I arrived here in the US on October 25, 2004 under Fiancee Visa. We got married, Dec. 19 2004, and filed a work permit and Conditional Residence on Jan 2005. I got my Work Visa, Mar 2005, and Conditional Residence for 2 yrs on Aug. 10, 2005. I gave birth to a baby boy on Sept 2005, and he is already 15 months now. Currently I am also pregnant again for 34 weeks already. Anyway, 5 months ago my husband started coming home later than usual sometimes he will also go out at night saying he's going to the auction etc.. I found out that he's also chatting on the internet. He said that he's going to stop, I caught him about 3-4 times, sending emails, looking on the webcam, had accounts to pay so he can see some of them naked. He also sends money to them in the Philippines, even when he was unemployed. Last week, I talked to a girl and said he's married and she said shes sorry but still wants to chat with him, she also still asked for money after that. He during this times, he said he will cut all communications with this girl and the others and he won't send any money too. I just found out that he did send this girl money and also another one just today. I never felt so betrayed, humiliated by someone in my whole life, (the girl knows that I dont like it but he is still doing it). He also promised these girls that he's going to bring them over to the US. I am drained, in pain (emotionally and physically because of my situation), I am pregnant and he's not making it easier for me. I am very hopeless, and helpless because I left my family and the life that I know just to be with him here.. I asked him for a divorce he doesn't want to give it to me. I don't know what will happen to my residency if I get divorced or separated with him. How can I apply for removal of conditions, in my situation. What if he doesn't help me at all? What if he just lets it passed so he can bring one of them? Even if he wants me to stay here but how can I bear the things that he's doing to me... I am very much pregnant and I don't need this, I am so emotionally drained, I feel I am abused emotionally and mentally.. I really need an advice. Thank you.

To begin with - you have to worry about your health and your babies, not about him and the girls. Your questions about the other girls: In order for him to bring them here on a K visa, he has to be divorced ..:-))

You can't be married and looking for another spouse. If he is inclined to do so (to defraud the immigration and the US law), it's called polygamy and you'll have grounds for marriage dissolution/annullment (don't know what state you are).

You'll have to apply to remove conditions within 90 days prior to your 2 year residency anniversary, thus next summer. meanwhile, make notes, printouts of what he is doing and how it affects you. Such people like your husband can't change. They are addicts and will always be sneaking around, no matter what they say.

If you worry about the immigration issue more than the family, then you have to take the initiative to protect yourself and collect the evidence for whatever you'll be filing: I-751 or I-360 (if you'll collect the proof and grounds for psychological abuse which is very common for international marriages).

To be honest, just the fact that he send money to these girls or chats with them - are not grounds to base your claims. He can simply state that he is a passionate person and wants to help needing women. But intent for polygamy is a strong ground and a big no-no for immigration leading to termination of your status.

If your husband doesn't want to leave you and, at the same time he wants to have other girls imported to be with him, you simply have to seek protection from that. As long as you have proof and it is not the hormone boil-up right now due to your pregnancy.

If you are concerned about your future and your kids, you can always seek counseling.

When the time to remove conditions comes, you have to be prepared.

Honestly, it did cross my mind that it might be hormones, but it's not. It's just that I have different values than him. For him that's right for me that's definitely a no,no.. I even accepted the fact that he visits ****o sites because for me he will always want to have something different. But not something different to chat and sent money too esp if we ourselves have bills to pay. He was unemployed and he still was able to give something to them. It's not that my status is more impt than my family it's just that I don't want the Immig to deport me leaving my babies here... to stay with him, he doesn't even have time for me and the baby too much what more when Im gone. i told him that if he's not happy with me just give me a divorce and I will try to petition myself. Because he definitely doesn't want me to bring the babies to the Phils. I even told him that I would apply for joint custody. It's just too much to bear since I already gave him the time that he asked. And hours ago, he told me to give him 6mos that if he doesn't change then he will give me a divorce.. But 2 mos after that my visa will expire. And if he files, a divorce then we wont get the result until 6-1yr. I cannot leave my babies, they are my life. I cannot live without them.

QT, when you said the immi doesn't like intent of poligamy that it might lead to the termination of my status is that a good thing or a bad thing? Does it mean I can apply for adjusment of status? My husband is not really a bad person but he is not ready to be a father and a husband he himself told me that. But then he (I too) doesn't want the kids to not have a father.

quote:

Originally posted by Mrs. Pinay:
I arrived here in the US on October 25, 2004 under Fiancee Visa. We got married, Dec. 19 2004, and filed a work permit and Conditional Residence on Jan 2005. I got my Work Visa, Mar 2005, and Conditional Residence for 2 yrs on Aug. 10, 2005. I gave birth to a baby boy on Sept 2005, and he is already 15 months now. Currently I am also pregnant again for 34 weeks already. Anyway, 5 months ago my husband started coming home later than usual sometimes he will also go out at night saying he's going to the auction etc.. I found out that he's also chatting on the internet. He said that he's going to stop, I caught him about 3-4 times, sending emails, looking on the webcam, had accounts to pay so he can see some of them naked. He also sends money to them in the Philippines, even when he was unemployed. Last week, I talked to a girl and said he's married and she said shes sorry but still wants to chat with him, she also still asked for money after that. He during this times, he said he will cut all communications with this girl and the others and he won't send any money too. I just found out that he did send this girl money and also another one just today. I never felt so betrayed, humiliated by someone in my whole life, (the girl knows that I dont like it but he is still doing it). He also promised these girls that he's going to bring them over to the US. I am drained, in pain (emotionally and physically because of my situation), I am pregnant and he's not making it easier for me. I am very hopeless, and helpless because I left my family and the life that I know just to be with him here.. I asked him for a divorce he doesn't want to give it to me. I don't know what will happen to my residency if I get divorced or separated with him. How can I apply for removal of conditions, in my situation. What if he doesn't help me at all? What if he just lets it passed so he can bring one of them? Even if he wants me to stay here but how can I bear the things that he's doing to me... I am very much pregnant and I don't need this, I am so emotionally drained, I feel I am abused emotionally and mentally.. I really need an advice. Thank you.

Don't know what state you reside in, but a spouse does not always have to agree to a divorce. You could be the peittioner in a divorce action (again this depends on the local laws of your state). While you have opportunity and access to information and records, I'd recommend that you assemble what you require in terms of evidence of a bona fide marriage, in order to self-petition to remove conditions as a divorcee.

From your timeline, it appears you will become eligible to apply to remove conditions in May 2007. That gives you a good 5 months to settle a divorce action.

Mrs. Pinay, before you decide to let 6 months pass waiting for your husband to change, you should know - that type of addiction doesn't go away. believe me, I know too many people like that - it becomes a sickness which is easily explainable.

Telling him about giving you a divorce is just a baby talk most of the time. It doesn't scare them or make them change. To be honest, if you wanted to leave him, you would. But, it won't make him appreciate you more if you are "gone". I understand that it is not easy even to talk about it, as you are financially dependent on him. And if he is not abusive to your kids and yourself otherwise, stay with him and start saving.

When I asked you what is more important for your - the status or the family, I didn't have any hidden meaning it and didn't imply that you had to choose between living here, in US or going back to Phils. Of course you plan and deserve to be here, but you have to have a clear head about where you are heading to.

Staying in the "family" where the father has no respect to mother doesn't do any good to kids. The idea of the marriage institution is to provide a healthy environment for kids and companionship to your chosen partner. Well, it's not in your marriage. The environment is NOT healthy and your partner considers that you are not enough for him.

Now, the reality check: he might fall in love head over hills with another woman right before your I-751 timing. He gives you divorce (meaning he files for it) and sends you packing.
if you already manage to submit the I-751 as a joint petition - you'll have to notify the Imgrtn right away about it, thus aborting the action and terminating the basis for your legal right to remain in the country.
if you file the I-751 with whichever waiver by yourself - you won't need him for the interview. As long as you have the documentation saved up to back up your case (including the proof that you entered the marriage in a good faith and it was not your fault that he is lacking some screws in the head/heart).

The main thing to remember - proof - documentation! Communicate with him in e-mails, discussing the problems you have with him interested in other women. Print them out and save them in a safe place. Print out everything you can. If he does improve, you can toss everything out, but if he doesn't - you are on your own. And it is not shameful to keep track on those things. It's not about you or your character. It's about the system. If you don't have it in writing, on a piece of paper that they can touch and look - you have no proof. It's called evidence.

As for leaving him eventually - he'll still have to pay you a child and a spousal support, so you won't be left without a penny.