Wow your life sounds just like mine (well almost). My husband was a differant person before marriage as well and we got along so well but it changed pretty much over night. My family told me but I would not listen. I was so sweeped away by him and the amazing way he treated me and loved me at the time. Now I am 8 months pregnant (lucky ur not), I am not allowed to work, I can not even step out on my own porch, I am not aloud out without him, he takes my car, I can not even drive it anymore, he always takes all the keys with him if he does leave, I am not allowed to have any friends, I get the silent treatment like you for days and I almost go crazy since I have no one. All I have is 2 cats that I love so much since they are all I have and he is so mean to them and says things like he will kill them and he hits them for nothing and picks on them like me (their so innocent) I am always so stressed out and depressed, I do not know anyone as well in this state, I can not get anything even groceries without having to prety much beg even though every dime my family sends me I put into our account. I cant even pick out a cat food! I get screamed at and name called on a daily basis. I have now way out. He is 24-7 watching over me and when hes not he takes the keys to my car and drives it. I do not know anyone ethier. You should email me maybe we could talk

Jacoby & Meyers is your answer.......Good Luck

if he is doing that to the cats what is he going to do to the baby - GET OUT WHILE U CAN

quote:

Originally posted by depressed27:
Wow your life sounds just like mine (well almost). My husband was a differant person before marriage as well and we got along so well but it changed pretty much over night. My family told me but I would not listen. I was so sweeped away by him and the amazing way he treated me and loved me at the time. Now I am 8 months pregnant (lucky ur not), I am not allowed to work, I can not even step out on my own porch, I am not aloud out without him, he takes my car, I can not even drive it anymore, he always takes all the keys with him if he does leave, I am not allowed to have any friends, I get the silent treatment like you for days and I almost go crazy since I have no one. All I have is 2 cats that I love so much since they are all I have and he is so mean to them and says things like he will kill them and he hits them for nothing and picks on them like me (their so innocent) I am always so stressed out and depressed, I do not know anyone as well in this state, I can not get anything even groceries without having to prety much beg even though every dime my family sends me I put into our account. I cant even pick out a cat food! I get screamed at and name called on a daily basis. I have now way out. He is 24-7 watching over me and when hes not he takes the keys to my car and drives it. I do not know anyone ethier. You should email me maybe we could talk

depressed27 - do NOT allow yourself to be a target for him anymore. There are women's shelters, church groups, other chapters that cater to just this sort of abuse here in America. Call your local Child Protective Agency for leads on where you can go (since you are about to deliver). I'm sure you can find a way out of this - please don't wait until he becomes abusive with the baby.

Hey kathy, being 33 isn't the end of the world. Why is that when a women hits 30 they go nuts thinking they got one foot in the grave. Anyhow, The best bet is to leave. The divorce can be handled very easily since there isn't much in the way of assets. If you really don't care about it then it might be time to use the credit card for a one way ticket and flee in the middle of the night. Even though he has guns, a lot of us americans do. Doesn't mean he'll use it on you. Most of us are smart enough to know (shoot someone = go to jail).
Not being sarcastic but its that simple. From what Ive read here a lot of women are in similar situations. Its easy to say someone is controling. In any family someone has to be the boss. You can't have two presidents. If your used to being independent and not dependent then part of the blame can rest on you as well. Not to say the authority is to be abused. But that is part of the give and take of a marriage. Here is a novel idea for all. Your husbands are probably as miserable as you are. That is why they act the way they do. Your both probably acting like fools. If any of you want to salvage your marriage then seek a counsler. You don't have to get one that costs money. Most churches have them free of charge. If he and you agrees to go then there is hope, if not, then its time to get that one way ticket.

This is for both of you ladies...in ALL areas of the USA there are battered women shelters, and you don't have to be physically "battered" either. Sometimes emotional abuse is much worse...anyway, if you WANT help, help IS available. Here is what you should do:
1) Act totally normal, do nothing out of the ordinary, but when he is away, develop a plan to leave.
2)If you can, get all of your important documents together-hide them in a safe place.
3)Try to put some money away, hide it...don't forget...ACT NORMAL, keep the peace.
4)Get BARE necessities together, put them in the same place. I stress bare necessities here, you will not take every possession with you, forget it now. The important thing to keep in mind is what you will need to live, because that's what we are talking about here, your life.
You will leave when he is gone (work, etc.).
You will make arrangements with a local women's shelter (and don't let the name scare you) it's NOT a homeless shelter like you see on tv. These shelters are actually houses, and the locations are not given to anyone until you are admitted into the program.
They will set you up with $$$, transportation, if you choose to stay locally, they will assist you in obtaining employment, social services or other emergency assistance. As part of the program, you will be given FREE legal advise, from an attorney and they will help you escape far far away.
Make a call today
Here are a couple of numbers that you can start with:
800-799-SAFE
800-572-2782
Don't wait, it WILL NOT GET BETTER, ONLY WORSE.
Don't let fear hold you back, make the call, they will talk you through and give direction and help for where you live...
-your online social worker
send me a private message if you need anything else

Kathy, I was, like you, abused emotionally and physically. I was married, with two small children, and left the marriage of 14 years to do it on my own, found another man that turned out to be abusive as well. I left him about 4 years ago, and I am very happy...It is difficult, but not impossible. DO NOT LET ANYONE treat you like a doormat. You are a beautiful human being. There are State offices, shelters that you could go to. Do not put up with that abuse any longer, if not for you, do it for your child. here is my email if you need someone to talk to. cmascaro1@cfl.rr.com I have been there, gone trough hell and survived it, making me a stronger woman. There are agencies that are there to protect you. Do not be afraid..ask for help. God Bless you.
Mamsirena

boo hoo hoo; its amazing how these losers find one so-called "abuser" after another. In my entire life I have never met a woman who has claimed to have been abused by anyone other than the fraudster I disussed. Most men and women are happy in life and neither is abusing the other. When (not if) but when there are problems, they discuss how to solve it rather than sceming and plotting divore and scam strategies. Yet these losers find one after another. They claim they are strong but need to run to the police (men) for protection.
They scheme and plot and wonder why their husbands don't trust them. These women NEED and DESERVE daily beatings.

Hey if you are so "strong" and you are really abused, why not just leave and start your own life without leaching off of men. Stop blaming men for the trouble in your life. Get a job. Get a Life.

Kathy,
ich habe nicht alle posts gelesen, aber wollte nur sagen wie leid es mir tut dass Du in so einer Situation bist. Es sieht aus wie Du Deine Ehe retten moechtest, und dass ist Deine Entschei****, aber sei bereit, es wird sich wahrscheinlich nie aendern. Du hast alles aufgegeben und bist in die Staaten gezogen. Es hat nicht geklappt wie Du es Dir vorgestellt hast. Du bist ungluecklich, geh nach Hause. Du hast sicherlich Familie oder Freunde in Holland. Bis Du Die GC bekommst kann sehr lang gehen. Und Du musst Dich fragen ob es wert ist mit so einem Mann zusammen zu sein. Ich finde es laecherlich wie einige Mitglieder hier ungewollte Antworten geben. Ich bin in solchen abusive Beziehungen gewesen, und weiss was Du meinst wenn Du sagst Du hast niemanden. And just one more thing, you gotta love yourself more than you love anybody else. Vergiess dass nicht. Good luck.

Comon Sonofmichael hold your breath you gonna get looser too.
But from your rear end!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa! If you're the type that advocates beating women, whatever the reason then your case is a sad one.

quote:

These women NEED and DESERVE daily beatings.

Hey if you are so "strong" and you are really abused, why not just leave and start your own life without leaching off of men. Stop blaming men for the trouble in your life. Get a job. Get a Life.

Kathy, there's a myth out there among many American men that foreign women are more compliant. You see, many American women will not put up with their cr*p. They believe that a foreign woman will be grateful to come to this country. There's a plethora of web sites dedicated to finding foreign brides. I'm sure there are honorable men in search of foreign women for cultural reasons etc. but there's also a large number that are in search of 'compliant' types, who they may subsequently abuse. I suspect you found one of the latter. I'm sorry about your situation.

However America has a large number of resources to help women like you. Don't be dissuaded by those who would suggest you are a scammer. If you are speaking the truth, then go find these resources and get help for yourself. If you send me a private message, then I can help you in your search.

Compliant? Uhh.. no. That isn't it. What cr*p is it that American women won't put up with? Maybe that has something to do with it. The idea that an american man has cr*p to give in the first place. In most of the world we American men are thought of as the most desirable to find. Wierd isn't it.

By the way sonof was just being sarcastic. You need to understand a males sense of humor to get it. In most situations where things are going south there is fault on both sides. You'll never hear from the husbands their side so its easy to demonize them here.

Let me be quite clear that I'm not referring to all American men. Obviously that would not be true. I have personally witnessed remarks made by some of them (hopefully this kind is a minority) about American women. To this the women counter that they will not tolerate cr*p from abusive men. I am aware that some men are insecure enough to prefer a compliant type of woman and seek them from foreign countries. I know of a widower with 5 children, who, rather than hire a maid to take care of them, is busy advertising online for a wife to act as a stay at home Mom to take care of his children. The American women are not biting, so he's looking overseas for someone. That's just one example.

On the other hand, I've heard of horror stories of foreign women who take advantage of American men, then dump them when they got the GC. Both sides obviously take a risk in marrying someone who they do not know well, and who could have less than wholesome motives for entering into the marriage.

You're right davdah. There's more than one side to any story.

quote:

Originally posted by davdah:
Compliant? Uhh.. no. That isn't it. What cr*p is it that American women won't put up with? Maybe that has something to do with it. The idea that an american man has cr*p to give in the first place. In most of the world we American men are thought of as the most desirable to find. Wierd isn't it.

By the way sonof was just being sarcastic. You need to understand a males sense of humor to get it. In most situations where things are going south there is fault on both sides. You'll never hear from the husbands their side so its easy to demonize them here.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: nadia,

I don't think the widower is going to get any hits overseas either. Women are less likely to marry a guy with in house kids than the other way around. That guys is asking for a scammer to bite.

Women are not really that different here or there. Where ever there is, doesn't matter. In my never to be humble opinion I think the role of the sexes in this country has been twisted too much. Neither knows what they are supposed to do. They have boys taking ballet and girls football in grade schools now. Neither really like it. I don't know who is running the show making those kinds of decisions but something is definetly amiss here.
Maybe its political correctness extended to sexual correctness.

quote:

Originally posted by ProudUSC:

quote:

Originally posted by iperson:
What?? Along with your picture?

Kathy, if you're still here, don't you dare contacting anyone asking you for your picture or any other private information.

Really good advice, Iperson. I can't believe the number of people here who actually post their emails and phone numbers! I guess it's innocent naivity, but this old 'dog' knows better!

It's her choice to contact me or not. It's your kindness to advice her but unfortunately you're totally wrong.

If you read my other posts you might know that I was seeking for help here also.

I now got out of cruelty, and I got help. I wanted for a picture so that I know who I would be talking to.

Again, you guys can give Kathy all kind of comment but not worth what other people were in the same situation have gone thru.

quote:

Originally posted by iperson:
What?? Along with your picture?

Kathy, if you're still here, don't you dare contacting anyone asking you for your picture or any other private information.

It's her choice to contact me or not. It's your kindness to advice her but unfortunately you're totally wrong.

If you read my other posts you might know that I was seeking for help here also.

I now got out of cruelty, and I got help. I wanted for a picture so that I know who I would be talking to.

Again, you guys can give Kathy all kind of comment but not worth what other people were in the same situation have gone thru.

Kathy sent me a message a couple weeks back on the PM. I didnt respond until a few days ago due to I didn't know about PM. She hasn't responded. Hopefully she got help. Leave it to say she left out the gory details here. Its not just the immigrant that can turn into a monster.

You should try contacting inMotion. It's an organization that helps women file for divorce. http://www.inmotiononline.org/

With respect to your immigration status. Admittedly I did not read your entire post thoroughly, so I'm not sure what your status is nor whether you wish to remain in the US. If you go to inMotion, you should ask them about your immigration status. There is a law, called the Violence Against Women Act, which allows married women to self-petition to adjust their status either to legal permanent residents or to USC. (I think.) I am not sure how emotional abuse fits into this.

Either way, there are numerous organizations that provide free legal support. Worst comes to worse, you can always attempt to contact your local legal aid office. They are likely to at the very least have a list of people you can contact.