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  • Only in America...

    Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

    Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

    Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

    Only in America ......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

    Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'blood******* creatures'.

    Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

    -------------------------

    EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

    Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

    Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

    ------------------

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

    On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
    Sweet Madame Belu

  • #2
    Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

    Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

    Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

    Only in America ......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

    Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'blood******* creatures'.

    Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

    -------------------------

    EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

    Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

    Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

    Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

    ------------------

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

    On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
    Sweet Madame Belu

    Comment


    • #3
      Very cute... lol

      Comment


      • #4
        Jo

        Swedish chainsaw... yikes.



        Thanks for the entertainment!

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks, I can't take all the credit, The Pasha sent it to me.
          Sweet Madame Belu

          Comment


          • #6
            I m glad you guys had fun ... this was for fun purpose only but nothing else.... Jo ... I m glad u posted it on ILW.... U r the real Queen of Punjabi... I didnt even think of posting it ... But its good to laugh sometime with serious info....

            Comment


            • #7
              Yes I am!
              Sweet Madame Belu

              Comment


              • #8
                Hey Ladies.......that was funny. i had read it before, but enjoyed it again.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Jo I needed a laugh today, thank you. Hubby had a laugh to as some are in reference to the UK and he is english.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I enjoyed that! Goodness that took a load off....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      it's only funny when it comes from the group that's being addressed, these sound like the jokes white supremists tell eachother about blacks... and it's really funny how everyone howls "rascist" and what have you when we say something...why don't you guys make a

                      Only in [fill the blank]... list of your country of origin, remember the country that you guys dread so badly that you don't want to stay there...?

                      I bet it would never end!

                      Only in America is it safe to be unpopular!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        AceIaw,

                        Whats wrong with your sense of humor? Didn't you read it was for fun purpose only? There is nothing serious ... its about we see everyday ... but no offense to anyone ... didn't you read other countries name in there too .... This was the reason probably I didn't want to post it ... but see it made people at least laugh with everyday stressful discussion

                        I hope it brought little smile on your face somewhere ...Have a great day...Pasha

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          See, Pasha? I TOLD you we'd get a party ****er.

                          AceIaw, go drink some prune juice, you will feel better.
                          Sweet Madame Belu

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hey Jo

                            Thanks for the levity.

                            I have to disagree with AceIaw's comparison to racist jokes of white supremacy. I fail to see anything ethnic or racist abut any of the lines that were written here.

                            I am sure everyone from their country could write a "ONLY IN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ " and it would be things that were only germaine or relative to that country. Without bringing any kind of offensive ethnicity to the table. As in JO's material.

                            So who's brave..... in the continuing Saga of

                            ONLY IN (some other country)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Most of the things ... I would say 100% mentioned in post ...we see everyday ... here no offense intended ... those things does everyone ... be it USC, Indian, Pakistani, Mexican ... LOL ...that's how we live in society ... there is no racism at all ...we all do these things still we don't realize or never get a chance to think about it ... I guess its fun with some real facts .... No offense to anyone

                              Comment



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