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**Sugarpuff** · 01-26-2007, 07:45 AM

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you MIGHT have self esteem issues. You identify your self as "Dr" and then admit that you have to manipulate a situation to get married. You can not be a good partner in marriage if you are not ok with yourself. If the green card is part of the marriage-decision equation then it is all of the equation. Kind of like in mathematics when you add a negative number to an equation, the whole equation becomes negative.

If she loves you then she will stay with you regardless of her immigration status...right? I suggest you help her find another job where they will support a status change from F-1 to H-1 or help her go to graduate school and continue in F-1 status. Both are less costly and easier than obtaining the green card.

You can be in for a world of hurt if you marry someone whose main intention is to get the green card. I think the best thing for a USC who is going to start a relationship with a non immigrant is to say the following : I am a permanent resident not a citizen (say you came here as a child and never got the paperwork filed). If they love you for you this won't matter. However, if what they want is a green card, you will never see them again as a green card base on marriage to a permanent resident takes forever.

**Dr. Lavoisier** · 01-26-2007, 07:56 AM

I understand your advice. I was going to marry her but ask her to file for an F-1 extension. By the time she is done with her graduate program, we will be married for at least 2 years and she can move to Boston. Do you think that is a better course of action.

**Dr. Lavoisier** · 01-26-2007, 08:00 AM

My the way I am using such alias, Dr.lavoisier, it is because I got the nickname when I was in chemistry class in high school. No self-esteem problem, just a nickname.

Originally posted by Sugarpuff:
Please don't take this the wrong way, but you MIGHT have self esteem issues. You identify your self as "Dr" and then admit that you have to manipulate a situation to get married. You can not be a good partner in marriage if you are not ok with yourself. If the green card is part of the marriage-decision equation then it is all of the equation. Kind of like in mathematics when you add a negative number to an equation, the whole equation becomes negative.

If she loves you then she will stay with you regardless of her immigration status...right? I suggest you help her find another job where they will support a status change from F-1 to H-1 or help her go to graduate school and continue in F-1 status. Both are less costly and easier than obtaining the green card.

You can be in for a world of hurt if you marry someone whose main intention is to get the green card. I think the best thing for a USC who is going to start a relationship with a non immigrant is to say the following : I am a permanent resident not a citizen (say you came here as a child and never got the paperwork filed). If they love you for you this won't matter. However, if what they want is a green card, you will never see them again as a green card base on marriage to a permanent resident takes forever.

**Sugarpuff** · 01-26-2007, 08:03 AM

You have to stick to your resolve. The F-1 requires one to be a full time student. She will argue that a green card will allow her to have a more flexible schedule.

The more she talks about immigration with you the less she is talking about being with you in my opinion.

**chizuki** · 02-07-2007, 03:56 PM

I was exactly in the same situation 5 years ago. After graduated from university, I got a work permission valid for one year and my company did not want to support my working permit after that. I told my boyfriend my problem and he suggensted me that I extend F1 visa and go to master course. I extended F1 visa since there was no other way. At that time we have dated for 3 years and we were planing to get married in the future. Also, both of us knew how much it would cost if I go to master course. I often tried not to think why he wanted me to extend F1 instead of filing paper for marriage. I felt really sad because I would do paper work for him if he were in my situation. At the last semester of master course, we bought a house and he proposed me. When he proposed me, I was really surprised at the fact that I was not happy, rather somehow I felt anger towards him. I felt he proposed me now because he knew I would graduate soon and start working on my own with a working visa granted after the course. We dated almost 4 years and I ended the relationship since it was difficult for me to remove the doubt. This is from my experience. If you are not sure if you will have a future with her at the moment, do not marry. If you belive you want a future togher with her, then file for the paper.

**HBKHBK** · 02-07-2007, 07:20 PM

WHY IS THIS DUDE POSTING THE SAME POST AGAIN????

you'll get the same responds from us as before.

Fraudsters will not establish anything, your g-f will be sent home,one way or the other.PERIOD!

**Sugarpuff** · 02-08-2007, 05:51 AM

Hey Chizuki,

If you really loved this person you would not judge him for trying to protect himeself. Green card motivated marriages can devistate people if they do not work out.

If you were not a selfish person you would not demand others rearrainge their lives to suit you

If you had more self esteem, you would would have decided from the beginning that you and you alone would be responsible for your immigration status. This means the ONLY option you would have pursued would have been student status to H status to employer sponsored green card.

I think it is best that you ended the relationship, but I think it is a shame that you blame your former boyfriend for not wanting to sponsor your visa.

In todays world many many people are truly victimized by people who use "love" and marriage as a means to a green card. Your boyfriend probably thought that if you loved him, it would not matter how you got the green card.

I hope you are indeed better off now without him, but I do think he is better off without you

**Dr. Lavoisier** · 02-08-2007, 06:16 AM

Chizuki,
Did you have to go back to your country to extend your F1 visas. What paperwork did you have to file.

**chizuki** · 02-08-2007, 02:39 PM

Dr. Lav

She needs to go back the U.S embassy in her country to extend F1 visa. To extend it, she will need to bring I-20 from the school. Good luck.

Hi sugarpuff,

I don't know what is right and wrong on this matter. I just wrote down how I felt when I was in that situation. If I am sure I will be with this person for the rest of my life, it does not matter when to marry. If I am not sure about the future with the person, then I won't do it, I won't be in the relationship.

**chizuki** · 02-08-2007, 03:03 PM

Dr,

It is better to bring a transcript from the previous school to show her GPA. Good luck.

**dmartmar** · 02-12-2007, 11:03 AM

After graduated from university, I got a work permission valid for one year and my company did not want to support my working permit after that. I told my boyfriend my problem and he suggensted me that I extend F1 visa and go to master course. I extended F1 visa since there was no other way. At that time we have dated for 3 years and we were planing to get married in the future. Also, both of us knew how much it would cost if I go to master course. I often tried not to think why he wanted me to extend F1 instead of filing paper for marriage. I felt really sad because I would do paper work for him if he were in my situation.

So here, you expected your BF to marry you only to get a GC and finish your studies.

At the last semester of master course, we bought a house and he proposed me. When he proposed me, I was really surprised at the fact that I was not happy, rather somehow I felt anger towards him. I felt he proposed me now because he knew I would graduate soon and start working on my own with a working visa granted after the course.

But here, b/c you finished your studies anyway, you dump him.

What a lucky guy to have lost you!

**Kumna** · 02-12-2007, 11:44 AM

I know this thread is not about Chizuki,
but I can't help it, I have to tell you this: what you did is PURELY and EVILY WRONG. PERIOD.
If you really loved this guy, you would not be pissed that he did not sponsor you. And you think you are better off now? Hold your breath. Such a behavior is going to follow you through out your life. You cannot manipulate people like that. If you find another man and play mind games like that, be ready for some hard fall. PEACE !

**explora** · 02-12-2007, 11:07 PM

chizuki,

Maybe you should've given more consideration to the fact that you had a guy that is very cautious in his decision making? Maybe he doesn't go through life haphazardly making decisions. That would've been a desirable trait for making solid decisions in the future. Maybe he knew he couldn't afford the master course and marriage/house at the same time. You stated the course is expensive. So is marriage and buying into property when one isn't adequately prepared. At least he wasn't going into this aspect of life until you both were prepared and he was doing so toward the end of your program. And you, strangely enough, you acted on your anger and ended the relationship near time of your graduation. Perfect timing on your part, eh? You could've ended it much sooner but you didn't, you waited. You waited just like he did but you're the one that backed out. But not until you were close to receiving your master's degree did you act on your anger. Yeah, perfect timing on your part.

Would you really want someone that isn't cautious of what they do? No, you shouldn't have been offended. You should've been proud that you had a guy that is calculative. Are you just offended or do you even miss the guy at all? If you're that offended then maybe you yourself had alterior motives and he sensed it and he wanted things to be more concrete. Remember, you were the one that really needed a marriage, not him. Unfortunately for you, you lost a good guy.

But at any rate, you're working, that's the objective for obtaining your degree. It wasn't in Home Economics or Family Studies, was it?

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