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    I am interested in hearing from older U.S. Citizen men who have brought a much younger Indonesian woman (maybe from 15-20+ years younger) to the U.S. on a K-1 Visa. They must have married her here in the U.S. (I want to hear from men only because women's stories about foreign men will mean nothing to my story. Unless there are women out there that know a first hand story about a man that dealt with an Indonesian woman in this way). I need to hear if the scamming Indonesian woman who just intended to obtain her GC through mariage of a U.S. Citizen, showed a marked change in affection toward you men that was maybe even noticable by family members and friends. Maybe like in my case you were treated in certain similar ways. My Indonesian wife cut me off from sexual relations after just 8 months of marriage just about 2 month's after she received her conditional 2-yr. GC and the same month I got her the first job. She seemed ashamed of me in certain situations where we went together. Was going to be mad at me if I did not give her $200 to send to her mother in Indonesia to her mother for the first 8 months we were married. Then after she was working, we needed to sent her mother $500 a month. I do not owe her mother anything. Would she have sent my mother money? I never even met her mother. Seemed like my wife cared more about her mother's bills than she did our household bills and her mother was working at a good job. My Indonesian wife would get mad at me for the pettiest reasons. Seemed she was trying to get me to do something I would never do to her like hit her or yell at her. But I never hit her or any woman before. I never even raised my voice to her. I do have to say that I am not a typical woos. I am just a nice guy who treats women with respect. But it seemed like everything was for my wife. I was hoping that within 3 months after my fiancé arrived in the U.S. that she had enough time to have lived in our household with myself and my 2 boys who at the time were (10+12) to determine if she was comfortable with everything here. I asked my wife again (so far it never mattered according to her) if our big age difference was a factor (23 years). I was 46 and she was 23 when I met her through an older friend from Indonesia who was on match.com. My wife was not on match.com. This other woman handpicked her for me. But anyway I was not advertising on dating sites for a woman of that age. I was seeking woman from 33-40. But I had been talking to my wife for about 6 months from about Sept. 2003 and decided to go see her. I flew her to Singapore 3-2004 for a week and of course met her there at the airport. When I returned home I continued with the Immigration process and was able to get her K-1 Visa approved and to the U.S. in Sept.2004. But I made sure before we were married that she had no doubts about marrying me in any way. Because if she have a problem with the relationship in any way. She had a free ticket home which was the other half of the round trip airline ticket that brought her to America. But she decided to marry me. So this made me think we had a "good faith" marriage. But it all went downhill right from the wedding reception where it seemed like she was paying more attention from her "out of town" Indonesian girlfriend "maid of honor" that with her newlywed husband. In fact, she turned down a honeymoon hotel room without my knowledge from my sister at the wedding reception. Instead, my newlywed wife slept with my 10-year-old son in his bed with her "maid of honor" friend. I was forced to sleep by myself in our bed alone on my wedding night! During the marriage she did some good things around the house for a while to make it "look good". (Good Actress!). But when she left me in Dec. 2005 after she did not want me to go a work Christmas party with her just a few days before she left me, she told me that the girls at work asked her how she could be married to a much older man. So my wife told me that she would be ashamed of me at the Christmas party. She claimed that she almost walked out of the wedding ceremony. She also claimed that we had a sexual problem. But I never had a sexual problem that with my first wife. That certainly did not cause our break-up. In fact, *** was probably almost the sole reason that my ex-wife stayed with me so long. But my ex-wife is BI-polar. That was the major problem with us. And I do not miss her temper, her yelling, or her couple of suicide attempts as well as her several hospitalizations. But yet I was there for her too. That is how I am. We also have 3 beautiful kids together. Back to my current wife, how could she expect to have great *** with someone, in my opinion that she never really loved? But I loved her very much, so I could not complain about not having a great *** life. Back to the age difference, I thought that it was very common for women in certain countries outside the U.S. to marry much older men and older men in general. But I guess I hear times are changing. But that is why when I was pursued by this younger woman that I did not mind the age difference as long as I was sure that she did not mind our age difference. But my wife left me, as I say, in Dec.2005 and is staying to this day with a woman from her work. I do not know where she lives. I only know where my wife works. But I learned from my computer on her screen name that she was listed on a dating site. I have pictures of men that she at least looked at. Who knows what else happened there? But apparently my sons saw her several times throughout our marriage looking on dating sites. I had confronted her about this and she told me that before she was working and in the home all day she was just looking for a friend to talk too and if she wanted another man she could easily get one. But she was not looking for one. Anyway, I printed out her picture and profile posted on a dating site before she found out that I knew she was listing herself on the site as "available". But when my wife found out that I knew that she was listed on a dating site, (probably from her out of town friend who tried to talk to me to try I guess to pump me for information) my wife hid her profile. But she was too late I had already printed out the information. I also printed out the men's pictures. I am using this evidence in my divorce case and it will also look good with Immigration who I also sent this and much more information to. But my wife could not find anything wrong with what I did to her because, as I said, I treated her very well. At first she said the relationship just did not work out. But now she is trying to counter sue me for divorce saying that my two boys were the reason she was forced to leave the household. Of course, I expected her to manufacture something like many foreign women try to do. But my boys are fine and they do well in school. I treat them well and I am even a hockey coach to them. But all this garbage about my kids treating her badly is manufactured and is just hearsay on her part. No witnesses, no proof! I have witnesses and evidence against most all of the issues I am accusing my wife of. Including the fact that I have been out of work for six months on a temporary "mental" disability over my wife's scam of leading me to believe that she really loved me and we were in a "good faith" marriage. I have also been seeing a therapist about this. Nothing in my life so far has devastated me to this degree before. That is why I am using the "Cruel and Inhuman Treatment" as my reason for divorce in NY State. But my wife does not have anything or anyone to back-up her lies. In addition, I figure it this way. My wife came here to America to supposedly to be with me. If the relationship did not work out, as she said to me at first when she left, then in order for that statement to be believable, my wife would need to go back to Indonesia. That would show "good faith" and prove that she was sincere about her excuse which could have been anything under the sun to get away from me and the household and then make up a fake story to Immigration of how she was somehow falsely abused in some way. But I did not go through all of this emotional, financial, and Immigration trouble to bring this Indonesian woman here on a K-1 Visa for her to escape me with the intent of lifting her conditions off her GC and remaining in the U.S. on me. My wife told me at first she was going back home to Indonesia after our divorce. She also even told the Immigration Investigator that I have working on the case that I had go see her at her work, that she was going back after the divorce. But now it seems that my wife wants and is trying to remain here in the U.S. just like her friend from Long Island did with an older man from Michigan. This Indonesian woman (that "Maid of Honor" in our wedding) did not end up even marry this older man on her K-1 Visa. Instead she left this man for a younger man that better suited her needs ("trading up") and ended married him last Aug. 2005. Now this woman is also trying to stay in this country after violating Immigration rules. I feel that my wife's many phone calls and contact with this woman has helped my wife get ideas on how to "beat" the immigration system! I might add, at the wedding in Long Island where my wife went to be her Indonesian women friend's "Maid of Honor" in Aug. of 2005, I was NOT invited! All these negatives since our very wedding day prove to me that something more went on here than a simple loving, trusting, devoted marriage!

    Please men tell me your honest experiences, they may help my court cases. My wife does need to leave the U.S.

    Joe

  • #2
    I am interested in hearing from older U.S. Citizen men who have brought a much younger Indonesian woman (maybe from 15-20+ years younger) to the U.S. on a K-1 Visa. They must have married her here in the U.S. (I want to hear from men only because women's stories about foreign men will mean nothing to my story. Unless there are women out there that know a first hand story about a man that dealt with an Indonesian woman in this way). I need to hear if the scamming Indonesian woman who just intended to obtain her GC through mariage of a U.S. Citizen, showed a marked change in affection toward you men that was maybe even noticable by family members and friends. Maybe like in my case you were treated in certain similar ways. My Indonesian wife cut me off from sexual relations after just 8 months of marriage just about 2 month's after she received her conditional 2-yr. GC and the same month I got her the first job. She seemed ashamed of me in certain situations where we went together. Was going to be mad at me if I did not give her $200 to send to her mother in Indonesia to her mother for the first 8 months we were married. Then after she was working, we needed to sent her mother $500 a month. I do not owe her mother anything. Would she have sent my mother money? I never even met her mother. Seemed like my wife cared more about her mother's bills than she did our household bills and her mother was working at a good job. My Indonesian wife would get mad at me for the pettiest reasons. Seemed she was trying to get me to do something I would never do to her like hit her or yell at her. But I never hit her or any woman before. I never even raised my voice to her. I do have to say that I am not a typical woos. I am just a nice guy who treats women with respect. But it seemed like everything was for my wife. I was hoping that within 3 months after my fiancé arrived in the U.S. that she had enough time to have lived in our household with myself and my 2 boys who at the time were (10+12) to determine if she was comfortable with everything here. I asked my wife again (so far it never mattered according to her) if our big age difference was a factor (23 years). I was 46 and she was 23 when I met her through an older friend from Indonesia who was on match.com. My wife was not on match.com. This other woman handpicked her for me. But anyway I was not advertising on dating sites for a woman of that age. I was seeking woman from 33-40. But I had been talking to my wife for about 6 months from about Sept. 2003 and decided to go see her. I flew her to Singapore 3-2004 for a week and of course met her there at the airport. When I returned home I continued with the Immigration process and was able to get her K-1 Visa approved and to the U.S. in Sept.2004. But I made sure before we were married that she had no doubts about marrying me in any way. Because if she have a problem with the relationship in any way. She had a free ticket home which was the other half of the round trip airline ticket that brought her to America. But she decided to marry me. So this made me think we had a "good faith" marriage. But it all went downhill right from the wedding reception where it seemed like she was paying more attention from her "out of town" Indonesian girlfriend "maid of honor" that with her newlywed husband. In fact, she turned down a honeymoon hotel room without my knowledge from my sister at the wedding reception. Instead, my newlywed wife slept with my 10-year-old son in his bed with her "maid of honor" friend. I was forced to sleep by myself in our bed alone on my wedding night! During the marriage she did some good things around the house for a while to make it "look good". (Good Actress!). But when she left me in Dec. 2005 after she did not want me to go a work Christmas party with her just a few days before she left me, she told me that the girls at work asked her how she could be married to a much older man. So my wife told me that she would be ashamed of me at the Christmas party. She claimed that she almost walked out of the wedding ceremony. She also claimed that we had a sexual problem. But I never had a sexual problem that with my first wife. That certainly did not cause our break-up. In fact, *** was probably almost the sole reason that my ex-wife stayed with me so long. But my ex-wife is BI-polar. That was the major problem with us. And I do not miss her temper, her yelling, or her couple of suicide attempts as well as her several hospitalizations. But yet I was there for her too. That is how I am. We also have 3 beautiful kids together. Back to my current wife, how could she expect to have great *** with someone, in my opinion that she never really loved? But I loved her very much, so I could not complain about not having a great *** life. Back to the age difference, I thought that it was very common for women in certain countries outside the U.S. to marry much older men and older men in general. But I guess I hear times are changing. But that is why when I was pursued by this younger woman that I did not mind the age difference as long as I was sure that she did not mind our age difference. But my wife left me, as I say, in Dec.2005 and is staying to this day with a woman from her work. I do not know where she lives. I only know where my wife works. But I learned from my computer on her screen name that she was listed on a dating site. I have pictures of men that she at least looked at. Who knows what else happened there? But apparently my sons saw her several times throughout our marriage looking on dating sites. I had confronted her about this and she told me that before she was working and in the home all day she was just looking for a friend to talk too and if she wanted another man she could easily get one. But she was not looking for one. Anyway, I printed out her picture and profile posted on a dating site before she found out that I knew she was listing herself on the site as "available". But when my wife found out that I knew that she was listed on a dating site, (probably from her out of town friend who tried to talk to me to try I guess to pump me for information) my wife hid her profile. But she was too late I had already printed out the information. I also printed out the men's pictures. I am using this evidence in my divorce case and it will also look good with Immigration who I also sent this and much more information to. But my wife could not find anything wrong with what I did to her because, as I said, I treated her very well. At first she said the relationship just did not work out. But now she is trying to counter sue me for divorce saying that my two boys were the reason she was forced to leave the household. Of course, I expected her to manufacture something like many foreign women try to do. But my boys are fine and they do well in school. I treat them well and I am even a hockey coach to them. But all this garbage about my kids treating her badly is manufactured and is just hearsay on her part. No witnesses, no proof! I have witnesses and evidence against most all of the issues I am accusing my wife of. Including the fact that I have been out of work for six months on a temporary "mental" disability over my wife's scam of leading me to believe that she really loved me and we were in a "good faith" marriage. I have also been seeing a therapist about this. Nothing in my life so far has devastated me to this degree before. That is why I am using the "Cruel and Inhuman Treatment" as my reason for divorce in NY State. But my wife does not have anything or anyone to back-up her lies. In addition, I figure it this way. My wife came here to America to supposedly to be with me. If the relationship did not work out, as she said to me at first when she left, then in order for that statement to be believable, my wife would need to go back to Indonesia. That would show "good faith" and prove that she was sincere about her excuse which could have been anything under the sun to get away from me and the household and then make up a fake story to Immigration of how she was somehow falsely abused in some way. But I did not go through all of this emotional, financial, and Immigration trouble to bring this Indonesian woman here on a K-1 Visa for her to escape me with the intent of lifting her conditions off her GC and remaining in the U.S. on me. My wife told me at first she was going back home to Indonesia after our divorce. She also even told the Immigration Investigator that I have working on the case that I had go see her at her work, that she was going back after the divorce. But now it seems that my wife wants and is trying to remain here in the U.S. just like her friend from Long Island did with an older man from Michigan. This Indonesian woman (that "Maid of Honor" in our wedding) did not end up even marry this older man on her K-1 Visa. Instead she left this man for a younger man that better suited her needs ("trading up") and ended married him last Aug. 2005. Now this woman is also trying to stay in this country after violating Immigration rules. I feel that my wife's many phone calls and contact with this woman has helped my wife get ideas on how to "beat" the immigration system! I might add, at the wedding in Long Island where my wife went to be her Indonesian women friend's "Maid of Honor" in Aug. of 2005, I was NOT invited! All these negatives since our very wedding day prove to me that something more went on here than a simple loving, trusting, devoted marriage!

    Please men tell me your honest experiences, they may help my court cases. My wife does need to leave the U.S.

    Joe

    Comment


    • #3
      The same thing happened to me, but with an Argentinian woman and we're the same age!

      Comment


      • #4
        You know who I am. Tell me about your experience. Help me out here.

        Comment


        • #5
          joe...havent you posted something about your situation before? Not to be mean or anything but what were you thinking marrying some one that much younger and from another country...do you really think that a european, indonesian, where ever it is you guys get them from woman is going to marry someone twice her age out of love? I mean how dumb can you get? It is your fault...was it that hard for you to find a nice american girl?

          Comment


          • #6
            Good point Engaged. But I guess there are many dummies out there then! I am not the first one. And sadly I probably will not be the last.

            Comment


            • #7
              Another thing engaged, maybe I was tired of trying to find a nice American girl. And as far as my mistake concerning my wife from Indonesia goes, as long as I get her back to Indonesia or wherever else outside of the U.S. that she chooses to go, it is ok with me. You know how the old saying goes, "you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here"! It is that simple!

              Comment


              • #8
                Are you fat, overweight,bushy haired but an American all the same?

                If so, why should you be surprised if a slim nice looking girl is interested in you? You think they want you for real?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Joe,

                  There are thousands of us in your position. I'm trying to get my marriage annulled based on fraud but its going to be an uphill batle. I've now spoken to 3 different attys here in NYC and they have all said the same thing. Very difficult. They all recommend to move on with our lives but its so hard knowing that we've been duped. If you find out anything differently please let me know. He hasn't gone for his I-751 yet but that apparently won't be a problem since he has documents that show joint ownership. The burden of proof is more on the USC (me) then on him. These laws need to change.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    the night before last on court TV they were giving..or was it in A&E OMG! I dont remember....well whatever, the point is that they were showing a story about an American guy from Washington State that ordered a mail order bride from Russia, she left him after she got her green card and the d u m b a s s repeated the same mistake twice, he married another Russian girl very beautiful, tall, thin, blonde, very young, she was 18 and he was 46 ...and she pretty much did the same thing, except he wasnt goign to take it anymore and he killed her, now hes sitting in a prison in washington state ...i think they sentenced him to 28 years...anyhow, when I hear your story I think of that crazy man...not that your going to kill your x or anything but it just seems to me that people who participate in this mail order crapp are bunch of loosers who dont have anything real to offer so they fill these foreign girls head with ideas and dreams and they come here they realize how it really is here and they dont like it and thats why they leave...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I guess nobody is listening or have actually read and understood my situation. First of all I am not overweight. I am actually in good shape I coach my son's hockey team. I ice skate and exercise often. I look much younger than I am. I am not bad looking. I am NOT a guy in his 40's that is Fat, out of shape, and looks like he is about 70 or so. Another thing, I did NOT send away for a scamming mail order bride. I was NOT looking for a woman in her 20's. I was looking in America within a 100-mile radius of my home between the ages of 33-42, and NOT for one that was 23 and half way around the world. It was on match.com that I found Indonesian woman's profile on that dating site. The site read that this woman (41) supposedly lived about an hour or so away from my home. When I asked her what part of that city she lived in she told me it was a mistake and that she actually lived in Indonesia. I had been talking to woman from outside the U.S. that were not interested in coming to the U.S. that all seemed to have more respect for men in general than many women in America that I had talked to on many dating sites. And these women were nice looking. It seems in America (and the nicer looking women ask for most of this stuff on the dating sites) that many women half way decent looking are only interested in how much money do you have, are you 10' tall even if they are only 4'10" to about 5'1". Why are these women looking for very tall men 6' and taller "only" in their profiles? (I am not a midget at 5'6" 140-145 lbs. so I look for women 4'10" to 5'4") which is reasonable for my height. I do not want an overweight woman, or a woman I do not find reasonably good looking with many things in common as me. Then some women might say to me that looks is not everything, but I cannot pretend to be with a woman that I am not at all physically attracted to a certain degree. I would not do that to a woman. But what I am trying to say is that many women seem to not care about the "looks isn't everything" saying. Because again most woman want money, over 6 foot (maybe they want the bigger package in the groin area because that is what they think they want and they figure the taller the bigger. I am only saying this because of the way society is on this subject) and the last thing is that you have to be no less good looking as a male model. I do not appreciate the double standard. Back to what I was saying about the 41 year-old oriental woman from match.com. I asked this woman to find me a younger woman there in Indonesia (I really did not think she would do this for me) that was fairly nice looking on the shorter side that wanted an instant family (because I have 3 kids). A woman that wanted a serious relationship, she would be devoted to me, and she would not cheat on me. I would give her the same respect in return. So about 2 months later this 41 year-old woman said she found someone for me (and this woman was NOT on a dating site, nor was this woman a MAIL ORDER bride). This woman happened to be 23. Apparently she has seen my picture and thought I was nice looking. She then emailed me. I asked her all the questions about age and I knew about women scammers from other countries. She claimed that she would never do that to me. I figured that in other countries I know that it at least was common that younger women and older men marry. So one thing led to another, emails, pictures, web cams, phone calls. Then I wanted to get her here. The rest is history. I just wanted to clear this up with everyone. I am sick of hearing "Mail Order Brides". That is a suicide scam. Now for the people that think that they can do nothing about getting the scamming woman out of here, they must be talking to the wrong lawyers. I have an Immigration Investigator that already has gone to see my wife at work. She told him that she wanted to get divorced first and then she was going home. This investigator has her file in his office with all the negative facts, notarized letters from people close to my situation, and withdraw of my petitions and or responsibilities for her. Right after our divorce is final, this investigator is going to put her in front of an Immigration judge to determine deportation. As far as the laws changing, I agree. I feel that an Immigration spouse should not be allowed to file an I-751 without the spouse or divorced spouse in any circumstance except when proven domestic violence is involved. The same type interview with both parties present at an interview just like if they were married and had to jointly file for it. They should still have to jointly file for it to protect the U.S. spouse from getting scammed just like the interview was suppose to accomplish. I further feel that even after the conditions get lifted off their green cards up until the Immigrant becomes a U.S. Citizen, they should still have to attend an interview together if they divorce or separate during that time leading up to Citizenship. That should really help the U.S. Citizen much better than allowing a relatively easy scam agenda by Immigrant "Opportunists"! Maybe then when word gets out that it is now much more difficult and much more time consuming to be able to "****er" a U.S. Citizen there probably be much less Immigrant opportunity seekers trying this scam.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        How can we read your sobbing story and 'feel sorry for me' tales if you cant even write properly? Have you ever heard of the word paragraph? How can you write all that stuff in just one paragraph.

                        I refuse to attend your sobbing parties, if this how you write.

                        No wonder you have so many issues. Many American ladies will not reply to a long letter written in only one paragraph, maybe thats why you are having to go to match.com.

                        Some ways of expressing oneself bring out one's intelligence level.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Ok then, WHY did you get married?

                          After reading your posts, I honestly think you got married for all the wrong reasons. It does not matter, to a great degree, whether she was a USC or non-USC, from Indonesia or the girl next door. And no one here is going to say what you want us to say either. You feel hurt, emotionally abused, etc. That is natural, but you have to let it go. I have seen nothing to indicate a fraudulent activity on her part from your posts. She may have been unfaithful, but until all evidence is in from both parties, I will not give an opinion on who is right and who is wrong.

                          Personally, I think you married an Indonesian Chinese who was non-religious, you did not understand her culture and her values, and she expected the US to be "streets of gold." My wife, who is not a USC, had a difficult time assimulating and it put a real strain on our marriage. But we were able to face the challenges together, she learned more abuot my culture while I learned more about hers, and now we have a full partnership in marriage. BTW: I am not the greatest looking guy, have some medical histories, and she is absolutely cute. If it can work with me, it can work with most people if you have the right heart, temperment, and patience to make the marriage work. Unfortuneately, you failed in all three categories.
                          "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            More than half of the marriage here in US ended in divorce. Now add the fact that she's 20yrs younger, from a completely different culture and you really don't know her well enough...well suffice to say the odds are against you from the very beginning. The more you rants, the more you fit the description of a disgruntled spouse who's hell-bend on causing suffering to your ex-wife.

                            Its not the responsibility of immigration court to be an agent to deliver your wrath to your ex-wife. If USCIS wished to pursue legal action with accordance to the law, that's within their right, but only and only if they choose to exercise it. You can't demand or request them to do anything with your wife's just because of your experience. Hammer that thought to your mind in case you still doesn't understand it.

                            Also, USCIS can issue a deportation order, but judging from the tens of millions of illegals crowding the US, in reality, what do you think the chances she'll get deported?

                            Now if you're talking about civil law, divorce proceeding, sue her for everything she's owned, etc, sure, you can do whatever you want (hopefully with the best divorce lawyer there is).

                            To supplement Hudson's comment, I personaly knows several Philipino, Malay & Indonesian women who are married to USC, and having great lasting relationship. One particular couple has been married for over 20yrs. So, it can and does happen.

                            Comment



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