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Thread: US husband with a Russian wife who cheated

  1. #1
    I have been married to a Ukranian woman with a conditional green card for a year and a half. I began dating her a month before we got married. Here's the story of my dilemma: A month after dating, I found out that she might be deported because her work visa was expiring. I was told that the only way she could remain in the US would be to get married. So, I offered. She said she'd have to think about it. I kept offering, just to keep her here in Arkansas. She explained that she did not want her first ever marriage to be to acquire a green card. I believed her. I proposed to her on a mountaintop on a fall evening, and she hesitantly said "yes". Hesistant because she knew we would be "rolling the dice" as far as our marriage working out (since we didn't know each other that well). I agreed that it would be a gamble, but assured her that I WOULD BE GOING INTO THE MARRIAGE AS A COMMITTED HUSBAND. She said she would try as well, but said that she couldn't really say the words "I love you" since she hadn't gotten over a previous engagement with a millionaire that she had dated before me (this relationship ended a month before we met). I said that I understood. But, since I had been cheated on by my first wife, I said this: "If, at any time, if you are drawn to another man, all that I ask is that you tell me BEFORE anything happens." She agreed to do this. So, we got married. Three months into the marriage, our intimacy level began to tank. She binge drinks heavily (to the point of passing out at bars), complained that there wasn't enough money and that I should "get another job", lost two jobs and spent 7 months of our year and a half marriage unemployed, went on 2 vacations a week apart (knowing that we would have to borrow the money for her to travel), and quit a job 5 days before I could refinance my home (I needed the refi to have enough money to get us totally out of debt. She was on the application and this loss of job got the app rejected). Her reason for quitting the job: "I just don't like it anymore". Anyway, to make a long story short, my intimacy level for her dropped severely. I thought it might be physical, since I am 57 and she is 31. I got a checkup and several problems with my health popped up. I felt so guilty for this and so bad for her, and this compounded my problem. Guilt plus health plus stress made my desire for her plummet. On three occasions, she told me she was not happy because of this. Last October, she completely forgot my birthday. I got no Christmas present, either. And nothing on Valentine's Day (not even a card). And then April 7th of this year she announced she wanted out. I told her that I understood, that she needed to be desired, but that I wanted us to continue to try. She said she didn't want to. So, she began to stay out late each night, and sometimes didn't come home at all. I thought she was just "partying" with girlfriends to try to clear her head. I never brought up any objection. Until, on one night, I called her best girlfriend to find out if my wife was with her. She said: "You're putting me in a spot". Bells and whistles went off in my head. The adrenaline slammed my brain hard. Then, and only then, at that moment, did I suspect her of cheating. I confronted her that Tuesday morning at 2 a.m. when she finally came home, and denied any cheating. It took me 15 minutes of firm demanding before she admitted an affair. I kicked her out of the house that night. She stayed with friends until just recently, getting her own apartment. I found out that she had been HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR A MONTH. And she continues to see this boy. They are "a couple" and are seen in public regularly.

    I have had private therapy over my intimacy issues since I kicked her out. I have found out that my concerns over my health were justified: I have onset of Parkinson's Disease, and this, along with the other factors mentioned above, caused a libido problem. A *** therapist also told me that, subconsciously, I was angry over her selfishness (money, partying, not working, etc.) and, blocking this reality out of my thoughts, caused more libido decrease. There was a time, I will admit, that I wanted out as well. She can be a bully at times to get what she wants.

    So, I've kicked her out of the house, had her cellphone taken out of my name, demanded that she pay her bills, and been very strict with her. I do not answer her phone calls because they are never about an apology from her ... she always wants me to do something for her. She wrote me a note once that said "I screwed up. Sorry if I caused you any pain", and that's it!!!

    Now to my question: I don't know whether to do the honorable thing and stay in a paper marriage with her for over a year so that she can file her I-750 for permanent green card. I told her that I would, unless I meet someone else and she has a STRONG objection to it. I reminded her that she broke our agreement from the night I proposed ... that she tell me BEFORE she has an affair. She didn't argue this point. I want to file for a divorce on the grounds of adultery. I know that she can file the I-751 by herself and prove that the marriage was entered into good faith, then provide all the documents. But ... I'm not sure anymore if this was the case. I'm now thinking that she was going to make an effort toward an honest marriage until things didn't meet her requirements. (And, by the way, she only told me she loved me twice in our year and a half marriage). She admitted to me about a week before I caught her cheating that she thought our marriage was "a weight around her neck, pulling her down", that she had envisioned herself at 32 with two kids and a great job (this was the first SOBER mention of kids I ever heard!!). And, lack of money.

    I cannot fake a paper marriage. It won't fly anyway since phone records will show our separation. She still gets mail at my home, but doesn't pick it up. We still have joint accounts and her personal loans that I cosigned for (gulp). I know that she's contacted her immigration lawyer over the I-751. I'm hoping she'll apply for it by herself, SINCE I WILL NOT LIE TO THE FEDERAL GOVERMENT.

    My friends, I think I want to send her back to the Ukraine. Part of this is a feeling of revenge. Part of this is a feeling of betrayal. If SHE files for divorce and applies for the waiver on her conditional green card, what can I do to send her back to her homeland? I know this sounds mean, but this is the way I feel. Anyone else had a similar problem like this? I would appreciate any advice.

  2. #2
    I have been married to a Ukranian woman with a conditional green card for a year and a half. I began dating her a month before we got married. Here's the story of my dilemma: A month after dating, I found out that she might be deported because her work visa was expiring. I was told that the only way she could remain in the US would be to get married. So, I offered. She said she'd have to think about it. I kept offering, just to keep her here in Arkansas. She explained that she did not want her first ever marriage to be to acquire a green card. I believed her. I proposed to her on a mountaintop on a fall evening, and she hesitantly said "yes". Hesistant because she knew we would be "rolling the dice" as far as our marriage working out (since we didn't know each other that well). I agreed that it would be a gamble, but assured her that I WOULD BE GOING INTO THE MARRIAGE AS A COMMITTED HUSBAND. She said she would try as well, but said that she couldn't really say the words "I love you" since she hadn't gotten over a previous engagement with a millionaire that she had dated before me (this relationship ended a month before we met). I said that I understood. But, since I had been cheated on by my first wife, I said this: "If, at any time, if you are drawn to another man, all that I ask is that you tell me BEFORE anything happens." She agreed to do this. So, we got married. Three months into the marriage, our intimacy level began to tank. She binge drinks heavily (to the point of passing out at bars), complained that there wasn't enough money and that I should "get another job", lost two jobs and spent 7 months of our year and a half marriage unemployed, went on 2 vacations a week apart (knowing that we would have to borrow the money for her to travel), and quit a job 5 days before I could refinance my home (I needed the refi to have enough money to get us totally out of debt. She was on the application and this loss of job got the app rejected). Her reason for quitting the job: "I just don't like it anymore". Anyway, to make a long story short, my intimacy level for her dropped severely. I thought it might be physical, since I am 57 and she is 31. I got a checkup and several problems with my health popped up. I felt so guilty for this and so bad for her, and this compounded my problem. Guilt plus health plus stress made my desire for her plummet. On three occasions, she told me she was not happy because of this. Last October, she completely forgot my birthday. I got no Christmas present, either. And nothing on Valentine's Day (not even a card). And then April 7th of this year she announced she wanted out. I told her that I understood, that she needed to be desired, but that I wanted us to continue to try. She said she didn't want to. So, she began to stay out late each night, and sometimes didn't come home at all. I thought she was just "partying" with girlfriends to try to clear her head. I never brought up any objection. Until, on one night, I called her best girlfriend to find out if my wife was with her. She said: "You're putting me in a spot". Bells and whistles went off in my head. The adrenaline slammed my brain hard. Then, and only then, at that moment, did I suspect her of cheating. I confronted her that Tuesday morning at 2 a.m. when she finally came home, and denied any cheating. It took me 15 minutes of firm demanding before she admitted an affair. I kicked her out of the house that night. She stayed with friends until just recently, getting her own apartment. I found out that she had been HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR A MONTH. And she continues to see this boy. They are "a couple" and are seen in public regularly.

    I have had private therapy over my intimacy issues since I kicked her out. I have found out that my concerns over my health were justified: I have onset of Parkinson's Disease, and this, along with the other factors mentioned above, caused a libido problem. A *** therapist also told me that, subconsciously, I was angry over her selfishness (money, partying, not working, etc.) and, blocking this reality out of my thoughts, caused more libido decrease. There was a time, I will admit, that I wanted out as well. She can be a bully at times to get what she wants.

    So, I've kicked her out of the house, had her cellphone taken out of my name, demanded that she pay her bills, and been very strict with her. I do not answer her phone calls because they are never about an apology from her ... she always wants me to do something for her. She wrote me a note once that said "I screwed up. Sorry if I caused you any pain", and that's it!!!

    Now to my question: I don't know whether to do the honorable thing and stay in a paper marriage with her for over a year so that she can file her I-750 for permanent green card. I told her that I would, unless I meet someone else and she has a STRONG objection to it. I reminded her that she broke our agreement from the night I proposed ... that she tell me BEFORE she has an affair. She didn't argue this point. I want to file for a divorce on the grounds of adultery. I know that she can file the I-751 by herself and prove that the marriage was entered into good faith, then provide all the documents. But ... I'm not sure anymore if this was the case. I'm now thinking that she was going to make an effort toward an honest marriage until things didn't meet her requirements. (And, by the way, she only told me she loved me twice in our year and a half marriage). She admitted to me about a week before I caught her cheating that she thought our marriage was "a weight around her neck, pulling her down", that she had envisioned herself at 32 with two kids and a great job (this was the first SOBER mention of kids I ever heard!!). And, lack of money.

    I cannot fake a paper marriage. It won't fly anyway since phone records will show our separation. She still gets mail at my home, but doesn't pick it up. We still have joint accounts and her personal loans that I cosigned for (gulp). I know that she's contacted her immigration lawyer over the I-751. I'm hoping she'll apply for it by herself, SINCE I WILL NOT LIE TO THE FEDERAL GOVERMENT.

    My friends, I think I want to send her back to the Ukraine. Part of this is a feeling of revenge. Part of this is a feeling of betrayal. If SHE files for divorce and applies for the waiver on her conditional green card, what can I do to send her back to her homeland? I know this sounds mean, but this is the way I feel. Anyone else had a similar problem like this? I would appreciate any advice.

  3. #3
    You Got Dooped!!!

    Most USC Are not Aware Of The Manipulating Ability's From Afar! Far Different From The Normal Tactics Here In USA! Born In A different Place, Lifestyle, Mindset!!! Without The Experience There Is No ammunition To Fight Back!!! Once You Experience It, It Is Too Late!!!
    Answer = You Protect You!!! Everything You Do From This Point On Is YOU!!! Be Careful In Close proximity to The Other, It was Never You!!! . They Caught You In The settle Down mode, Not The Have fun and Kick Em to The curb Mode!!!
    USC and Legal, Honest Immigrant Alike Must Fight Against Those That Deceive and Disrupt A Place Of Desirability! All Are Victims of Fraud, Both USC and Honest Immigrant Alike! The bad can and does make it more difficult for the good! Be careful who y

  4. #4
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by radiopob:
    I have been married to a Ukranian woman with a conditional green card for a year and a half. I began dating her a month before we got married. Here's the story of my dilemma: A month after dating, I found out that she might be deported because her work visa was expiring. I was told that the only way she could remain in the US would be to get married. So, I offered. She said she'd have to think about it. I kept offering, just to keep her here in Arkansas. She explained that she did not want her first ever marriage to be to acquire a green card. I believed her. I proposed to her on a mountaintop on a fall evening, and she hesitantly said "yes". Hesistant because she knew we would be "rolling the dice" as far as our marriage working out (since we didn't know each other that well). I agreed that it would be a gamble, but assured her that I WOULD BE GOING INTO THE MARRIAGE AS A COMMITTED HUSBAND. She said she would try as well, but said that she couldn't really say the words "I love you" since she hadn't gotten over a previous engagement with a millionaire that she had dated before me (this relationship ended a month before we met). I said that I understood. But, since I had been cheated on by my first wife, I said this: "If, at any time, if you are drawn to another man, all that I ask is that you tell me BEFORE anything happens." She agreed to do this. So, we got married. Three months into the marriage, our intimacy level began to tank. She binge drinks heavily (to the point of passing out at bars), complained that there wasn't enough money and that I should "get another job", lost two jobs and spent 7 months of our year and a half marriage unemployed, went on 2 vacations a week apart (knowing that we would have to borrow the money for her to travel), and quit a job 5 days before I could refinance my home (I needed the refi to have enough money to get us totally out of debt. She was on the application and this loss of job got the app rejected). Her reason for quitting the job: "I just don't like it anymore". Anyway, to make a long story short, my intimacy level for her dropped severely. I thought it might be physical, since I am 57 and she is 31. I got a checkup and several problems with my health popped up. I felt so guilty for this and so bad for her, and this compounded my problem. Guilt plus health plus stress made my desire for her plummet. On three occasions, she told me she was not happy because of this. Last October, she completely forgot my birthday. I got no Christmas present, either. And nothing on Valentine's Day (not even a card). And then April 7th of this year she announced she wanted out. I told her that I understood, that she needed to be desired, but that I wanted us to continue to try. She said she didn't want to. So, she began to stay out late each night, and sometimes didn't come home at all. I thought she was just "partying" with girlfriends to try to clear her head. I never brought up any objection. Until, on one night, I called her best girlfriend to find out if my wife was with her. She said: "You're putting me in a spot". Bells and whistles went off in my head. The adrenaline slammed my brain hard. Then, and only then, at that moment, did I suspect her of cheating. I confronted her that Tuesday morning at 2 a.m. when she finally came home, and denied any cheating. It took me 15 minutes of firm demanding before she admitted an affair. I kicked her out of the house that night. She stayed with friends until just recently, getting her own apartment. I found out that she had been HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR A MONTH. And she continues to see this boy. They are "a couple" and are seen in public regularly.

    I have had private therapy over my intimacy issues since I kicked her out. I have found out that my concerns over my health were justified: I have onset of Parkinson's Disease, and this, along with the other factors mentioned above, caused a libido problem. A *** therapist also told me that, subconsciously, I was angry over her selfishness (money, partying, not working, etc.) and, blocking this reality out of my thoughts, caused more libido decrease. There was a time, I will admit, that I wanted out as well. She can be a bully at times to get what she wants.

    So, I've kicked her out of the house, had her cellphone taken out of my name, demanded that she pay her bills, and been very strict with her. I do not answer her phone calls because they are never about an apology from her ... she always wants me to do something for her. She wrote me a note once that said "I screwed up. Sorry if I caused you any pain", and that's it!!!

    Now to my question: I don't know whether to do the honorable thing and stay in a paper marriage with her for over a year so that she can file her I-750 for permanent green card. I told her that I would, unless I meet someone else and she has a STRONG objection to it. I reminded her that she broke our agreement from the night I proposed ... that she tell me BEFORE she has an affair. She didn't argue this point. I want to file for a divorce on the grounds of adultery. I know that she can file the I-751 by herself and prove that the marriage was entered into good faith, then provide all the documents. But ... I'm not sure anymore if this was the case. I'm now thinking that she was going to make an effort toward an honest marriage until things didn't meet her requirements. (And, by the way, she only told me she loved me twice in our year and a half marriage). She admitted to me about a week before I caught her cheating that she thought our marriage was "a weight around her neck, pulling her down", that she had envisioned herself at 32 with two kids and a great job (this was the first SOBER mention of kids I ever heard!!). And, lack of money.

    I cannot fake a paper marriage. It won't fly anyway since phone records will show our separation. She still gets mail at my home, but doesn't pick it up. We still have joint accounts and her personal loans that I cosigned for (gulp). I know that she's contacted her immigration lawyer over the I-751. I'm hoping she'll apply for it by herself, SINCE I WILL NOT LIE TO THE FEDERAL GOVERMENT.

    My friends, I think I want to send her back to the Ukraine. Part of this is a feeling of revenge. Part of this is a feeling of betrayal. If SHE files for divorce and applies for the waiver on her conditional green card, what can I do to send her back to her homeland? I know this sounds mean, but this is the way I feel. Anyone else had a similar problem like this? I would appreciate any advice. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

    ADHERE TO THE ADVICE AND WORDS YOU RECEIVE! Your Choice! Thousands Upon Thousands just Like you!!!
    USC and Legal, Honest Immigrant Alike Must Fight Against Those That Deceive and Disrupt A Place Of Desirability! All Are Victims of Fraud, Both USC and Honest Immigrant Alike! The bad can and does make it more difficult for the good! Be careful who y

  5. #5
    But I DO THINK that she entered into the marriage "in good faith". She DID NOT enter into it, as the marriage vows say, "for better or for worse"

  6. #6


    WAKE UP!!!

    Burn that B I T C *. Guaranteed She will get You If You Don't!!!
    USC and Legal, Honest Immigrant Alike Must Fight Against Those That Deceive and Disrupt A Place Of Desirability! All Are Victims of Fraud, Both USC and Honest Immigrant Alike! The bad can and does make it more difficult for the good! Be careful who y

  7. #7
    It is not enough to get a divorce. You must get an annullment based on marriage fraud for immigration purposes and to seek monetary damages for pain and suffering and attorneys fees. A 26 year old age difference is nothing. You should get the annullment and go to my website below to return to the motherland for a new beautiful wife. You may PM me for more info on my experience; I have been there. Do yourself a favor and get rid of her IMMEDIATELY !!!

  8. #8
    If you really wanted to get her kicked out of the country you could go forward to ICE and make a statement to the effect that you knew it was a sham marriage from the begining that might set the wheels of deportation in motion but u would take some licks too I imagine.

  9. #9
    You need to decide what to do. But, from your narrative, you will have a tough time showing USCIS, not ICE, that the marriage was not entered into in good faith. She resisted at first and your narrative supports her. It was you that insisted. Unless she was very clever, the marriage appears legit. It was you who convinced her. However, it is her responsibility to prove that to USCIS. You should not lie, but the errors are yours. Marriage to a woman who was not in love with you, cosigning loans and phones, etc.

    Mistakes all round, but I doubt if, given the narrative above, USCIS will deny. The denial could only be on the fact that the marriage was just a trial to see if something would work out.

    Don't do anything for her, but just tell the truth and let USCIS sort it out.

  10. #10
    I agree with you, Federale. Sound reasoning on your part. I do not want to lie to any government entity, nor do I want to deny her due process. In Arkansas, there are only 5 or 6 selections for reasons of divorce, one of which is adultery. If I am the one who files for divorce, will adultery on her part be scrutinezed by INS?

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