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Troubles in my mariage during the process of adjustement of status.

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  • Troubles in my mariage during the process of adjustement of status.

    Hi everybody,

    I have been married 5 months with a USC, and we filed for adjustment of status in november. I was legally entered with tourist visa in april 2007. But I am having serious problem with my husband and he suddenly is talking about divorce before trying to find a solution or conciliation. I wonder if he doesn't want to jeopardize our mariage and the process in course, to hurt me. All the fees have been paid by myself with help of my family, because he was complaining to be short of money. In addition, he made me fail the appointment date for the fingerprinter, and I am waiting to be rescheduled. How many time will it take in general?
    My other question is, what can I do if they ask for a document belonging to him if he has the willing to stop the process? What can I do, if I can't make him change his mind about our mariage?
    I must precise that we were getting along very well at the beginning, until his ex-wife and daughter discover that he has been married again.
    They began to make me have hard time, especially the daughter, who decided to move with us and decided that she doesn't like me and refused to greed me. Since two months, things are becoming worse and worse, and finally, my husband decided to choose to leave me because I am not trying to understand...(I wonder what?). One of the kids decided to treat me like a furniture in the house, and my husband didn't seem annoyed by the situation.
    His ex-wife still asked for the full custody while they are staying with us since november. Above all, we never make any reception for this mariage and the honeymoon he promised me at the beginning was compromised by the situation.
    He didn't want to understand why I was becoming more and more depressed and unhappy to leave in conditions where I feel out of place. We were living in a one bedroom studio, with his two kids. His son used to be my friend, but lately he has been influenced by the sister.
    And at the beginning of January, he begins to change and becoming really mean with me, but I couldn't imagine that it could turn the way it is today.
    Sometimes I was taking several days to spend in my family to unwind, and he was pissed of because and he was telling me that "it's hell at home when I am not here, and he needed me with him". But he will never do anything to change the situation at home.
    He was too weak and wasn't able to tell any thing to his daughter. So I had to be the helpful victim.
    In january, After eating a desert he brought me from outside, I got a virus the next day, and I was feeling real pain in my chest.
    But he was complaining to waste his time taking me to the doctor. They send me to a dermatologist because I was loosing my hairs too and my stomach was swallened. I had to make blood test, he told me that I have to wait until the next week.
    So, my brother decided to take me to his house and to the laboratory right away. I stayed there until I felt better, but he didnt want to answer to my phone calls, and when I came back, he told me "to get the hell out of his house", in front of the kids. Because I sent him a message saying that "I will not let his 2 beaches ruin my mariage". It was his proper terms talking about his ex-wife and his daughter. But now, he appears offended that I said it. And 3 days after I left, his Attorney sent me a letter telling me that he wants to divorce without conciliation.

    I hope someone could give me some ideas to handle the situation the best way possible.
    I wish you all a nice day.

    Anigna.

  • #2
    Hi everybody,

    I have been married 5 months with a USC, and we filed for adjustment of status in november. I was legally entered with tourist visa in april 2007. But I am having serious problem with my husband and he suddenly is talking about divorce before trying to find a solution or conciliation. I wonder if he doesn't want to jeopardize our mariage and the process in course, to hurt me. All the fees have been paid by myself with help of my family, because he was complaining to be short of money. In addition, he made me fail the appointment date for the fingerprinter, and I am waiting to be rescheduled. How many time will it take in general?
    My other question is, what can I do if they ask for a document belonging to him if he has the willing to stop the process? What can I do, if I can't make him change his mind about our mariage?
    I must precise that we were getting along very well at the beginning, until his ex-wife and daughter discover that he has been married again.
    They began to make me have hard time, especially the daughter, who decided to move with us and decided that she doesn't like me and refused to greed me. Since two months, things are becoming worse and worse, and finally, my husband decided to choose to leave me because I am not trying to understand...(I wonder what?). One of the kids decided to treat me like a furniture in the house, and my husband didn't seem annoyed by the situation.
    His ex-wife still asked for the full custody while they are staying with us since november. Above all, we never make any reception for this mariage and the honeymoon he promised me at the beginning was compromised by the situation.
    He didn't want to understand why I was becoming more and more depressed and unhappy to leave in conditions where I feel out of place. We were living in a one bedroom studio, with his two kids. His son used to be my friend, but lately he has been influenced by the sister.
    And at the beginning of January, he begins to change and becoming really mean with me, but I couldn't imagine that it could turn the way it is today.
    Sometimes I was taking several days to spend in my family to unwind, and he was pissed of because and he was telling me that "it's hell at home when I am not here, and he needed me with him". But he will never do anything to change the situation at home.
    He was too weak and wasn't able to tell any thing to his daughter. So I had to be the helpful victim.
    In january, After eating a desert he brought me from outside, I got a virus the next day, and I was feeling real pain in my chest.
    But he was complaining to waste his time taking me to the doctor. They send me to a dermatologist because I was loosing my hairs too and my stomach was swallened. I had to make blood test, he told me that I have to wait until the next week.
    So, my brother decided to take me to his house and to the laboratory right away. I stayed there until I felt better, but he didnt want to answer to my phone calls, and when I came back, he told me "to get the hell out of his house", in front of the kids. Because I sent him a message saying that "I will not let his 2 beaches ruin my mariage". It was his proper terms talking about his ex-wife and his daughter. But now, he appears offended that I said it. And 3 days after I left, his Attorney sent me a letter telling me that he wants to divorce without conciliation.

    I hope someone could give me some ideas to handle the situation the best way possible.
    I wish you all a nice day.

    Anigna.

    Comment


    • #3
      how long did you know your husband
      before you married him?

      How did you meet?

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi; You have come to the right place for good advice ! You will find many people that will provide helpful and say nice things to you.

        I am not one of them.


        "I have been married 5 months with a USC, and we filed for adjustment of status in november. I was legally entered with tourist visa in april 2007." So you married 5 months after entry hmmm suspicious. You apparently OERSTAYED ILLEGALLY and entered illegally with the intent to immigrate. "But I am having serious problem with my husband and he suddenly is talking about divorce before trying to find a solution or conciliation." A solution to what? Being defrauded?? "I wonder if he doesn't want to jeopardize our mariage and the process in course, to hurt me." So you can hurt him? "In addition, he made me fail the appointment date for the fingerprinter, and I am waiting to be rescheduled. How many time will it take in general?" You are blaming HIM for your failure to show up? "What can I do, if I can't make him change his mind about our mariage?" You want to control someone else ?
        "I must precise that we were getting along very well at the beginning, until his ex-wife and daughter discover that he has been married again. They began to make me have hard time, especially the daughter, who decided to move with us and decided that she doesn't like me and refused to greed me." She is greeding you? I don't know what the **** that means.
        You are A FRAUD !!!! GET OUT !!!
        These people stop at Nothing !

        Death to IMBRA AND VAWA !

        God Bless America and no one else !!!

        Comment


        • #5
          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by davdah:
          She called his daughter a b*tch and wonders why she is being divorced? Amazing!!!! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


          yea duhhh
          These people stop at Nothing !

          Death to IMBRA AND VAWA !

          God Bless America and no one else !!!

          Comment


          • #6
            whoaa misery loves company!

            Comment


            • #7
              well that is just sad.he has the upper hand.there are no children,its just five months.you should try to fix your marriage,I dont know what to say.good luck!

              Comment


              • #8
                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">My other question is, what can I do if they ask for a document belonging to him if he has the willing to stop the process? What can I do, if I can't make him change his mind about our mariage? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                Hi Anigna,

                Welcome to the ILW.com.

                I can't answer with authority what you should do if he doesn't want to go to the process. But regarding your second question, I just think that if he doesn't want to work out his marriage with you, then it reveals what kind of character he has and the nature of your relationship. It seems that he's not a quality person to begin with if he doesn't even want to go to counseling.

                If I were you, I would pick up the pieces and go on with my life. If you want to stay in the US, you can do so by your own without being degraded.

                Good luck.
                Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can.

                --John Wesley

                Comment


                • #9
                  She would need first to get past the first hurdle, which would be to secure the conditional green card. That requires the couple to demonstrate to USCIS that he is willing to be her sponsor, and that the marriage is viable.

                  If within days of proclaiming that he could not "manage without her and wanted her to be with him during her absence", his lawyer presents her with a petition for divorce, I would question first his true commitment to the marriage and his sanity.

                  <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Mrs. B.:
                  <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">My other question is, what can I do if they ask for a document belonging to him if he has the willing to stop the process? What can I do, if I can't make him change his mind about our mariage? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                  Hi Anigna,

                  Welcome to the ILW.com.

                  I can't answer with authority what you should do if he doesn't want to go to the process. But regarding your second question, I just think that if he doesn't want to work out his marriage with you, then it reveals what kind of character he has and the nature of your relationship. It seems that he's not a quality person to begin with if he doesn't even want to go to counseling.

                  If I were you, I would pick up the pieces and go on with my life. If you want to stay in the US, you can do so by your own without being degraded.

                  Good luck. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">when I came back, he told me "to get the hell out of his house", in front of the kids. Because I sent him a message saying that<span class="ev_code_RED"> "I will not let his 2 beaches ruin my mariage</span>". It was his proper terms talking about his ex-wife and his daughter. But now, he appears offended that I said it. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                    Im sure you have realized that you overdid it by saying this about his daughter. Despite what he says about them, you cannot.

                    Whatever were you thinking?

                    He is probably in the process of withdrawing your paperwork due to divorce, and that means that you will be out of status, as your visa has expired. You will be told when to leave the country by letter.

                    I would be looking to getting into a college

                    so that when you return home you can apply for f1 and be able to come back.

                    Best wishes to you and next time remember\

                    Loose lips sinks ship.


                    Best wishes to

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      If I were you I would try to fix my marriage,If it doesnt happen,have a second option .Start meeting people ,go to a church where you can find a nice folk with no kids.well,I think that is the best advice you find in this discussion.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thanks for all your advices.
                        I just want to precise something. I realized that it was too strong to call them the names I did. But I wanted him to react because he didn't answer to my phone calls, and I think that the least he could do after "poisoning" , would be to simply pick up the phone and inquire about how I feel. I said it because I was angry and I knew there were responsible.

                        He refuses to come to the counseling,and wants me to sign the divorce papers they sent me.

                        I have definitely decided to stop worrying about this unfortunate situation and move on in my life.

                        Freddy, I think also that you gave me good advice, because I really hate failing in my life. And I have this sensation to have failed somewhere. Maybe I should be hypocrite and not show my feelings, but I wonder if I would not get a cancer of heart.
                        I feel better now, Because after all, I did my best to make things work, if it doesn't, that's not all my fault. I know also that the reaction he had, is way too harsh comparatively to what I did. If he didn't assure me at the beginning that he didn't have anything to do with his ex-wife and his daughter who abandoned him almost a year before we got married, and who decided suddenly "to show her love to her father", and knowing the level of direspect they display to my husband, of which he chooses to accept, I would never have been married to him.

                        Good evening to all of you.
                        Anigna

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi Anigna,

                          Way to go girl! If in your heart you know that you have done your best, then, that's enough.

                          Again, good luck.
                          Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can.

                          --John Wesley

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I think that if you have tried to save your marriage and It just did not work ,its not your fault,and its not a failure but a lesson in life.I"ve been there and survived.I believe that if things dont work the way we"d like,its because there is something better for us ahead.I would say you can stay in this country and go on with your life.Iam 100% sure ,if he is not the one who is going to make you happy,you"ll find someone who treats you like what you deserve.I can tell you are a woman with a big heart and good feelings.WE"ll pray for you.He is just blind ,but there are many who are not.good luck!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Fredy:
                              I think that if you have tried to save your marriage and It just did not work ,its not your fault,and its not a failure but a lesson in life.I"ve been there and survived.I believe that if things dont work the way we"d like,its because there is something better for us ahead.<span class="ev_code_BLUE">I would say you can stay in this country and go on with your life</span>.Iam 100% sure ,if he is not the one who is going to make you happy,you"ll find someone who treats you like what you deserve.I can tell you are a woman with a big heart and good feelings.WE"ll pray for you.He is just blind ,but there are many who are not.good luck! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>



                              Meaningless words of encouragement lacking tangible advice on how that can actually occur for the poster. Unless of course you are suggesting the poster stay in the usa illegally maybe?

                              In anyway angina2008, If your husband has not already withdrawn your papers, make sure once the divorce is final, they will become invalid if they have not been adjudicated for approval.

                              I have already given you suggestions if you want to stay. Look into college so that when you return home, you will come back on f1 visa.. or you can move on and start looking for a new relationship that may result in a new usc marriage to be able to adjust your status.

                              Comment



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