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  • overstay and marriage question

    I am seeking advice or information. I entered legally on an educational visa. Before it expired, I met a man and we wished to marry. However, he was going through a divorce, which has been very drawn-out due to custody issues.

    We have not been able to marry, and now visa is expired and I am overstaying. Divorce will HOPEFULLY be finished soon, but I am concerned about him possibly getting into trouble for helping me.

    I have money from my family, they are actually quite well off, but I don't like to ask for their continued support. I have helped him with household things, babysitting, light business help, and so on. (I do not have a GC.) He sometimes takes me for dinner, and I have stayed with him a few times. We are neither of us wealthy, but neither have either of us ever taken any kind of public assistance or borrowed from others.

    We just want to get by without getting into trouble until we can legally take care of this, because it is my understanding that if I leave the country when my overstay is more than 180 days delinquent, I would be refused re-entry for 10 years. His children are small, and I want to be a part of their lives as they grow up, and I certainly don't want to ask him to choose between them and me (I would never do that).

    Please, is there any way to avoid trouble for a short while, and how can we legally marry then? I have a SS#, but my other identification has expired (except passport, which soon will expire).

    I am worried that the soon-to-be-ex-wife will cause as much trouble as she can, because she is already doing everything she can to cause him as much trouble as possible.

    Thank you if any help is possible.
    AO

    (edited for a typo)

  • #2
    I am seeking advice or information. I entered legally on an educational visa. Before it expired, I met a man and we wished to marry. However, he was going through a divorce, which has been very drawn-out due to custody issues.

    We have not been able to marry, and now visa is expired and I am overstaying. Divorce will HOPEFULLY be finished soon, but I am concerned about him possibly getting into trouble for helping me.

    I have money from my family, they are actually quite well off, but I don't like to ask for their continued support. I have helped him with household things, babysitting, light business help, and so on. (I do not have a GC.) He sometimes takes me for dinner, and I have stayed with him a few times. We are neither of us wealthy, but neither have either of us ever taken any kind of public assistance or borrowed from others.

    We just want to get by without getting into trouble until we can legally take care of this, because it is my understanding that if I leave the country when my overstay is more than 180 days delinquent, I would be refused re-entry for 10 years. His children are small, and I want to be a part of their lives as they grow up, and I certainly don't want to ask him to choose between them and me (I would never do that).

    Please, is there any way to avoid trouble for a short while, and how can we legally marry then? I have a SS#, but my other identification has expired (except passport, which soon will expire).

    I am worried that the soon-to-be-ex-wife will cause as much trouble as she can, because she is already doing everything she can to cause him as much trouble as possible.

    Thank you if any help is possible.
    AO

    (edited for a typo)

    Comment


    • #3
      You are right, this is not what I wanted to hear.

      It has been over a year since I went out of status ... 10 years is a long time to wait to see each other again. I wish I had known sooner. Three years is not so hard to bear.

      My family could afford it, but I wouldn't feel right to ask them for the money, and I doubt he would let them give it to us either. But I don't want to make matters difficult or expensive for him. As I said, he's not well off, just a working guy, trying to do the right thing and take care of his family. I don't know how much all of this can cost (immigration attorneys and processes) but I am sure it is too much for us on our own.

      I guess now I don't really know what to do. For his sake, I think it might be better not to be involved with him. I just don't have many people I could trust with this information, and we already depend on each other for practical matters. Still, I don't want to make it worse for him.

      He is the only reason I want to be in the US anyway. If we cannot be together, it is just as well to return to my family. I am not after the GC or citizenship or anything. Why can political issues so easily stand in the way of person's rights to marry?

      Thanks anyway, for taking the time to reply. If anyone else has any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

      Becoming sad ...

      AO

      Comment


      • #4
        AO... your over stay will be forgiven as soon as you get married to him since you will be an imediate relative category but until the divorce is final you 2 cant get marry and file I 130 and adjustment of status w/c after 7/30 will cost you $1000 +. I sugest work out the divorce and get married afterwards and file adjustment of status.

        Comment


        • #5
          AO, no big deal -- just get married. All is forgiven. DON'T leave the country before getting the g-card. Have a happy life!!

          Comment


          • #6
            I like to start by saying I am no expert and dont take my story as an advice.

            While I was living in USA everyone told me not to leave, to do whatever to stay because once I left the country, it was going to be very hard to return, and it is true, is very, very hard, I do belive I have a better case than you to return (in the case you were out) because I have a USC daugther whom is disabled and is facing extreme and unusual hardship.

            I wish you the best for you, I hope you ifnd a solution to your problem. My family and I pray for you, the Lord will intervine he is just.

            Comment


            • #7
              AO- What ever you decide, you need to decide quickly! If your fiance is getting divorced, it needs to happen fast. I agree, as soon as you file the 130, your overstay will be forgiven. Oversatys are actually quite common, and the easiest (from my experience) to forgive. You can explain the delay in filing at the interview. As soon as you file, you are under grace, as you are waiting here for your case to process. Better to stay to do this, if possible. If not possible, you must go back and apply for a new visa. Is your country a part of the visa waiver program? Where are you from?

              Comment


              • #8
                Thank you all very much. Yes, my country is part of the visa waiver program.

                It seems the main thing I need to worry about is the period we have to wait for the divorce until we can marry. I wish there was a way to be safe in the meantime, especially because I do not wish to cause him problems in his divorce. I believe this can be a real possibility, and will then cause problems for us both.

                And saving an extra $1,000 in the process, in order to apply. We will start saving, as that will take some time.

                Thank you all again for your advice, and thank you (bsanchez) for your prayers, they are most appreciated. It is through church that we met, and one of the main first attractions was that we so much share our faith. I hope that you are able to care for your daughter, bsanchez, I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. I will pray for you as well.

                I know he is doing everything he can to speed the divorce as it has become quite a difficult situation for him. Better for the children as well in this case, if it can be hurried.

                Thank you all.

                AO

                Comment


                • #9
                  AO, please please check with an attorney. YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST wait for the divorce to FINALIZE!! Otherwise, it is not considered to be legal!!!!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thank you, I will have him check on this for us. He was not able to speak to his attorney today, but the attorney should be back in town next week.

                    I do not know if this would be possible. I have tried to find out online, but from what I have been able to find of divorce cases in this state, it seems that bifurcation is up to the judge and is only for very special circumstances? I hesitate to inform a judge of the reason we wish to do this.

                    If need be, it might be safer for him if I am not around right now. I didn't realize (nor did he) that he could be in so much trouble about this, and it seems that his ex knows of me now. It may be more a matter of protecting him now.

                    I do wish this could be easier.

                    Thank you all so much, once again.

                    AO

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thank you, Davdah,

                      We are still waiting to hear whether bifuraction is possible in this situation.

                      Perhaps I need to make another post. The ex knows about me, and probably can assume that I am foreign-born. Her attorney is grasping at straws and making as much trouble as he can, because my fiance's case for custody is fairly strong.

                      If she knows my name, and nothing more, how easy would it be for her or her attorney to discover my overstay status?

                      (Oh, and thank you for explaining "fishtank" as I have never heard that expression. And thank you for the reassurance on my fiancee's behalf. I am sure he could easily answer questions concerning our relationship, and we have known each other for some time. Thank you again.)

                      AO

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thank you, Davdah,

                        I would laugh about the term "fishtank" except that it seems it comes from sad circumstances. I am sorry to hear about that.

                        And she can perhaps easily guess. She knows my name (which reflects my nationality) and the children have picked up a few words, which are going to give her a big clue.

                        I hope that you are right about the court order. I think the bifurcation might be the best option. I hope to learn more tomorrow.

                        Thank you again for all of your help. It is most deeply appreciated. I wish you all of the best with your (wife?) as well.

                        AO

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Unfortunately, it seems that bifurcation will not be possible in this state. It is done, but very, very, VERY rarely, and only under the most extraordinary circumstances. The attorney did not offer any hope at all on this count.

                          Now I will have to look for other options. Thank you so much, though, for your help.

                          AO

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            listen AO just keep out of trouble and wait for the divorce when that is finale you can get married to him.. this is the only way they over look your over stay in america.. i know it seems like the divorce proceedure is long but its better than waiting ten years to come back.. hold on it will go fast... by the time do you have social security card and a work permit.. if yes work with it.. also they look at you paying taxes so just continue with getting a job and paying taxes

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thank you Baby,

                              I appreciate your taking the time to post. You are right, a divorce is much shorter than a 10 year wait. I do have a social security card, but no longer a permit to work, so I will need to be very careful and perhaps creative. If he gives me any money, it may cause him problems in the divorce. And if I work, it may cause me problems.

                              I am still considering my options. I do have one friend I can trust who would gladly let me stay with her, although I do not like to put her at any risk. Also she lives in another state, which would help me to "disappear" but I surely do not like the idea of being completely separated from him for however long this process will take. Still, I will have to consider the risks and options. Thank you again.

                              AO

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