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Most of you will think I have lost my mind

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  • Most of you will think I have lost my mind

    Well, it's my true personal story I want to get off of my chest on this board where all different kinds of problems are discussed.
    I came to the U.S. in 1996 and was on F1 for 4 years while attended university. After graduation I started working and went onto getting my H1B and startd the employment based GC application. Later I was laid off and lost everything, fell out of status and felt totally devastated.
    I met my USC girlfriend/(later fiancee) to whom I admitted my immigration situation and she was very loving and understanding. We were together for a year when we got engaged and started planning the wedding for six months later. She would always tell me how much she loved me, that everything will be ok with us once I fix my status in the U.S. I must mention it was a real relationship not for the GC. However, my dear fiancee became too happy and too confident about her soon becoming a wife and that she thought she got me and will never lose me. She started having this bossy attitude which I could not stand and could not discuss with her because she was not receptive at all.
    Guess what? I was so freaking tired of my out of status situation and the hassle that I bought a flight ticket and left the U.S. three weeks before the wedding knowing that I was facing the 10 year bar. I did not and still don't give a dam about papers or anything. I could have easily become a PR one day but it was not worth it. Every morning I get up now I tell myself that I did the right thing.
    As I said, I pretty much closed the gate behind me because of the 10 year bar and devastated her and her family which I did not mean too.
    It was the ****tiest feeling to see her and her whole family cry; they loved me a lot. My ex-fiancee and her mom will not get over this.
    Now, I am starting a new life and a great life alone in another beautiful country.

  • #2
    Well, it's my true personal story I want to get off of my chest on this board where all different kinds of problems are discussed.
    I came to the U.S. in 1996 and was on F1 for 4 years while attended university. After graduation I started working and went onto getting my H1B and startd the employment based GC application. Later I was laid off and lost everything, fell out of status and felt totally devastated.
    I met my USC girlfriend/(later fiancee) to whom I admitted my immigration situation and she was very loving and understanding. We were together for a year when we got engaged and started planning the wedding for six months later. She would always tell me how much she loved me, that everything will be ok with us once I fix my status in the U.S. I must mention it was a real relationship not for the GC. However, my dear fiancee became too happy and too confident about her soon becoming a wife and that she thought she got me and will never lose me. She started having this bossy attitude which I could not stand and could not discuss with her because she was not receptive at all.
    Guess what? I was so freaking tired of my out of status situation and the hassle that I bought a flight ticket and left the U.S. three weeks before the wedding knowing that I was facing the 10 year bar. I did not and still don't give a dam about papers or anything. I could have easily become a PR one day but it was not worth it. Every morning I get up now I tell myself that I did the right thing.
    As I said, I pretty much closed the gate behind me because of the 10 year bar and devastated her and her family which I did not mean too.
    It was the ****tiest feeling to see her and her whole family cry; they loved me a lot. My ex-fiancee and her mom will not get over this.
    Now, I am starting a new life and a great life alone in another beautiful country.

    Comment


    • #3
      Good job man. You have a gut and courage to start a new fresh live again and this is something I keep thinking about doing it after living under stinky fears and laws..If I would not have established anything in this country, I would be doing the same way. Good luck with your new plans/life.

      Comment


      • #4
        A good green card is not worth a bad marriage. You made the right decision.

        Comment


        • #5
          Some might think you made the right choice and gain your freedom, others might think you're a self-serving b-a-s-tard who just want to feel better about himself. Its all in the eye of beholder.

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          • #6
            What a dumb a ss! You shoulda got the GC!
            Sweet Madame Belu

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            • #7
              Good to hear you're happy now.

              Is there any way to turn off the word censor, by the way? I can't help trying to figure what they are.

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              • #8
                you have done the right thing by choosing self respect and making a right long term life choice. Truth to the matter, you marriage was not going to last if your almost wife was not receptive then. Personally, I do not think GC worth a horrible and controlling marriage/relationship.
                ...Mistake Recognized is half corrected ...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hello Andrew

                  It takes a great deal of courage and respect for one's self to do what you did. I applaud you and admire you. In your conversation I did not hear you mention love for your fiance.. just her love. It appears that you are honest with yourself and although you had strong feelings, they were not love, and the marriage would not have endured. Good 4u that greencard was not enough to have ultimately destroyed this human beings life enventually. Yes you did do the right thing for all involved.

                  Hopefully someday it will heal and you can keep intouch as friends, as it sounds like it was just a good friendship anyway and nothing more.
                  Sounds like you did not go back to your country of origin for whatever reason. But best wishes in your new life. 10 years goes by like nothing sometime. We will see u again

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    you did good i think, because:
                    - you made a decision ... now that sounds simple, but every decision you make in life should be well-thought about ... especially a big one like that
                    - you actually did what you decided to ... and stuck with all that stuff after that ... BUT hey, if you would be in the US ... would you be happy now ? would your wife be happy ? does it matter anymore ?
                    - by doing such a clean cut you also made it easier for your almost in-law family ... yes, i bet they had a tough time, BUT a fast clean cut may hurt a lot, but heals faster too than slow and time consuming ....

                    in the end the question is not if it was right or wrong .... can we ever know if we are right or wrong ? do we have to know ?
                    i left everyone in my homecountry ... family and friends to go to the US and i am happy .... and if you are happy now, then you reached your goal and this is should be the only thing on your interest (might sound egoistic, but this is how it should be)
                    ^_^

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      What a pity! You only think about you, but how about a person, who was loving you unconditionally, and her family too. You did not even try to work the things out in the relation, and walked away like a coward. Were you in true love? I don't think so. Because if you were, then you would have work the things out regardless of having green card or not. Relationship is more than having status or green card. If I would be your girlfriend, then I will be blessed being without a man like you, who will probably have walked away from the relationship like a coward even if we were married. When you realized that you can have good life in other country, just walked away from the relationship by putting your girlfriend down as if there was never a relationship. You should be ashamed on yourself.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Staffi

                        a thump on the head to your thinking. Andrew more than explained and proved by his actions that he was not willing to marry for status or a greencard. He also by his actions is not a coward! a coward would have stayed and got greencard then left her.A coward would have pretended and would have ended up doing emotional damage. He can be proud and so his girlfriend and family be proud that he had the nerve to follow his heart, and not what everyone expected him

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          When a person makes themself "unapproachable", where any direction that you go in is going to be the WRONG direction, not much you can do. Sounds to me like he looked at all of the circumstances and decided what appeared to be the best for everyone. What good would it have done to start World War III? Without years of psychotherapy for a control freak, NONE.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hey Staffi
                            I saw few of your posts... Conclusion: Learn how to write (and think, though that wont be possible), you, illiterate t.r.a.s.h!!!

                            English Grammar - 2nd grade
                            "Because if you were, then you would have work the things out regardless of having green card or not. "

                            should read:
                            "Because if you HAD BEEN, then you would have workED the things out..."

                            "that govt is been so nice for not prosecuting these people"

                            should read:
                            "that govt HAS/HAD been so nice for not prosecuting these people"

                            "If I can just wish then I would pray that these law breakers to have been detained for many years for breaking our laws."
                            THIS ONE NEEDS A MAJOR REWORDING - AINT EVEN CLEAR WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY.
                            whats clear though is the fact that either English is not your native language, or you are a complete I.D.I.OT!

                            You're d.u.m.b, man, mentally challenged in both spelling and reasoning, so do yourself a favor and go hide somewhere!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Yes, English is not my native language. Yes, I am d u m b. Yes, I am an i d i ot. Do you feel better now? Is this forum about finding whose English is better, or what is someone's native language or is this forum a English learning school? I think you are on wrong forum. As you are allowed to express your views then I feel I have the same right about expressing my views that I feel appropriate, and I will do that as long this forum would remain a public forum than your personal forum, Mr professor.

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