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Thread: 42 Reasons Why I Hate Lawyer - A MUST READ

  1. #1
    <span class="ev_code_RED">Jim originally wrote this column because, in his words, "The *******s from the bar make it harder than it needs to be." His column struck a few chords outside the industry; it was picked up and read on the most powerful radio station in America "˘ WGN (720 AM). </span>

    42 Reasons Why I Hate Lawyers
    by Jim Olsztynski

    Wait'll you hear about the lawyer who billed a client for
    the time spent having *** together!

    1) Because University of Texas finance professor Stephen
    Magee has calculated that each U.S. lawyer drains the economy
    of an average of $1 million a year in productivity.

    2) Because the U.S. harbored 748,028 creatures of the bar as
    of 1990, according to the American Bar Association.

    3) Because if Magee is right, those leeches now **** some
    three-quarters of a trillion dollars out of our economy annually.

    4) Because the emotional turmoil caused by all those lawyers
    is every bit as costly as the economic toll.

    5) Because the ABA expects there to be, ouch, a million lawyers
    by 2000.

    6) Because the U.S. had one lawyer for every 350 people, while in
    Japan it's only one for every 9,000.

    7) Because most lawyers are very smart people who would have
    made superb teachers, engineers, craftsmen, etc., had they only
    decided to be productive members of society.

    8) Because there is no limit to the lies, deceit and character
    assassination that can be rationalized by a lawyer under the
    excuse of zealously representing a client's interests.

    9) Because those are the best tactics to use when the client is
    a scumbag.

    10) Because it is possible to use plain English and still achieve
    the precision required for unambiguous laws. Lawyers torture our
    magnificent language merely to differentiate them from us.

    11) Because lawyers casually toss around Latin terms memorized
    by rote, but how many have ever learned to decline a Latin noun?

    12) Because the bar always lobbies to squash legal reforms.

    13) Because the bar always wins.

    14) Because when a lawyer achieves success, it usually means
    that someone else got shafted.

    15) Because most politicians come from the ranks of lawyers.

    16) Because lawyers bill by the house and they keep track of the time.

    17) Because lawyers appeal to our worst instincts.

    18) Because rampant litigation has given rise to de facto tyranny
    as people hesitate to speak their minds or engage in innocent activities
    that may leave them vulnerable to a lawsuit.

    19) Because the ACLU should take an interest in this but instead
    spends most of its time these days championing causes that are
    ridiculous or offensive.

    20) Because what reason is there not to file frivolous lawsuit if
    an attorney is willing to work on contingency?

    21) Because there are an estimated 6 million laws on the books
    in this country "” yet only 10 Commandments.

    22) Because I'm from Chicago, home of the best justice money can buy.

    23) Because the "Operation Greylord" federal investigation of Chicago
    courts during the 1980s ended with bribery convictions of dozens of
    judges and lawyers.

    24) Because anyone familiar with Chicago courts knows that Greylord
    nailed only a fraction of the offenders.

    25) Because a lawyer in Illinois was found to have billed a divorce
    client for time spent having *** with her! (An Appellate Court made
    him refund that part of the fee.)

    26) Because that same lawyer as later appointed to the Illinois
    Supreme Court's Committee on Character and Fitness!!

    27) Because the Client's Security Fund, set up by the Illinois and
    Chicago bar associations to provide up to $10,000 in compensation
    to people defrauded by their lawyers, went broke from paying out

    28) Because lawyers react like vampires to a crucifix whenever it's
    suggested their profession ought to be policed by outsiders.

    29) Because "psychic stress" is one of the hottest new grounds
    for litigation.

    30) Because these "victimization" gambits have turned us into a
    nation of whining neurotics.

    31) Because when New York's CEO Club sponsored its
    "Honest Lawyer Contest" last year, no attorneys qualified.

    32) Because it was a serious contest.

    33) Because they extended the contest deadline from July 1
    to October 31, and still couldn't find a winner!

    34) Because lawyer's professional ethics say nothing about
    right and wrong, fairness and unfairness, justice and injustice
    "” only about striving to win.

    35) Because as a result, the best lawyers get hired by the worst

    36) Because the legal profession regards such amorality as a
    lofty principle.

    37) Because lawyers are as responsible as anyone for the
    worker's comp problems described on page 48.

    38) Because lawyers are responsible as anyone for our nation's
    economic problems.

    39) Because malpractice is at least as common in law as in
    medicine but far fewer perpetrators ever get called to account.

    40) Because I'm sick of seeing vanity license plates with some
    variation of LWYR or ATTRNY or CNSLR.

    41) Because it takes monumental gall to brag about it.

    42) Because I feel guilty about a youthful indiscretion that had
    me considering law school after I scored in the 90th percentile
    on the LSAT. In the end I decided to earn an honest living.

    Do not think for a moment that I have run out of reasons.
    I merely ran out of room.


    You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

  2. #2
    You people need to realize that all of this lawyer bashing is actually making me seriously consider going into immigration law just to prove you all wrong.
    "I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. " - Thomas Jefferson

  3. #3
    Not really too far off from the truth! gotta Live it, see it, experience it to Truly Believe it!!! Actually i Wish We Could Get some Devoted, Loyal, Honest, Integrety, Lawyers here????

    You Are definately Smart Enough JC. what Do Ya say?????
    USC and Legal, Honest Immigrant Alike Must Fight Against Those That Deceive and Disrupt A Place Of Desirability! All Are Victims of Fraud, Both USC and Honest Immigrant Alike! The bad can and does make it more difficult for the good! Be careful who y

  4. #4
    ---Start of the session

    if "ACT" = "Integrity" And "Act" = "Honesty" And "Act" = "Morality" then
    Profession = "Not Invented"
    else if
    "ACT" = "Dishonesty" or "ACT" = "Manipulation" or "ACT" = "Twisting The Truth" or "ACT" = "Deception" or "ACT" = "Lying" then
    Profession = "For sure LAWYER"
    end if

    **end of session

    You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.

  5. #5
    Immigration lawyers are 1000 times worse than any other type of lawyer. This is because immigration lawyers only deal with the CIS. Therefore, in order to survive as an immigration lawyer they must appease, and get along with the CIS.

    This dichotomy is the exact recipe for a conflict of interest. If the lawyer should fight too hard for a client that the CIS deems undesirable, that lawyer will then be punished by the CIS. The lawyer then becomes non-effective. Therefore, the smart immigration lawyer will not push too hard on your behalf, but he will still extract as much of your money as possible, making sure you're totaly broke by deportation day.

  6. #6
    Well here are a few reasons why we need lawyers:

    Ă‚"˘Sleeping Pills -- Caution: May make you drowsy.

    Ă‚"˘Lighters -- Contents flammable.

    Ă‚"˘Dog Shampoo -- The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

    Ă‚"˘Shampoo -- Intended for use on hair only -- not eyes.

    Ă‚"˘Stroller -- Remove infant before folding for storage.

    Ă‚"˘Curling Iron -- Not for internal use.

    Ă‚"˘Microwave Oven -- Do not use for drying pets.

    Ă‚"˘Child's Playhouse -- This is not a toy.

    Ă‚"˘Toilet Bowl Cleaning Brush -- Do not use orally.

    On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.
    (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

    On a bag of sweets: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

    On a bar of Soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)

    On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!)

    On a dessert: Do not turn upside down. *printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)

    On a Pudding packet: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )

    On packaging for an iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

    On Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

    On a sleep medicine: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

    On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)

    On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space? Or underground?)

    On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

    On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.
    (Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Thats a bit too hard for me..)

    On a child's superman costume:
    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

    Ă‚"˘King Size Mattress -- Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.

    Ă‚"˘Can of Insecticide -- This spray is harmful to insects.

    Ă‚"˘Firecrackers -- Do not light while holding in mouth.

    Ă‚"˘Fat-Free Potato Chips -- May cause **** leakage.

    Ă‚"˘Peanut Butter -- Warning: May contain nuts.

    Ă‚"˘TV Dinner -- Remove plastic wrap cover before eating.

    Ă‚"˘Batteries -- Do not swallow. C or D batteries may cause choking.

    Ă‚"˘.22-Caliber Rifle -- May cause injury or death.

    Ă‚"˘Hardware Store Rotary Drill -- This product not intended for dental purposes.

    Ă‚"˘Hemorrhoid Suppositories -- Remove aluminum wrapping before insertion.

    Ă‚"˘Disposable Diapers -- Dispose of after use.

    Ă‚"˘Electric Cattle Prod -- For use on animals only.

    or on the alternator belt, "please shut off engine before installing."

    If you think about it, there are only two possibilities why warning labels such as those listed above exist: one would be stupid enough to try it and second, would want that free money for their own stupidity.
    "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

  7. #7
    Hudson, I think I just fell a little in love with you.

    The whole of life is but a moment of time. It is our duty, therefore to use it, not to misuse it - Plutarch

  8. #8
    Im telling!! and go to bed now girl !lol
    God Bless America - God Bless Immigrants - God Bless Poor Misguided Souls Too

    National Domestic Violence Hotline:
    1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.

  9. #9
    Originally posted by Sprint_girl07:
    Im telling!! and go to bed now girl !lol
    Heh. 10 years of marriage and you think he's not dealt with it before? LOL.

    And yes, I should. I'm preparing for my KISS concert in advance. I've not ever actually been to a concert before. OK, so just one. I saw a free Jimmy Barnes concert in the park once. Tyler was about 2 years old and slept through the entire thing.
    The whole of life is but a moment of time. It is our duty, therefore to use it, not to misuse it - Plutarch

  10. #10
    Everyone hates lawyers - until they need one.

    Lawyers are the guardians of freedom and liberty.

    90th percentile on the LSAT would not quaify for admission to any respectable law school.

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