(1)

An asylum seeker is tired of waiting for her interview, and so she goes to the Asylum Office to inquire about her case.

Asylum Seeker: I've been waiting forever for my case. Can you please tell me when I can expect an interview?

Officer: You're in luck--we have a new system and we can tell you precisely when your asylum interview will be held. Let me check... Hold on... Ok, I see that your interview will be in exactly two million years.

Asylum Seeker: What?!!? When will my interview be?

Officer: In exactly two million years.

Asylum Seeker: Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said two billion years.

(2)

A Trump supporter stands outside the Immigration Court and waits for an asylum seekers to arrive for his hearing.

Trump Supporter, yelling at the Asylum Seeker: All our troubles come from the asylum seekers!

Asylum Seeker: That's right - from the asylum seekers and from the bicycle riders.

Trump Supporter: From the bicycle riders? Why from the bicycle riders?

Asylum Seeker: Why from the asylum seekers?

(3)

Two DHS attorneys board a plane to the Federal Bar Association conference in Memphis. One sits by the window and the other sits in the middle seat.

After a few moments, an asylum attorney sits down in the aisle seat. The asylum attorney makes himself comfortable, takes off his shoes, and leans back in his chair.

Suddenly, the DHS attorney by the window gets up, and states, "I think I'll get a Coke."

The asylum attorney in the aisle says, "No worries - I'll get it for you." He walks to the back of the plane to get the soda. While he's gone, the DHS attorney spits into the asylum attorney's shoe. The two DHS attorneys can barely keep from giggling as the asylum attorney returns to his seat, and hands over the Coke.

The DHS attorney in the middle seat then says, "That looks good. I think I'll get myself a Coke too."

Again, the asylum attorney offers to run down the aisle and grab another Coke. While he's gone, the second DHS attorney spits into the asylum attorney's other shoe. Once again, the DHS attorneys suppress their laughter just in time, as the asylum attorney returns with a second Coke.

The flights proceeds uneventfully from there, and lands on time in Memphis. On the ground, the asylum attorney slips into his shoes. Immediately, he realizes what's happened. "How long must this go on?" he asks. "The fighting between our two sides." "The hatred? The animosity? The spitting in the shoes and the peeing in the Cokes?"

(4)

A Syrian refugee walks into a travel agency in Amman. The agent greets her and asked, "Where to?"

"Where to?" the refugee repeats thoughtfully. "I wish I knew. Let me look at your globe."

The Syrian refugee slowly spins the globe around, looking carefully at the different continents and countries. After a few minutes, the refugee turns to the travel agent. "Pardon me," she asks, "but do you have anything else to offer?"

(5)

During the Second World War, after three months of waiting in Casablanca, a Jewish asylum seeker named Lowenthal had almost given up hope of getting a visa for the United States. The U.S. consulate was constantly filled with refugees, and it was virtually impossible even to get an interview with an American official. Finally, Lowenthal was able to make an appointment.

"What are my chances of entering your country?" he asks.

"Not very good, I'm afraid," said the official. "Your country quota is completely filled. I suggest you come back in ten years."

"Fine," replied Lowenthal. "Morning or afternoon?"

Originally posted on the Asylumist: www.Asylumist.com.