I got first hand confirmation from her and her family, that they are indeed in their home country.

She still had no intention of talking calmly, and contined to throw insults and claim no fault. I can now firmly state, this woman married me to run away from her problems, and did the same thing with me instead of sticking by me. This wasn't a marriage based on good intentions. It was a 2 year excursion for her to see the USA.

They are enjoying themselves at the beach.

edited

Thank you all for your support. Thank you sonofmichael. You're right I was a moron, but I had to wait and find out for sure for I still had feelings. It's clear to me now, she has none, and with this final phone call she killed the last feelings I had for her. And when she will call me, begging, I know now they still won't be feelings for me, but rather feeling sorry for herself and the situation she will soon find herself in.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BrianBenson,

Good luck, Brian. Hope everything turns out okay for you!

I edited all my posts because I am certain once she gets back home she'll get on the internet and begin researching. I'm done helping her with ideas. At least this one, she will have to figure out on her own.

I'm in my country now. One she didn't want to be a part of like I did. And now that things are very clear, it's my turn to act. The nice guy is gone. It's time to get to serious business. I have to thank the laws and the USA because they still served and protected me where if I was back in my home country, I probably would have gotten beaten to death, the cops would have gotten there 2 hours later and then he would beat up the cops too.

You're right.

God Bless the USA.

PS: SonofMichael, sorry for doubting you and for what I said.

And one more thing guys. I now have a suggestion for those of you that are thinking about bringing a woman over:

If you have one doubt, ONE suspicion. Don't do it. You will end up like me, and possibly a lot worse. I feel lucky that I may get out of this easy. But had I kept going, had she been nice, I would of fallen prey once again and my life would have continued to be a living hell.

And to those of you that are naturalized US Citizens, believe me, it seems that the days that you can find good women over seas that can be good housewives are soon to be over. Especially if they grew up in a big city like my wife did and her parents kept her home her entire life and babied her. It's becoming harder and harder to change that mentality, and the respect that there once was in other countries that was missing from kids here, seems to have dissapeared there as well. Perfect example...my good fiends wife(who was my wife's good friend on which y wife turned her back on even though she was the one that introduced us and kept her secrets all this time) she had her rough edges. But she gave birth to two boys, has kept her job for 3 years now, and is a great family woman. The difference? She's closing in on 40. There was a 15 year difference between the two.

Better to find one here, and then you take HER back to YOUR home country to visit where you grew up. If she likes it, and asks you to stay an extra week......THEN, you will know she loves you.

Because this other way...you'll never know....they all still want to come here because it's USA and when they do it goes to their head, they don't find money on trees, there's no sidewalks made of gold, and when they realize they have to work just like they would in their home country, there's a good chance they will run back......or find a guy with money here for which she'll leave you(I'm sure mine would have done it had she found him)

Take care.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BrianBenson,

quote:

Originally posted by BrianBenson:
And one more thing guys. I now have a suggestion for those of you that are thinking about bringing a woman over:

If you have one doubt, ONE suspicion. Don't do it. You will end up like me, and possibly a lot worse. I feel lucky.

And to those of you that are naturalized US Citizens, believe me, it seems that the days that you can find good woman over seas that can be good housewives are soon to be over. Especially if they come and grew up in a big city like my wife did. It's becoming harder and harder to change that mentality, and the respect that there once was in other countries that was missing from kids here, seems to have dissapeared there as well. Perfect example...my good fiends wife(who was my wife's good friend on which y wife turned her back on even though she was the one that introduced us and kept her secrets all this time) she had her rough edges. But she gave birth to two boys, has kept her job for 3 years now, and is a great family woman. The difference? She's closing in on 40. There was a 15 year difference between the two.

Better to find one here, and then you take HER back to YOUR home country to visit where you grew up. If she likes it, and asks you to stay an extra week......THEN, you will know she loves you.

Because this other way...you'll never know....they all still want to come here because it's USA and when they do it goes to their head, they don't find money on trees, there's no sidewalks made of gold, and when they realize they have to work just like they would in their home contry, there's a good chance they will run back.

Take care.

Braim,
I will beg to differ. Marriage is based on trust. Whether the long distance relationship is from Atlanta to LA or NYC to Frankfort, Germany, or wherever, trust must be mutual between both of you. Second, you must have an open communication and honest with each other from the start. If you do not, if you hold it back, then it will develop into the nightmare you now have. She has gone back to her home country. She has, in all essence, forget about you and the times you have together. You are no more than a trophy to her now and that is it.

As for me, I did bring my wife "over" and we are still married. DId we have our problems, our arguments, our issues? Yes, but we worked them together, not separately. The point is, marriage is more work than training for the triathlon. It takes daily work to keep the marriage together. Until you learn how to communicate openly, not let family and friends influence you, and develop mutural respect, you will never have a marriage last longer than three years whether the girl is home grown or foreign.

What SOM and Maxone have given you as advice, I would not recommend. First, what goes on the message board cannot, under general provisions, be used as evidence in any divorce trial. What you have given is "common knowledge" between the two of you. So, editing the posts is neither foolish nor wise. The only catch is you only recognize her faults while not recognizing yours, and vice versa. None of us can testify on the issues at hand. It is hearsay evidence. And do not file based on being battered spouse, You will only add oxygen to the fire, salt to the wound. Irreconcilable differences is the only way because both of you are at fault and no one more than the other.

As for me, I did bring my wife over and we have been married for seven years. But we both had to work at it.

Hudson; You show me ONE case where there was ever evidence produced in a divorce based on a posting on a chat board. Yes, marriage is based on trust. Here, there is no trust and no reason to trust. Yes, marriage requires work; from BOTH parties ! Here there is only one person working on it. Your own statements that marriage requires trust and work from both parties is consistent with the needs for him to annul the marriage.

Brian sorry I had to be a little cruel. Sometimes men need a slap on the face to wake us up. Women always need a slap on the face to shut them up !

Today you make a choice: 1) To accept being lied to, cheated on and derauded and spending the rest of your life wallowing in despair and regret OR 2) Being a man and respectng yourself and not tolerating being lied to, cheated on and defrauded and feeling PROUD and having higher self esteem. You will find better and more women when you do this. This is a guarantee !

quote:

Originally posted by SonofMichael:
Hudson; You show me ONE case where there was ever evidence produced in a divorce based on a posting on a chat board. Yes, marriage is based on trust. Here, there is no trust and no reason to trust. Yes, marriage requires work; from BOTH parties ! Here there is only one person working on it. Your own statements that marriage requires trust and work from both parties is consistent with the needs for him to annul the marriage.

Brian sorry I had to be a little cruel. Sometimes men need a slap on the face to wake us up. Women always need a slap on the face to shut them up !

Today you make a choice: 1) To accept being lied to, cheated on and derauded and spending the rest of your life wallowing in despair and regret OR 2) Being a man and respectng yourself and not tolerating being lied to, cheated on and defrauded and feeling PROUD and having higher self esteem. You will find better and more women when you do this. This is a guarantee !

SOM, you need better comprehension skills. I said editing the posts will not do him either harm nor good. He married her for the ***, she m married him to get away from her problems; yet both brought their problems into the marriage. Hence, no communication, no trust from the beginning, and no chance at all. Annulment will not work and based on the length of marriage, it will not be granted. if she was convicted of polygamy, then that will be a different matter, but we are not talking about that. they both went into the marriage for the wrong reasons and both are leaving for the wrong reasons. Neither one of them is listening to each other and both have issues that need to be addressed. At least he recognized one of his issues and hers as well.

Thus, annulment will not work here. They have been married too long. thus, divorce is the only option, but which reason to use is the question. He may be able to claim mental cruelty or spousal abuse, but so can she. Yet the judge will end up deciding both are at fault. It is a no win scenario. That is why I gave irreconcilable differences. It is a chance for him to move on and be done with this affair quicker. Her father will probably agree to this, if he is smart.

It is greater for a man to admit his own culpability and humility than to live in a false sense of security and latch on things that will turn into quicksand, as you have suggested. Having *** with a woman, even paying for one, is not being a man nor showing masculanity. I have known men who had all the riches in the world, but are also the loneliest, and I have met men who had nothing, but had a wealth of friends that made him a king. You are neither SOM, that you can be sure of.

Even if she has gone back home it isn't safe to say this is over. She can and needs to come back. Your still married to her. At the moment you have a feeling of resolution due to the appearance of substantiated suspicions. Everyone thinks their X is a nut case of one sort or another. In reality its just a matter of incompatability. You'll see that in a few years after the anger has died down.

Until you get confirmation from the police from the missing persons report I would not hold my breath. They could still be here. It isn't too difficult to forward calls from a phone to anywhere in the world. This is far from being over.

I don't think its true there are no good women left. Come to think of it most women probably say the same thing. Much of it to do with unrealistic expectations. No women will be perfect and likewise you won't be perfect for any women. Its a matter of agreed compromise and effort. If either one isn't willing then it won't work.

Just out of curiosity. When it was just the two of you and she didn't have much contact with her parents and you yours did you two get along? I still think that may be the cornerstone of your problems. Both of you need to cut the apron strings in order to have any future with anyone.

I wish you amateur lawyer and psychologists would stop spewing your ignorant advice designed to help the fraudster. This guy needs a lawyer NOW. Depending on the laws of the state, an annullment can be granted anytime you discover that it was invalid at the inception and it could be 20 years later (you could find that your spouse was already married; many cases like this). This woman pulled a scam. If he files a missing persons report he would be wasting hos valuable time and the polices and when they realized that she left him and is not really missing then he would get in jail.

Again; IMMEDIATELY stop letting these fraudster helpers confuse you. See a lawyer 9 AM tomorrow morning to seek an annullment or if you cant do that a divorce. No excuses. You do not need to wait. You have not had relations with her since youve been married. Kill it and move on.

The missing persons report wouldn't be out of line. She is still his wife. If something happened to her he would be suspect one. If he didn't call it in after so long it would do more to make him look guilty. Plus its a good way to verify that she did leave the country. It still serves his purpose and protects him to some extent.

There hasn't been anything given that is absolute proof that she did anything. All suspicions. All dramatic emotional acts. More like hurt feelings than a devious scam. He hasn't been served by any lawyer yet. Nothing absolute to indicate that it has even started. Often people will see an attorney to weigh their options or when they are at their wits end without actually doing anything.

Its up to him with his knowledge of her and the situation to make the final choice. If he feels its hopeless he'll file the annulment or divorce. Coaching him into it is doing the same as her parents are doing to her. Its easy to point out flaws and advise revenge than it is to reconcile.

He is OUT OF TIME. You suggesting wasting TIME by going to the police only helps the enemy. NOTHING good can come of it. Who cares where she is? Filing a false police report has serious consequences both criminally and civilly. He can be arrested; he can be sued for harassment and it serves NO PURPOSE in getting the marriage ended. He must end the marriage and he must do it NOW and without ANY delay for one second. You are confusing him with utter NONSENSE. The police do not need to be involved in this PERIOD. He needs to do ONE thing and ONE thing only and he knnows what to do. Stop giving stupid and ignorant advice that serves no purpose but to deceive and confuse and possibly damage him. Stop helping the fraudster !

How could he be arrested or sued? The fact is he doesn't know for sure where she is. She just returned a call after being gone for a week. He doesn't know for sure what the situation is. Even the car damage, not sure who did it. The parents could have abducted her for all he knows. If the dad is willing to resort to property damage, what else is he capable of? That is assuming he did it. Nothing is concrete at this point. He did have the good sense to file a report on the car damage. The missing persons report was the next logical thing to do under these conditions.

No one wants to support fraud. But he needs to take proper steps and not make knee **** responses. An annulment will probably be denied due to marriage length and no supporting evidence. His word is not going to be enough. If anything it will make him look like a vindictive slob. Which would help her VAWA claim, if she files one.

What if it turns out the parents coercerd her to go back and they are at the root of this?
He should take the advice of his attorney. For the attorney to give good advice he will need to disclose all the details. Including the ones he didn't tell us. Hopefully he doesn't take any of our advice too seriously. We are all strangers and in no position to be giving absolutes in anything.

He must TERMINATE the marriage immediately coldly and without feeling. He is in a fight for his life. He must shut this scam down immediately. Every second he delays will cost him more in money and heartache. Your claim that her parents abducted her are ludicrous and stupid beyond explanation.

Parents can and do those sort of ludicrous things. Mine did that to my sister. They didn't like who she was involved with, no one did for that matter. They made her dissapear for a while hoping he would go away.

I'm not saying he should sit on his hands. Just be careful and look at it from both sides. How could his actions be used against him if it comes to that. He should keep that in mind.

He should have one thing in mind and only one; termination of the marriage/fraud. stop cluttering his mind and this board with your imbecilic nonsense and ridiculous attempts to help the fraudster.

If it is fraud, yes. Just,.. What if its not. Want that on your conscience? He is no dummy and a little bit to think about isn't clutter. May offer some clarity.

davdah,

I am pretty sure after thinking about it some more that annulment is out of the question, not so much because I may comitt a sin, but because I don't believe I can get it.

To answer your question, when we were together, just the two of us, we had our good times and we had our bad times. She still didn't talk to me honestly, and I could always feel insencerity. The lack of communication was ever present. But I swear I tried my hardest, and she just couldn't.

I believe my wife's insecurities in herself caused this crazy gealousy towards my mother and insencerity towards me. When I first met her I never thought I would be married nor that I would go all the way back to my home country to bring a wife over. I looked at her simply as a friend. When I saw that there may eventually be something there, I swore I would never lie to her about myself and I was completely open from the start.

I told her EVERYTHING about me, including how sexual I was. In the beginning we had an agreement. I told her it will take at least 2 years for me to bring her over(at that point I had not even started my process of naturalization), so everyone should live their lives in the mean time, seeing other people until that day, and if it's meant to be it's meant to be. She agreed, but at the same time swore that she wouldn't, but that I could do whatever I wanted.

That lasted about a month. She soon sensed I was seeing someone, and began being very gealous. She realized that I may fall in love with some other woman, and so her gealousy and insecurity began pressing the "let's wait two years together" issue harder and harder....without really saying that. She made me feel miserable for seeing this other girl, by the way she was acting, so when I saw her beeing so good I stopped seeing any women. FOR TWO YEARS!!!!! And that was when I was 22-23, extremely virile, and before I met her I was dating a bunch of different girls one after another.

So she began giving in to my fantasies as a way of keeping me home. At the same time I sort of began losing respect for her when I saw what she was capable of. I kept waiting for her to say "Go to hell". Problem was before all this started I had already fallen for her and at that point, I didn't see her as anything other than this pure angel and not only did I love her as a friend, but as I told her, I loved her as if she was my child and I swore to her and myself no matter what she did I would still care for her(obviously I am still keeping my promise). Then she started acting even more cute like a little girl, calling me daddy, etc etc and I believe on a subconcious level she was finding a security in me that she never found in her father. Made me feel great. I was done for. Stick a fork in me.

Well problem was her gealousy got stronger, I felt guiltier and at the same time I knew from certain slip ups in her stories that she was hiding something. At one point she mentioned that when I saw her in person she wants to talk the entire day and tell me certain things.

Fast forward to when we first met. A week before we met I had requested that we put our fantasies on hold at least a week(again it bothered me that I had to say this and not her), clear our heads and make love for the first time together. She mentioned she didn't want to the first night, but when I got there, I wanted to talk to her parents, while she grabbed me, took me in her bedroom and ......I felt satisfied....but I felt I didn't satisfy her completely. Something was off.

I asked. She of course said I was crazy and that it was great. While I was there, it became more like hardcore *** and all of a sudden she was happy as ever. So I said to myself maybe she's just fiery, and this is how she likes it. Maybe this is exactly what I need. So be it. At the same time something in the back of my head told me it shouldn't be like this.

Now keep in mind, most guys looking for a wife, myself included, would question this behavior. And I did too. But at this point I TRULY believed her story and how much of an angel she was prior to meeting me. So what did I think? Great I found exactly what I needed, she will satisfy me in bed AND is a good girl.

Uh-huh. Right.

She never did take that one day to tell me what she wanted to tell me. And me, like most men, I completely forgot she ever said that. Plus the *** was so great, and we had so much fun together I rode the wave and I made my promise to her and her family that I would come back and marry her. Our life kept going like this, with these issues in between all the way to "I do". All the while these bells were going off in my head going "stop stop stop" but she didn't give me a chance to think with the right head. The reason I remember now was because I was going through my email and found the letter where she said that.

I think what she always wanted to tell me was the truth behind these stories where she was talking in the third person and that she probably got taken advantage of by every guy she was with. But because of her insecurity, and because she probably didn't feel right about herself doing these things...she never did tell me. She missed the opportunity to be honest, and then never had the courage to admitt it again.

Had I known the truth then, I probably would have backed off my crazy ways, or called the whole thing off, but I never did find out. And it kind of went like that. One day she was up for anything, the next day, she wasn't. So I was like, WTF is going on here?

Well here we are today. I realize now she's not what I needed. Only I can fix my problems, not her. And I certainly can't fix hers. Only she can.

But everyone deserves a second chance, even though her and I may never get one. So an anullment is probably too much of a punishment for her in case she ever realizes she messed up and wants to change.

I do feel like she never really loved me, so I don't see her coming back for me. If anything she will come back to run away again from home. OR better yet, she will go to church(something we never did), put her ambitions to good use, fight her demons, face her own problems, come back and build a life for herself here that anyone would be proud of. Probably too much to hope for.

I know I have decided to start praying, help myself and control myself better, and I am going back to school. I can't shut her second chance out, and probably couldn't even if i wanted to. So divorce it is.

I have nothing but debt anyway. So good luck to her, and I hope she doesn't go too crazy when I tell her I am not taking her back if she ever tries to pull the "I was soo stupid" card. Which I fully expect she will in about a month when her parents start working and she finds herself home alone, and back to what she started before she met me. One of three things will happen: continue to think she had no fault, live with her folks until she's 40, and keep praying for the knight in shining armor that will take her away or she realizes she just got off the horse and needs to fight with her teeth to regain her life back over here.....this time ON HER OWN. Or she will come back after finding some other loser and go crazy on me and cotinue on her evil ways.

But I have to at least give her the chance to choose her own path, and I will live the rest in the hands of faith.