quote:

Originally posted by Hudson:

quote:

I can't prove there was a physical relationship between her and her ex, but I can surely show enough evidence that anyone with 'half-a-brain' can figure there was, especially last summer. Just the fact that she's been in communications with him without my knowledge shows deceit. I was told by a friend of mine that with everything I have, I can show that she had no intentions of staying in this marriage with me, that I was being deceived. Perhaps at any hearing if it gets suddenly worse, I could politiely remind her and her councelor of this evidence??? Or no???
Or should I just let things fall as they may, and after all's done with the divorce, go to the INS (USCIS, whatever)?
It seems pointless after the fact...
It could have been a lot worse for me. There could have been children involved! My home and property could have been in MY name! So many things could have happened that didn't.

Should I really pursue getting her removed from the country, or should I let her continue on with her new life

Mike,
Whether she had an emotional affair with her ex or not, it does not prove FRAUD. It may prove unfaithfullness in a divorce. Two seperate matters altogether. Trying to get her kicked out because she hurt you will only prove she was right about you all along. Makes your case harder to deal with in a positive light and eventually, you might say things in court not entirely correct. Don't go down that slippery slope.

If things get worse, you could use your "trump card." However, it is quite possible that her side also knows this and may have planned for such a contengency. It could backfire or it could not. Remember, any evidence you have will need to be given to the other side for expulasory reasons. Failure to do so brings more trouble legally.

II still maintain my premise that the two of you married for the wrong reasons. Again, I am sorry that your marriage ended up in divorce. And I was the one who suggested counseling. Your "property" are protected because they are really not your property since it is in your mother's name. There is very little she can get out of you except alimony based on your business income and that is about it. From what you described, it had a modest income.

Hudson, just to tell you, I do appreciate all the insights you've been sharing, not just in this thread but in the other threads which I happen to read.

For Mike, the matter of getting her removed out of the country or just letting her move on and you also moving on is a personal decision. I can understand if you want to teach her a lesson so that somebody won't have to undergo what you went through just in case she repeats that. Somebody who had been in your place and experienced all those problems/difficulties would probably do exactly that. On the other hand, it's also to your advantage if you just concentrate your energies on moving on. After all, karma will surely even things out. (Personally, I would move on, life's too short for me to get back with these low-quality people, besides, I believe in karma, but then, that's me.)

Good luck!

To Byasha Struzhkin: please don't be angry with me...I responded to another posting of yours on another discussion on here and i may sounded harsh - not slinging anything back and forth and not trying to cause any problems; rather I was asking your stance on something there (i believe it was something with "your kind?")
In any case, for my thread here, thank you very much for your kind words. Hopefully you won't be too angry with me elsewhere.
To everyone here, thank you. I have to go along with the proudUSC person who said about taking the high road and you other kind folks who spoke of just basically keeping the peace and moving on. In all honesty, I'm quite lucky and BLESSED that my properties are not owned by me....and also I never got her pregnant. The pain I feel from loving her so deeply, loving her family, her friends, her country...and then it all being for nothing is what kills me. I have to think I showed them that not all Americans can be scammed, and that there are some of us here that truely are good people, not worthy of being taken advantage of, maybe I did? Or, maybe once they really got to know me, they all figured my ex wasn't going to get anywhere with me and that's when communications began to breakdown between e-mails and the telephone. Perhaps they didn't think I would have been smart enough to find out all I did. I don't know...I can second-guess all this "until the cows come home." Reading other people's absolute horror stories of what they've been through, their pains and sufferings, and what they've lost....oh man. It could have been worse!!!
To Denice....I guess that pain you felt from being abandoned can be more understood by me. I wasn't abandoned in the way you were - but the lack of emotional contact with my wife, the lack of intimacy, communication, etc...it honestly felt like I was abandoned and right under my own roof. I'm sorry for what you went through. If it helps any, I have found my best peace and sanity (especially those times when I "can't believe people can be so cruel"....you know those moments when you're sitting there alone and begin to think and cry) by reading many other people's testimonies in here, and when people give back very good subjective (whether you like it or not) opinions, well, it's been better than all the times I've been through marriage counceling
I don't know if I can prove Adultery from what I have...but I know without a doubtI can prove she had no intentions of staying in the marriage with me by her communications and discussions with her ex. Their "proclamations of love" for each other and making plans for "two more years" is what I would have banked on as being adultery...

I haven't heard of a court date yet. When I do I'll be certain to leave a message here for all my unknown friends and councelors here!

One more item, Davdah you said:
As far as infidelity goes it varies a lot from state to state as to what constitutes cheating. In some you more or less have to catch her in the act of playing hide the pickle. In others it could be just the communication with the X and withholding of affection. It may also have a significant impact on any awards. Some states take into account to a large degree the infidelity factor for property settlement. Just because the asking for money hasn't come up doesn't mean it won't. It could be a surprise they are saving for later on. I wouldn't just mention it to her lawyer. That will do about zero for your defense. All of it needs to be included in the legal briefs. The sharing of evidence is a normal requirement during discovery so don't wait until the last second. It could end up being dismissed due to lack of time to respond from her council.

May I ask you: should I take this up with my lawyer while I'm waiting for the initial court-hearing/appearance date? My 'Dark Side of the Force' wants her out of this country - I don't think it would make a difference to anyone else's situation(s), but I sure would rest easier. The Good Side of the Force just "wants to close this door and be grateful that I've only lost time and emotion spent, and hope for a new door to open." I don't know what's the right or wrong thing to do anymore. I haven't spoken to my lawyer recently. She (my lawyer) is really good, but she's not really fluent on Immigration Law(s). I can't prove my ex was 'playing hide the pickle' (that was funny to read), but I can certainly prove enough for anyone to come to that conclusion. Should I leave things the way they are as "Irreconcible Differences" and wait until the initial hearing-thing, or should I discuss with my lawyer this "Adultery" issue?
Wow, I wrote alot....sorry 'bout that

You definitely should talk to the attorney about the infidelity issue. Although it has no bearing (usually) as to the divorce being granted it may affect spousal support etc. Your just getting started and usually these things are done in stages. The asking for money hasn't come up yet. Rest assured, it will. The infidelity may help substantially in avoiding any support at all. This depends on the state and their laws. In CA it generally doesn't matter. She could have videos posted on the Internet of her and your neighbors and it wouldn't matter. In Texas or Pennsylvania she would get nothing with good evidence of cheating being provided.

Generally irreconcilable differences is the standard way to go as far as the divorce in status goes. Its the rest of it, property division and support where the dirty laundry may have an impact. Just keep in mind you have a conscience and to what extent you have been given compassion and fair play by the other side. In short, watch your back. Much of this may depend on her plans. It may have only been to get a GC. If that was the only goal then the worst is over. There may be more tricks up her and Ivan's sleeve so you should be on guard. Your attorney can probably run down the list of most probable scenarios to watch out for.

quote:

Originally posted by ProudUSC:

quote:

But if you want to have any vindication and resolution it would be wise to at least do something to preserve your dignity.

Davdah - what kind of dignity does one maintain during a mud slinging contest? It is better preserved by taking the high road. What purpose does vindictiveness serve? It will just take more time and energy on his part. He could be using this effort to move on with his life.

The premise wasn't so much about getting a divorce as it was about defending your assets. Usually it doesn't matter why your getting divorced. It may matter when it gets to the stage of asking for your money, property, future earnings and such. There is a proper time and place for being polite and holding your tongue. A divorce court is not one of them.

quote:

She's in college (on a state grant) and she's got full-time work. I've lost five years of my life that I'll never get back. I don't want to spend any more time hating her for taking those years from me. Should I work on having her removed or should I leave it alone...any opinions?

Davdah,

When I offered my opinion, it was based on the quoted statement by the OP. He wasn't talking about division of assets. He was questioning whether to pursue a case of immigration fraud against his wife. I don't understand what satisfaction could be gained by taking such action - other than solely for the purpose of vindication. That is what I meant by taking the high road.

ProudUSC, I have to think you're right about the vindication thing. Reading back on what Mrs.B said about Karma, you both are right. What Davdah said about watching my back is right as well...
I have this funny feeling that something is going to happen. Just a bad feeling, and not something small either.
Last night I had a nightmare that I showed up in court to see her sitting there with a child sitting next to her. I said to her, "who's that!?" She said, "this is my daughter..." THAT kind of bad-feeling, or that kind of surprise - something that I don't know about yet. I need sleep soooooooo bad...

Mike - we can't know your situation because you are the one living it. I feel very bad that she treated you in this manner, but there comes a time to let it go. The longer you hang onto the negative feelings, you won't be able to move forward with your life. I think it's a waste of time to think about how things could have been rather that how they could be going forward. I hope you will be able to reconcile this in your heart so you can get past this and move on with your life. I wish you the best of luck in doing so.

If she were pregnant from you it might actually be a good thing in a weird sort of way. If a women gets pregnant it isn't an accident. If she were only interested in a GC and bringing her incestuous spouse over getting pregnant would be off the list of things to do. If she were pregnant with your child then it is safe to say it wasn't a complete scam. Unless it isn't yours and makes the claim it is. $$$

You have a good argument to force a paternity test since your not living with her anymore. If you were still together you would probably be screwed. It would more than likely be assumed you were the dad and the test would be denied. You should ask your lawyer about this just in case. Some states have very screwy laws and in most cases they are set up to make sure the mother collects money from someone, dad or not.

I agree with you Proudusc about moving on. But not until this is over. He needs to stay focused on the here and now and deal with it.

Mike, I have read your postings here and if you read mine, you will know we are living similar nightmares.

You should be aware of the fact that this forum is also read by and a resource for those whose purposes are Pro Immigration, Pro Immigrant (legal or otherwise), including the allies of Immigration Fraud/Sham Marriages and others crimes against America, Americans and Men like us.

Additionally, be aware of the fact that your postings are subject to open display/advertisement on the WEB and all that such can mean. I have been advised not to post on this forum but, how else can people like us make contact with others dealing with the same nightmare?

I also believe it is important that you realize that your "Wife" will be able to become a portal/gateway for others to come to this country and do the same as has been done to you, me and many others..mostly men with more heart than brains. I know first hand of several connected to my situation who are literally advertising/promoting immigration Services and "Russian/Ukrainian/Belarussian" women interested in "Serious Relationships" on the WEB. I am not worried about their knowing that I know, as their doings have already been extensively documented.

If you want to contact me via the Private Topic option here, I will give you some contacts here and in your "Wife's" country that may help you be a little less of a victim. I don't mind saying that as it stands our laws, courts and support groups are very bias against men and you will find it expensive, if not impossible, obtaining justice in a divorce court but, you may be able to be a little less of a victim and help other "Men" avoid the same plight.

The Truth May Be Surpressed But Not Strangled.

Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get back in here and continue/finish off my thread. I wanted to update this here and tell you what's been happening since I last posted (1/28/08).
Looking back on that posting, I had said I had a bad feeling that something was going to happen and I wasn't quite sure what it was. Wouldn't you believe shortly after saying that, I found out that my (now) ex-wife's ex-husband is living in Canada and has apparently been living there this entire time! I was always told that he lived in Northern Odessa, Ukraine, and that's how they "just by accident ran into each other last summer." I have absolutely no idea if he and she ever crossed paths here, but as I mentioned before, she and he had crossed paths in Ukraine when she was there on a visit to her family. How ironic and convenient that they were in the same country, the same city, the SAME BLOCK ADDRESS, at the same time??? No way...
During the course of the past few months, my lawyer used the situation of her moving in with my Mom's (now) ex-boyfriend to my advantage. My lawyer and I agreed that even though nothing may be "going on" between them (he's 69, she's 33...but it's still possiblt nothing physical was going on) she was using him as a "sugardaddy." She must have pulled the right heart strings with him as she had done with me. At one point, he became a real threatening ****. My ex was apparently greasing him up with her lies and stories (as she had done with me over the past four years) and the dumb **** fell for it all. He had NEVER said anything to me after she moved in with him, and shortly after this move, he broke up with my Mom, taking back his stuff he left at her house and also an engagement ring he had given her. Then, he decided to call my mother's work and tried to get her into trouble, tried to call my accountant and the IRS to say he "thinks" I'm running my business illegally, etc., and so on. It got to a point that I wrote to my ex in late February threatening her to stop telling people AND him her lies or I was going to do anything I had to go to get her deported and she can forget about the last four years here. She had the "*****" to take that e-mail, alter it, and went to the police and had a restraining order placed on me, which also named my mother's ex-boyfriend! When my lawyer got word of the restraining order, she began to demand that we see what Svetlana submitted as evidence of the elleged threat(s). She altered the e-mail to make it sound like I was threatening her life as opposed to just threatening to get her deported, according to the police officer that took her report. I never got to see the altered e-mail. I had no idea if I could do something like this, but I was so very tired of her and her lies, I was ready to get another job to just pay for her deportation and plane ticket! The order stayed on me until May 8th when a court date came around for the restraining order. Apparently (and very conveniently) she wanted the restraining order dismissed, and since we were "already there in court" she wanted to get this divorce done with. I have to think my harsh letter to her was the straw that broke the camel's back. As of May 8th, my divorce was completed, and for a second time, she claimed back her maiden name. She had claimed back her maiden name during her first divorce....I don't know what's the significance to this other than it's nice to know she won't be carrying around my name. Anyway, my ex and her lawyer wanted to know who was the INS agent that I spoke too and met with back in January. You see, that month I decided I couldn't sit around and wait for something to happen any longer. I wasn't eating, sleeping, nothing. You can tell by re-reading my last post here how stressed I was. I was angry that I was so taken advantage of over the past four years and that it was possible she was going to try and get support out of me either through the State or the INS. I decided to call and visit my local office and I had handed them a nice big package of copies of all the chat pages between her and her ex-husband, the pictures of when their webcams were "active", her activities of trying to get her entire family into the green card lottery over there, and a two page letter explaining I want my name removed from all documents of support due to the evidence I had just submitted. I had also mailed this same package up to Vermont so that at least it was also in the hands of my local central hub. I was told, "thank you - it will be taken care of." No conditions were ever filed or lifted from her green card. Even after two and a half years, she was still a "conditional" green card holder. I had learned that this is why they actually have three years, not two, on the set conditions. Apparently most people think it's only two. How convenient that just after two years of receiving her green card her first ex-husband made the mistake of e-mailing her to her regular e-mail address, to which I had the password too!

To all of you: I have YET to meet ONE former member of the Soviet Union, man or woman, that does NOT have some kind of dark streak to them. Even the ones that seem so genuine and so sincere....eventually SOMETHING comes out that's made me think, "oh my God!" I know we all have hidden secrets and things we keep from each other, but NOT like these people do. Perhaps it's a long carry-over from the Stalin days. I'm not sure but I can certainly write a thick book of the stories I've learned. Even as recently as just before my divorce, this one young man, Andriy, was working for me on weekends at my greenhouse business. He's legal but his wife up until last November was illegal. She came into the country on a work visa, and when the time was up on it she went to Pittsburgh to hide out with some friends of hers. One year later, she met Andriy there, and a year later, she had a child, while being illegal, on HIS health insurance, at a local hospital...and no one, not the hospital, not the insurance company, nobody reported her illegal status. Two months ago I suffered a newly herniated disc in my lower back. I was visiting my Chiropractor on a regular basis until the pain and swelling went down. Andriy approached me at the end of April and asked me if my doctor is a friend of mine. I said, "Professionally, yes....personally, no." He said, "see if you can have him use my insurance for your visits so you don't have to pay so much money." I said, "I can't do that." He said, "Sure you can! If he is friend he can do this for you! Trust me!" I told him I appreciated him thinking of me (in such an odd way) but what he was suggesting was insurance fraud and illegal and I would never do something like that. He said, "it's your money..." Nice thought, right? I can't afford health insurance because the premiums are so high - between the illegals having babies and "this suggestion" of Andriy's I can see better now as to why.

Eight years ago I would have defended people by saying, "they all can't be bad." For the many number of people I've met, for those that I've met that are illegally here and legally here, for all those that I met over there, I can't even begin to tell you some of the horror stories that I've learned. IT COULD HAVE BEEN MUCH WORSE FOR ME! She could have gotten pregnant! My child could now be in the hands of her first ex-husband! She could have gotten my home and property (had it not been the property of my mother since 1977.) Trust me people! SHE TRIED to get my properties, including my business, while living with my mom's ex!!! Her and her free lawyer tried many avenues to clean me out. Even today she's still with my mom's ex and I'm quite sure she's making plans with her first ex-husband. I can honestly say my success is really due to having a good lawyer.
My "real first" red flag was when after three months of being married, her first ex-husband's best friend called to our house.....from Spain! Already knowledged to her first ex and all that transpired between them, I asked her, "who is he, what is he doing calling from Spain and HOW did he get this number?" Her answer was," he's my ex's best friend that I'm still friends with and he was just calling to say hello." FROM SPAIN? And her mother gave him my phone number??? No way... I should have pulled the plug on this whole thing long ago, but in all fairness I kept thinking that maybe I was just being overly paranoid and things will work out. They sure did work out and five years is gone, along with all those family members and friends that I had met, loved, and cared for.
As of right now, she can't get anything from me through the INS as far as I have been educated about. Her conditions are still not lifted and since the INS has in their possession proof of a long, drawn-out scam, I don't believe I will be hearing from anyone anytime soon or ever again. As far as my mom's ex...well, he's been a big embarrassment to my mother, me, and the surrounding community as everyone seems to know just where my ex moved too, and everyone thinks something is going on there.
Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to read and help me along here. I know it could have been much worse, but for what happened, it's enough pain, anger, and disgust to deal with for now.
I'll check back in here a little later if anyone should ask any questions...please feel free to ask whatever. Thank you again!!!

WOW what a story I read everything!! I am so happy you divorced her.

I really thing she has something to do with your mom's X - there is not free lunch here, so she must be doing something....

How do you feel now to read everything and see yourself in another stage of your life?

I really hope you find somebody that will love you as you deserved, and let life/karma make her pay for what she did.

NEXT time be very careful - don't think every woman will be like her - but don't trust too soon too much.

GOOD LUCK!

Took you only four years to discover?
It took Columbus 1492 AD to discover America, so consider yourself lucky!

DIVORCE!!! DIVORCE!!! DIVORCE!!!!

ASAP! And In the meantime Keeping Safe Distance Should Be Considered Also.

YES !! Never forget - prime purpose of marriage is DIVORCE!!

It Appears "E" Is Correct Again!

I Have Been Seeing Signs Of Cohabitation, Love, Working Together And Just Forgetting About Marriage Recently. New Trend? Or Is Marriage Losing Its Place In This World? People Always Seem To Find A Way Around The Problems Eventually. Interesting.

That's quite sad, you two.

I for one am glad I still believe in marriage and that my husband and I both believe in working through our problems rather than throwing in the towel.

Of course, the day he comes back and starts a thread that says "My marriage was a sham after 10 years!!", then we're in trouble. LOL.