I posted several months ago about having to back out of sponsoring my illegal "husband". His reaction was very bitter and it has become very clear that having him in our daughter's life is not in her best interest. He and I are still married, but haven't spoken to each other in over a month.

He's been in the US for 16 years, working off of the books. What I need to know is, what kind of rights to custody does he have if he's illegal in this country. I want to divorce him, but fear he can force me to give him partial custody. This is the man that left me for not having an abortion. I want to know what rights he can have, even though he's illegal. Does he have any?

just pick up the phone to DHS and have his a$$ deported

Thanks, but that doesn't answer my question.

Does he have any rights to custody if he continues to live in this country under the radar?

(There are other older kids from an ex-wife who have established relationships with their dad. Because of those children, I wouldn't just pick up the phone and have his a$$ or any other part of him deported).

well, give me his name and I'll make the call....no problem.

[quote]I posted several months ago about having to back out of sponsoring my illegal "husband". His reaction was very bitter and it has become very clear that having him in our daughter's life is not in her best interest. He and I are still married, but haven't spoken to each other in over a month.

He's been in the US for 16 years, working off of the books. What I need to know is, what kind of rights to custody does he have if he's illegal in this country. I want to divorce him, but fear he can force me to give him partial custody. This is the man that left me for not having an abortion. I want to know what rights he can have, even though he's illegal. Does he have any[/quote]
Very little. In divorce, however, immigration status is irrelevant in most cases. If he has been abusive, the child should be allowed with you. Nevertheless, if the court deems that neither of you are fit parents, then the child will go to either a relative or foster care. I will be very careful about having, or demanding, him give up the parental rights simply because of his lack of immigration status. It would have to be based on something other than immigration status.

So, a father who is unable to support his child might be given rights to custody (even though he can't drive, have a bank account or make a decent living - is completely illegal)? He doesn't want full custody. He's emotionally abusive... mainly to me and sometimes to his older children whom he see's on weekends. Has he been abusive to our baby? No. He hasn't been around enough. He left when I found out I was pregnant and refused to abort.

I'm not out to screw him and have him deported, just to be the one to decide when and if he gets to see our girl. I want to protect her. If he doesn't get counseling, it's undoubtadly in our girl's best interest that he not see her at all.

Then what are you on an immigration forum for? The fact is you probably would like to see him get deported or at the very least dangle that in front of him. You write your post trying to come off intelligent. You aren't. You need to drag him into family court, let the court decide if this illegal s(c)umbag should have any rights or not and if the family court judge has any brains he'll somehow get ICE involved and then they will deport his sorry @ss.

An agreement by both parents is always a preferred course of action since a joint parental decision is more likely to be followed than if an outsider makes a decision for them.


If the parents fail to reach an agreement which then can be presented as a Stipulation for issuance as a court order, they can then take unresolved issues to court. The courts typically apply a "best interest of the child" standard in determining this restructuring of rights and responsibilities. Often expert witnesses, such as psychologists and licensed social workers, will be called to present evidence for consideration by the court. After the court has received such evidence, it is then in a position to make an order regarding what is in your child's best interest and how to allocate of decision making authority and physical contact each of you will have with your child.

Parents' immigration status will not be considered (as a limitation in custody rights) in resolving custody issues.

[quote]You write your post trying to come off intelligent.[/quote]

It IS an immigration issue if I "dangle" his status in front of him to keep him away from myself and our daughter... Isn't it? Bottom line is... If that's what I've got to do, I WILL.

If getting a divorce will cause this much legal complication, I'll just leave it alone for now. He won't spring for the cost of filing.

By-the-way, JEFF, I'm not trying to "come off" in any particular way. You're obviously a frustrated j-off with nothing better to do but insult strangers.

Thank you, mpdocsin, for responding to my question.

Shamenum,

I think you should ignore and don't waste your time paying attention to provokative and insulting opinions.

I think you should stop thinking for a moment about your relationship with your husband. I think you should look at that man as a father of the child. If there is an opportunity for your child to get a healty and appripriate interraction with his father, you should calm your (understandable) anger down, forget about what you want and find a way for them to communicate.

As a mother of your child you have an obligation to act solely in the interest of your child, even if it contradicts with your own interests.


Ideally, the best thing for your child is to have a proper, healthy family envinroment which usually defined by interraction with both parents.

In some instances, however, one or both parents' mental state can harmfully affect and influence child's development. In that case the child's interraction with the parent should be limited or completely restricted.

Normally, parents don't have enough capability to make a proper decision regarding 'what is in the child's best interest' when they can't 'get along' themselves. Therefore, if to continue acting in child's interest to provide him with best possible environment, parents should seek an outsider advice to evaluate the ability of each parent to positevely contibute to child's development.

Before you take any action, such as 'kick his *** out of the country', think what will be the concequences and how they will affect your child.

[quote]Before you take any action, such as 'kick his *** out of the country', think what will be the concequences and how they will affect your child.[/quote]

I've been thinking about what's best for our girl all along, which is why I tried for six months to bring her to him for regular visits and to get along with him for the kids' sakes (his other kids, as well). I want my daughter to have a relationship with her half-brothers AND with her dad, provided he goes to therapy. I don't wish to have him kicked out of the country.

If he goes back to England on his own, he wouldn't be able to return for 10 years. But, if he threatens me, I will use his status against him to keep him away. Would I actually turn him in? Very doubtful. I don't wish him any harm. I'm just worried sick about him just showing up.

He has refused therapy and discussing with a doctor the possibility of getting on medication for depression. He's even more angry when he's not drinking. He uses his illegal status as an excuse to be angry and morose, especially around his kids.

I hoped to be able to make a difference in his life somehow. Clearly, that was my mistake... When he left, he told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Two months later he contacted me, saying he wanted to be a part of her life. I allowed it... which I now think was a mistake.

Just a little background. We were trying to be civil and doing a farely good job of it until I had to have surgery 7 weeks ago. Our baby was then 6 months old. She had never been separated from me and her dad was going to come to the hospital to be there for her. I had a friend drive me... She (my friend), my baby and I picked him(the father) up on our way to the hospital. We were running late and I was very nervous about going under general anesthesia and how my baby would be during those hours of separation. When I asked him to hurry (while we were walking into the hospital), he called me a ***** in front of our baby and my friend. When I told him he should try not being a *****, especially since I was about to have surgery, he sulked off, didn't say a word and then just took off. He never returned or made any attempts to call... Even after I left him a message, telling him to call my friend (she would have my cell phone while I was under). I certainly didn't need him there for me, but our daughter did.

He and I have not spoken since then. He tried to call about 5 days post surgery and I responded with an email, stating that he could either get some counseling or continue to alientate himself. He chose the later.

Yes, I am angry about how he's treated me. But, more so than anything, I'm very concerned about him just showing up when ever he chooses, demanding to see our baby girl. We've discussed divorce already and he told me he'd refuse to sign-off on custody. I hadn't even mentioned anything about custody. He was threatening and combative (a very familiar way of being for him).

I wouldn't post on this board unless I really needed to. I take the rude comments with a grain of salt and am always appreciative of the thoughtful responses.

[quote]So, a father who is unable to support his child might be given rights to custody (even though he can't drive, have a bank account or make a decent living - is completely illegal)? He doesn't want full custody. He's emotionally abusive... mainly to me and sometimes to his older children whom he see's on weekends. Has he been abusive to our baby? No. He hasn't been around enough. He left when I found out I was pregnant and refused to abort.

I'm not out to screw him and have him deported, just to be the one to decide when and if he gets to see our girl. I want to protect her. If he doesn't get counseling, it's undoubtadly in our girl's best interest that he not see her at all.[/quote]
You misunderstood the post. I said your husband has very little chance of gettin custody. However, the court will decide, not you, who gets custody. If he is emotionally abusive to you, then that could justify you filing for divorce. But a common mistake made by the petitioner, you, is to use immigration status, or lack thereof, as a way of not allowing custody of the child. The court may decide your hasband can get unsupervised visits such as the child going to stay with the father on holiday weekends. The court may not. But the court will also look at you too in determining what is best for the child.

Thank you, Hudson. I understand and am, for now, inclined to put off taking legal action.

QUOTE:

It IS an immigration issue if I "dangle" his status in front of him to keep him away from myself and our daughter... Isn't it? Bottom line is... If that's what I've got to do, I WILL

Yep, figured that what you were really trying to do. You really do sound twisted. A family court is the one to decide custody, (if you BOTH cannot come to an arrangement) not you. If you were really so worried about the safety of your child and yourself, you would get a restraining order AND seek full custody of your child. Obviously you are just using this guy to do exactly what you want him to do by threatening to turn him in. (If you had any sense, you would have already, but then again by hooking up with this illegal s(c)um in the first place, and knowing he hasn't been paying taxes for years, you've shown you don't have any) --- Sounds like you two ARE a match and deserve each other.

I can see where all these people are coming from , but until u are in this situation u can't really say anything.... people don't know what it is like to live with someone who is illegal and comes and goes or doesn't want to be there. they seem to understand that having him out of the picture just may be the right thing and maybe not. u have to live with the decision in the end and if u can provide reason to ur daughter when she is old enough why u did what u did, then trust ur self and pray first to left God help guide u through ur decision....

I am in the same boat as you. not like them Hhaha. sorry have to have a little humor in it right?. i am trying to find out the same thing. except my husband has 1 child and it's with me. the only difference is i wanted to help him get his papers and either we didn't have the money, cause it is expensive!!!! people think that if u marry a citizen then they are legal, they are wayyyyy wrong! My husband has a habit of coming and going, his music seems to come first. i am just tired of the emotional abuse and verbal abuse from him. it's only to me, but in front of the kids, so it is just as bad and he wants partial custody and i don't want him to have any, but i would let him see her whenever he wants to just not be able to keep her for a weekend or even a day. he is considered what you call a flight risk. where they can leave and not be traced since they are illegal. i have heard different things. let me know what ur outcome is i would be interested to know/.....

quote:

Originally posted by mpodcsin:
An agreement by both parents is always a preferred course of action since a joint parental decision is more likely to be followed than if an outsider makes a decision for them.


If the parents fail to reach an agreement which then can be presented as a Stipulation for issuance as a court order, they can then take unresolved issues to court. The courts typically apply a "best interest of the child" standard in determining this restructuring of rights and responsibilities. Often expert witnesses, such as psychologists and licensed social workers, will be called to present evidence for consideration by the court. After the court has received such evidence, it is then in a position to make an order regarding what is in your child's best interest and how to allocate of decision making authority and physical contact each of you will have with your child.

Parents' immigration status will not be considered (as a limitation in custody rights) in resolving custody issues.

I beg to differ.... if u can show reasonable cause as to the parent being flakey and could possibly be a "flight risk" (what they call it) then it will be held into account. says my attorney....

what i was told, because my husband and i were going to get divorced last month and it went all the way to court.. we decideed to get it 1 more chance. i was told thru a court and attorneys that i was advised that if u 2 do not come to an agreement, and if he tries to go for custody and fight it then they will consider deporting him. but this is just in the state of IN. i don't know about the other states.

Most states consider it in the best interest to have both parents involved in the childs life. The courts already assume both of you will have plenty of negative opinions of each other. Why else would you be there if there weren't? They don't put much weight to it unless you have substantiated facts. Even then it is understood people are not exaclty themselves and tend to be stupid and react in a foolish manner during times like those. The more you make him out to be the spawn of satan the worse you look for being with him in the first place.

I can relate to having someone in the house who's an illegal. Its tough on them too. Not knowing from one day to the next if 'la migra' is going to knock on the door and cart them away. Paranoia is the common thought of the day. The way my girlfriend was before her status became a problem and after is nearly night and day. Not to say a person like that deserves every break but take it into account.
From my experience it goes a long way if they know you sincerely want to help them. Don't hold it over their head or remind them of your efforts or their status. They already feel like $hit, don't add to it.