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Courts say I have to choose between Adopting my Grandson or my Foreign Fiance/Please Help!

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  • Courts say I have to choose between Adopting my Grandson or my Foreign Fiance/Please Help!

    I really need any advice that is out there, Please. I am so hurt and so torn that I just don't know what to do.

    I have raised my grandchild since he was just a baby. I have had custody of him for over a year and a half now under SRS. The courts are telling me that if I bring my Foreign Fiance over then I will not be allowed to adopt my grandson or get Legal Permanent Guardianship because then they would not be able to do a back ground check for security on my Fiance since he is from another country. He has resided in three countries and they said they would need to check all three of these. He is Muslim and originally from Morocco. They have already labeled him as a terrorist and didn't hesitate to tell it to my face.

    Please, please anyone. My heart is so broken. I just don't know what to do. I can't choose over two people who are the most important people in my life over the other.

    I told the courts that he has to have official papers and documents to be able to come over in the first place and asked them if this would work. You know what they asked me?????? How will they know if those papers would be official or not?

    I know that this is a really deep and complicated request, but I am just hoping someone with a little knowledge will stumble over my post and will be able to give me anything, just anything to help me get started in being able to prove he does not have a police record or criminal background in which they would accept.

    I have to make a decision very soon or I may loose my grandson "( "( "(

    So Sad and Hurting!

  • #2
    I really need any advice that is out there, Please. I am so hurt and so torn that I just don't know what to do.

    I have raised my grandchild since he was just a baby. I have had custody of him for over a year and a half now under SRS. The courts are telling me that if I bring my Foreign Fiance over then I will not be allowed to adopt my grandson or get Legal Permanent Guardianship because then they would not be able to do a back ground check for security on my Fiance since he is from another country. He has resided in three countries and they said they would need to check all three of these. He is Muslim and originally from Morocco. They have already labeled him as a terrorist and didn't hesitate to tell it to my face.

    Please, please anyone. My heart is so broken. I just don't know what to do. I can't choose over two people who are the most important people in my life over the other.

    I told the courts that he has to have official papers and documents to be able to come over in the first place and asked them if this would work. You know what they asked me?????? How will they know if those papers would be official or not?

    I know that this is a really deep and complicated request, but I am just hoping someone with a little knowledge will stumble over my post and will be able to give me anything, just anything to help me get started in being able to prove he does not have a police record or criminal background in which they would accept.

    I have to make a decision very soon or I may loose my grandson "( "( "(

    So Sad and Hurting!

    Comment


    • #3
      I don't know much about adoption, but is there a possibility that you could get the adoption out of the way first, and then apply for the K-1 for your fiance. Given these circumstanes, I am sure he would be willing to wait.

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      • #4
        Unless the grandson is really good in bed and you don't mind sharing a cell with Michael Jackson, I would choose the fiance

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        • #5
          Come on Michael - this woman does not know you...and cannot appreciate the humour in all of this!

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          • #6
            Sheham:

            Please give a little more information. What is SRS? When you say "the courts" who are you talking about? If you'll answer my questions, I'll try to help.

            Okie Celt

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            • #7
              The only reason I can tink of that would make it impossible for you to sponsor two people would be that you're not making enough money. I don't see why the clearance for one would matter in the others, either they're clear or they're not, why would it matter if one is and the other then can't clear or not??

              That's where I'm confused; but first Micahel, I think Saheem is a male because a grandmother would never choose a "fiancee" over a grandchild. In my opinion a blood relative should always proceed anything else, there is also the aging out factor. Once that grandchild turns 18 it won't be possible to adopt him. Fiancees will come and go as always... so it's your choice... I realy don't see where the connection is between having to make a decision other than that you can't support two aliens financially, otherwise it's pretty clear, isn't it?

              Comment


              • #8
                I dont think the guardian has any right to tell you who you can or cant marry unless its proven he is a danger to the child. Being muslim doesnt mean they are guilty by virtue of religion. With that logic they could assume that the pope is a child molester because of all those other priests who were found guilty of molestation. You could further assume all child star pop singers who have undergone massive plastic sugery are child molesters, and all elvis impersonators use drugs. Its just ridiculous logic. I would get a great civil liberties union lawyer, one with a last name that ends in 'stein' is my suggestion. Its just not legal for that type discrimination.

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                • #9
                  Julie:

                  I didn't read into her post that she would be denied adoption- just that they could not get the background check on her fiance, who presumably would be living with the child in the home. I don't know if such background check is typical in adoption cases.. maybe in her area it is...maybe there has been some financial instability and the child protective services are wondering how stable she will be with the child as a permanent guardian especially with an intending immigrant fiance who will also need support.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Your situation is very difficult but I don't believe insurmountable. You do need an attorney - this is way too complicated not to retain an attorney. The courts need to be made aware that the immigration process is now in the hands of the Bureau of Homeland Security and the fiance is checked through the FBI - they are less of a risk to the child than someone in the US. They are only concerned for the welfare of the child - remember that.

                    If all else fails I would do what was previously suggested and allow the adoption to proceed and become finalized then petition for your fiance. You should not have to "choose" - having them all together will build a lovely family. Good luck to you and don't give up or get discouraged - get tough!!!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thank you Every One for your responses and opinions and Michael, I really wish I could see the humor at this moment and time, but I just can't. I am hurting soooooo much.

                      First of all, I will answer Okie's questions. SRS is the Social Rehabilitation Services - The Welfare Services. The Court is the one that will make the final and last decision to what happens with my grandson. I will try to help all of you understand my situation more, but it is a very lengthy story, so please, bare with me.

                      My daughter was living with a man that was abusing my grandson physically. So bad that one day when I picked him up from my daughter's unexpectedly, he was so battered, I took him straight to the hospital. I then filed charges, so my grandson would not have to go back into the situation. Since I did this, this is when the SRS got involved. They then put my grandson in my custody under their care (SRS). They tried to help my daughter and the real father to gain the custody back for the last 1 1/2 years while under my care the whole time, but they have not complied, so I am wanting to adopt him because I know he would never be safe with either one. This whole time, CASA, another case worker has had to come into my home to observe the interaction between my grandson and I to make sure he was safe. The CASA Worker and I got along fine until I went to Italy to be with my fiance. I didn't share this with them because I did not think it was any of their business. Well, my daughter, told them I was going there to meet him. When I got back, the CASA worker didn't even ask me any questions about him or NOTHING. The first thing she said to me is, "I know you will get upset with me for saying this, but I have to tell you. Your daughter told me about this man your were with and I just want you to know that TERRORISTS have such a way of being able to manipulate people, they lie, and they will tell you anything you want to know just to be able to come over." I tried to tell her about my Fiance, but she couldn't get the Terrorist word out of her mouth. While I was gone, she went to the Assistant county attorney and told them that he was a Terrorist and they needed to do a back ground check on him. They told me they tried and there is no way to get information on him. This was after court when they denied me Adoption Rights to tell me all of this, but did not state this in court the reason why they denied me.

                      My Fiance and I met over the internet over 3 and 1/2 years ago and that is why they feel the way the do I guess.

                      I hired a lawyer and they are now telling him I have raised my voice at them and they are now concerned that I need some "Anger Control" Counseling. Oh My God, if it is not one thing it is another.

                      They are willing to give me Permanent Legal Guardianship, but not Adoption, I will have to fight this to the end. If I take this, then this could be an ever-lasting fight until my grandson is 18. He is 4 now. This is a letter I have just recently received from my lawyer:

                      The Assistant County Attorney informs me that if the parents' rights are terminated, the case goes to Kansas Children's Service League (KCSL), the state adoption contractor. KCSL will then decide who should adopt Dawson. You would definitely be considered as an adoptive resource, because your grandson lives with you, has made a lot of progress with you, and you are family. There is, however, no guarantee that KCSL would choose you as the adoptive resource. KCSL has a pool of families who want to adopt children, and they can consider persons from this pool as adoptive resources for Dawson.

                      If not for your impending marriage to your Fiance, I would say that you would probably be chosen as the adoptive resource for Dawson. In the event that KCSL does not choose you as the adoptive resource, you would have to go back in front of the County judge and fight the decision.

                      Complicating this process is your marriage to your Fiance. KCSL must do a homestudy on all potential adoptive parents, and part of this is a background check. KCSL is required to determine if a potential adoptive parent has a criminal record or is on a child abuse registry. If KCSL cannot access your Fiance's records in Morocco, Russia, Italy and where ever else he has resided, then you could well be rejected as an adoptive resource.

                      If you decide that what you want to do is to adopt Dawson, then you probably need to call off the marriage to your fiance. You would have to withdraw from the immigration process as well. When your adoption of your grandson is final, you could revisit the matter. Once again, however, if you are still in the immigration process when KCSL does the home study, they may well require that a background check (of their choice) be done on your fiance and if they cannot do it, there is a very good possibility that they may remove you from consideration as an adoptive parent.

                      I understand that this is a difficult choice, and that it does not seem fair to you that you have to make this choice. The fact remains, however, that Dawson has been abused, and brought into the child in need of care system, and that the system functions this way. If you marry your fiance you may not be able to adopt Dawson.

                      This makes me soooooo sick to my stomach every time that I read it. If I get Permanent Legal Guardianship in which they are willing to give me in the upcoming court case and I bring my Fiance over, they said they can take My Grandson from me anytime. If I fight for Adoption, in which will also be a veryyyyy lengthy process, I still may not get him if I stay involved with my Fiance.

                      I have been divorced for over 18 years now. I am 42 and I have raised three children on my own. My youngest one went off to college the same summer that I got my grandson. I had sooo many plans and one was to be with my Fiance. I have waited and sacrificed my life for so long for my children and now the Courts are asking me to do it again when I feel I shouldn't have to.

                      Please, I don't know what to do. I am hurting soooo deeply being away from my Fiance as it is, but I do love my Grandson so very much.

                      Thank you again everyone for your understanding and your concern. I felt I have had to fight this thing all alone and it is so nice to have the feedback.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I think this is the kind of stuff that needs to be shown to Dateline to show what a piss-poor agency the Child Services really is. That letter is about as discriminatory as it can get, especially coming from a government agency.....

                        Since I know nothing about adoption procedures, I can only offer my condolence Seham, hopefully you'll find a way out of this mess. As other has suggested, enlisting a lawyer assistance seemed to be for the best, at least to explore the possible option. If there's social organizations near you that offers free legal consultation, it'll be a good place to start.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Thank you Marmaduk so much for your response and understanding, but the letter that is written above is the exact words that my lawyer wrote to me and he is from free legal services.

                          I am just soooooo dumbfounded how they could work so hard and for so long to try and get my grandson back with two parents that want nothing to do with him. His real father just got out of jail, AGAIN, and I received a letter just recently stating they wanted to start visitations with my grandson and his father again. His father has only seen my grandson two times within the last Year and a half, was caught with drugs in a Urinalysis test while on probation and then skipped the country side so he would not have to go back to jail again. He is now homeless and was in the SRS (Welfare Office) trying to get Assistance. Here they are helping people out like this, but yet, I am my grandson's blood, I have protected him, loved him and have cared for him since he was born and they judge me???? The man that abused my grandson received only TWO YEARS OF PROBATION, NO JAIL TIME, Even though he already had a criminal record. I am hurting so much and I am just so lost on why they are doing this to me and my grandson. He is so happy here with me. My heart is just crying!

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                          • #14
                            Please anyone, I really am so desperate. I have to give a decision to my lawyer by Tuesday or he said he is going to drop my case.

                            I feel as though my heart is dying. I want so much to be with my Fiance, but I do not want to lose my grandson. Either way, if I can not have them both, my life will never be complete. I feel so hurt and so alone.

                            "(

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Have you tried any other newsgroups?

                              alt.visa.us.marriage-based is a good one

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