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Thread: alien husband says "I've done nothing 4 him"

  1. #1
    A friend call me and says....my husband (alien)
    says I have done nothing for him...as a US citizen....
    I told her....I think you're doing one hell of
    alot....everything that "he is doing" work permit, green card, you name it is "all marriage based"...if it were for you (meaning her) he would have been deported......now he
    has bank accounts, property, ...all the papers
    that INS requires of a marriage couple......
    so I told her, I think he is very definitely
    wrong.....I told her she needs to set him straight on all that she is doing.......she also said, all he wants to do is argue....I told her she needed to talk with him..and come up with a workable plan....or she could withdraw the affidavit of support....and all paper work...and report to INS and he would be
    deported.....it seems, he wants it all for him...and nothing for her... I don't think this
    is right....we are in this discussion....and just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this?

  2. #2
    A friend call me and says....my husband (alien)
    says I have done nothing for him...as a US citizen....
    I told her....I think you're doing one hell of
    alot....everything that "he is doing" work permit, green card, you name it is "all marriage based"...if it were for you (meaning her) he would have been deported......now he
    has bank accounts, property, ...all the papers
    that INS requires of a marriage couple......
    so I told her, I think he is very definitely
    wrong.....I told her she needs to set him straight on all that she is doing.......she also said, all he wants to do is argue....I told her she needed to talk with him..and come up with a workable plan....or she could withdraw the affidavit of support....and all paper work...and report to INS and he would be
    deported.....it seems, he wants it all for him...and nothing for her... I don't think this
    is right....we are in this discussion....and just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this?

  3. #3
    Your friend needs to think long and hard about what "she" is getting from the relationship. It sounds as if he it only it for himself - the writing is on the wall unless he can explain exactly what he means by that comment. There may be something specifically he feels he's missing in the relationship but I would be extremely cautious and open her eyes very wide. Good luck.

  4. #4
    Nireemdhi

    So sorry,.. your friend cannot withdraw the sponshership/petitions because they were already approved by USCIS. Therefore she cannot hold this over his head. and very well she should not be trying to "blackmail" him like this anyway. Suggest marriage counseling to them so that her alien spouse and she can appreciate what marriage and gratefulness to one another can be.

  5. #5
    Freebird!!!!

    -= nav =-

  6. #6
    mARRIAGE COUNSELING IS A GOOD IDEA....BUT
    i THINK HE IS WRONG IN STATEMENT...SHE HAS
    DONE OR IS DOING NOTHING...i THINK AND SO DOES
    SHE THAT SHE HAS AND IS DOING ALOT.....IT IS
    THRU HIS MARRIAGE BASED ...THAT EVERYTHING IS
    COMING TO HIM....THAT'S ALOT....MAYBE i'M WRONG...BUT i'M NOT SURE.

  7. #7
    Hi nireehamdi,

    From your post it looks like a case of personal issue and usual fight between husband and wife....just based upon facts given by you its very hard to find out, who is at fault without knowing whole matter... we can just guess here....your friend might have tried to realize him or tell that she did a lot for him and in reply to that he might have said that...but this is just a guess...one thing for sure...without argument or fight no one would tell that...if you think logically ... would you tell the same thing to your husband without any base? No of course...neither would do I if there is no reason to do so... some arguments are there between them. That I can tell you 100 %. They can take following actions...

    1. Tell your friend to talk to him openly and express how she feels about it in friendly manner. Lot of times there are small issues and misunderstanding that can be resolved by a simple friendly open talk.
    2. if they both have common friend...he/she might help them make this conversation.
    3. don't do anything that irritate or cause arguments. And slowly they will get used to each others.
    4. marriage counseling

    people have worst scenario than this one...I m sure they will get over it. Good luck to ur friend. Pasha

  8. #8
    Michael
    Guest
    This is typical grint talk. Grints think 1. all Americans are rich, 2. that we owe them something, 3. Nothing we do is good enough;

    In addition to the gren card, I gave my ex grint a college education, free support for two years, braces, supposedly saved her mothers life with a $3000 operation, clothes, a job, a drivers license, etc... and immediately after getting her green card she left, accused me of abuse and tried to have me arrested when I called her to ask what happened. Tell your friend to get divorced immediately. I am one of the luckier people in my situation believe you me.

  9. #9
    I love american spouses. They complain when the INS grills them during the interview, to find out if it's legit or not.

    Then they complain when their spouse leaves them right after the GC.

    Perhaps if they "grilled" their spouse like that before they got married, instead of being swept up in "love" -- they could've avoided all that. hehe.

    -= nav =-

  10. #10
    I agree with Pasha. Sometimes when we get angry, we think irrationally and say things that we don't mean. I can see where a US citizen spouse who suddenly finds him/herself feeling a bit insecure in his/her marriage might begin to nurse doubts about the alien spouse's motives. I can also see how a frustrated alien might feel that s/he is at a disadvantage in the marriage because of his/her lack of citizenship. Either way, it is important to talk about these doubts as openly as possible before they fester into more serious problems. The process of immigration can be long and tedious, and it is bound to put stress on even the strongest marriages. Sometimes when we are stressed, we begin to blow things out of proportion. I am married to an (illegal) alien and am in the early stages of the process. It helps when my husband and I discuss our feelings and talk about how we think we would feel for each of our possible outcomes. We are emotionally preparing ourselves for a lot of different possibilities.
    Have a nice day

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