mentioned that I'm not one of those humble asian women that treats her man right.
    I used not to drink at all until my husband told me in the face that I'm boring. So I thought it will be nice to learn drinking a little bit. And I did keep him company with drinking once a week. But at times I just can't keep drinking once a week because I just don't enjoy doing it at all. It is hard to be drunk and have to wake up in the middle of the night for my son and with no helps,no relatives and friends around me to support. My husband is an alcoholic, mean and unapperciative person. I believe marriage is for better or worse. With this second pregnancy I'm always sick amd my husband always take off drinking with his brother and it just kills me.
    At times my husband was so mean. Calling me ****, ***** or spiting on my face. The best part he was born and raised in a family of 8 borthers and sisters, parents are married for 50 years.
    He was an alter boy. And I can't believe I'm not marrying a good man. I guess I was blind. I'm affaid of having this second baby because I remember when I had my first child, no one was there to help me. And my husband wasn't so nice either, all he did was sitting on his favourite websites for hours and I end up bleeding for months and have to get a shot to stop the bleeding. I do not want to make the same mistake my parents did. I believe with many prayers and tolerent with help someday. But it seems that someday haven't arrive. Don't know what to do next. Can't kill myself. That too easy and it will be bitter for my kids to grow up all alone.
    My husband treatened me to take my kids away if I file for legal separation.And with no job and money I will defetnetly lose the case. He has it all, the house, the money,the cars, the boat and a career. I'm waiting to be a US citizen by this October. I don't want to but I have to for the sake of my kids and their education. The best school in the world is United States. I won't let anything jepodise my kids education. I thought I have done many wonderful things for my husband by moving to United States,converting into catholic
    for the good of our family and I don't party.
    I asked my husband if he cheated on me before because he sounds weird, but he said no.
    I don't want to file a divorce, I really do want this relationship to work but I need to teach him a lesson so he won't take me for granted in the future.What should I do?

    PLEASE GIVE ME AN ADVICE.
    Thank You.

  2. #2
    I have been married for 5 years. Life with my husband wasn't so bad at the beginning eventhought he doesn't have a driver license for almost 10 years now. I came to this country 4 years ago and first thing I did was to applied for a driver license and been sending my husband and picking him up from work for a few years. And later on I have to stop because I have a son.
    English was my second language and I'm still learning to improves my English as my first language now. At times I went to pick my husband up from work and have no idea where I was going on the freeway but Thank God with many prayers I was there to pick him up everyday. My parents are divorce and I was the oldest in the family with 2 step siblings. I wasn't treated very well by my stepfather and neither from my own mother. All she cares was the man that paid the bills. And it was very unfortunately it wasn't my father. I was treated so bad by my mother. She careless about myself and I end up got rape,molested by neighbor, and bla bla. I went to work at a very young age. I met my husband in United States for a documentry shoot in 1997 when I was here for 2 weeks job. After a year we met by accident on the computer and there is how our love story begun. We believe our meeting was faithed by God.I tried very hard to get a job but unfortunately it wasn't succesful in the United States. But later on manage to be a freelance translator for 6 different languages for a few translation companies in United States. I'm a house wife, doing cleaning, cooking, taking care of my son and one more on the way. And also working from home as a interpreter/translator. I don't earn that much as a freelcancer but I tried saving every penny for future. And I have no complaint about my freelance job. I'm very heart broken, bitter about the way how my husband treating me.
    He always complains about how Asian women threat their man with humble,kind and bla bla.
    He always mentioned that I'm not one of those humble asian women that treats her man right.
    I used not to drink at all until my husband told me in the face that I'm boring. So I thought it will be nice to learn drinking a little bit. And I did keep him company with drinking once a week. But at times I just can't keep drinking once a week because I just don't enjoy doing it at all. It is hard to be drunk and have to wake up in the middle of the night for my son and with no helps,no relatives and friends around me to support. My husband is an alcoholic, mean and unapperciative person. I believe marriage is for better or worse. With this second pregnancy I'm always sick amd my husband always take off drinking with his brother and it just kills me.
    At times my husband was so mean. Calling me ****, ***** or spiting on my face. The best part he was born and raised in a family of 8 borthers and sisters, parents are married for 50 years.
    He was an alter boy. And I can't believe I'm not marrying a good man. I guess I was blind. I'm affaid of having this second baby because I remember when I had my first child, no one was there to help me. And my husband wasn't so nice either, all he did was sitting on his favourite websites for hours and I end up bleeding for months and have to get a shot to stop the bleeding. I do not want to make the same mistake my parents did. I believe with many prayers and tolerent with help someday. But it seems that someday haven't arrive. Don't know what to do next. Can't kill myself. That too easy and it will be bitter for my kids to grow up all alone.
    My husband treatened me to take my kids away if I file for legal separation.And with no job and money I will defetnetly lose the case. He has it all, the house, the money,the cars, the boat and a career. I'm waiting to be a US citizen by this October. I don't want to but I have to for the sake of my kids and their education. The best school in the world is United States. I won't let anything jepodise my kids education. I thought I have done many wonderful things for my husband by moving to United States,converting into catholic
    for the good of our family and I don't party.
    I asked my husband if he cheated on me before because he sounds weird, but he said no.
    I don't want to file a divorce, I really do want this relationship to work but I need to teach him a lesson so he won't take me for granted in the future.What should I do?

    PLEASE GIVE ME AN ADVICE.
    Thank You.

  3. #3
    - thou shalt not kill

    Don't punish yourself and the child for your husband's deeds or to "teach him a lesson"!

  4. #4
    Guest
    There are always choices.

    No. 1 - To stay and face whatever you're facing now.

    No. 2 - To get out of it...but its not easy....so my advice, make yourself better....get any opportunity such as further your study or enhance your 'skills' now. Language interpreter actually can get money if they know how to sell themselves.

    I can see that you lack of confident of yourself. Don't think that way...everyone is unique. So....don't feel down. Don't make someone else make you feel DOWN!!! Keep your chin up.

    What make you feel trap is because you don't have secured job or finance. So thats the key....try to get that first.

    To have a successful career and to make other ppl see you is to be POSITIVE yourself. So always remind yourself that YOU CAN DO....I hope you can see something that you have such as you said you have multilanguange skills!!! You don't know how much valuable of it, so go into the website...search and search how you can relate your skills to make a better life.

    The key words...never blame things around you to make yourself MAKE FORWARD. Trust me, once you gain your confidence...other ppl will respect you, thats include your husband

    Have a nice day.

  5. #5
    Get a secured job first! Then wait till you become a USC, and after that divorce him!! They'll give you the kids cause you'll have secure job by then, and you'll be a USC. And even leave the same state as your husband is in now. Indeed...maybe I would considering moving back to your home country. Not US schools are the best, don't you think that. Why do you think so many asian kids to well at high school?Because MOST OF THEM came from Asia and finished most of their education there. And tell your husband, how you're getting really tired of what he's doing, and it won't be good to him if you get mad at him once! Tell him, if he says that asian woman treat their asian husband much better than you...tell him, that it's because their asian husbands are working hard, and not drinkink all the time, and loves their family. Tell them, that's the only difference between asian husbands and white ones...tell him, if he did what asian people did, he would have had a better life with you. Good luck, whish you the best, and take care!


    Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

  6. #6
    You speak several languages so it is not hard to get a good job for you. If you need job help send details at bizagentusa@yahoo.com
    May be you will be able to get help in job search. In case you could send your Resume, it will be better. I will talk to the person responsible in there to help you.
    Good luck.

  7. #7
    There are some really kind and thoughtful people who frequent this board.

  8. #8
    Guest
    If you speak several languages, then you can probably find a very good job. It would be best to find a job before you separate from your husband, but if that's not possible, then you still need to get away from him. You can get help from the government or from women's groups to get back on your feet. They may even help you look for a good job. I would say the best thing is to just separate from your husband for now before considering divorce. Maybe the thought of actually losing you and his children will spur him to want to change his ways. Try to get him to go to family counseling with you. You can probably get a lot of help from your church with counseling. It sounds from your post like you have a strong faith in God. Continue to pray. Marriage is hard, especially when you are from two cultures. It is harder too see eye to eye because you grew up in different worlds, but there is a reason why God brought you together, even if you don't know it.

  9. #9
    You can get help from the government, is this the same government you can't stand unless it benefits you right ????

  10. #10
    Guest
    THERE ARE WOMENS' CRISIS CENTERS IN EVERY METROPOLITAN AREA. YOU SHOULD CONSULT WITH THEM. IF THINGS GET TOO BAD AND YOU CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE THEY CAN HELP YOU IN A SAFE PLACE WITH YOUR KIDS AND HAVE PEOPLE THAT CAN HELP YOU OR REFER YOU TO WHO CAN HELP WITH ANY LEGAL ISSUES (CUSTODY, IMMIGRATION, SAFEHOUSE, ETC.) UNTIL YOU MAKE THE DECISION THAT YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH THINGS WILL CONTINUE THE SAME. I WENT THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION AND MY BOYFRIEND WAS NOT WILLING TO SEEK COUNSELING. MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND WILL!!

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