The 10 Commandments of Marriage - Topic Powered by eve community

sis

Regular Member
Picture of sis

Posted

From personal experience Food-Lite 4.0 is the best along with swimsuit/lingerie 8.0 package. This will usually result in an automatic download of the jewelry upgrade 2.0 self install. If only this were true, LOL.

Posts: 40 | Registered: 06-22-2007

Ignored post by sis posted

Sprint_girl07

Power Member

Posted

quote:
Originally posted by sis:
From personal experience Food-Lite 4.0 is the best along with swimsuit/lingerie 8.0 package. This will usually result in an automatic download of the jewelry upgrade 2.0 self install. If only this were true, LOL.

Lmao Sis!!

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God Bless America - God Bless Immigrants - God Bless Poor Misguided Souls Too

Mr S.U.

Posts: 6835 | Registered: 06-06-2007

Ignored post by Sprint_girl07 posted

Power Member

Posted

quote:
Such A **** Rascal You are! Brain Too! But Trouble non The less! Been There Done That!!!! Many Times! Whats The Real Speed like?????

lol thank you sweety
last time I check Im still very happily married

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

Sprint_girl07

Power Member

Posted

I guess he gave us some entertainment lol

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God Bless America - God Bless Immigrants - God Bless Poor Misguided Souls Too

Mr S.U.

Posts: 6835 | Registered: 06-06-2007

Ignored post by Sprint_girl07 posted

Power Member

Posted

lol,can't blame the wife for changing all the locks.

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

NeedHelpFast

Senior Member

Posted

quote:
Originally posted by Sprint_girl07:
ok this is an old one but is just in fun ok..but quite true lol
Hopefully will put some smiles on some faces

Shower Protocol How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and chocolate cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your body at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire yourself with pride and scratch your rear end.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. F art and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your rear end, leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Take a P. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire your pride and joy in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your body at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING CAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!

Sprint,
You have a way with words my dear!! This is hilarious! (Smiling brightly)

Posts: 755 | Registered: 06-09-2007

Ignored post by NeedHelpFast posted

NeedHelpFast

Senior Member

Posted

....And don't forget, if woman showers first, when she is completely done, walking out of bathroom, man enters shower, and pulls her back in to shower with him as if she just started!!

Posts: 755 | Registered: 06-09-2007

Ignored post by NeedHelpFast posted

Power Member

Posted

The Elements

Element Name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN

Symbol: MN

Atomic Weight: (180 +/-50)

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time.

Usage: None known. Possibly good source of methane gas. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

Mrs. B.

Senior Member
Picture of Mrs. B.

Posted

Hey Speed,

Aside from my "daily immigration fix" (or weekly, for that matter, since I had been unable to log in everyday), and Mike's avatar changes, this is one of the threads I look forward to.

Keep 'em coming!

Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, as long as ever you can.

--John Wesley

Posts: 1137 | Location: Georgia | Registered: 12-22-2007

Ignored post by Mrs. B. posted

Power Member

Posted

Thanks Mrs B
here's for the newly weds!

Four Letter Words
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?" Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home..., "PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

Club27

Regular Member

Posted

Mathematics of marriage:

1.Smart man + smart woman = romance

2.Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy

3.Dumb man + smart woman = affair

4.Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage

rockon

Posts: 71 | Registered: 11-01-2006

Ignored post by Club27 posted

Power Member

Posted

The Divorce

A man and his wife in court were getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up an said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into the world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."

The Judge turns to the husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?" The man sat for while contemplating, then slowly rose. "Your Honor! If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out... whose Pepsi is it. the machine's or mine?"

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

Power Member

Posted

ABC of Marriage

A
Abandon Selfishness and Be Open to Change
~~~~~~~

B
Bestow Praise on One Another
~~~~~~~

C
Call Home if Running Late
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D
Dream Dreams Together
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E
Enjoy Learning New Discoveries About One Another
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F
Flowers Say Much
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G
Grins Can Be Life Giving in Your Marriage
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H
Hands are for Holding
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I
Invest Your Time, Talent and Treasure on Your Marriage Relationship
~~~~~~~

J
Journey Together and Share Expectations
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K
Know How to Have Fun Together
~~~~~~~

L
Love is a Decision
~~~~~~~

M
Make Time for Being Alone Together
~~~~~~~

N
Negativity is Death Dealing in Any Relationship
~~~~~~~

O
Obliterate Jumping to Conclusions
~~~~~~~

P
Plan for Passion
~~~~~~~

Q
Quit Quarrelling Constantly -- If the issue is over 48 hours old, let it go!
~~~~~~~

R
Remember Special Days, e.g.

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

Power Member

Posted

S
Share Feelings on a Daily Basis
~~~~~~~

T
Take Lots of Pictures and Create Great Memories
~~~~~~~

U
Unity Creates Joy
~~~~~~~

V
Vacations are Not Luxuries - Make Time to Re-Create
~~~~~~~

W
Write Love Letters to One Another
~~~~~~~

X
Xmas is a Time for Building Traditions, Not for Creating Tension
~~~~~~~

Y
Yearn for a Great Marriage, Not Just a Good One, By Supporting One Another
~~~~~~~

Z
Zestfulness Breeds Excitement

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

Fredy

Frequent Member

Posted

yo no creo nada de todo eso,pero alo mejor tienen razon.ustedes alo mejor tinen mas experiencia

Posts: 138 | Location: Home | Registered: 01-14-2008

Ignored post by Fredy posted

Power Member

Posted

Hello Fredy..

I do believed you know better.

Love its not about experience.
but from I read on your messages
you truly love your wife.

Keep up your good heart!

Posts: 1278 | Registered: 01-22-2008

Ignored post by speed_025 posted

Fredy

Frequent Member

Posted

el matrimonio es como el demonio

Posts: 138 | Location: Home | Registered: 01-14-2008

Ignored post by Fredy posted

Fredy

Frequent Member

Posted

Women rule the world ,I think if you survive the first two years in your marriage things get better after that,I have been married four years now.and its been a blessing,we have a child and we are waiting one more in June.The happiest moments of my life have been now that I am married.

Posts: 138 | Location: Home | Registered: 01-14-2008

Ignored post by Fredy posted

Sprint_girl07

Power Member

Posted

Grounds for Divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property."

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "most days he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I never wanted a divorce. It's husband. He says he can't communicate with me."

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God Bless America - God Bless Immigrants - God Bless Poor Misguided Souls Too

Mr S.U.

Posts: 6835 | Registered: 06-06-2007

Ignored post by Sprint_girl07 posted