I've been dating a girl from The Republic of Moldova for a few months and it's practically come down to this: I have to marry her or she is basically going nowhere in life, without a U.S. citizenship you can't really get anywhere or do anything.

She came here on a student visa a little over a year ago, and she just stayed - so now she is illegally here.


So is getting married her ONLY option for getting some paperwork? She wants to go to school, go back and visit her family, find different types of jobs - but can't do any of it.

I don't want to get married, I've only known her for maybe 2 months now, but there doesn't seem to be any other way to stay together in this situation

I hope someone has a different perspective


Maybe I don't understand how some women come from Europe, find an American man, and get married within a few months. Now that I'm living out this situation, it feels like so much pressure - such a forced mindset to get married based on urgency and situation.


Well, thanks for reading. Sorry If I carried on too long.

Sounds like a trap. If she came here with legitimate intentions of getting a degree, she would not have dropped out of school.

If you don't want to get married, then don't. Any marriage based on getting her a green card is bound to fail and you will be financially responsible for her for most of your life.

It looks like she is using you.

Unless she is an excellent cook and keeps a perfect house, get out of there as quick as you can.

Usually girls who are good at domestic chores will make a good wife. It is those who are attractive but no domestic skills who are tryign to use you.

I do agree that a marriage based on her getting a green card is doomed. It just seems like they have totally different perspective on the whole thing - like marriage is a simple thing you should do it when you get the chance or you might miss the boat. She constantly says that If I really wanted to be with her then I would make the sacrifice and help her at the same time - that I don't really know If I want to be with her unless I decide to marry her.

Maybe European women don't understand the concept of 'just having a girlfriend' - not for marriage intent primarily. But maybe all women don't think of anything but marriage in the their mid-twenties anyway.

She came on a student-work visa (just to clarify) - but it was only 3 months and she would be barred for 5-10 years if she left now.

I really don't know what to do The feeling that everything for a person depends on you is horrible. I don't even know if I'm in a realistic situation or if this is just the reality I should face up too and take on.

If she is asking you to make sacrifices, then she wants to use you to her benefit.

GET OUT OF THERE!

You're being lied to. European women are not any different than your next door neighbor. They don't flippantly enter into a marriage for other than honorable reasons unless they are morally challenged themselves.

This women entered this country under fraudulent intent. A person who comes under F1 status has the opportunity to complete an education. Once done, they can apply for an H-1b visa which could lead to getting legal permanent residency, a green card. She is well aware of that with the process she already went through.

It seems she is trying to take advantage of your ignorance to her benefit. Marriage to a USC is a shortcut to that same benefit. However, it isn't without a potentially high cost to the sponsor, which is you.

Part of the process requires you to sign a contract with the government stating you will be financially responsible for her until one of a few things happen. They are; accumulate 10 years work experience, obtain citizenship, abandon status, or die. You could potentially be obligated to support her for life since there is no requirement to become a citizen once a person has a green card. There is no requirement for her to seek employment. This is spelled out on the I-864 form. A required document for sponsorship. Which by the way divorce does not absolve you from. You could end up supporting her and her husband who probably exists back home.

You mentioned a student work visa. If it is a J-1 those have special conditions. More than likely she is subject to a 2 year return rule. The waiver for that is difficult to get, if at all possible. This would require substantial cost in attorney fees with her currently being out of status and the other potential bars to admissibility.

The things to consider are this. She has already demonstrated lack of character. She is asking you to assume a huge liability with no guarantee and no benefit to you. Not to mention taking away from you that which seems to be important, proper marital intent. Don't sell yourself short, walk away.

She is a SCAMMER !!!! Do not marry her. Do not marry American either. The only trustworthy women are on my sites below. Sign up for a tour and you can get a $300 early bird discount PLUS a $100 discount personally from me.

The whole immigration thing sounds like a very big and complicated system. I guess I knew very little to begin with.

It's hard to distinguish between thinking of someone as just a person trying to get to a better country and lead a better life - I guess she could have done it a different way, maybe she didn't know how. She came with a friend apparently (who apparently found some guy to marry her after being with him for 2-3 months)

I guess if there is no other way for her to get a green card (not get barred form re-entering) - then my only option is to leave the relationship - I certainly won't marry someone I've known a only few months. Especially if it comes with no only a marriage contract but a US Government contract to which I'm bound in all sorts of ways. Thats scary.

quote:

Originally posted by jaigst:
The whole immigration thing sounds like a very big and complicated system. I guess I knew very little to begin with.

It's hard to distinguish between thinking of someone as just a person trying to get to a better country and lead a better life - I guess she could have done it a different way, maybe she didn't know how. She came with a friend apparently (who apparently found some guy to marry her after being with him for 2-3 months)

I guess if there is no other way for her to get a green card (not get barred form re-entering) - then my only option is to leave the relationship - I certainly won't marry someone I've known a only few months. Especially if it comes with no only a marriage contract but a US Government contract to which I'm bound in all sorts of ways. Thats scary.

Hi Jaigst,

Welcome. I agree with the others here. Do not marry her for the sole purpose of making her legal. You will be making a commitment you might be sorry for later. Chances could be she is using you to get the green card. Why not offer to go marry her in her country and see what the reaction is?

While your at it, you might want to have a talk with her 'freinds' husband. I would venture a guess he is regretting his decision. However, there is a way out early on. As long as it has been less than two years he may be able to cancel his sponsorship and come clean with no repercussions.

Thanks to all who responded so far. It's good to hear other peoples perspectives.

We are of the same nationality, and do want to stay together - only she isn't a citizen and I am - but I would rather stay with her as my girlfriend and not marry her, at least not to quickly; perhaps not at all. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too.

An attorney would just eat all her money and laugh all the way to the bank in this situation.

I constantly feel guilty because she keeps asking me why I don't want to help her and be with her - and that she doesn't have a choice except to go find someone who will help her. This ****s for me


Thanks again for all your replies so far.

your best bet is to marry her somewhere out of US like her country or wealthy place like Qatar or Dubai where u can work there, bottom line is, once she get her temporary green card, she will start the attitude till u divorce her and then file abuse against you to settle her Permanent green card. in Canada its worse because its only one interview but @ least in US they are so smart, this is why i will never ever marry from her someone who has no citizenship and if my luck will be with someone who doesn’t, then my option is to leave and i will never apply for till 10 years later where i am settled with her and kids. life is so scary and women in north America change because they know there are lots of guys around so i honestly think u should not be desperate and dont marry her. its your choice and u are taking a big big risk with this. i have nothing against women but i have enough experience to tell wut kind of women live iin this country,

Since she has been out of status, how is she supporting herself? What type of visa does she have? If it's a working student, it's probably a J-1.

On her DS-2019 there will be a section indicating if she is subject to a 2 year return rule. What that means is she must return to her home country once her training is complete or the visa is expired/canceled.

Since she overstayed she may be subject to a ban on re-entry. For 6 months overstay to a year it's 3 years. Beyond a year and the ban is 10 years. This normally doesn't become a factor unless she steps over the border. This is why some overstays can adjust status. Overstays are forgiven provided the applicant stays within our borders during the process.

This may not be possible if she is on a J-1. She may have to leave and once she does she will be subject to the ban. There are some waivers available for this. None of which are a direct result of marriage to a USC.

One option, albeit a risky one, is to wait for a while. If your situation is stable and there is no financial hardship, there is no reason why it can't be delayed until the time is right for both. That is, if you see there being a chance at all. The risk involved is the possibility of being picked up by ICE. That currently exists but as time goes on the chances become greater.

quote:

Originally posted by jaigst:
I constantly feel guilty because she keeps asking me why I don't want to help her and be with her - and that she doesn't have a choice except to go find someone who will help her.

There's a name for that, Jaigst. It's called emotional blackmail.

davdah -

I believe she has a social security #, and originally came in through a university program that offers a program to send students to the U.S.A to work for 3-6 months. Only she decided to remain. So she has been here a little over a year. She pays taxes, has a few different addresses, and has a full-time job and pays for and rents things in her name. I think there is so many illegals in America that chances are they are slow to catch them all. Isn't Obama working on passing a bill that legalizes all illegal immigrants or something like that?

Also, you are saying if it is a J-1, she will be banned and it will be a hassle even if she does find someone to marry her?


Aroha -

I agree. But I unfortunately don't know what advice to give her - what to tell her to do if I won't help her by marrying her. She has apparently had other chances to marry other American men since she came here but doesn't want to marry just anyone. So maybe she really is just wanting a better life, and hoping to find the right guy in the process - but either way, I still can't help out at all because 2 months certainly isn't long enough to know if you want to marry someone. It sounds crazy.

More than likely it is a J-1 visa. As far as I know a student visa precludes a person from any employment if it's not directly related to their field of study. Even then, it's limited to 20 hours a week. Usually those are for periods far longer than a few months. Based on what you're saying here, it sounds like a J-1.

You'll need to ask her what type of visa she has. It's in her passport. There are some other issues. One being who paid for her to come here. If the school, her government, or ours covered any of the expenses it may make the return rule impassible. But that depends on the application of the rule. She may not necessarily have it. It will be listed on her DS-2019.

You said her friend married someone within a short time period. You may want to ask those people if her adjustment of status was granted. I would guess at this stage it hasn't. And likely won't be regardless the marriage if a return rule exists and there were outside sources of financial assistance in the program.

she needs to be reported, she needs to go, I'm reporting all ILEGALES this is what i'm going to be doing from now on, clean my country - give me her info and we'll get her out out out