Originally posted by davdah: It doesn't matter if a person's diet consists primarily of hamburgers or rice or burritos or potatos. What does matter is honesty. We're not that much different.
I agree with Danny and Lily on this one. Yes, honesty and great communication is the best policy in forming a great relationship, but in some circumstances, cultural differences can hinder that honesty and communication between partners. This is especially true when one or obth parties make wrong assumptions about a culture. for instance, you tell your wife or parents that you are for family. YOu mean immediate family, not extended family. they mean family like in their culture. Thus, you now have created an issue that now has to be worked out because of assumptions. Or how about a dowry that is customary in the spuoses country? From a western standpoint, we tend to think of it as blackmail. From their standpoint, it is considered something much different. You can be honest and tell her what you think of the dowry, and then she will take it to mean something totally different. Again, you can be honest, but sometimes being honest will bring you the wrong assumptions.
Lily and Catherine talk more about what can cause problems, even being honest, if one does not understands or accepts the culture. Danny talks about the end result. Both are important to help achieve a great relationship.
And with immigration, it is hard to date unless you are living in another country before you bring the wife over. But with K1 visas, you will meet on the internet, probably go visit him/her at least once, for a very short period of time, and then file the paperwork to bring her over. Once here, the tow of you have 90 days to get married. That is too much for most people and why most marriages do not work out for one reason or another. And this is similar for K3 visas except you do not have the 90 dayss for marriage.
That being said, and I am not suggesting not to marry a foreign spouse, is it any wonder why I tend to think that most people who come on here tend to exaggerate about "marriage fraud." Yes, marriage fraud does exist, but it is not the norm. And the underlyiing factor tends to be that lack of henest, probably by both sides, and wrong assumptions. Thus ends my rant.
"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre
Originally posted by explora: Talk to me, Mr./Mrs. 'Half-Stirred!'
Actually. I Have To Do Very Little It Appears. You Guys Stir Yourselves Great Without My Help. LOL. Im Just Watching It Happen All By Itself.
Perhaps if we all give you the silent treatment, ie ignore you, then perhaps you will go away or will you cause more havoc?
"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." John Adams on Defense of the boston Massacre
That being said, and I am not suggesting not to marry a foreign spouse, is it any wonder why I tend to think that most people who come on here tend to exaggerate about "marriage fraud." Yes, marriage fraud does exist, but it is not the norm. And the underlyiing factor tends to be that lack of henest, probably by both sides, and wrong assumptions. Thus ends my rant.
Very well said Hudson! I remember when I first came to this board it was MrsB who I encountered to enlightened me about this Marriage Fraud.
I really don't get it why some blame the system the immigration, Feds, Vawa etc.
Ain't one's responsibility to choose who you're marrying. If only one say "I Do"... I don't think there will be a marriage at all. One have all the right to say NO.
In case the marriage is a mistake which they only find that out after the Green Card. Who's fault is it? The system or the immigration didn't force them to go through it nor even suggested it.
I think the Immigration here is the victim of lies on both sides considering all those evidence they presented to prove their marriage not to mentioned they took oath.
In the case of divorce which the immigration is being drag again on the issue. One who claims Fraud and one who claims Abuse, the system will of course favor the one with sufficient evidence.
And some people who can not comply by what the system requires for proof of guilt are claiming the system let them down.
How selfish can that be? Blaming the government for personal misfortune.
Hudson, you kind of contradicted yourself. If you have good communication, a biproduct of honesty, there won't be assumptions. Those happen out of a lack of communication.
It is true that a family here by definition means those in your house along with brothers, sisters, and parents. In Mexico it usually includes, aunts, uncles, inlaws, outlaws and potentially half the town.
You voted democrat. This country is not worth sneaking into any more.
Posts: 5805 | Location: San Antonio TX | Registered: 06-08-2007
Originally posted by davdah: Hudson, you kind of contradicted yourself. If you have good communication, a biproduct of honesty, there won't be assumptions. Those happen out of a lack of communication.
It is true that a family here by definition means those in your house along with brothers, sisters, and parents. In Mexico it usually includes, aunts, uncles, inlaws, outlaws and potentially half the town.
OTHER PLACES ALSO!!!! Hudson Knows!
RULE OF THE HERITAGE : Help Thy Brothern Friend, Thy Brother/Sister Of The Home Origin! Uncles, Aunts, Sisters, Brothers, Friends! Assist All From The Home World To Succeed! Gain Status In The Ultimate New Home World! USA!!!
Hudson : I Will Learn All I Can About American Law For The Home World!!! My Contribution To the Family!!! Do Not Fear My Family, For I Am Smart and I Will Help With The Knowledge I Obtain Concerning American Laws! You/My Family/Friends Are As Good As IN!!!!!
Originally posted by speed_025: [quote]Actually. I Have To Do Very Little It Appears. You Guys Stir Yourselves Great Without My Help. LOL. Im Just Watching It Happen All By Itself[/quot
you mean watching yourself making fun of you?
or the whole board making fun of you?
or you forgot to see clearly
that the joke was on YOU!!!!
'S All good AND entertaining either of those ways SPEED ROFLMAO!
Thanks & Best Wishes
Dave W
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done". -George Carlin
Originally posted by speed_025: [quote]Actually. I Have To Do Very Little It Appears. You Guys Stir Yourselves Great Without My Help. LOL. Im Just Watching It Happen All By Itself[/quot
you mean watching yourself making fun of you?
or the whole board making fun of you?
or you forgot to see clearly
that the joke was on YOU!!!!
'S All good AND entertaining either of those ways SPEED ROFLMAO!
Speed,
We See?
There Is A certain Way Of Thinking Among Americans. What You Cannot Understand Or Comprehend. Americans Do!!!! We Just Have Our Own Way Of dealing with it!
Hey Speed, I have to wade through pages of posts to get to this one. An article about relationships:
A Dozen Ways to Get to Know Your Real Partner The Signs Are All Around You
By Stacy D. Phillips
Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: May 27, 2008 In my line of work -- family law -- I often hear the same old refrain when a client explains to me why she/she splits from a significant other. It goes like this: "I guess I didn't really know my partner after all." You might ask: How could that be? How could you have an intimate relationship with someone only to wake up one day to find out that the person you fell in love with is not the person he/she turned out to be? I believe there are at least a dozen ways to know who someone really is -- indicators -- and if we do an inventory early on, we might stand a better chance of getting to know the real person before we fully commit. The following "observance" suggestions are important ones to make in the early stages of any relationship because each offers insight into habits, patterns, and behaviors. As you ponder these observations, know that there is no right or wrong; it's a matter of acceptance. Sometimes we have to accept quirks and differences as part of the give-and-take process. As you do your assessment, however, the goal is to decide whether or not you can live with or without your real partner. Here are the dozen indicators: 1. Protocol: First or Second? Whether it's walking through a door, ordering dinner, or taking a bite out of the freshly baked cookies you have made together, if your partner always has to go first this could indicate self-centeredness. Are you willing to always be the giver? 2. Politics: Liberal or Conservative? How your partner views what is right or wrong in a political sense tells you a lot about his/her deep inner beliefs about society, and ultimately, the way he/she will approach your relationship issues. Will his/her views cause a rift in your relationship? 3. Television: Sitcoms or News? If your partner's tendency is to watch "escape" TV programs versus "newsy/event" oriented ones, you can learn a lot about one's intellect. Do you want a mate who can keep up with your every day interest in what is going on in the world or a person you can run away with to avoid the world we live in? 4. Money: Flash or Stash? If your partner throws money around while dating, he/she might well be reckless with your joint finances when you move in together. Do you want to hook up with a tightwad or splurger? 5. Stress: Freak or Peak? Under pressure, does he/she go to pieces or rise to the top of his game? If the answer is the former, every minor incident in your relationship might become a crisis. Do you like a lot of drama? 6. Conversation: About You or Your Partner? As you first get to know each other does he always talk about himself/herself first or you? If your partner is usually the topic priority do not expect that to change. Can you subordinate yourself to the world revolving around him/her? 7. Pets: Warm or Aloof? Believe it or not, the way in which your partner treats animals will not be dissimilar to how he/she treats your children. How do you want him/her to treat your loved ones? 8. Communication: Listens or Ignores? If you have something you want to talk about and he/she tunes you out as a general rule, can you cope? 9. Strangers: Kind or Rude? How your partner treats those they do not know (waiters, grocery clerks) often reflects on how your partner will treat people in general, including you, shortly after the glow wears off. 10. Priorities: Family or Work? You can tell almost immediately where a person's preferences lie in terms of what comes first (a family member's illness or a business trip) by the choices your partner makes when faced with an "either/or" situation. Do you care if your partner leaves on the next plane to present the such-and-such report if you or the kids have pneumonia? 11. Appearance: Fat or Fit? How your partner regards his/her appearance screams loudly about his/her sense of self-esteem. Those who eat sensibly, workout reasonably, and who take pride in their appearance are the ones who have a great sense of self. Does he/she really have self-confidence or might it be a front? 12. Faith: Strong or Weak? If you want a peek at his/her soul, learn more about his spirituality, or lack of it. What your partner believes deep down is often what shapes the way in which he/she conducts his day-to-day affairs. What is your mate's "words to live by?" Stacy D. Phillips, who represents mostly celebrity and high-net worth individuals, is the managing partner at Phillips, Lerner, Lauzon and Jamra, LLP in Century City, California, and the author of "Divorce: It's All About Control -- How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars."
Commandment 1 Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2 If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3 Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4 Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5 When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6 Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7 Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8 Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9 Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10 A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
I am not racist. I am not anti-immigrant. I am AGAINST CRIMINALS, FRAUDSTERS, WHO DISOBEY THE LAW, BREAK THE LAW AND PERPETRATE THE FRAUD.
You may not like what I have to say but that does not mean I am wrong.
Posts: 1617 | Location: For Women In Your Heart | Registered: 05-05-2008
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Can that ever happen? I thought Hudson was God of All Them Foreign Women Who Are Constantly Abused By Them American Men.
