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VSC - I-751 transferred to District Office

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  • VSC - I-751 transferred to District Office

    I'm the USC wife. Filed in April of 2003 for the I-751, shortly after that I lost my job (we had moved to NY from Texas and I had a hard time working up there) and I came back home, obstenibly at the time for just a visit with my family. However, I guess I live in interesting times, and the long and short of it is that I have to remain here to testify in a criminal trial. It's been scheduled for November.

    However, during the interim there's been a lot of problems. I called him and a woman answered, and it wasn't the first that he's cheated on me. I'm ready for a divorce. I haven't filed any papers, but I'm seriously considering an attorney at this point.

    We received a letter stating that the case has been transferred, and there'll be an interview soon. My husband did not call and tell me this. Apparently he's given up hope and doesn't want me to attempt to attend the interview with him, even if it is to tell them that we are looking at divorce but at the time we were together. He wants to go in with an attorney to tell them that we are looking at divorce and ask for an extension so the divorce can be finalized and he can apply for a waiver.

    I really want to be able to do something here to help. I offered to attend the interview if he can arrange the plane ticket, and tell them the truth of what has happened since we filed the petition. Things happen, and since we've been living apart he wouldn't be eligible to file for naturalization, but our marriage was legitimate in the first place and that's the important thing.

    However, there's a big part of me that is sick and tired of battling the INS for someone who would give up on our marriage (by cheating) and on this country (by not wanting to do the smart thing and have me there for the interview). I'm highly tempted to take him at his word, get divorced, and be done with it. I love him, but there's only so much one can do, especially with an unwilling participant.

    Does anyone have any suggestions here? Thanks!

  • #2
    I'm the USC wife. Filed in April of 2003 for the I-751, shortly after that I lost my job (we had moved to NY from Texas and I had a hard time working up there) and I came back home, obstenibly at the time for just a visit with my family. However, I guess I live in interesting times, and the long and short of it is that I have to remain here to testify in a criminal trial. It's been scheduled for November.

    However, during the interim there's been a lot of problems. I called him and a woman answered, and it wasn't the first that he's cheated on me. I'm ready for a divorce. I haven't filed any papers, but I'm seriously considering an attorney at this point.

    We received a letter stating that the case has been transferred, and there'll be an interview soon. My husband did not call and tell me this. Apparently he's given up hope and doesn't want me to attempt to attend the interview with him, even if it is to tell them that we are looking at divorce but at the time we were together. He wants to go in with an attorney to tell them that we are looking at divorce and ask for an extension so the divorce can be finalized and he can apply for a waiver.

    I really want to be able to do something here to help. I offered to attend the interview if he can arrange the plane ticket, and tell them the truth of what has happened since we filed the petition. Things happen, and since we've been living apart he wouldn't be eligible to file for naturalization, but our marriage was legitimate in the first place and that's the important thing.

    However, there's a big part of me that is sick and tired of battling the INS for someone who would give up on our marriage (by cheating) and on this country (by not wanting to do the smart thing and have me there for the interview). I'm highly tempted to take him at his word, get divorced, and be done with it. I love him, but there's only so much one can do, especially with an unwilling participant.

    Does anyone have any suggestions here? Thanks!

    Comment


    • #3
      Maybe you have threathened him in the past he no longer trusts you. That is why he or his attorney thinks that is better not to have you at the interview.

      Comment


      • #4
        "Maybe you have threathened him in the past he no longer trusts you. That is why he or his attorney thinks that is better not to have you at the interview."

        Anguila:

        I have lurked on this board for awhile, and because of that I won't take that comment as personally or as hurtfully as some might. I understand you've been through hell with your USC wife.

        The criminal trial I have to testify in regards a very dear friend of ours (both mine and his) who came forward to me that her stepfather had been sexually absuing her. As the person she first told, I am considered an "outcry witness" and must be present in case she is unable to testify for whatever reasons. When this came about, I told him the situation and he agreed it would be better for me to stay here and be with her through the process. If that was at all what you were worried "threats" and "trust" would be an issue with, perhaps that's some clarification.

        The only "threat" I have made was the call after the woman answered the phone. I recognized it was not his mother, and simply hung up. I called him the next night, and he answered, and I asked him about her. He said they were together, that'd we'd been apart too long and a man has needs. (What about a woman's needs? I was faithful... but anyway, that's not the point.) I told him that I would cooperate as much as possible with the INS and that while I was quite angry I would not go out immediately and file divorce papers, but that if asked if we were in divorce proceedings I would tell only the truth at the time of the interview. The truth is what sets you free, after all. Since I have not yet filed, if we were called up today and asked, the answer would be no. If they asked if I believed he had been faithful, I'd have to say no as well.

        If he no longer trusts me, I have a feeling it is projection, as I have been by his side through this entire saga.

        But thanks for your opinions and I hope your waiver case goes well. If the divorce is not finalized before the interview, will simply appearing before the officer with an attorney and asking for an extension until the divorce is final be enough? I think he deserves a chance to stay here, he's making quite a bit of money and I don't see how our government can throw away another taxpayer with our current deficit. I'd hate for him to do something illadvised and be out of status.

        He's also prone to depression and it's hard to tell if he's truly given up or if he's just having a bad night. Anyway, this was my first post to the board about my personal situation and I guess I got the response I deserved. Sorry for bothering you folks.

        Comment


        • #5
          Excuse me but are you some kind of mental patient? This dirtbag used you for a greencard and cheated on you. He deceived you by cheating and that demonstrates that he deceived you in his motivation in getting married. Why are you being so charitable? If you want to be charitable, why don't you help people or animals that deserve it instead of this dirtbag? Don't you realize you are aiding in a crime? Don't you realize you may be aiding in getting a terrorist into this country? Divorce him or better yet, get an annullment. Sue for fraud. And see a therapist for your low self-esteem problems.

          Comment


          • #6
            Laramie Jane:

            I did not intend to hurt your feelings at all with my response, I just made an assumption based on being in the other side of coin. Thank you for your support on my case, I appreciate that.

            I do not want to get involved with the personal details of you situation...but if you really wanted to help him with the INS you would close keep your mouth shut if you would face questions that could probably get him denied and in removal proceedings and your husband knows that you will not keep your mouth shut and that even though you seem to be a very caring person you are hurt [and it is completely understandable] and therefore you might make some admissions at his interview that will not be of help at all.

            I don't know if he will be successful on getting an extension to have his divorce finalized in order to re-file I-751 on waiver grounds. If you truly want to help him with the INS just offer him to write him an affidavit supporting that he married you in good faith, his attorney will welcome this with open arms... and then it will be good for you to get a divorce and move on with your life as well.

            Again I apologize if I hurt you with my comments, God bless you and good luck with your new life.

            Comment


            • #7
              LJ,

              Sounds like you might need to make a trip up to see him and discuss all of this. Being apart for so long can wear thin on a relationship. Any chance he could come visit you so you can talk about things?

              Good luck to you.

              You might try getting some other perspectives at http://britishexpats.com/forum/forum...?s=&forumid=35

              Comment


              • #8
                Laramie,
                Something is not right with the way you are offering to help.It sounds too kind, in the circumstances.

                I would also not accept the offer to go with you to the interview if I were your husband, but I would not cheat on any woman in the first place, so this would not arise.

                If you really realy want to help him in good faith, please do what Aguila did.Do an affidavit and say that you married him in good faith, and later you separated because of 'irrencilliable differences', without going to details.Have that affidavit notarized and send it to him.Thats the maximum help you can offer at this point.

                Maybe one day he will come to his senses and see you were the right person for him.You never know.

                Comment


                • #9
                  "Something is not right with the way you are offering to help.It sounds too kind, in the circumstances."

                  Perhaps it is. I guess I am unwilling to believe that the three years of marriage before we started to have problems was for nothing, or that he used me. We were quite happy until I had to leave. Perhaps I blame myself for going back home instead of staying, even though I hated it up there, and blame myself for staying at home even though the reasons are compelling. I don't believe our marriage would be ending if I had stayed up there with him.

                  "I would also not accept the offer to go with you to the interview if I were your husband, but I would not cheat on any woman in the first place, so this would not arise."

                  I offered to go because as far as I knew, any joint petition would be denied if the USC did not show up. I still don't believe he entered into the marriage in bad faith. Or perhaps I'm just not willing to.

                  "If you really realy want to help him in good faith, please do what Aguila did.Do an affidavit and say that you married him in good faith, and later you separated because of 'irrencilliable differences', without going to details.Have that affidavit notarized and send it to him.Thats the maximum help you can offer at this point."

                  I appreciate all of your advice in this matter, and I'd rather go that direction honestly. I did not relish the idea of swearing in again before an officer (remember, I've already been through this once) and giving them the opportunity to pry through our personal lives. I just feel like I'd be a complete **** if I didn't try to help here in some way, and if the only way for him to get an extension would have been for me to show up, I would have. I just wouldn't lie for him -- and fortunately he hasn't asked me to do that.

                  "Maybe one day he will come to his senses and see you were the right person for him.You never know."

                  Perhaps. Perhaps not. But either way... the marriage is over, especially after him not telling me about the impending interview until I called to let him know processing times had jumped. We had always been in this together, and he excluded me at this point. Whatever his reasons... to me that demonstrates he no longer trusts me, and without trust there can be no love.

                  Perhaps I posted here just to find some justification for just cutting and running. If no approval is possible for him on the joint petition, it'd be better for all concerned for the divorce to happen quickly.

                  Thanks for all the advice.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Laramie


                    Sorry to hear of break up in your marriage, but based from what you say, he wasnt committed in the marriage in anyway. If you are away and a spouse tells you that u r gone to long so they needed to get someone?? That is not mature and certainly not someone to trust your life with. If you became ill, would he tell u then ..u r sick too long, Im out of here to find someone else? I think so.

                    I dont think its not that he doesnt trust u on the interview thing... it is just that he knows you well. He knows you have integrity and that you will not lie under sworn oath, even though you are trying to help. I know you wanted the best for him even though things didnt work out, and it is frustrating for you because he was being stupid about citizenship. And its hard for you to conceive how he could have been so close and threw everything away for some nookie. Foolish eh. But you cant fight this ..you can sleep as u did what u could. this is just a foolish one, their thinking kicks in when it is too late and u cant help this kind... Stop beating yourself up.

                    All you can do is for your integrity is to write a letter/affidavit attesting to validity of marriage if he asks for that. let him seek the divorce to be able to file waiver 751.

                    Yes they will terminate his status, but he will be able to request continuance in removal proceedings while he finalizes the divorce.

                    Best wishes to you in your healing.

                    Comment



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