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Thread: Not sure what to do

  1. #1
    Hi.
    Please don't take this as if I'm trying defraud someone into marriage. He's not sure what to do and neither am I but we just want to try and make things work.
    I am a J-2 overstay. I have 2 children. I have been with my boyfriend since 2003 and we would like to get married but are not sure what to do. He lives and works in a different state, I own a home in a different state.
    We are going to get married regardless but I am scared of when if I begin to file. I know one of the requirements is that we live together. He used to live in my state but his job moved him to a different state then he was laid off and while he was there he found another job.
    So does that mean I have to sell the house in order to meet the requirement of 'being married'? He doesn't want to quit his job because he feels that is unfair because his job pays well and he is scared that with the way things are, if he leaves there and tries to come back to my state and find a job that he won't be making as much anymore and he knows that he needs to be able to support me and the children (they're not his). But on the other hand he doesn't wan't me to sell the house because he says it's an investment and that the market is bad anyway.
    Basically after we get married, my spouse and I will not be able to live together for a while but I don't know how long that will be. How bad is this? I really do want to marry him.

  2. #2
    Hi.
    Please don't take this as if I'm trying defraud someone into marriage. He's not sure what to do and neither am I but we just want to try and make things work.
    I am a J-2 overstay. I have 2 children. I have been with my boyfriend since 2003 and we would like to get married but are not sure what to do. He lives and works in a different state, I own a home in a different state.
    We are going to get married regardless but I am scared of when if I begin to file. I know one of the requirements is that we live together. He used to live in my state but his job moved him to a different state then he was laid off and while he was there he found another job.
    So does that mean I have to sell the house in order to meet the requirement of 'being married'? He doesn't want to quit his job because he feels that is unfair because his job pays well and he is scared that with the way things are, if he leaves there and tries to come back to my state and find a job that he won't be making as much anymore and he knows that he needs to be able to support me and the children (they're not his). But on the other hand he doesn't wan't me to sell the house because he says it's an investment and that the market is bad anyway.
    Basically after we get married, my spouse and I will not be able to live together for a while but I don't know how long that will be. How bad is this? I really do want to marry him.

  3. #3
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Peacepod:
    Hi.
    Please don't take this as if I'm trying defraud someone into marriage. He's not sure what to do and neither am I but we just want to try and make things work.
    I am a J-2 overstay. I have 2 children. I have been with my boyfriend since 2003 and we would like to get married but are not sure what to do. He lives and works in a different state, I own a home in a different state.
    We are going to get married regardless but I am scared of when if I begin to file. I know one of the requirements is that we live together. He used to live in my state but his job moved him to a different state then he was laid off and while he was there he found another job.
    So does that mean I have to sell the house in order to meet the requirement of 'being married'? He doesn't want to quit his job because he feels that is unfair because his job pays well and he is scared that with the way things are, if he leaves there and tries to come back to my state and find a job that he won't be making as much anymore and he knows that he needs to be able to support me and the children (they're not his). But on the other hand he doesn't wan't me to sell the house because he says it's an investment and that the market is bad anyway.
    Basically after we get married, my spouse and I will not be able to live together for a while but I don't know how long that will be. How bad is this? I really do want to marry him. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

    first you have to worry if getting married to your BF who'se living on another state if the relationship will work. Because this is your whole life.

    If you really love him and He loves you...
    Nobody can stop you from doing so.. unless
    your still married to yours kids Father.You need
    to file a divorce first if thats the case.

    Worry more on the effects on how your relationship will work out when you two doesn't live together.How deep is your love for each other. Is this the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with ? or vice versa. Do I know him to well? If answer is yes... Go for it!

    Regardless of what immigration will say.
    There's always a place for two people in love.

  4. #4
    Hi Peace pod, I am an Alien (Greencard holder) married to a USC truck driver, I dont tknow if this helps, but he spends his life out on the road, I probably only saw him for about 8 weeks out of last year.

    The main thing is to have joint accounts, Utility Bills in both names, insurances, does he come home to you regularly, make notes of these days, keep receipts etc.,

    Hope this helps, best of luck.

  5. #5
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by speed_025:

    first you have to worry if getting married to your BF who'se living on another state if the relationship will work. Because this is your whole life.

    If you really love him and He loves you...
    Nobody can stop you from doing so.. unless
    your still married to yours kids Father.You need
    to file a divorce first if thats the case.

    Worry more on the effects on how your relationship will work out when you two doesn't live together.How deep is your love for each other. Is this the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with ? or vice versa. Do I know him to well? If answer is yes... Go for it!

    Regardless of what immigration will say.
    There's always a place for two people in love. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Thanx.
    I wasn't married to the children's father.
    We definately have worked out something that works for us for the past 5 years. My friends think I'm crazy to still love him with him living away from me, but hey it's not their relationship.
    We most certainly will probably get married. This wil just probably be one of those things to work out as the time comes, I guess.

  6. #6
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Jake01:
    Hi Peace pod, I am an Alien (Greencard holder) married to a USC truck driver, I dont tknow if this helps, but he spends his life out on the road, I probably only saw him for about 8 weeks out of last year.

    The main thing is to have joint accounts, Utility Bills in both names, insurances, does he come home to you regularly, make notes of these days, keep receipts etc.,

    Hope this helps, best of luck. </div></BLOCKQUOTE> Thank you. That's definately helpful. Yes he usually travels to me if not once a month, then at least once every 2 months, since he knows it's harder to travel for me with the kids.
    He hates flying tho and so usually drives. He used to travel to me every 2 weeks back when he first moved there and I managed a visit here and there but it just wasn't easy to keep up so we decided neither of us was going to die if we didn't see each other every 2 weeks, lol.

    wow 8 weeks in a year. ok I guess it's not so bad.

  7. #7
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Peacepod:
    I wasn't married to the children's father.
    We definately have worked out something that works for us for the past 5 years. My friends think I'm crazy to still love him with him living away from me, but hey it's not their relationship.
    We most certainly will probably get married. This wil just probably be one of those things to work out as the time comes, I guess. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

    As far as immigration is concern ...
    since you two knew each other since 2003
    I don't think there's a problem either.

    Like what Jake said.. just have all your
    proof and documents ready.

    Good luck to both of you.

  8. #8
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Peacepod:
    Hi.
    Please don't take this as if I'm trying defraud someone into marriage. He's not sure what to do and neither am I but we just want to try and make things work.
    I am a J-2 overstay. I have 2 children. I have been with my boyfriend since 2003 and we would like to get married but are not sure what to do. He lives and works in a different state, I own a home in a different state.
    We are going to get married regardless but I am scared of when if I begin to file. I know one of the requirements is that we live together. He used to live in my state but his job moved him to a different state then he was laid off and while he was there he found another job.
    So does that mean I have to sell the house in order to meet the requirement of 'being married'? He doesn't want to quit his job because he feels that is unfair because his job pays well and he is scared that with the way things are, if he leaves there and tries to come back to my state and find a job that he won't be making as much anymore and he knows that he needs to be able to support me and the children (they're not his). But on the other hand he doesn't wan't me to sell the house because he says it's an investment and that the market is bad anyway.
    Basically after we get married, my spouse and I will not be able to live together for a while but I don't know how long that will be. How bad is this? I really do want to marry him. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
    I am assuming the bf is a USC. If so, all you have to prove is that marriage was entered in good faith. Since the two of you work and live in different states, this should not be a problem, but you need documentation that moving would cause loss of work and economic hardship. It will boil down to joint assets such as each of you placing the other spouse's name on property as ownership, joint bank accounts, and so forth. You will also need the phone records, copies of e-mails, etc to show the communication between the two of you. I know you are nervous, but try not to be. Just take it one step at a time.
    "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

  9. #9
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by speed_025:

    As far as immigration is concern ...
    since you two knew each other since 2003
    I don't think there's a problem either.

    Like what Jake said.. just have all your
    proof and documents ready.

    Good luck to both of you. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>oh ok, gotcha. We can provide that. I thought maybe the living together requirement was a hard and fast rule.

  10. #10
    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Hudson:

    I am assuming the bf is a USC. If so, all you have to prove is that marriage was entered in good faith. Since the two of you work and live in different states, this should not be a problem, but you need documentation that moving would cause loss of work and economic hardship. It will boil down to joint assets such as each of you placing the other spouse's name on property as ownership, joint bank accounts, and so forth. You will also need the phone records, copies of e-mails, etc to show the communication between the two of you. I know you are nervous, but try not to be. Just take it one step at a time. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes he's a USC. Yes I am very nervous and almost told him it was no longer a good idea for us to marry. A couple of lawyers we had consulted had looked made comment of us not living together and unfortunately BF thought his ability as a man/provider was being called into question.
    I understand the gorvernment may need to investigate very aspect of lives, he hasn't yet come round to understanding that so thinks some of the stuff is..well he used some other word I won't repeat. But I have been trying to get him to understand it's a necessity and that in all actuality it's my fault.
    Anyway. Thank you again, I do appreciate the information.

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