Funny pranks hidden cam

Doctor John had s.ex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. Every once in a while he'd hear a reassuring voice in his head that would say:

John, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have s.ex with one of their patients and you won't be the last. You're singe, just let it go.

Invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering:

John..

John.....

You're a veterinarian, you sick *******.

How Beer Works!

http://mithuro.com/presscuefiles/january/beer_goggle.swf

quote:

Originally posted by MakeItRight!:
How Beer Works!

http://mithuro.com/presscuefiles/january/beer_goggle.swf

But when do those clothes come off?

Obama pleasing Dem women....very funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvMUj1dnkDE&NR=1

These are responses to a questionnaire at a Detroit child support recovery office. In short, who's the daddy?

1, Regarding the identity of the father of my twins. makeesha was fathered by Maclearndon. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of marlinda but I beleive she was conceived that same night.

2, I am unsure as to the identity of the father as I was sick out a window and was taken unexpecitidly from behind. I can provide a list of names at the party.

3, I do not know the name of the father of my duaghter. She was conceived at a party at 3600 grand blvd where I had s.ex with a man I me that night. I do remember the s.ex was so good I passed out. If you manage to track him down could you give me his number.

4, I do not know the name of the father but he drives a BMW that now has a hole in the door from my stiletto. Perhaps you can contact BMW services to see if they replaced one.

5, I have never had s.ex with a man. I am still a virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the POP confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is saver risen again.

6, I do not know the name of the father was as they all look the same to me.

7, Tyron is the father of child A. When you catch up with him could you ask him what he did with my AC/DC cd's. Child b who was borned at the same time, I don't have a clue.

8, From the dates it seems my child was conceived at Disney world. Maybe it really is the magic kingdom.

9, I am unsure of the identity of my childs father. After all, like when you open a can of beans. Do you know which one made you f.art?



Yep, we are supporting these people with our tax dollars. 10 bucks says they are all democrats too.

quote:

5, I have never had s.ex with a man. I am still a virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the POP confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is saver risen again.

This was pretty funny 'til I came to this one! What's wrong with Virginia?????

Virginia Is A Great place!!! Maryland, District Of Columbia Also!!! Just Avoid Fraudsters!!! And Stay Out Of The Legal System At All Cost!!! My Contribution As Virginia Born and Raised!

quote:

Originally posted by MakeItRight!:
Virginia Is A Great place!!! Maryland, District Of Columbia Also!!! Just Avoid Fraudsters!!! And Stay Out Of The Legal System At All Cost!!! My Contribution As Virginia Born and Raised!

Although, DC can be questionable in some places.

quote:

Originally posted by ProudUSC:

quote:

Originally posted by MakeItRight!:
Virginia Is A Great place!!! Maryland, District Of Columbia Also!!! Just Avoid Fraudsters!!! And Stay Out Of The Legal System At All Cost!!! My Contribution As Virginia Born and Raised!

Although, DC can be questionable in some places.

Sure D.C. Has Areas That The Police Even Do Not Go!!! Yet D.C. Is HUGE!!! Some Of Thee Most Desirable Neighborhoods To Reside Are In D.C. I Have Yet To See Any area That Can Compare To Upper N.W.!!! There Are Places In VA. As Well That Are Very Bad! Given Areas In Richmond That Are Controlled By Undesirables, Again Where Law Enforcement Do Not Control! Every State Has Its Good And Bad!!!

Whoops!!! Funny Thread!!!! . Update. The Original Inspiration And Contributor Is Ok! 89 Of Age and Still Kickin!!! Good Stuff Coming Soon!

quote:

Originally posted by MakeItRight!:

quote:

Originally posted by ProudUSC:

quote:

Originally posted by MakeItRight!:
Virginia Is A Great place!!! Maryland, District Of Columbia Also!!! Just Avoid Fraudsters!!! And Stay Out Of The Legal System At All Cost!!! My Contribution As Virginia Born and Raised!

Although, DC can be questionable in some places.

Sure D.C. Has Areas That The Police Even Do Not Go!!! Yet D.C. Is HUGE!!! Some Of Thee Most Desirable Neighborhoods To Reside Are In D.C. I Have Yet To See Any area That Can Compare To Upper N.W.!!! There Are Places In VA. As Well That Are Very Bad! Given Areas In Richmond That Are Controlled By Undesirables, Again Where Law Enforcement Do Not Control! Every State Has Its Good And Bad!!!

All big cities have undesirable locations. I'm just very glad I'm not living in Houston tonight! I pray that Ike lessens to a Cat 2 or 1!!!!

My Contribution!

I Shall Send 1000 Arm Floaty's To Thee Area!!! NO! Don't Argue! My Choice! Ignore the Fact That The Floatys Have Spongebob Or Transformers Impinted On Them!!! Is Life!

You think I am cheating?

Cat-astrophy....

The other day in Santa Rosa, I had a chat with this ol' gent
he shared with me a story, and this here how it went...

This town here is how I was reared back in the early 30's
I was just a teen and times was lean, I was riding for McCurdy's
Spring was fun but the branding was done so I reckons I'm back as a tramp
but they offers me pay through the summer to stay and ride at the big bottom camp
well I thanks them kind, no never mind, I'd be all by myself at the bottom
so I figures I'd side switch if I say and I'd be rich when I finished up in the autumn
but with fences to mend and cattle to tend the work will keep me from gettin' too lazy
but that cabin got tight in them hours at night and began to drive me plum crazy
before long I found I talked just for sound, soon conversations would go on all night
it wasn't too bad at first but it got increasingly worse, I even argued with myself when I was right!

Then one week I got a note when my little sister wrote that she was coming out to see the camp, and me
and she gonna bring a pet, to be my friend
and that should help to put an end to my loneliness and lack of company
and when my sister arrived I was somewhat surprised, you know, to this day I still think it's a pity
instead of barking and growling it was purring and meowing
it wasn't no dog she brought, twas a kitty

I was a little distraught at the little present she brought
but she argued the merits of the cat
they don't whine and make a mess and they'll rid the house of pests
so I figured it might well work out at that
but I spent a lotta time kissing up to that feline
I worked to build a bond with it each day but it didn't seem to care
and it acted like I wasn't there or as if it wanted me to go away
and I started thinking twice when it made friends with the mice
when to me, it wouldn't give a second look

I was only there to tend its needs
while it'd leave its dirty deeds in my slippers or upon my favorite book
or while asleep and in my bed that cat would pounce upon my head
and its food would have to be prepared just so
but things had gone too far when I looked into my jar
and found hair and paw tracks on my sourdough

so, when I finally had enough, the decision wasn't tough
I just divorced the pet my little sister brought
so I threw the thing outside and I let the cat reside with all my recent troubles
or so I thought...

but that skunk declared war every time I used the door
and ever now and again it went about.... he would find his way inside, find a brand new place to hide
and I'd spend hours trying to get that stupid cat back out again
everyday it got worse and I started to curse at just the thought of opening the door!
I was past being mad and dished out all I had but that cat would come back for more

so, with my esteem well abused and with my patience all used and my heart just about outta try
I was left with no recourse... I'd use deadly force
that kitty cat would just have to die!
the problem now was deciding just how, you see, I didn't just wanna even the score
so I set out to design that demon's demise... twas revenge I was after, and more...

so with murder on my mind I set out to find an apparatus to ring its nail
cause guns are nice but didn't seem harsh enough to fit the dream I was gonna send it back to hell
so on an open mountain side one day I had to ride past the tunnel of an old abandoned mine
I stepped off to the ground and started rummaging around to see what I could find
I yelled like a fox when I looked in this box and found some things I knew I could use
by a rusty old pick there was a dry stick of powder and a fuse
you can imagine my delight, the puzzle fit together right
it'd be like, imagine the Marines... stupid cats are quick to trust us
it'd be poetic justice when I blow it in the morning to smithereens

so I let it in that night as if I'd given up the fight
and I chuckled to myself as vengeance loomed
I was having so much fun I let it gloat and think it won
but little did it know that it was doomed....

I was awake when daylight broke, despise and joy lumped in my throat
when I caught that cat and stuck it in a sack
I left ajar the door I didn't worry anymore for you see, I'd be the only one that's coming back
so I headed down the pasture, my old heart was beating faster
it's strange how crazed with hate a man can get...
I showed some old persistence as I reached a good safe distance
now, the time had come to blow this cat to bits
so I tied that dynamite on the cat, secure and tight, struck a match, lit the fuse and ran
I hid behind a tree, got down upon one knee and peeked around the trunk to watch the fun

I was stunned and paralyzed when I suddenly realized the cat wasn't there where it'd been before
it's running up the trail like it's packing precious mail straight for my house....
and towards that open door!

Before long I heard the blast and my whole world collapsed around me fast
as I realized I just lost all I'd earned
I just sat there on the ground analyzing what went down
and how cruelly and fast the tables can be turned
I finally stood up to see all the wreckage and debris and how there wasn't much left that even could be saved
but what made the whole thing worse, as if I had been cursed, was that the cat... was fine
came through it unscathed...

The McCurdy's promptly fired me just as quick as they had hired me
I lost me the job and everything I owned
I didn't draw a single cent from all those hard months I spent
and all because, I disliked being alone

Now I say dogs are more like men, and cats, are feminine
remember that when you look for a life long friend...

Into marriage you're coerced and it ends up in divorce
and that cat will always get you in the end!

Well that was the story he told me about him and that summer's demise
you know, age don't make men any smarter but an old man is generally wise
I thanked him for the story he shared with me as I rose from my seat and you know,
I'll always remember that cowpoke....

Old... and alone.... with his dog!

LMAO Houston!
I'm so glad you wrote the lyrics down, it's a very funny poem/story.
Reading it over I can hear Waddie Mitchell reciting it in my mind, he is so funny how he tells that story in a poetic way. Love it!

Cats sure do that kind of thing, I love them

Thanks Sprintie! I love Waddie too, he's quite good a poet and a real cowhand himself. Outta Nevada if I reckons right.

Hey, did I ever tell you folks about that cross eyed bull I bought?
You couldn't put him in a show, at least that's what I I thought
But a friend came out and said "hold on pard just let me have a look"
"His eyes ain't that bad, call up a vet, his number's in the book"

So I didn't have much time I rang the vet next day and said
Doc, I got a cross eyed bull, could you come out right away?

Well out he came. He looked, he thought, he took a tube of glass,
He walked around that bull and he shoved it up his.. well, that little hole under the tail?

And then the vet begins to b-low. He blows, and puffs, and b-lows.
The eyes rotate and straighten out! The vet says 50 bucks.
50 flaming bucks? Well, that's a lotta dough I thought
for 5 minutes blowing down that ol' bulls b...ehind

But still and all I paid the vet for he straightened out the eyes
I takes the bull to that livestock show and we win the major prize
So we walked around the stage some doing well and then
I had to take him home, cause his eyes go crossed again

But this time, no vet. Hey I know the deal so I'll save myself the though!
So I takes that glass tube, I shove it in, and I begin to b-low

I b-low and puff and b-low and puff
But still the eyes get crossed
so I'm forced to call the vet again and mourn the dough I lost

So, out he comes with a very knowing smile that's on his face
He knew I'd try to fix the bull, I left the tube there in place!
So he pulls the tube, reverses it, and and then gives one mighty blow
I watch the bull, his eyes rotate and straiten sure enough

So I asked the vet don't tell me the secret's knowing where to blow
cause I tried it hard, I tried it all, I tried from high to low
he said no friend don't matter, you can blow from north to south
but you didn't think I'd use the end you had in your mouth...