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The 10 Commandments of Marriage

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  • The 10 Commandments of Marriage

    For all of you men who whine about their wife.
    and for women who doesn't understand your husband


    The 10 Commandments of Marriage

    1 2 3 4 5 (4 votes) Written by Peety
    Tuesday, 22 January 2008




    Commandment 1
    Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.

    Commandment 2
    If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    Commandment 3
    Marriage is grand - and divorce is at least 1000 grand



    Commandment 4
    Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

    Commandment 5
    When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

    Commandment 6
    Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

    Commandment 7
    Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

    Commandment 8
    Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

    Commandment 9
    Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.

    Commandment 10
    A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.


    BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
    A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, 'It really works

  • #2
    Before marriage....

    He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
    She: Do you want me to leave?
    He: No! Don't even think about it.
    She: Do you love me?
    He: Of course! Over and over!
    She: Have you ever cheated on me?
    He: No! Why are you even asking?
    She: Will you kiss me?
    He: Every chance I get.
    She: Will you hit me?
    He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
    She: Can I trust you?
    He: Yes.
    She: Darling!

    Afte r marriage....
    Simply read from bottom to top.

    Comment


    • #3
      then there is the 11th commandment:
      Thou shalt not marry a Salvadorean with a microscopic pe nis named fredy

      Comment


      • #4
        #12 dont marry a person from India,they are cheap,they have intercourse with bulls,ask someome 12 ,he is the product of a woman with a bull.

        Comment


        • #5
          Ah, but you forgot the most important thingL NO MONEY, NO HONEY! LOL
          "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

          Comment


          • #6
            Ah, but you forgot the most important thingL NO MONEY, NO HONEY! LOL
            LOL! yep, "Yours is mine, Mine is all mine!"

            so men should know this stop whining your wife
            married you for the money hehehe

            Comment


            • #7
              Marriage 101 - - A Beginner's Guide to Marriage
              From Sheri & Bob Stritof,
              Your Guide to Marriage.

              Marriage 101: Before You Set a Wedding Date
              Just starting out on your marriage journey? Here's some of what you need to know to have a successful marriage.
              If you are considering getting married, or are just beginning your own marriage journey, here's your own Marriage 101 and help in creating a successful marriage relationship.


              A)Know why you are getting married. If your motives are unrealistic, you may find yourself having unfulfilled expectations.

              Right and Wrong Reasons to Get Married
              1.Want to be free from parents.

              2.To have s*x.

              3.To ease loneliness.

              4.To be happy.

              5.To be an adult.

              6.Because of a pregnancy.

              7.He or she loves you.

              8.For money.

              9.For immigration purposes.

              Right Reasons to Get Married

              1.You are in love with one another.

              2.A desire to share your life with another.

              3.To have a lifetime companion.

              4.Realistic expectations.

              5.Willingness to fulfill one another's needs and desires.


              B.)Accept that living together and being married are different. Marriage is more than sharing a home and having s*x.



              C.)Recognize that many myths of marriage can tear your marriage apart.


              D.)Deal with realities and expectations to keep your marriage strong.

              E.)Talk with one another about important issues before you walk down the aisle.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by speed_025:
                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Ah, but you forgot the most important thingL NO MONEY, NO HONEY! LOL
                LOL! yep, "Yours is mine, Mine is all mine!"

                so men should know this stop whining your wife
                married you for the money hehehe </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


                Shhhh. Quit giving away our secrets

                Comment


                • #9
                  Speed, lol. Thanks for the laugh.
                  you're welcome IP.

                  It's a reminder for men whiners! lol

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Shhhh. Quit giving away our secrets
                    I know Sis..

                    but how can they not know?

                    Ok Men specially those who married in court.
                    This is what the judge usually say...

                    Listen to your wife.

                    Every word, you missed one word your in deep doo doo.

                    Obey your wife, if you wanna watch your football
                    game peacefully


                    remember this marriage is all about her.

                    and the say..... I DO!!

                    hehehehe

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      At the wedding all they think about is after the wedding. LMAO!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Nice posts!
                        Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can.

                        --John Wesley

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by speed_025:
                          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Shhhh. Quit giving away our secrets
                          I know Sis..

                          but how can they not know?

                          Ok Men specially those who married in court.
                          This is what the judge usually say...

                          Listen to your wife.

                          Every word, you missed one word your in deep doo doo.

                          Obey your wife, if you wanna watch your football
                          game peacefully


                          remember this marriage is all about her.

                          and the say..... I DO!!

                          hehehehe </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
                          Easy, Men are from Mars and Women afr from Venus
                          "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Easy, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus
                            Boy, is that ever a true statement!!!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              quote:
                              Easy, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus


                              Boy, is that ever a true statement!!!!

                              God Bless America and everyone else!
                              Hudson, ProudUSC, remember you guys promised women the moon and stars long time ago.

                              and " Thy will be done!" lol

                              Remember men, my advice to all

                              Love your wife with all your heart, soul, assets and money and she will cuddle you forever.

                              Love and marriage is like a business , only I remind you once again, you're hiring a Boss.

                              My advice to women...

                              Get a job.. help your husband with the bills ( oh well, just the water, cable, phone
                              and electric) let him take care of the rest.
                              We need to save the rest for shopping 101.

                              If your husband gives you excuses when he missed
                              to answer your call. ( assign Star Spangled Banner for his ringtone) I swear to God he'll answer right away.

                              Go out fishing and boating with him on the weekend, but don't forget to bring your fortable DVD and your romamce movies.Give him praise even he caugth a ****** carp. Hehe.

                              And remember they're easy to please...( 3 things) TV, Beer, and Get naked.

                              Comment



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